Title: Lost
Author: Kat
Distribution: Go ahead, I guess. Just ask first, please.
Feedback: Please, I'm dying to know how people respond to this one, but don't be nasty, or I'll cry.
Summery: This is, somewhat unconventionally, Tara's inner monologue after Glory stole her mind.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Joss created her. Although, seeing what he subsequently did to her, I think he pretty much forfeits any claim he might have. ::grumbles something about evil bastard writers and hell-gods, and how similar they are::
Dedication: I wrote this, somewhat reluctantly, because I felt I had to. The words were pulling at me, needing to be written. So, here it is, and I am dedicating it to the incredible Amber Benson; without her amazing acting, I would never have thought of this.
Author's Note: I would like to apologize to anyone who reads this for the extraordinary depressing-ness of it. I normally write happy fic, but like I said in the dedication, this one wouldn't leave me alone. So, for the first time, I have written something unrelentingly dark. It wasn't fun, sending my mind into that noisy, cold, filthy darkness, and I hope I never have to do anything like it again. ::glares at unrepentant plot-bunny::
*******************************************************************
So cold, so, so cold. So dark. Lost. Lost in a cold, dark space, with nothing around me, nothing. Why can't I go home now? I only paid to stay one day. I should go home, I haven't paid, this is wrong, wrong! My ticket says good today only, and I didn't get it today. I'm scared. They're gonna find me here and my ticket isn't for today, and I don't know what will happen to me if they find me. I want to go home before they find me. But I can't find my way home. I'm lost, I'm so lost, and I have to find my way out before they catch me here. I'm not supposed to be here. And I'm cold. I forgot my jacket again. I'm sorry Mommy, I know you always tell me to wear it, and I forgot it again. I'll try to do better next time. I didn't mean to wander away Mommy. I'm sorry I lost you. Didn't lose my jacket, though, just forgot. Forgot, forgot how to get out. I need to get out before someone finds me here.
* * * * *
Willow, I can't hear you! The noise, all around, wailing, crying, screaming! It's so loud, so loud, and it won't go away! Someone is screaming, Buffy needs to save them. Why hasn't she saved them? Maybe they're not the kind of person she saves? Maybe it's a bad person screaming? A bad person like me?
* * * * *
No, no! Make it stop touching me! It keeps touching me, why won't it go away? I don't like it touching me, don't like it! Make it stop, Willow, make it go away. It keeps talking to me, telling me things, bad things. I don't understand why it wants to touch me. And it keeps talking in your voice, Willow, make it stop, please? Why is it saying those things? Such horrible lies, no, no, no! Why are you lying to me? Go away.
* * * * *
Look, Willow, see how pretty it is? The pretty, soft magic dancing in the air. Look how it dances with the wind, swirling around. The pretty magic has nice eyes. Can I touch it? It looks so perfect, I don't want to make it mad at me. Do you think the magic would let me touch it? Such pretty green magic.
* * * * *
No, no, dirty. It's all over me, it's slimy, it won't come off. Mommy will be so mad at me when she sees how dirty I've gotten. I need to get clean so Mommy won't be mad. It won't come off, it's sticky and slimy. I know why it won't come off. It's part of me. My skin is slimy. I need to get it off, my skin is so slimy, it's part of me, it won't come off, Mommy's going to be so mad. She won't like my skin slimy. Need to get rid of it, get rid of my skin. If I take it off, will Mommy still get mad? She always knows when I've been dirty.
* * * * *
I can hear you call me. Willow, where are you? Why do you sound so sad? Did you fall and hurt yourself? I cry sometimes when I fall down and get hurt. Don't worry, Willow, it'll only bleed for a little while. Get up and go on, don't let it stop you. My Willow, so brave. I know you can go on, even though you hurt.
* * * * *
Oh, oh, it's time to go! They need me, I have to go. It's pulling at me, have to hurry, have to go. Ouch! Stop it, stop pulling at me. I'm coming, I'm trying, but the walls keep moving. Everywhere I go, there's a wall. It'll hurt me if I don't go soon. Can't you see, I have to go! Why are the walls moving to keep me in? Ahhh, no, burning, have to go! The wall won't move, I asked politely, but it just wouldn't move. Back home, walls had better manners. Ahhhhhh! Burning! Burning bad Tara. Bad, bad, can't make the wall move. I should have gone by now. Have to go! Go! Have to get out! I'll never find the way out now. So confused, like a fun-house at the fair. The mirrors...no, no mirrors! Someone might see me, I don't want them to see me. So dirty and bad. I'm not allowed to be here. I have to go, have to go NOW! The walls won't stop moving. So lost…
Author: Kat
Distribution: Go ahead, I guess. Just ask first, please.
