Don't own a thing, believe me if I did Torchwood would be filled with lots more hot men sex. Of the Ianto/Jack kind.
"Why me?"
"Because you know what to say and more importantly what not to say. Because you know Torchwood better than anyone except me, and sometimes I'm not sure I do know more. Because you won't lose your temper and start an incident. Because if I have to go you're going to be stuck here with Gwen and Owen and Tosh is going to hide and make you deal with all the shit they manage to start."
"I hate you."
Jack grinned up at Ianto's scowling face. "No you don't. Now come on, I'm taking you out to dinner and then..."
"No."
"No?" The grin shifted into a smirk. "So right home and in bed then?"
"Nope." The popping noise Ianto made with the 'p' was timed perfectly, happening just as the smirk became a pout. "Me: home, pack and bed. You: here, final check of everything you want me to take with me, feed Myfanwy and Janet, and then if it's not too late you can come over. To sleep. I have an early start tomorrow and I can't be up all night entertaining you."
Jack was still complaining quite loudly when Ianto left through the cog door.
-TW-
Jack never made it to Ianto's. Between readying the files Ianto would need and feeding the residents and then responding to three Weevil alerts he barely had time for a nap and a shower before Ianto arrived at the Hub. Scowling, he wandered out of his office and headed toward the long, lean body he had been filled with such delectable plans for the previous night, none of which he got to accomplish and now he was going to be without the means to initiate those plans for the next two nights since Ianto would be in London. Make no mistake, he was glad he would not have to deal with the budget issues but while there Ianto would get the chance for a meeting with the Queen and that part he himself wouldn't have minded, but at least Lizzie liked the young Welshman and Ianto liked her so it worked out quite well. However, for this moment, before Ianto ran away and left him to the not so tender mercies of the Rift and his less than understanding team, this was the time where he got to have himself a little Ianto time.
"Stupid Weevils decided to make me chase them all over Cardiff last night," he complained, sliding his arms round Ianto's waist and pressing his chest firmly against his back. Right, so a few other parts ended up pressed tightly together as well but who was he to argue with the coincidences of the human physique? Jack flicked his tongue over the back of Ianto's neck, delighting in the shiver before beginning a string of soft, sucking kisses behind his left ear and slipping his right hand down over the soft wool of the suit coat and onto the trousers, heading for the...
"Jack," Ianto sighed, catching the wandering hand, "we don't have time. I need to leave, I just came in to pick up the files and brew you a thermos of coffee. The rest will have to make due with Costa's or Starbucks or wherever else they choose. Except Tosh, but tell her to hide her thermos and make sure Owen doesn't see." He lifted Jack's hand and held it against his chest while trying not to roll his eyes at the varying expressions on his face. Pouting, because he wasn't going to get what he wanted. Smugness, because he was getting coffee and the rest weren't (except for Tosh, and that was alright with him because she would appreciate the gesture). Last but not least, you're going-to-be-gone-for-days-and-I-won't-get-sex face )although it was quickly replaced by the hopeful-for-phone-sex face).
Knowing Jack far better than he sometimes cared to admit, Ianto smiled and sighed. "If you're good and you don't leave massive amounts of paperwork undone, and make sure they do at least some cleaning up after themselves I suppose we might be able to have a few talks while I'm gone."
Jack perked right up. "Talks? Long, meaningful conversations about the many things we're going to do to one another when you get home?"
"Yep." Ianto wound his arms round Jack's waist and cupped his shoulder blades, his favorite way to get the most bodily contact. "I have to go. Be good, and your rewards will be enough to leave you sated and satisfied for at least five minutes."
Jack was still laughing when Ianto kissed him goodbye.
Less than three hours later a simple retrieval sent his life straight to Hell.
-TW-
"So what is it?"
"Syniorthanixicathan deity," Jack said, setting the small statue on his desk. It had to be one of the ugliest things any of them had ever seen but at least it hadn't done anything except BE ugly since they found it. Jack figured it had been dropped somewhere and when the Rift happened to open it fell through. "Harmless, so I'll just put it in the archives later. Now, everyone needs to get to work on reports, forms, and anything that needs filling out because I promised Ianto we would catch up on some of the paperwork."
