DISCLAIMER- I don't own FFVII. There, that was easy!
AEEEERIIIISSSS!!! NOOOOO!!!
'K, so I've just finished disc 1 (as you may have guessed) and though I've read a few of these for FFVIII, I found myself actually doing No1. at 10:00 on a Monday morning, so I thought hmmm...
Oh yeah, and NO 32's dedicated to Casper, the handophobic Destiny's Child fan Budgie.
________________________________________________________
DISC 1 OVERDOSE:
PROBABLE CAUSES
Long term exposure to FFVII
Too many fanfics at 11pm
Merchandise hunting in the strangest of places where you know you haven't got a chance in hell of finding any (e.g. Kwiksave) but you look anyway
Internet sites on the subject
Pictures of Sephiroth in Nibeliem (Also known to provoke sword carrying arsonists)
15 Review magazines and a bag of Cola Cubes
KNOWN SYMPTOMS
1. Boiling a kettle is swiftly followed by a cry of "SHERA, GET THESE PEOPLE SOME GODDAMN TEA!!!"
2. You spend a week searching a wood near your house for your ancient friend Aeris...
3. ... and find her cos your mates stick a pic of her to a tree with a drawing pin as a joke
4. You believe Black Materia really exists...
5. ... and prove it by buying 15 packets of Black Jacks, squashing them together and hold your arm in the air, screaming "I WILL BECOME ONE WITH THE PLANET!!!"...
6. ... then wonder if Sephiroth smells of Aniseed too...
7. You giggle idiotically whenever you have a Chem test on Alcohols, Ethers and Esters...
8. ... then moan when your teacher fails you, even though you example of raising Red XIII's MP with 3 Ethers was spot on...
9. ... then find a way to make it chemically possible (for Ethers to raise your MP)...
10. ... then get banned from practical experiments when you throw one over yourself to see if that damned Chem teacher can survive a blast of Meteor from your black materia...
11. ... then get it confiscated when you throw the "materia" at her in a fit of rage
12. You take your cat to the Grand Canyon hoping for a lecture on the Lifestream
13. Or place your cat in the middle of your (extensive) collection of stuffed toys, in the hope that it'll re-animate one of them and read your fortune
14. You tell the fat git at the back of your school bus to "STOP THAT STUPID HORSE LAUGH!"...
15. ... then try to summon Kjata when he tries to beat you up...
16. ... and succeed
17. You fight constantly with your Buffy-fan friends, insisting that Vampires CAN go out in daylight...
18. ... and they all carry Sniper Rifles...
19. ... and Buffy wouldn't stand a chance against Vincent's "Malignant Beast" ??????? limit break anyway
20. You believe every pinball machine leads to a secret underground resistance base
21. You visit Seaworld and jump in the Dolphin tank, in the hopes of being jumped to Junon...
22. ... then scream at the attendant "BUT I HAVE TO SAVE PRISCILLA!!!" as he escorts you to the exit...
23. ... sulk, go swimming, then scream at the lifeguard "YOUNG MAN, CPR, NOW!!!"...
24. ... and get thrown outta there too
25. You spend 5hrs making a Blu-Tac model of Cloud Strife at 8am on a Sunday morning (oopps-sy!)
26. You name the little voice in your head that makes you write stuff like this after Cait Sith
27. You go on a trip to Giza (Egypt) hoping that one of the pyramids holds the Secrets of the Ancients and the route to the Promised Land...
28. ... then run in fear when you realise that Diamond Gate and Sephiroth are probably down there
29. You go on a 10mile hike to look for the Promised Land
30. You go to Spain, visit the (real) Costa Del Sol and scour the beach for 6hrs to get Hojo's autograph
31. You scour the local Betting Store (is that what you call 'em?) and moan when you can't place 5 quid on a chocobo called Dario
32. You try to ride your pet Budgie to school and back, claiming it's the "Fastest kind of travel today, y'know!" (opps, bit of FFVIII there...)
33. ... then rename your Budgie Dario and complain when they won't let you enter the Grand National...
34. ... but you run anyway...
35. ... and win
36. You use various FFVII references in your library database for ICT, such as "Chocobo, a bird's eye view" by Sephiroth, or "Why crossover's don't work" by Aeris Trepe, both published by Shinra Bookstores (uh-oh...)
37. You jump into every fountain in London looking for a stairway to the city of the ancients...
38. ... and wonder if Cloud and co got wet too
39. You smash up your tech project, then claim Jenova made you do it
40. You're forever scaning the ceiling for a black caped man
And finally...
41. Your girlfriend dies, so you go Snowboarding.
And the cure?
THERE ISN'T ONE!!!
That's right! They don't hand out anti FFVII pills at the pharmacist and it's impossible to get boredom on prescription (though I hear a copy of Barbie's skate park, that crappy Olsen twins game or Grand Theft Auto has the same effect), and just not playing the game results in withdrawal, so your best bet's to fuel the fire and just play the goddamn game! Whoo-hoo! Plus a little bit of insanity is good for you!
Insanity- Unsinkable, unstopable, incomprehensible and Uncontrollable!
