It was all a lie; all of it. The cheerful persona looking back at him that wasn't who he was. It amazed him how easily he could put on the mask, a plastic smile, and pretend that reflection was truly how he felt.
A happy clueless boy with family and friends who all loved and cared for him; when in actuality his parents beat abused him. His 'friends' rarely glanced his way or wanted anything to do with him. Besides call him names or push him around. His 'best friend' Eric Cartman was the worst of the pack. Pushing him to do all the stupid shit he wanted whether becoming a Nascar driver, making a boy band, or his stupid Awesomeo prank; making him feel like dirt.
Yet he was also the only ray of light in his sorry excuse of a reality. Encouraging him to fight back as long as it didn't interfere with the fat boy's plans but even then the bigger boy bristled with a smile at the knowledge his pawn was actually growing a back bone though it was rare Butters ever saw it. That ray of light, hope was cruel. For one moment he could bask in its glow then the next it could go black like all the rest. Snuffed out.
All the same with all that black he still smiled and even allowed himself to act as a ray of sunshine for others. Leading them out of their own cold darkness no matter the case with a fake plastic smile, never asking for anything in return though he desperately needed them to see how fake it was. But no one could tell the difference and see just how fake it was. No one wanted to notice that inside he was dyeing.
The reflection altered to show his true emotions. Tears glistening, his eyes lowered to gaze at his wrists which he now exposed. He'd already tried to speed up the process. Twice now he'd tried to cut his rests to end it all. Both times his parents had only grounded and yelled at him. Convincing themselves and the doctors that such an overly happy child could never do that. It either had to be an accident or even if anything acting out against them. Thank god, for his parents the South Park seemed to be filled with an abundance of idiots and they were able to persuade the doctors it was a simple cooking accident.
As tears fill down his cheeks he wondered again about trying another time. He'd done the research and was positive if he timed it right he couldn't fail. Maybe even when he got home from school if he did it first thing his mom was very unlikely to find him in time and spoil it again.
As he was contemplating it all, the door banged open. Quickly he spun around deathly pale tears still glistening. It was Eric, his light. Desperately he moved his sleeves to cover the scares eyeing the bigger boy.
"Hey faggot. What are you crying about this time?" He gruffed walking over to the sink while Butters was still wring his hands nervously.
"Oh umm… a well Clyde took my kitty eraser." He sniffled half lying. It indeed did happen earlier that very day but compared to everything else eating him away it was just the icing on the cake.
"Gahh! Fuck Butters your such a whiney pussy. You need to go kick his ass and get it back."
"I ahh have." He lied. It didn't matter if he tried or not the outcome was nearly always the same. All he was to the guys was a pawn more specifically a Barbie.
One to dress up for what ever plans they had and take the heat. Margarine, a dog, the squirrel, a whore, a music video star what ever they had planed he was expected to dress up for the part and let them shove the words and actions he was supposed to do into his head. All the while constantly smileing showing that no matter what you did to break or screw him over it be okay it didn't hurt. For they're on his face was always plastered that smile. Let them move the plastic that was his life, he was just a toy Barbie for they're amusement.
"No you haven't otherwise those asswipes would respect your authorati. Fuck Butters stop wringing your hands it's annoying." He raised his voice grasping the blonde's hands and pulling them upwards and at that moment the secret he'd kept for so long began to tumble.
Time was at a standstill, silent tears ran down the little boy's face from wide eyes as Cartman starred at the scares. They could only mean one thing.
"You… when…?" He finally let out still holding the hands up eyes wide at the proof.
"The last time was two years ago…" Butters looked away towards the stalls. Not wanting to see his own reflection or the boy who'd found him out finally.
"Two years… sophomore year. I remember you were out for a week your parents sai-"
"Said I was sick." Slowly Cartman lowered the blondes hands to his mid section touching the scares.
"Why?" Butters flinched causing the behemoth to drop his hands.
"Why?" The blonde repeated quietly dropping his head to let his hair cover his eyes. Then suddenly he bolted rushing towards the door for escape. Of course he failed, the bigger boy easily caught his hand pulling him to a stop a few inches from his freedom.
"Damnit Butters what could be so bad you'd want to take your own life! Talk to me!" He yelled.