"And in exchange for that you got coffee?" Owen snarked.
"Nope, I got coffee because I'm a sex god and he loves me." Jack winked at Tosh's giggle and shoed them away with waves of his hands, taking his coat off and settling in at his desk to attempt to make a dent in the paper mountain before him.
-TW-
Owen had finished more than half of his outstanding reports and was feeling quite pleased with himself. With that in mind, he looked round to make sure no one was paying close attention and once he was sure there was no interest in his activities he slipped off his chair and took a slow, nonchalant stroll down the corridors that led to the archives. He knew there was a specific artifact he'd been dying to get a look at and now, with Ianto out of the Hub and Jack focused on work, there was no time like the present. He checked the paper he had stuffed in his pocket, making sure of the correct location and once there slipped into Room 17D, flipping on the light and making a beeline for the shelf containing artifact XKSVV-74A. Grinning, he carefully lifted it off the shelf and hurried out of the room, turning off the light and closing the door before making his way back into the Hub. Everyone was still focused on their work so he walked calmly to his desk, pulling open the second drawer and grabbing the bottle containing the Kastal oil. With everything he needed now in hand he again left the main part of the Hub, heading for the showers and some one on one entertainment with some top of the line alien porn and lube that made your balls tingle all the way up to your ears.
Tosh had noticed him. In fact, Tosh had not only noticed him she had been mentally encouraging him to get what he needed and find a nice, quiet place out of the main Hub to do whatever it was he wanted to do. She almost forgot herself and clapped her hands when she saw him (finally!) sneak off with all his equipment in hand. That thought actually caused her to giggle out loud, her hand coming up to clap over her mouth as her eyes shifted to Gwen to make sure she hadn't heard but Gwen was (as usual) clueless to what anyone else (unless they were Jack) could be doing. Carefully she reached into the top drawer of her desk and removed the artifact that had come through a week or so ago, the one that looked like an advanced PDA/phone/viewer of some sort that Jack had promptly told Ianto to archive under the "not for this time period in any way shape or form because the technology would not be available for at least another century or three so no Tosh you can't do more than scan it" section. She had let Ianto take it, file it, and then this morning after they returned from retrieving that ugly little statue she had snuck down to the archives and under the pretence of looking for a containment box for the ugly thing she had slipped the device into her pocket and then stashed it in her desk for later testing. Now, Owen was gone with his toys, and when she glanced over at Gwen she noticed that once more the woman's attention was focused on the closed door of Jack's office. Muttering something about time to grab something and get whatever, Gwen got to her feet and headed for the stairs with a determined look on her face. Tosh didn't care, with a slightly maniacal grin she set the device on her desk and bent over it, fingers itching to begin her examination.
As always, Gwen paid little to no attention to whatever Tosh and Owen might be doing. Normally she was a slight bit more observant about Ianto's whereabouts, but that had far more to do with the time he spent in Jack's office or with Jack than it did any actual care of what he did. Unless it was doing Jack. That, she cared. But now Ianto was gone until tomorrow and the Rift was quiet and Jack was sitting in his office. Alone. By himself. No Ianto to bother him. Despite the whole shagging thing, she knew that Jack didn't really care about him, after all he was a boring, annoying, clean freak with did nothing more than make excellent coffee and clean up. She ran her fingers through her hair and sent a glance in Owen's direction just in time to see him vanish into the corridor leading to the showers. Another shift of her eyes and she saw Tosh still at her desk, her brow creased as she stared at something on one of the many monitors on her desk. Gwen cupped her hands under her breasts and fluffed those as well, licking her lips to make them moist and shiny before deciding that a quick freshen of lip gloss might be in order. She rummaged through her bag until she found the right tube and twisted it open, the smell of strawberries filling the air as she dragged the glistening brush over her lips. Glass put away, another glance at Tosh she seemed to have moved on to some piece of tech and now was the time. Getting up, she smoothed her jeans down her thighs and headed for what she had always thought of as her own personal stairway to Heaven.