Feedback: Please, I'm dying to know how people respond to this one, but don't be nasty, or I'll cry.
Summery: This is, somewhat unconventionally, Tara's inner monologue after Glory stole her mind.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Joss created her. Although, seeing what he subsequently did to her, I think he pretty much forfeits any claim he might have. ::grumbles something about evil bastard writers and hell-gods, and how similar they are::
Dedication: I wrote this, somewhat reluctantly, because I felt I had to. The words were pulling at me, needing to be written. So, here it is, and I am dedicating it to the incredible Amber Benson; without her amazing acting, I would never have thought of this.
Author's Note: I would like to apologize to anyone who reads this for the extraordinary depressing-ness of it. I normally write happy fic, but like I said in the dedication, this one wouldn't leave me alone. So, for the first time, I have written something unrelentingly dark. It wasn't fun, sending my mind into that noisy, cold, filthy darkness, and I hope I never have to do anything like it again. ::glares at unrepentant plot-bunny::
*******************************************************************
So cold, so, so cold. So dark. Lost. Lost in a cold, dark space, with nothing around me, nothing. Why can't I go home now? I only paid to stay one day. I should go home, I haven't paid, this is wrong, wrong! My ticket says good today only, and I didn't get it today. I'm scared. They're gonna find me here and my ticket isn't for today, and I don't know what will happen to me if they find me. I want to go home before they find me. But I can't find my way home. I'm lost, I'm so lost, and I have to find my way out before they catch me here. I'm not supposed to be here. And I'm cold. I forgot my jacket again. I'm sorry Mommy, I know you always tell me to wear it, and I forgot it again. I'll try to do better next time. I didn't mean to wander away Mommy. I'm sorry I lost you. Didn't lose my jacket, though, just forgot. Forgot, forgot how to get out. I need to get out before someone finds me here.
* * * * *
Willow, I can't hear you! The noise, all around, wailing, crying, screaming! It's so loud, so loud, and it won't go away! Someone is screaming, Buffy needs to save them. Why hasn't she saved them? Maybe they're not the kind of person she saves? Maybe it's a bad person screaming? A bad person like me?
* * * * *
No, no! Make it stop touching me! It keeps touching me, why won't it go away? I don't like it touching me, don't like it! Make it stop, Willow, make it go away. It keeps talking to me, telling me things, bad things. I don't understand why it wants to touch me. And it keeps talking in your voice, Willow, make it stop, please? Why is it saying those things? Such horrible lies, no, no, no! Why are you lying to me? Go away.
* * * * *
Look, Willow, see how pretty it is? The pretty, soft magic dancing in the air. Look how it dances with the wind, swirling around. The pretty magic has nice eyes. Can I touch it? It looks so perfect, I don't want to make it mad at me. Do you think the magic would let me touch it? Such pretty green magic.
* * * * *
No, no, dirty. It's all over me, it's slimy, it won't come off. Mommy will be so mad at me when she sees how dirty I've gotten. I need to get clean so Mommy won't be mad. It won't come off, it's sticky and slimy. I know why it won't come off. It's part of me. My skin is slimy. I need to get it off, my skin is so slimy, it's part of me, it won't come off, Mommy's going to be so mad. She won't like my skin slimy. Need to get rid of it, get rid of my skin. If I take it off, will Mommy still get mad? She always knows when I've been dirty.
* * * * *
I can hear you call me. Willow, where are you? Why do you sound so sad? Did you fall and hurt yourself? I cry sometimes when I fall down and get hurt. Don't worry, Willow, it'll only bleed for a little while. Get up and go on, don't let it stop you. My Willow, so brave. I know you can go on, even though you hurt.
* * * * *
Oh, oh, it's time to go! They need me, I have to go. It's pulling at me, have to hurry, have to go. Ouch! Stop it, stop pulling at me. I'm coming, I'm trying, but the walls keep moving. Everywhere I go, there's a wall. It'll hurt me if I don't go soon. Can't you see, I have to go! Why are the walls moving to keep me in? Ahhh, no, burning, have to go! The wall won't move, I asked politely, but it just wouldn't move. Back home, walls had better manners. Ahhhhhh! Burning! Burning bad Tara. Bad, bad, can't make the wall move. I should have gone by now. Have to go! Go! Have to get out! I'll never find the way out now. So confused, like a fun-house at the fair. The mirrors...no, no mirrors! Someone might see me, I don't want them to see me. So dirty and bad. I'm not allowed to be here. I have to go, have to go NOW! The walls won't stop moving. So lost…