Disclaimer: The lovely, lovely characters of Trigun are not mine. They
belong to the awesome people who made them. If you sue me, you simply waste
your time and money, as I am a poor college student with little more than
my shoe to entertain me. If you really want my shoe, then that's sad. Mean
and sad.
Author's Note: SPOILER WARNING!!!!!!!!!! OKAY!! This is a Trigun fic I made because I wanted to know what the hell happened AFTER the part in the episode "Live Through" when Vash and Meryl are talking on the mountain. Lol. So, here it is!! ENJOY!!!!! Lol
~ FC ^,~
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sitting alone on the dust-covered hill, staring out into the starry black night, the man was clothed in little more than shambles. A loner, now filled with the depression that mirrored his appearance, he thinks back to the time in his life when he had something to live for. Before that time in his life when things started going wrong.
He thought about when he still had Rem.
Before Knives took her away. Before Knives forced him to kill. Before Knives.
There was no before Knives. Knives had always been with him.
Then, before Knives went wrong, Vash thought.
Sighing, he studied the sky. Beautiful in it's glory. The stars seemed to speak to him, sparkling the things he wanted to remember. Sparkling the things he longed to forget.
When he parted his lips to sing, he knew it was silly. But as he inhaled that first breath of air and began the familiar words, it brought him a moment of peace in his aching heart.
"So. On the first evening a pebble, from somewhere out of nowhere drops upon the dreaming world...," Vash sang softly. He took a breath to begin the second verse.
But when he started he was not alone.
"So.," Vash recognized Meryl's voice join his, and turned to face her.
Walking towards him, she continued, "On the second celestial evening, all the children of the pebble join hands and compose a waltz."
They looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity, neither knowing what they should say, or how to say it.
Finally, Meryl sat down next to him, being careful to keep her distance, not knowing if she was welcome. "That's a nice song."
Vash looked at her, then back towards the sky. "Mmm."
Finding the right words, Meryl began, "You can."
Vash looked at her.
She blushed. "You can stay here as long as you like."
He looked away again. "That sound good."
Meryl barely held back her gasp as she slowly let her smile show.
"Might not be such a bad idea," Vash continued, knowing that he'd like it to be true as much as she would.
There was only one problem. Knives. Meryl knew that he could not stop until he had Knives. And yet she asked him a question like this. What was this girl thinking?
What she was thinking was quite obvious, to her at least. Yes, she wanted Vash to stay in the town. But, she wanted him to stay with her. She had just decided that she should leave that part out.
For now.
"Vash?" Meryl asked, summoning all her courage.
Vash turned his head. "Yeah?"
"Um. Nevermind."
". Okay."
Vash looked back at the sky. Meryl silently kicked herself.
"Um. What I meant to say was, how. How do you. Like living here?" Meryl finally said. Not what had intended on saying, but a conversation started, nonetheless.
Vash still studied the sky. "I love it."
Meryl watched him watching the sky.
"It's so peaceful," he continued. "The people are nice, and you girls have been a big help, too. Really, thank you!" He said in his usual upbeat tone, trying to hide his feelings.
Vash smiled down at Meryl, noticed her face, then looked away.
"Meryl."
Meryl started. Maybe it was because of the night. Maybe it was because of the atmosphere. Maybe it was because of her nerves.
Maybe it was because that was the first time Vash had ever called her by her name.
"Y-Yes?"
"I can't do this," Vash began, still looking away.
"Do what?" Meryl asked, in a quiet tone that he had never heard before.
Vash sighed, and looked up at the sky. Such a big sky. So full of possibilities. So unlike his life.
"Being close to people. I can't do it."
"Vash, I-" Meryl began.
But he stopped her. "Meryl, Wolfwood died. He DIED. Because of me. It was because he was with me, and that made him a target."
"No, that's-"
"Yes. That's the truth. I couldn't save him. And now, I'm a killer, too. Now I killed, so what good am I? I can't help anyone. Let alone my brother."
Meryl held her tongue. She knew what he said was not true. But he needed to realize it for himself.
"And what if.," Vash continued. "What if he gets to anyone else?"
"He won't," Meryl said confidently. She knew that he would work this out, if he could only see.
"He will! More people will die! And what if. what if. What if Milly dies?" Vash said, rearranging his thoughts.
Meryl laughed humorlessly. "Milly, huh? Vash, Milly's a big girl. She can take care of herself."
