My eyes shut once again as a warm hand gently slides over them, and a colourful array of faces and names and events flash through my unconscious mind. There are the obvious ones, like Paige and my mother and my father, but there are also people who I wish weren't there, like Beliel and Uriel and Laylah. Josiah's blood- red irises pop up a few times as well, but mostly I see one person.
Raffe.
His name awakens more memories inside my head.
Sky blue eyes framed by thick black lashes, and dark hair falling loosely over his tanned forehead. I can see his perfect smile and I can almost feel his warmth as he cradles me in his arms to lay me before my family. His snow white wings, which soon morph into the arms of a bat. His struggling to grasp the sword as she rejects him, and his pained expression. I see everything. I see it all- and I wish I could make it stop. But the images tear through my mind like a slideshow, the pace quickening as the more violent ones appear. I want to scream to make it stop, to yell that I can't take it anymore, but I can't speak and I can't open my eyes and I can't even move a muscle.
I am frozen here in time. Forced to relive my memories over and over until eventually the paralysis wears off. I wonder how long that will take... days? Weeks? Months?
The thought makes me shiver. No, I tell myself firmly. It will be over soon, and then you can go find Raffe.
Raffe.
Raffe leaning against the bathroom door, white towel draped over his hips.
Raffe telling me I had the look they were looking for- beauty.
Raffe telling me that I should've run when I could.
Raffe.
Honestly I don't know why I feel like this. I realize that nothing will ever happen between us, yet I can't let go of that thread of hope that maybe he does care about me after all.
Maybe. Just Maybe.
I don't know how long I've been dreaming. My only source of time passing comes from counting the explosions of bombs around me. I figure out that a bomb goes off once in every one and a half minute period, and if my calculations are correct- which there's a good chance they're not since I practically flunked AP calculus- then I've been paralysed for almost an hour. My fingers tighten at my sides as my mind drifts back into sleep, but then I jolt myself awake quickly, excitement and nerves bubbling up inside of me. My fingers have tightened, which means that I'm regaining my movement again. All that's left to do now is wait.
A little while later and I can feel my toes again, and then slowly my legs and arms, my torso and my neck. And then suddenly without warning, my eyes fly open. I hear gasps around me and I sit up ever so slowly, my muscles quivering and tight. I take a deep breath counting to three and then twist my neck, staring at the world of mass destruction and death before me. Tears flood my eyes as I whimper slightly.
My lips form the word without my permission.
"Raffe."