I love writing Tony and Angela out of character! Tony and Angela plan their escape; post "Sleep Talk, Sweet Talk." My apologies to Rupert Holmes; and everyone ever connected with "Who's The Boss?"
You Can Run But You Can't Hide
Angela had had enough, she needed some masculine companionship...badly; and not the kind that teased her and never followed through. But what was a hard working executive supposed to do for fun? Angela still hadn't come up with an answer as she made her way home. In the train station she picked up a paper for the ride home. Looking at the paper on the train she realized she had the wrong paper; or was it? Instead of the staid business journal she meant to pick up, she grabbed the alternative paper. And what was in the alternative paper? Personal ads! "Why not?" she thought to herself, "it's not like I'm getting any action at home. Oops, or anywhere." Yes, that's what she meant to say, "anywhere." Not home, definitely not home.
A week or so later, Tony exited class in a hurry; the blonde in the corner had been making eyes at him; again. Nice as that was, she was younger than his daughter; just the thought was icky. He hurried through the Student Union and picked up a paper as research for his Sociology class; he had to write about the personal ads.
Finally home and finished with all the dinner chores, Tony shut himself up in his room to work on his paper. He opened the paper and found this ad:
"If you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain; if you're not into documentaries; if you have half a brain; if you like making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape; I'm the love that you've looked for. Write to me and escape. Prefer dark hair, dark eyes; muscles a plus.
Tony forgot about his paper. He was intrigued, why, he had no idea; probably the making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape bit. Yeah, that was it, Angela, running down the shore wearing...not much. "Whoa," he thought, "how did Angela get in there?" He answered the ad, figuring he spent too much time around Angela and obviously that situation was going nowhere. It's like there was some outside influence that always kept them apart, no matter how much they didn't want to be apart.
He started writing, "yes, I like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. I'm not much into ballet, I am into baseball, be it played on a diamond or in the dunes of the cape; or anyplace else you care to play. I've got to meet you very soon, at a bar called "Joe's Tahitian Tiki Hut" where we'll plan our escape".
The date was set. Tony sat at the bar, waiting with high hopes, and she walked in the place. His jaw dropped, "Angela?"
"Tony?"
Awkward!
"You?"
"You?"
"I'm getting deja vu."
"Me too."
"Jonathan didn't have anything to do with this, did he?"
"Not on my end. Did he offer any helpful tips to you?"
"Nope."
The horrible realization dawned; they'd found each other in the personals...unaided by even Mona; the most likely suspect.
What were they going to do now?
They stared at each other, unable to comprehend the mess they'd gotten themselves into.
"You two back here again?"
"Joe?!" Angela wished the floor would open up and swallow her. Why did she agree to meet here in the first place? The whole idea was crazy.
"You guys back here to resolve your deep-seated desire?"
"No!" Angela lied like a rug.
"Come on, Angela, it's funny."
"It's not funny," she leaned closer to whisper to Tony, "and if you tell Joe how we wound up here I will never speak to you again."
"ok, ok; relax, will ya."
"You guys want drinks?"
"Yes!"
"Virgin tequila sunrise?"
"Nothing virginal for me, thanks."
Had Angela just said that out loud?
"I'll have a pina colada, please." Angela winced, that was the worst possible drink choice she could have made.
"I'll have a beer, Joe, thanks."
Joe left to get the drinks.
"So, Angela, I gotta know, why the personal ad?"
"That's too personal of a question, Tony. Why did you answer?"
"Simple, I like making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape."
"You do?"
"Of course."
"Then what are we doing here?"
"Waiting for drinks."
"Oh yeah."
"Dark hair, dark eyes; muscles a plus; do I pass inspection?"
"Shut up, Tony."
Where was Joe with that drink?
Tony was definitely not going to shut up; this was every fantasy of his come true. Almost. Well, not almost; he had plenty of fantasies about Angela that wouldn't be fulfilled tonight; or would they? Nah, they wouldn't have time, even if they spent all night together. His fantasies about Angela would take years to come true; after all, why wouldn't they? They'd taken years to fantasize.
Joe showed up with the drinks and Angela plucked the umbrella out of the drink and did her best not to chug it down. The drink, not the umbrella. Tony watched her, amused; and trying to figure out how long the car ride was to the nearest beach.
Angela was delightful to watch when she was uncomfortable. He stared at her, openly. Angela could feel his gaze on her like fire. She was melting; melting. Maybe someone would pity her and throw a pail of water on her too. If only she'd disappear if someone did that, then she'd be free of this mortification.
"Stop staring at me, Tony," she hissed.
"Why?"
"What do you mean, why?"
"You know I've long been an admirer of your reckless abandon."
That did it. "Fine, you want reckless abandon?"
"Bring it on."
"Let's go."
"Where?"
"Anywhere."
"That narrows it down."
"Come on."
Tony paid the bar tab and followed Angela out of "Joe's Tahitian Tiki Hut," a little bummed out that tonight wasn't a hula contest night; he would have loved to see Angela do the hula. But maybe if he played his cards right, he and Angela could do their own personal hula tonight.
"Your car or mine?" She asked him.
"My van; you can lie down in it. Not that we need to lie down. But you know, if you wanted to sleep . . ."
"I don't plan on getting sleepy, Tony."
"Neither do I."
They drove for a long time until they found a beach. It was pitch black outside and they couldn't actually see any dunes but they could see the water. They jumped out of the car, their bladders full from Joe's drinks.