AEEEERIIIISSSS!!! NOOOOO!!!
'K, so I've just finished disc 1 (as you may have guessed) and though I've read a few of these for FFVIII, I found myself actually doing No1. at 10:00 on a Monday morning, so I thought hmmm...
Oh yeah, and NO 32's dedicated to Casper, the handophobic Destiny's Child fan Budgie.
________________________________________________________
DISC 1 OVERDOSE:
PROBABLE CAUSES
Long term exposure to FFVII
Too many fanfics at 11pm
Merchandise hunting in the strangest of places where you know you haven't got a chance in hell of finding any (e.g. Kwiksave) but you look anyway
Internet sites on the subject
Pictures of Sephiroth in Nibeliem (Also known to provoke sword carrying arsonists)
15 Review magazines and a bag of Cola Cubes
KNOWN SYMPTOMS
1. Boiling a kettle is swiftly followed by a cry of "SHERA, GET THESE PEOPLE SOME GODDAMN TEA!!!"
2. You spend a week searching a wood near your house for your ancient friend Aeris...
3. ... and find her cos your mates stick a pic of her to a tree with a drawing pin as a joke
4. You believe Black Materia really exists...
5. ... and prove it by buying 15 packets of Black Jacks, squashing them together and hold your arm in the air, screaming "I WILL BECOME ONE WITH THE PLANET!!!"...
6. ... then wonder if Sephiroth smells of Aniseed too...
7. You giggle idiotically whenever you have a Chem test on Alcohols, Ethers and Esters...
8. ... then moan when your teacher fails you, even though you example of raising Red XIII's MP with 3 Ethers was spot on...
9. ... then find a way to make it chemically possible (for Ethers to raise your MP)...
10. ... then get banned from practical experiments when you throw one over yourself to see if that damned Chem teacher can survive a blast of Meteor from your black materia...
11. ... then get it confiscated when you throw the "materia" at her in a fit of rage
12. You take your cat to the Grand Canyon hoping for a lecture on the Lifestream
13. Or place your cat in the middle of your (extensive) collection of stuffed toys, in the hope that it'll re-animate one of them and read your fortune
14. You tell the fat git at the back of your school bus to "STOP THAT STUPID HORSE LAUGH!"...
15. ... then try to summon Kjata when he tries to beat you up...
16. ... and succeed
17. You fight constantly with your Buffy-fan friends, insisting that Vampires CAN go out in daylight...
18. ... and they all carry Sniper Rifles...
19. ... and Buffy wouldn't stand a chance against Vincent's "Malignant Beast" ??????? limit break anyway
20. You believe every pinball machine leads to a secret underground resistance base
21. You visit Seaworld and jump in the Dolphin tank, in the hopes of being jumped to Junon...
22. ... then scream at the attendant "BUT I HAVE TO SAVE PRISCILLA!!!" as he escorts you to the exit...
23. ... sulk, go swimming, then scream at the lifeguard "YOUNG MAN, CPR, NOW!!!"...
24. ... and get thrown outta there too
25. You spend 5hrs making a Blu-Tac model of Cloud Strife at 8am on a Sunday morning (oopps-sy!)
26. You name the little voice in your head that makes you write stuff like this after Cait Sith
27. You go on a trip to Giza (Egypt) hoping that one of the pyramids holds the Secrets of the Ancients and the route to the Promised Land...
28. ... then run in fear when you realise that Diamond Gate and Sephiroth are probably down there
29. You go on a 10mile hike to look for the Promised Land
30. You go to Spain, visit the (real) Costa Del Sol and scour the beach for 6hrs to get Hojo's autograph
31. You scour the local Betting Store (is that what you call 'em?) and moan when you can't place 5 quid on a chocobo called Dario
32. You try to ride your pet Budgie to school and back, claiming it's the "Fastest kind of travel today, y'know!" (opps, bit of FFVIII there...)
33. ... then rename your Budgie Dario and complain when they won't let you enter the Grand National...
34. ... but you run anyway...
35. ... and win
36. You use various FFVII references in your library database for ICT, such as "Chocobo, a bird's eye view" by Sephiroth, or "Why crossover's don't work" by Aeris Trepe, both published by Shinra Bookstores (uh-oh...)
37. You jump into every fountain in London looking for a stairway to the city of the ancients...
38. ... and wonder if Cloud and co got wet too
39. You smash up your tech project, then claim Jenova made you do it
40. You're forever scaning the ceiling for a black caped man
And finally...
41. Your girlfriend dies, so you go Snowboarding.
And the cure?
THERE ISN'T ONE!!!
That's right! They don't hand out anti FFVII pills at the pharmacist and it's impossible to get boredom on prescription (though I hear a copy of Barbie's skate park, that crappy Olsen twins game or Grand Theft Auto has the same effect), and just not playing the game results in withdrawal, so your best bet's to fuel the fire and just play the goddamn game! Whoo-hoo! Plus a little bit of insanity is good for you!
Insanity- Unsinkable, unstopable, incomprehensible and Uncontrollable!