A/N: Risa has overcome a transformation .. Somewhat. Let's just say that she's looking at the world with a different shade of glasses. Or maybe she's just PMSing, who knows. Haha, actually, she's been reading self-help books. Watch out, world, here comes the new and improved Risa-chan!
Definitely not my best work. Sorry if I didn't put my effort into my writing on this one. I suddenly got lazy .. Just felt like writing something in Risa's point of view for once. Very OOC in my opinion .. Risa sounds so not herself in here. :S Geez, I'm so mad at myself for even posting this .. Blah, oh well. This piece feels kind of pointless, in a way. :X Well, I guess that's for you to decide.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own D.N.Angel or it's characters, blah blah blah.
ARROGANCE
By Jackie Doming
Finally, after a long, drawn-out process of loosing marks for not paying attention in class, quiet bike rides home from school and wasted study hours leaving little time for actual homework, I came to this conclusion. No one is better than anyone else. We are all one in the same, humans that have as much as any other to live, to breath, to become what they want to be. Each person is expected to do what they can on their own abilities, and this is something that they're both with and can't change, only improve on.
I never could stand arrogance, even if it came from someone that I knew well. Actually, if they did, I would twice as mad. I mean, you really can't act like you're better than everyone, because the truth is, you aren't. We're all equals, no matter what shape or form that we come in, humans are humans and that's something we can't change. It doesn't matter how brainy you are or how beautiful you look (alright, alright, I realize that now! We're all humans, we make mistakes!). There is no competition that decides who's better or not. They measure your abilities, but don't make you a better person.
It took me a long time to realize this. Ever since I took my first steps, which was in fact, only a few hours after Riku had, I've been in close competition with my twin ever since. Maybe even before that, our first words maybe, or even in the womb, I really wouldn't know. All that I'm sure of is that I've been constantly comparing myself with her through my whole life.
This is wrong, I can't keep living like this! I can't keep trying to prove to myself and everyone around me that I am better than her. Because I'm not, we are equals, are and unique in our own ways.
I used to think that having a twin was a curse. But now I realize that it was more thank a blessing. I have someone that I can truly connect with, share things that only she could understand. You know, there's a certain bond twins have that no one can compare to, it's scientifically proven! Just goes to show, I should appreciate what I have given.
Thank goodness for all those health classes on personal awareness or whatever that unit was called. That, and the rest of this junk.
As I sit firmly on my seat, trying to make out what's written on the blackboard, my eyes come to the habit of scanning the room. I'm not trying to catch the eye of any attractive guy, if that's what you're thinking. I'm tired of boys, all they do is compete, compete, compete. Why can't they realize that they're all good at their own things, that even though they excel at one thing, the other one could easily excel in another. Blab, they make no sense.
Well, anyways, as I was saying (thinking, rather), my eyes darted from one side of the room to the other, a ball of blue hair catches my eye. Who else can it be, other than the illustrious Hiwatari Satoshi himself.
I can feel a bubbling acid burn my throat, coming from my stomach that's swelling up with anger. Who does he think he is, looking all cool, acting like he's all that? Watch his icy blue eyes focus on sensei, hanging on to his every word.
Pff, like he even needs to know these things. I know very well that he doesn't belong in this class, I might be the only one that knows his little secret, but not for long. Maybe I should expose himself publicly. I mean, that would be of benefit to him, wouldn't it? He wouldn't have to slave with something as pointless as public schooling, I mean, how could he want to come back for this? Mr. Supereme High Commanding Chief Police Officer or whatever his super long title is. That doesn't make him any better than us, especially me!
Come to think of it, I don't even understand why I go to school. I mean, like I want to do anything with history when I grow up? Oh, please.
Back to Hiwatari-kun. Boy, he just makes me so mad! Normally, I would be totally alright with him, I mean he's an okay guy. He doesn't even look too bad with his glasses of. But now, after my 'huge transformation', I see him in a new lights. It wasn't until now that I realized how confident he tries to act! Thinking he's some genius, superior to all. Oh yes, we shall bow down to Hiwatari-sama! Hail, Hiwatari-sama! Yeah, right. I can see through that little mask of yours. Just wait until I crack it.
The bell rings. Class is over, and I take no time in reaching the door. I have to get home, move out of my way! I skim through the small holes between everyone and gasp loudly as I reach my locker. Boy, that was a work out. Maybe I didn't need to diet after all.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" I hear a voice behind me. Cold, indifferent, almost monotonous, it could only belong to the enemy : Hiwatari-kun himself. Who does he think he is, coming up to me and telling me that I forgot something? I very well didn't forget anything, I am a very responsible girl! Pff .. Me, forget ? .. Pff.
Either way, I didn't want to come off as arrogant myself, so I turn around and give him the biggest smile as possible that I can fake. I just can't smile naturally right now - my mood is already mixed with peppers of anger and salt of frustration. Maybe I should become a chef. "What are you talking about, Hiwatari-kun?"