Jack had really been trying to get his work done. He had actually finished going through and signing off on a dozen or so folders when his mind started to wander. He blamed it on the coffee he was drinking, coffee that made him automatically think of Ianto, and once his mind went there, well, it all went downhill. Ianto. Ianto Jones. Jones Ianto Jones. He of the gorgeous eyes and even more gorgeous arse. Long, lean limbs that wrapped so perfectly round his hips and shoulders when he was driving deep inside him. Soft, pliable lips that meshed perfectly with his, or looked so wanton and right wrapped round his cock. Speaking of which, he really needed to get his mind on other things or some alone time was definitely going to be required. He shook his head and tried once more to focus on the open file but again his mind wandered to his missing Ianto, his lover, his friend...so many things, so many facets of the quiet Welshman, so many things that should be said. It was like a lightning bolt striking (and while maybe he had never been actually struck by one the whole electrocution bit had to be similar so he went with it) and the folders were swept aside to flitter and flutter to the floor, papers mixing and piling like bodies on a bed of love and lust and Jack's hand trembled as he grabbed some blank paper and began to write, line after line of words that described his Ianto, his lover, his beloved.
When his door crashed open he snarled at the interruption, raising his head just in time to be bowled over backwards - chair and all - by a charging Gwen.
-TW-
Exhausted from the journey, a four hour meeting with UNIT and then several hours with the Queen, Ianto stumbled into his hotel room and collapsed on the bed. Rolling onto his back, he fished his mobile out of his pocket and turned it on, frowning when he saw there were no missed call, messages, or texts. He had felt it only prudent to turn off the phone during his meeting with the Queen - she had been lovely and had actually made him blush telling stories of previous meetings with Jack - so he expected at least one or two calls from Jack to be waiting. He pressed speed dial one and waited, frowning again when the call when straight to voice mail. Deciding that they must be busy, Ianto forced himself up and into the shower, trying Jack once more when he got out and getting the same result. Concerned, he tried Tosh and again got no answer. Whatever they were dealing with must be big and needed all of them and he felt guilty for not being there. With little he could do and another round of meetings first thing in the morning Ianto crawled into bed, vowing to phone again as soon as he woke.
Which he did.
Still no one answered, and this time he tried Owen and even Gwen.
Nothing.
Tourist office line.
Nothing.
Ianto chewed his lip, getting more concerned by the moment. He really should attend the first meeting as it had to do with issues of territory which UNIT seemed to have difficulties understanding, but he didn't know if he could concentrate enough to handle things properly. Then again, Jack depended on him to get this done so he decided to go. After this though, he was going to try one more time and if no one answered bugger the rest he was going home.
Two and a half hours later he told the annoyed and rather rude powers that thought they be at UNIT to stuff their unhappy sounds and was in his car speeding toward home.
Nothing, and no one, was going to stop him from getting back to his team.
Even more so to Jack.
-TW-
Four days.
Four days to clean up the mess.
Four days to fix the broken computers and furniture.
Four days to replace the glass walls of Jack's office.
Fixing the relationships? Well, that one took a bit longer.
What Ianto walked in on was enough to make him seriously consider shooting all of them.
Owen was laying on the autopsy table, having given up the privacy of the showers. Naked, his hand was more or less glued to his cock, the lube having dried during his most recent bout of unconsciousness. The alien porn viewer was stuck to his face. Literally. Ianto had to peel it off using careful applications of nail varnish remover. Owen spent two days in the cells until the addiction wore off.
Tosh had to be sedated and Ianto thought he was going to have to break her fingers to get her to release the tech. She actually bit him to try to keep it, and when that didn't work she kicked him square in the groin. He may have jabbed her with the needle a bit harder than he had to. She was in the cell for thirty-six hours before she came back to herself.
