Business: I only own this storyline. And Tsuku the fox :)

a/n - get your tissues I am going to break you like i broke myself with this [again].

posting for Sal because she asked for "feeelz" and so she can Suffer with me :D

Notes – 2054 words. heavy angst. Big af gsw approximately the size of a canonball. Prepare to be decimated. p4 Spoilers if you know what to look for.

Decimate (verb): to kill, destroy, or remove a large proportion of.

Decimated

Gin lay next to him on the bed and watched him sleep. Well maybe 'sleep' was the wrong word. Because his Sousuke wasn't even conscious and how could an unconscious person even sleep? It would be more accurate to say he watched his lover lie still and breathe, but it was all the same to Gin.

At least he was warm now, though. And the bleeding had stopped. That big pool of blood had been scary enough...

Gin shook the image from his mind. Best not think about that, Shinsou said softly.

The zanpaktou was right of course. So Gin just lay there and willed his partner to wake up. Hoping Sousuke would be himself when he did. Waking up after receiving injuries from battle always did shake him up. Waking up in hospitals more so. It wasn't surprising both of them loathed hospitals and medical wards with a passion, for all the disruptions they caused.

At least this time Sousuke would come to in his own bed. That was something at least.

Small mercies he supposed.

Gin sighed and lay his head on Sousuke's chest. That heartbeat was still going. Calm and steady. The center of his universe, was that heart. But ever since Sousuke first fell unconscious, Gin found himself checking it regularly. Almost paranoid it would stop working. As if the life pumping organ might suddenly malfunction or stop. But it kept on going and Gin continued to feel relieved each time he heard it thump away.

Now if only he'd just wake up.

"You can't sleep forever you know," he said, breaking the silence. Attempting to sound playful. Hoping Sousuke would come back if he heard a familiar voice. "Yer tea's gonna get cold."

He tried to smile, even though his lover couldn't see it. But it was a failed attempt. It was simply too strange to be so close to someone so distant, someone who couldn't even respond. Sousuke may as well have been back in the Soul Society, or even on the moon right now, he'd be no easier to reach.

Gin felt his heart start to sink. Wherever Sousuke was right now, Gin couldn't reach him. But he took a hold of his lover's hand anyway.

"Please wake up," he whispered. Trying to keep the emotion out of his voice, but he failed at that, too. "I'm kinda lost here without you."

Again, radio silence was his answer.

Tsuku whined beside him. Also despondent. The little white fox lost without his master. His black-tipped ears lowered in dejection. Gin wished he had the words to reassure the creature. He guessed they'd both just have to wait for him to come back to them on his own. However long that would take, neither of them could say. But they'd wait. They'd wait because they had no choice but to wait. Trapped by his side until he returned to them and the long night ended.

. . .

When the sun finally rose, Gin was already fast asleep. Though his slumber had been fitful and full of nightmares. Though those were nothing compared to what came next.

He didn't even know what time it was; time had lost all meaning since Sousuke had lost consciousness. But he was roused from his sleep by soft groans and movement of the body he was lying on. The movements were small and slight, but Gin's red eyes snapped wide open and he scrambled up to give Sousuke some room.

"Ow, my head..." Sousuke groaned, and Gin's heart started racing a thousand miles a minute at the sound of that voice. Groggy and hoarse as it was. Gin watched Sousuke's eyes slowly open and saw him wince at the natural light. Well, at the illusion of natural light he'd created. "What happened?"

Gin watched him blink himself awake and sighed with relief. "Oh thank god, yer awake..."

Sousuke looked confused for a moment. "How long was I out?"

"Day and a night," Gin told him. "You lost consciousness. When I found ya, you were in a very scary lookin' pool a blood..."

Sousuke struggled to sit up, and Gin helped him.

"There was a fight?" Sousuke asked. Gin tried not to frown. He seemed a little more out of it than usual. But he told himself he had to remember Sousuke was out cold for a long time.

"Prob'ly." Gin said. "I didn' see it. I just found you." If there was a fight it'd have been inside you, he wanted to add. But he didn't want to confuse the man even more than he already was. Later, when he was more himself, Gin would tell him what happened. How he'd slipped into his inner world and fought with the monster. How his body had grown slowly colder until it'd felt like a block of ice. Of course, Gin and Tsuku had tried to keep him warm, but... for the most part their efforts were useless.

Gin shook the memories off. He'd deal with those later. For now, he'd just be here for Sousuke until he recovered.

"Well then, thanks for looking after me," Sousuke smiled at him, but it felt wrong somehow. It didn't quite reach his eyes. It felt plastic. Fake. Like those smiles he used to give everyone back in the Soul Society. And occasionally to his hollow subjects here.

Something was wrong.

And Gin was determined to find out what.

"Are you..." Gin began, trying to think of a tactful way to say it. "Feelin' okay?"

Sousuke just looked even more confused. "Yes," he said slowly. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Ya just don't seem... yerself." Gin told him.

Sousuke gave him an amused smile. "Well, who else would I be?"

"I dunno but yer not bein' you." Gin smiled back. An' ya haven' so much as said me name since ya woke up.

Gin thought for a short moment, and then decided to try something. He reached across and held his lover's cheek with his hand, smiling tenderly.

"Where's my Helios gone?"

Sousuke just blinked at him, looking even more confused. "Helios?" he asked. Sounding not just confused, but amused, too.