I try to give him my innocent eyes, like I know nothing, but I fact, I know all. "This," he says, as he extends out his arm to offer me a book that looks nothing but familiar. Oh, I know what it is! I can clearly see the title 'We Are All Equals, Damnit!', along with the illustration of tiny chibi people on stike. Waii, it's so cute, probably the reason that I bought it in the first place. But anways, I recognize it to be the self-help book that I bought last week from the local bookstore.
I take it from him and give him a smile of gratitude. I didn't have to fake this one, because I actually was happy that he found my book. If I lost it, I swear, I wouldn't know where I'd be. I swear upon this book, not literally, but, well, you know what I mean. "Thank you, I never realized that I forgot it in class."
"It's alright." He nods back to me as if everything is alright, but still, it's not. Does he really think that he can get away with it so easily? Nuh huh, not this time, Mr. Sneaky. I'm not the little defenceless girl that you're using to saving from watchtowers or whatever they were. I'm not some sort of kissing doll that you find washed up on the beach, you know! I'm a living, breathing, human being as well that does fine on her own!
As he turns to leave, I suspect to be arrogant in some other square yard, I grab him. I don't know why I have the habit of grabbing on to people, I just do. Don't ask. "Where're you going?"
Satoshi looks at me with those icy blue eyes again. The look he gives me is a bit confusion, startled, even with the little emotion that they show. Aha! I actually startled him .. Hehehe, good work, Risa. "I thought that I was going to my locker."
Oh no, I'm not falling for that one! I lift my finger up at him, and yes, I know that it's not nice to point, but I do it anyways. Another bad habit that I'm determined to kill, after this little incident is over with. "Well - well - .. You're not!"
He glances at me, questioning. Like I'm suppose to give him answers, or something. Who does he think I am, some sort of supercomputer that has the answers to every question in the world? Geez, I'm only damned human!
"Is there something that you need, Harada-san?" His eyes are half-lidded, almost as if he's get up with my little game. Well, well, Hiwatari-kun, this is no game. You're living in the real world now, not your little dream world where you're the boss of every little thing! I'm not going to be your little princess that you always have to end up saving at the end of the day. Oooh no, not this time. Not anytime.
"You know what I need from you?" I think that I waved him back and fourth a bit while saying that. Hope that shook his boots. "I need an attitude adjustment from you!"
Once again, his eyes are questioning, icy, cold. Almost uncaring, like he's used to hearing people tell him what to do. You could feel bad for the guy, but NO, I'm not going to feel bad for him! Not for his sorry little stuck up ass! He can go stick his finger up it and SMELL IT!
"I know I do." His voice is quiet, almost soft, like he's trying to resist himself from igniting any other fuses that he manages to set on fire within me. Still, I'm burning up, and the fireworks won't stop exploding inside of my brains. Moody, moody, me. "Now, is that all you have to say?"
No, that's not all that I have to say. In fact, I have novels more of things that I have to say, but I doubt that they would all be able to fit in the short amount of time that I have before he pulls away and walks towards his locker.
He's waiting for an answer from me. I try to speak, but words won't come out of my mouth, like I've caught a huge hairball in my throat. Gross. As he watches me struggle with myself, he breathes a sigh and gets ready to turn around. "I guess not."
His body lurches forward in the other direction. He's leaving, he's really going! Who does he think he is, just walking away like everything's good? Ouu, this guy! He really knows how to start something. Strangely, the halls have died down and we seem to be the only few people left in the building. Funny how things work like that.
I yell my words at him like chucking gigantic sticks and stones his way. It's a metaphor, if you didn't get that one. "Come back here, you self-absorbed brat!"
He stops in his tracks. And slowly, he turns. His emotion is unmoved, unreadable. If only I was able to read his eyes then, but I was too angry to pay any attention.
"You like to act like you're better than everyone, don't you?" I tried my best to look hateful, because what I was feeling inside could not be put into a facial expression. It was far worse than even the ugliest creature could appear as, and that's saying something if you've ever seen sour milk.
He's speechless. Either he doesn't know what to say, or he doesn't want to say anything at all.
Oh, so that's how you play it, huh? Pretend like you're too good for me that you won't even bother listen to what I have to say! Pretend like it comes out the other ear! Ouu, Hiwatari-kun, I can't stand you.
"You really think that you're better than everyone else?" I sound really angry, and it feels like I'm about to cry but I'm not. I just sound really, really infuriated. This is worse than PMS. "You're not, you know. You know what you are? You're just a - You're just a - a .."
".. A what." I see something glint behind his glasses. I don't want to read him, I really don't, but I can't help but see the tiniest hint of sadness in his eyes. I really hope something dusty just flew into it, and that I'm not really hurting his feelings.
My stomach does belly flops. Suddenly, I feel awful. Not the kind of awful where you want to vomit kind, but the type where you just want to go up to someone that apologize for all the wrong you've ever done to them. One where you want to run up to them, and give them a big - "What am I, Harada-san."
I look at him with an equally sad look, if not, more pleading. I can feel that soreness in my eyes, the one where tears are about to come out, but I hold them back. It's not my place to break down crying here, I'm the one that caused this situation, and now it's my turn to fix it up with whatever remnants of his respect that I have left. "Hiwatari-kun .."
