-1Author's Note: I want to start this by saying I am not so good with Cristina. She isn't one of my favorites, so my depiction of her is usually slightly off. Please forgive that. Without further ado, I give you Honesty, a one shot inspired by Crissy's prompt Quality Alone Time.
The Bitter Truth Of The Matter
Dark clouds were gathering as Cristina raised her fist to pound on Meredith's front door. There was a lot of explaining that needed to be done, and her person had best be up to doing it. Hearing that her best friend was the future Mrs. McDreamy from a nurse had stung. She should have heard it from Meredith, not Debbie.
It wasn't Meredith who answered the door, but a hollow eyed Alex. He scowled at the sight of her. "Mer and Izzie aren't here."
"I don't give a shit about Barbie. She's the least of my concern." Cristina bit out. "Meredith is another story. Where is the shiny, happy just engaged back stabber?"
Alex shrugged. "I dunno. Her and Iz went out to get dinner. Should be back soon." He stepped aside, gesturing for her to come inside. She hesitated for a brief moment, and then stepped inside the large house that was like her second home. "You know where everything is. Make yourself at home."
Cristina started to sneer, to inform him that this was her person's house and she didn't need his permission to make herself at home. The cutting jibe was forgotten when a loud boom of thunder and several flashes of lightening filled the night. She let out a strangled squeak when the electricity faltered and then went out.
"Great. Just great." Alex grumbled. Cristina stood there, frozen. It was irrational, her fear of storms. "Yang, you got a lighter?" She shook her head, unable to speak. "Yang?"
"No," she managed to squeak out. Her fists opened and closed, her fingers flexing with each movement. The sound of drawers being opened and shut could be heard between each roll of thunder.
"That's fine. I think I found one." A second later a small glimmer of light illuminated the darkness. Before long every candle in the living room, which was quite a few since Izzie seemed obsessed with them, was lit. "You okay?" Alex asked.
Gulping, Cristina nodded, forcing herself to walk the short distance to the couch. Mechanically, she sat down, folding her hands in her lap. "I'm fine," she said meekly, closing her eyes when another crash in the sky shook the house.
"You don't look fine. You look ready to crawl out of your skin. You afraid of storms Yang?" Alex mused, flopping back in a nearby chair. She hated the smug look on his face, wanted to smack it off.
"Don't you have a wrist slashing weirdo to miss?" Cristina snickered, feeling some of her old zest coming back now that she had something to focus on. That was the key, focusing on something other than the storm. Her father had taught her that when she little. "Or have you found another needy woman to terrorize?"
"You're funny," Alex scoffed. In the soft candle light she could tell she had struck a chord. "Guess that's all you have left, your sparkling personality."
"Aw, you think my personality sparkles? How charming!" Scooting to the edge of the sofa, she wiggled her body down until she was in a familiar, comfortable slouch. "So, how are things with what's her face?"
He stiffened, his face working through a variety of emotions. "They're not. Got enough of my own issues without having to deal with her's. Besides, I was her enabler. At least that's what Izzie says."
"And if Izzie says it, then it must be so," Cristina sneered. God, she hated Barbie. Izzie was like every other blonde sex pot out there; thought the world was her's. She tried to tolerate the other woman for Meredith's sake, but there were times she wanted to let her real feelings out. She wanted to reveal Izzie to the world for what she really was.
"She isn't like you think," Alex said defensively. His posture had straightened in the chair. "You don't know her. Not like I do."
"Thank God. I don't swing that way." Cristina crossed her legs, bobbing her foot up and down. "No offense, but what did you see in her? I mean, outside the obvious." She told herself it was killing time, that she wasn't actually interested in learning how Alex and Izzie became involved.
"You really want to know?" Alex eyed her suspiciously. Cristina nodded. Oddly enough, she found that she did want to know. "Fine. Izzie makes me feel like I matter, okay? She makes me feel like I'm not just some dumb jock, or an asshole who screws any woman willing to spread her legs."
"That's it? You chase her because she makes you feel good about yourself?" Cristina stared at him. There had to be more to it than that. A guy like Alex didn't humiliate himself time and time again over a woman if there wasn't more to it.
"Why does there have to be more? You don't know me, Yang. You don't know what my life was like growing up." The bitterness, mixed with fear, caused her to take a mental step back. He was right. She didn't know him. "Izzie does though. She knows all of my darkness and she still thinks I matter."
"You love her, don't you?" Cristina didn't have to ask to know the answer. His feelings were on his sleeve. Alex was in love with Izzie. "Does she know?" Alex shook his head. "You should tell her."
"And have her tell me she isn't ready or that she doesn't feel the same? No thanks." Alex shook his head. "I've had enough of women lately."
Ah. Yes. Rebecca Pope, the Jane Doe who had turned out to be psychotic. "You didn't really care about that whack job did you?"
"She wasn't a whack job," Alex snapped. Yeah, he had actually cared. It didn't really surprise Cristina. In the last five minutes she had learned he was more caring than she had given him credit for. "She had problems, yeah, but that wasn't her fault. People have problems, Cristina. Some are just better at hiding them than others."
He had a point. They all had problems, and some of them were good at hiding them. "Fair enough," she conceded. "I still don't get, if you love Izzie, why were you with the fruit loop?"
"Have you ever just been tired of waiting for something you know isn't going to happen, so you do what you have to do to move on?" Cristina nodded. She knew all to well what he was talking about.
"I waited for Burke," Cristina said slowly. "I kept thinking he would come back. He never did, though. He moved on and I realized I had to do the same. Except I'm not sure I want to. I miss him. He left me, standing in my wedding dress, and I miss him so badly that if he were to walk through the door right now I would throw myself at him." Thunder rolled in the dark of the night, sending a shiver down her spine.
"Seriously? After what he did you would still put yourself back out there?" Alex wrinkled his brow, confused. "Why? Why would do that?"
"Because I still love him," she said simply. There were days when she wished that she hated Burke. She couldn't bring herself to work up that particular emotion though. Not where he was concerned. "And, because I still love him, I would be willing to do anything for him. I would walk through fire if it meant he would come back and love me the way he use to." She couldn't say why she was spilling all these emotions to Alex. She wanted to believe it was because they had formed a friendship, because he would understand. The light in his eyes said that he did, indeed, understand. "You have to tell Izzie you love her. If you don't, you're going to end up like me. And, trust me, that's not how you want to end up."
Alex opened his mouth, and then snapped it shut as the lights flickered on. The blinding light coincided with the front door flying open. "Holy crap, it's a nightmare out there," Meredith cried as she stumbled into the living room with a large pizza box in her hands. Her honey blonde hair hung in wet strings around her face, and her yellow t shirt was plastered to her skin.
"35 chance of rain my ass. More like a hundred," Izzie grumbled as she followed Meredith in. Like Meredith, she was soaked. Both women looked like drowned rats. It brought a grin to Cristina's face. "Oh. Hey Cristina."
"Izzie," Cristina nodded. It had been a while since she had looked at Izzie with anything but disgust. She now seen the other woman in a new light. "Hey, Mere, we need to talk. Kitchen. Now."
Meredith licked her lips. "You know don't you?" Cristina nodded. The engagement wasn't why she wanted Meredith to join her in another room though. She was giving Alex the opportunity to do what she wished she could do: tell the person he loved how strongly he felt. "I really am sorry! I wanted to tell you first, but Debbie was right there. She seen it happen. It wasn't like I planned on the nurses knowing before you."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kitchen." Cristina looked at Alex as she passed, winking. Izzie frowned, shooting Alex a questioning look. Before the kitchen door swung shut Alex could be heard asking Izzie if they could talk.