Alarms sirened inside Gin's head.

Something is very, very wrong here.

"Yeeeah," Gin said slowly, deciding that treading carefully was his best bet here. He didn't know what happened, but something was terribly amiss. "Helios. Ya know. The Sun God." he explained. "Cuz ya made that sun for me?"

Sousuke's expression did not change. And Gin's alarm was steadily morphing into terror. He let his hand slip down and let it settle onto Sousuke's. Hoping that the physical contact would jog something.

"And... when did that happen?" Aizen asked.

"Few months after we got here." Gin told him. Trying to keep the terror from seeping into his voice. "I said I missed the sun from back home, and you took it on yerself to make me one. It..." Gin paused, swallowed, "It took ya weeks. You... you don't remember? Ya said ya would after we got married. I thought ya were jokin' at the time, but..."

"Married," Sousuke echoed the word. His voice half a laugh. But even the words sounded wrong to Gin's ears. Especially so since once upon a time Sousuke was so proud of that. "When did that happen?"

Gin sucked in air through his teeth. Trying to remain calm and not fly off the handle. Hard to do for one such as himself who was an emotional creature by nature.

"Yes," he said. "Married.

"Really?" Aizen exclaimed, surprised now. "I married you?"

Gin winced, knowing the reaction was visible. How could it not be, when it was so visceral.

He pulled his hand away. "Ouch, Sou," he said, "Ouch."

He watched Aizen scramble about for an apology. "Look, sorry, I didn't mean it like-"

Gin was incredulous. Didn't you? But he sighed and tried to remember getting angry wasn't going to help jog his Sousuke's memory.

"S'alright." he said. "I know you put yer foot in yer mouth a lot."

Sousuke frowned, most likely realising his tactless reaction had offended because he winced a little. Gin watched him carefully as he sat thinking for a moment. Gin could practically see the gears turning. "Sorry," he said, gentler this time. "I don't remember anything." he paused again, seeming to digest the concept.

"You said we were married?"

"Are." Gin corrected him. "We are married."

"Right." Aizen nodded. "When did that..." he paused, caught himself. "When did we marry?"

Gin sighed heavily.

So very many decades ago, in th' rain, because I asked you and you agreed because you loved me and I loved you.

"A long time ago." Gin told him. Tired. In a universe far away... "In a chapel. On a rainy night in March."

Aizen paused, thinking again. "Sorry, I don't remember that."

Gin laughed then. Incredulous and somewhat hysterical.

Okay, very hysterical. "Come on Sousuke this ain't funny. Drop the act now."

Aizen stared at him, silent, and Gin started praying. He wasn't a religious man by any means; the only God he believed in was Death. But he prayed. He prayed to every God he knew and even some he made up for this to be a bad joke.

Because he wanted it to be a joke. He wished it were a joke. He needed it to be a joke. But Sousuke just sat staring at him. Looking... very confused.

And that's when Gin's heart started pounding, his palms began sweating, and his whole body wanted to start shaking.

"Oh god..." Gin swallowed, his voice cracking now. " You... really don't remember, do you?"

Aizen shook his head slowly. "No."

Gin tried to breathe. but even that was a struggle. All his lungs wanted to do was constrict. It seemed his whole body wanted to cease functioning. Someone had shot an invisible bullet into his chest and a gaping hole had opened up inside him.

"Why don't you... remember?" he asked, very very softly. Even his voice was failing him now.

"I don't know." Sousuke... this person wearing Sousuke's skin and pretending to be Sousuke said softly. Smiling sympathetically. "Maybe you dreamt it?" he added, trying to offer hope, not knowing there was none.

Gin's head reeled. He felt like he was drowning. Like thick, dense water was filling his lungs and crushing them. He was suddenly ten thousand leagues under the sea with no light, no air. No idea what to do. Feeling lost. Hopeless. A traveller without a map. A ship with no anchor, adrift at sea, looking for a lighthouse that wasn't shining a beacon. Or a lighthouse that didn't even exist.

What had happened? What happened to make him lose his memories? And more importantly how was Gin supposed to get his husband back? Because right now the Aizen Sousuke he knew and loved was lost to him.

No, it was worse than that. It was as if the Aizen Sousuke he knew never even existed in the first place.

"Maybe I did." Gin said quietly. Knowing he couldn't keep the sadness out of his voice even if he wanted to.

The world around him slowly started to spin, and he thought he might faint. It was like someone had dropped him in an icy lake. His whole body was stiff and frozen and it ached. It ached for what he'd lost, because it was half of who he was. Now, Gin had never been shot before, but he imagined this is what it must feel like.

The better part of him torn away.

Leaving him decimated.

Cut in half.

Destroyed.

Because who was he without Sousuke?

What was the moon without the sun?

How was he supposed to go on?

He wanted to cry.

"Are you okay?" Aizen asked him. Looking concerned. Worried even. But it wasn't Sousuke. It wasn't his Sousuke and it wasn't genuine concern just the plastic fake bullshit and Gin didn't want any of that. He just wanted his Sousuke back. His whole world had come apart in little over a day and all he wanted was his other half to hold him and tell him it would all be okay.

But it wasn't. His Sousuke was gone, and things would never be alright again.

"Yeah." Gin answered. Swallowing thickly. "I'm fine."