"Speak honestly." A trace a sense of determination in his voice. He still had a lot of dignity left inside of him. I know that he is not going to let this issue down without a fight. "What am I to you? An arrogant snob? A conceited genius? Or am I just your doormat, a punching bag?"
I hold my hands in fists near my mouth and try to take a step forward, afraid that he'd back away. I don't want you to be afraid of me, anymore, Hiwatari-kun. I didn't mean those nasty things that I said. I was simply caught up in the moment, I didn't want to come off as the bad guy here, but now I know that I was nothing but.
He stands still, looking at me with eyes of frustration, even though he tried to hide it, I wasn't blind to see. I take another step forward, and he doesn't even flinch. I'm only a few squared-tiles away from him, now. Now or never, Risa, now or never. "Hiwatari-kun, I'm so sorry. I don't know what got into me, I really hope that you can forgive m-"
"Still," Satoshi's eyes softened, out of sadness or longing, I wasn't sure. "I want to know. What do you think of me, Harada-san."
I look up at him with big, round eyes. His pallid blues pierce through me like a skate on ice, and from that moment on, I wasn't quite aware of what his intentions were leaning towards. "What do I think of you? Well, I know that you're really smart, quiet, reserved .."
He gave me those eyes, telling me that wasn't quite the answer that he was looking for. "That's not what I meant."
"That's not what you meant?" My echoed voice comes out almost as a whisper, shy and windy, afraid to say something that might ignite any hard emotions. "Uhm, well .. You may come off standoffish at times, but once someone really gets to know you .. you're a really good person. You're protected more than once, you showed compassion towards someone .. I would never expect that from you."
The misty gaze from his eyes were gone, and I couldn't help but a sense a smile tugging on the corners of his mouth. It was his turn to step forward and out of all odds, he lifted his hand up to cup my face. He came scarily close, so close that I could feel his hot breath on my face. It smelled my iced peppermint. I was afraid of any quick actions that he was going to do from this moment fourth, but I was planted stuck on my own two feet, unable to move or react.
He did nothing but smile widely, that alone being out of character for him. His eyes, closer than ever, were much more beautiful from this view. You could see very little detail that they held, and they were all cracked up to be and more. It felt like I was staring into a frozen-over ocean, lost within the depths of it. I could easily say that they were his best feature.
I could feel a small pull on my cheek. Did he just pinch me?
And with that, he backed away and looked at me as though nothing had ever happened these past few moments. As simple as that, Hiwatari-kun erased anything that could've been the end of the existence to the younger than blossoming friendship that we had planted.
I raise my arm to rub the spot that he tugged upon. It didn't really hurt, but I found myself touching it anyways like the idiot that I am. I was only thankful that Satoshi was such a forgiving person. If it was anyone else, they would've held a long-term grudge for the hurtful things that came out of my mouth. I blame myself for speaking before I think.
"I should tell you," Satoshi started as he lifted his finger upwards, though I wasn't quite sure what he was trying to prove at that point, "those self help books do no good on peoples behaviour. They make you do strange things."
I nodded slowly, almost timidly. Geez, why am I acting this way? I can't even think of anything to say to him. There are just a lot emotions caught up in my head and I don't know how to sort them, like something spilled in my mind ( clean up on isle twelve ! ).
I'm just glad that everything's alright. No hard feelings between me and him, and that's what matters most. I think that Hiwatari-kun is a person that I could grow fond of, if I really got to know him. He isn't arrogant at all, just quiet. But really, I think that he has a lot to say.
He smiled almost brightly as me as he turned to walk away after a simple wave. Wow, he actually smiled brightly, that's a first. Honestly, this guy is full of surprises.
As I watch him walk down the hall, I look down at the ground where my self-help book which, for some reason, ended up beneath me. I must've dropped it on the floor in the midst of all the confusion, in between the cold slabs of all of my emotion and all of that, it happened so fast and as easily as that, it washed away like ocean cleansing the sand on the shore.
I contemplated on whether I should pick it up or not. Then again, I realized, after reading such a book, I did act out of my own character. I just wasn't myself, and I just think that I need a break from all the spirituality.
I raise my voice to call Hiwatari-kun who looks back at me once more, almost looking prepared for any obstructive behaviour I have planned for him next. Don't worry, I'm not going to blow up in your face this time.
I rush down the halls after quickly grabbing my things from my locker and slamming it shut behind me. As I catch up beside him, I look up at him and offer him a blindingly sweet smile. No hard feelings. "Is it alright if I walk home with you, Hiwatari-kun?"
I could almost sense him breathing a sigh of relief, at least in his mind, he did. How do I know this? I just do. It's a girl thing. "If that's alright with you."
I nod vigorously as I hold my books in my arms in front of me, falling in step with his steady paces. "So, have you ever read any self help book, Hiwatari-kun?"
A/N: Very random and experimental. Actually, it was just out or boredom. I wasn't even sure where it was going. More "just for fun" than anything, I wanted to try writing in Risa's perspective for once. Sorry of it's very gay and pointless, just need a break from resorting to the thesaurus button so often. x) Anyways, look for my other stories .. they're a little more enjoyable than this one (y). Haha, till next time. x)