"But if she dies, then I-"
"Oh, I'm sure she'll be fine," Meryl said angrily, and got up.
"Where are you going?" Vash looked at her, confused.
Meryl snorted. "To bed."
She started walking away. Vash went after her and grabbed her arm.
"What?"
"Nothing. Good night."
"No, tell me, what's wrong?"
"It's nothing."
"If I can't help you, then I really am no use to anyone!" Vash begged. "Please, tell me."
"Look," Meryl started on a ranting that she knew she would regret, "if Milly is really all that you care about, then why doesn't she come up here to comfort you herself. Or better yet, why don't you go wake her up for some comfort? I'm sure she's upset over Wolfwood's death. She's probably still on rebound, too. Maybe she'll get with you, if you beg." She pulled her arm away, and left a dumbfounded Vash staring after her.
How could he be so oblivious? Here she was, trying to comfort the man she loved, and he was telling her that he liked her best friend! Well, fine then. Forget him. She didn't need Vash. No way.
She convinced herself this all the way back to her room.
Vash stared after her for a full minute before he even blinked.
What?
He didn't understand this girl at all. What was wrong with wanting to protect Milly? She was his friend after all. Didn't Meryl.
Oh. Duh.
Vash walked back slowly, thinking over what he would do to make her understand. So she didn't outright tell him, okay fine. Girls were like that. But. How could he make her understand?
When he got back and knocked on her door, there was no answer. Vash allowed himself the liberty of opening her door.
"Meryl? Are you awake?"
No answer.
Vash walked in.
Sitting on the edge of her bed, he watched her sleeping form. She was so innocent, how could he put her through something as horrible as being with him?
But she would never understand what it's like to be him. To have friend, after friend, after friend die because you couldn't save them in time. To be constantly worried about your brother, whose one goal in life is to eliminate humanity? To always have the memories of your first love, your mentor, your friend, floating around inside your head like a strict law that makes so much sense, and therefore is unable to be second-guessed. This was the life that Vash lived. This was not the life that he wanted for Meryl.
Not for the woman he loved.
He leaned over and whispered in her ear, "I know you can't hear me, but I'm sorry. For everything. You don't understand, and you won't remember, but I can't put you in danger. I'm sorry."
Vash looked at her once more, kissed her gently on her forehead, and left.
Meryl waited for him to leave before releasing her long-held breath. Should she have said something, she wondered.
Would it have made a difference?
Author's Note: SPOILER WARNING!!!!!!!!!! OKAY!! This is a Trigun fic I made because I wanted to know what the hell happened AFTER the part in the episode "Live Through" when Vash and Meryl are talking on the mountain. Lol. So, here it is!! ENJOY!!!!! Lol
~ FC ^,~
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sitting alone on the dust-covered hill, staring out into the starry black night, the man was clothed in little more than shambles. A loner, now filled with the depression that mirrored his appearance, he thinks back to the time in his life when he had something to live for. Before that time in his life when things started going wrong.
He thought about when he still had Rem.
Before Knives took her away. Before Knives forced him to kill. Before Knives.
There was no before Knives. Knives had always been with him.
Then, before Knives went wrong, Vash thought.
Sighing, he studied the sky. Beautiful in it's glory. The stars seemed to speak to him, sparkling the things he wanted to remember. Sparkling the things he longed to forget.
When he parted his lips to sing, he knew it was silly. But as he inhaled that first breath of air and began the familiar words, it brought him a moment of peace in his aching heart.
"So. On the first evening a pebble, from somewhere out of nowhere drops upon the dreaming world...," Vash sang softly. He took a breath to begin the second verse.
But when he started he was not alone.
"So.," Vash recognized Meryl's voice join his, and turned to face her.
Walking towards him, she continued, "On the second celestial evening, all the children of the pebble join hands and compose a waltz."
They looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity, neither knowing what they should say, or how to say it.
Finally, Meryl sat down next to him, being careful to keep her distance, not knowing if she was welcome. "That's a nice song."
Vash looked at her, then back towards the sky. "Mmm."
Finding the right words, Meryl began, "You can."
Vash looked at her.
She blushed. "You can stay here as long as you like."
He looked away again. "That sound good."
Meryl barely held back her gasp as she slowly let her smile show.
"Might not be such a bad idea," Vash continued, knowing that he'd like it to be true as much as she would.
There was only one problem. Knives. Meryl knew that he could not stop until he had Knives. And yet she asked him a question like this. What was this girl thinking?