Gwen. Oh, Gwen. He found Gwen rutting on Jack's leg. She was naked, Jack was not. He shot her with a dart from the other side of the desk. He knew if he got too close he'd jam the needle in so deep it would most likely cause serious injury. The entire time she was humping, right up until she passed out, she was spouting nonsense of love and children and a house with a fence and a dog. She spent two days in the vaults as well. She might have come out of the influence sooner than that but Ianto figured she deserved a couple extra hours.
After all, he was the one who had to deal with the - ah - body fluids she left on Jack's trousers.
She was just lucky it hadn't been the coat or he might have shot her.
Jack.
Jack spent seventeen hours in the cells. His body seemed to rid itself of the influence, toxin, whatever it was faster, but then again that went with his advanced immunity and possibly the immortality. However, the whole time he was still ranting the most awful prose about the absolute wonderfulness that was Ianto Jones. Ianto was horrified to hear the exacting details and description of not only his body but his abilities and innovativeness in bed. Apparently the entire time Gwen was playing horny dog with his leg he had been writing said prose.
Myfanwy, on his behalf, seemed to determined to kill Gwen when she was released. He publicly scolded her but when no one was looking he fed her a extra chocolate bar.
Or maybe twelve extra. He really didn't count.
Once everyone was back to themselves and he was somewhat speaking to them again (although the decaf was still in effect and Jack had yet to get even a kiss), he had them gather in the boardroom. On the table was a sealed containment box. Ianto waited until they all were seated before bringing up a picture of the recently retrieve artifact on the screen. "What is this?"
Jack, still trying to get back in Ianto's good graces, waved his hand. "I know! It's a statue of a Syniorthanixicathan deity!"
Ianto rolled his eyes. "Yes, it is. Which deity is it, Jack?"
Jack squirmed in his chair. "Um, I'm not sure."
"Did anyone bother to look it up?"
"No."
"Not me."
"Jack said he knew what it was!"
Jack growled and glared at the medic. "Thanks, Owen!"
"Children!" Ianto shook his head when they all returned their focus to him. "One came across a couple of these over the years. It is a Syniorthanixicathan deity. It's their version of devil, but it's more what we call an imp. It's a trouble maker that does nothing but create chaos." He leaned forward and placed his hands on the table, fixing them with a cold stare. "They aren't just statues. They are able to control people, and these ones make them act upon hidden feelings or desires. It lowers your inhibitions." He shot a quick glare at Gwen. "Leaving it sit out like that it affected all of you." He straightened, flicking off the screen and then picking up the containment box. "I'm putting this in the secure archives and then I'm going home." He walked out, leaving the four of them sitting there feeling rather out of sorts and more than a little foolish.
"Right, need to finish those reports," Owen muttered before nearly running out the door.
"I need to...do something," Tosh said as she vanished toward her deck.
"Jack, I..."
"Don't. You need to apologize to Ianto. And for what it's worth, Gwen, I'm not interested. So get over it." Jack stood and went in search of his Welshman, trying to figure out how to make things right.
Gwen grimaced and got up, flipping her hair back over her shoulder and heading toward her desk. She felt embarrassed, true, but more than that she was angry that Jack looked upon the whole incident as hurting Ianto. What about her? She had declared her feelings in no uncertain terms and had them thrown back in her face. Throwing herself into her chair she folded her arms over her chest and scowled. Just when she thought it couldn't get any worse Ianto emerged from the corridor that lead to the secure archives with Jack on his heels.
"Jack, you know better! Give me one good reason why I should stop being annoyed at you! Now I've got UNIT on my back for running out, I've spent days getting this place back in order, and I have yet to hear one thank you for coming back and saving your arses! What possible reason can you give me that would make a difference?"
Silence.
Not even Myfanwy made a sound.
Jack looked stricken, stunned. His mouth opened and closed a few times but nothing came out.
Ianto raised an eyebrow and placed his hands on his hips. "Well?"
It was like a light bulb went off over his head and he grinned. The typical Harkness shit eating, I am too damn cute for words and you know it blinding show of teeth grin.
"Cause the devil make me do it!"
Despite himself, Ianto's lips twitched and he knew he had lost.
Unfortunately for him - or maybe fortunately if the make up sex was any indication - Jack knew he had won.