"You wanna know why. For the first time Eric Cartman actually cares for someone besides himself!" He screamed still facing the door starring at the floor. At this the behemoth flinched himself. "Everythin is wrong in my life. Myah parents ignore me unless they're beating or yelling on me. Nothin I do is ever good enough or is mocked. I'm useless and alone to stop it. No one gives a shit unless they're like you using me or dressing me up to be mocked some more. And yet I help you all cause I ahh know what it's ahh like to hurt. But do any of you help your toy out when he just lets you do what ever you want. No, cause none of you give a damn! No one cares and I'm so tired of being a one emotion toy. So I tried and wish I succeeded."
They were both silent for what felt like an eternity until he tried to say something anything. "Butters I…"
"Don't say anything you don't mean. I don't want know more lies." He cried wiggling out of the boys grasp rushing to the door. To race through the halls not even attempting to stop the tears or head back to class. Cartman on the other hand stared at the hand that had a moment ago held such a small wrist wondering if it had all just really occurred and if so what the heck he should do.
He decided on chasseing after him even though in all honesty he had no idea where the hello kitty lover went. He had to find him for some reason he knew he just needed to. He listened carefully for any signs of rushing feet heading towards the library. Thankfully he picked the right direction.
"Butters stop!" He shouted. Of course the blonde ignored him but right as the boy was about to run down the stairs he reached out. The blonde tripped tumbling down .The behemoth jumped the few inches to clutch the poor boy into his arms twisting his body to be the one to take the full force of the fall. It hurt like hell and caused the librarian to run out of her silent kingdom to see what was the matter.
"Aww… shit that hurt are you ok Butters?" He groaned looking up into sky blue eyes already watering.
" E-eric oh hamburgers are ok? Why would you protect me? " He sniffled.
"Because I care for you Butters I know I treat you like crap, but I do that to everyone its nothing personal. I actually really like you, so damnit don't be sorry it's my job to protect you and boss you around."
"Are you kids ok! What were you doing?" The librarian asked rushing out of her sanctuary to see the boys still on top of each other.
"What!"
"Butters I like you. I always have you stupid faggot. Why do you think I dressed you up all the time as kids?" He gruffed slowly getting up Butters quickly getting off the bigger boy purely shocked. Eric liked him.. " Mame I'll be fine we just slipped and Butters here well help me to the nurse. Sorry for the commotion."
"You sure you'll be fine…" She glanced back at the books. She hated being outside her cocoon. When they nodded yes she literally ran back to the quiet.
"Umm… thank you E-eric… I really am ah sorry."
"Butters stop being a pussy, and if I should be apologizin. I didn't protect you and let ya deal with all that stuff alone. That's it fag you're sleepin over at my house tonight!" He huffed finally standing though heavily leaning on the smaller.
"Really!" The behemoth ignored the question, just started walking towards the nurse, Butters quickly catching up to help ease the pain and let the bigger lean on his small frame.
"Of course, and Butters you know that by 'like' I mean that I want you for my boyfriend right?" He asked looking away.
"Of course, but hamburgers why'd you never tell me…?" If only Eric did tell him sooner it would have helped so much, Butters had always had a crush on the bigger it was partly why he agreed to it all.
"Cause then I'd have to admit it, and well I ah I'm not a fag like you." Butters gave him a sad look. " Damnit I didn't want to admit it but I like you so much Butters, I just hate talking about it ok!" He yelled and grew even more annoyed when the blonde shushed him.
"Well that's good and ah fine by me Eric Cartman. I've always liked you and ah gee I don't ah mind being secret boyfriends if that would help you feel more comfortable. I just wish you ah told me sooner…"
"I wish I did to." He gruffed looking down at the petite boys wrists then because he could he pulled the smaller into an embrace and kissed him. He was definitely going to make sure no crap affected his little blonde ever again because if he didn't the alternative would be drastic. No this was going to be the start of a good change for his Butters, that's when he noticed the smile. It looked like all the others, yet somehow it wasn't. It was special and held so much meaning whereas before it was just always there. Cartman couldn't explain it. It just was…
Real.
A.N.-
A drabble inspired by the recent cutters fanfic Talking With His Mouth Closed » by Druekee.