What she was thinking was quite obvious, to her at least. Yes, she wanted Vash to stay in the town. But, she wanted him to stay with her. She had just decided that she should leave that part out.
For now.
"Vash?" Meryl asked, summoning all her courage.
Vash turned his head. "Yeah?"
"Um. Nevermind."
". Okay."
Vash looked back at the sky. Meryl silently kicked herself.
"Um. What I meant to say was, how. How do you. Like living here?" Meryl finally said. Not what had intended on saying, but a conversation started, nonetheless.
Vash still studied the sky. "I love it."
Meryl watched him watching the sky.
"It's so peaceful," he continued. "The people are nice, and you girls have been a big help, too. Really, thank you!" He said in his usual upbeat tone, trying to hide his feelings.
Vash smiled down at Meryl, noticed her face, then looked away.
"Meryl."
Meryl started. Maybe it was because of the night. Maybe it was because of the atmosphere. Maybe it was because of her nerves.
Maybe it was because that was the first time Vash had ever called her by her name.
"Y-Yes?"
"I can't do this," Vash began, still looking away.
"Do what?" Meryl asked, in a quiet tone that he had never heard before.
Vash sighed, and looked up at the sky. Such a big sky. So full of possibilities. So unlike his life.
"Being close to people. I can't do it."
"Vash, I-" Meryl began.
But he stopped her. "Meryl, Wolfwood died. He DIED. Because of me. It was because he was with me, and that made him a target."
"No, that's-"
"Yes. That's the truth. I couldn't save him. And now, I'm a killer, too. Now I killed, so what good am I? I can't help anyone. Let alone my brother."
Meryl held her tongue. She knew what he said was not true. But he needed to realize it for himself.
"And what if.," Vash continued. "What if he gets to anyone else?"
"He won't," Meryl said confidently. She knew that he would work this out, if he could only see.
"He will! More people will die! And what if. what if. What if Milly dies?" Vash said, rearranging his thoughts.
Meryl laughed humorlessly. "Milly, huh? Vash, Milly's a big girl. She can take care of herself."
"But if she dies, then I-"
"Oh, I'm sure she'll be fine," Meryl said angrily, and got up.
"Where are you going?" Vash looked at her, confused.
Meryl snorted. "To bed."
She started walking away. Vash went after her and grabbed her arm.
"What?"
"Nothing. Good night."
"No, tell me, what's wrong?"
"It's nothing."
"If I can't help you, then I really am no use to anyone!" Vash begged. "Please, tell me."
"Look," Meryl started on a ranting that she knew she would regret, "if Milly is really all that you care about, then why doesn't she come up here to comfort you herself. Or better yet, why don't you go wake her up for some comfort? I'm sure she's upset over Wolfwood's death. She's probably still on rebound, too. Maybe she'll get with you, if you beg." She pulled her arm away, and left a dumbfounded Vash staring after her.
How could he be so oblivious? Here she was, trying to comfort the man she loved, and he was telling her that he liked her best friend! Well, fine then. Forget him. She didn't need Vash. No way.
She convinced herself this all the way back to her room.
Vash stared after her for a full minute before he even blinked.
What?
He didn't understand this girl at all. What was wrong with wanting to protect Milly? She was his friend after all. Didn't Meryl.
Oh. Duh.
Vash walked back slowly, thinking over what he would do to make her understand. So she didn't outright tell him, okay fine. Girls were like that. But. How could he make her understand?
When he got back and knocked on her door, there was no answer. Vash allowed himself the liberty of opening her door.
"Meryl? Are you awake?"
No answer.
Vash walked in.
Sitting on the edge of her bed, he watched her sleeping form. She was so innocent, how could he put her through something as horrible as being with him?
But she would never understand what it's like to be him. To have friend, after friend, after friend die because you couldn't save them in time. To be constantly worried about your brother, whose one goal in life is to eliminate humanity? To always have the memories of your first love, your mentor, your friend, floating around inside your head like a strict law that makes so much sense, and therefore is unable to be second-guessed. This was the life that Vash lived. This was not the life that he wanted for Meryl.
Not for the woman he loved.
He leaned over and whispered in her ear, "I know you can't hear me, but I'm sorry. For everything. You don't understand, and you won't remember, but I can't put you in danger. I'm sorry."
Vash looked at her once more, kissed her gently on her forehead, and left.
Meryl waited for him to leave before releasing her long-held breath. Should she have said something, she wondered.
Would it have made a difference?