"I need to pee." Tony went behind a tree. Angela just stood there, needing to pee and desperately scanning the empty beach for a facility. Seeing none, she felt ready to burst. The sound of the waves making her bounce and jump uncomfortably.
"I'm back Angela. Let's find a dune in the dark. What's wrong with you? Why are you hopping around like that?"
"I need to pee too! But I can't exactly go behind a tree, now can I?" Men. Men were so lucky, she fumed inwardly.
"Sure you can, I won't look", he grinned.
"Yeah right."
"No really, go ahead. I'll stand guard. Go pee, Angela."
"Fine, fine", she muttered. "You better not look at my butt!" she warned him.
He turned around, giving her privacy when he suddenly heard her swear softly. Without thinking, he turned around and saw her with her pants down around her ankles.
"Heeeey. . you said you wouldn't look! Turn around. There's no damned toilet paper here", she complained.
"I've got napkins from Joe's Tiki Hut in the van . . . hold on there, I'll get 'em."
Angela waited in the dark, behind a tree, for Tony to get her some Tahitian toilet paper. He came over and handed it to her then turned around again. So much for privacy.
"Well, that killed a romantic mood alright", she complained. "Shall we just leave?"
"No way, Angela. This is our escape. And it's almost midnight", he reminded her. "You know, midnight? At the dunes?" Wink.
"Yes Tony. Midnight. But I don't see any dunes. Do you?"
"Well, there's water . . . hey Angela, wanna go skinny dipping?"
"Really? It's kind of chilly, isn't it?"
"I'll keep you warm. Got a blanket in the van too. For afterwards", he teased seductively. Tony suddenly very much wanted to go skinny dipping with Angela. He didn't care that the air was chilly. He wanted to see some of her reckless abandon as well as her boobs. Well, that and the rest of her too. And not while she was crouched behind a tree looking for toilet paper.
"Come on, Angela. Whaddya say?" He started removing his clothes.
Well this was interesting. Angela just watched him. First Tony took off his jacket, then his T-shirt. Ah yes, a shirtless Tony. She had so many fantasies about this. Sharing a house and living platonically with a man who looked like that was torture. Sheer torture. She had frequent fantasies about dousing him in chocolate sauce and licking it all off. No Hershey Brown Cow syrup here but what the hell, she decided. She followed him and threw off her sweater and shirt too. He motioned for her to continue. Fine, the bra went sailing through the air.
"Your turn", she teased him.
He took off his shoes, pants and socks and stood there in his boxers. Then he nodded at her. She followed suit, shoes, pants and socks. The final frontier. One last layer left. Whose turn was it now?
"OK Angela, on the count of three, the undies go. Together now. One . . . two . . . two and a half . . ." he hesitated. Uh, Angela, are you sure you want to go through with this?"
"Why are you hesitating?" This was his idea in the first place after all.
"Um . . . shrinkage."
"What?"
"You know, er, shrinkage. I just realized, that's cold water. It'll make certain parts of me shrink. Like when I put your fine washables in the regular wash by accident. My "fine washables" will shrink. Wouldn't want you to think that's my regular size. Hey, I'm Italian." Tony's male ego was winning over his horniness.
"Don't worry Tony. The measure of a man isn't the size of his . . . fine washables", Angela held back a giggle. Tony was so proud.
"Don't judge me, Angela. Remember, once I hit the water-shrinkage!" And with that he threw off his boxers.
"Wow, you have nothing to worry about. Your washables are about as fine as they can get."
"Your turn, Angela." He waited with bated breath. She was about to reveal the hidden treasure, the secret prize-he felt like he was about to open a box of Cracker Jacks.
Angela seductively lowered her panties, one tortuously slow inch at a time. Tony's face was turning purple and his fine washables responded accordingly.
"There. Now we're even. Shall we?" She pointed to the water as she stepped out of her panties.
Tony stood there, fused to the ground. They were naked. Naked. He couldn't believe it. She stood only a few feet away. Naked. Full nudity, at midnight, in the dark, on the beach where they couldn't find the dunes. With Angela. He just stared at her stupidly.
"Tony? Water? While you can still walk?"
She ran into the freezing cold waves and waited. "Come on in Tony, the waterrrrr is fffffine" she lied.
He ran in after her and shrieked like a girl. "What the hell, Angela? It's ffffrrrreeeeezing." His voice had risen by about two octaves.
"Yeah but if I go in, you have to go in too. Then we can warm up together", she dripped seductively.
The shock of the cold hit him in the stomach.
"Tony, what are those bubbles forming behind you?" Angela sounded worried.
"Sorry Angela. I had baked beans for lunch. The musical fruit-the more you eat, the more you toot. Eh, what's some gas between best friends?" He answered sheepishly.
"Tony, I'll have you know that I haven't tooted once since you moved into my house. I'm prim and proper. You could do me the same courtesy. Especially during our romantic evening at the dunes that aren't here." Men, she fumed inwardly again.
"Angela, it's too cold in here. Let's get out and grab blankets from the van. We'll warm up alright. Our naked bodies pressed against each other in the blankets . . . oh yeah baby."
Tony and Angela exited the icy waters and found themselves face to face with a flashlight.
"Hello folks. How are we doing on this fine night?" The cop asked them while panning the flashlight on Angela and staring at her.
"Tony!" Angela was mortified. She searched for her discarded underwear in the dark sand.
"Folks, I'm sorry to have to interrupt your skinny dipping but you're breaking the law. Indecent exposure and public mischief. I'm going to have to take you both in and charge you. Hope you've got somebody to bail you out." Slimy cop dude chuckled. He loved busting bodacious babes.