Watching through season six, and I like April, I really do, but I hate how they handled it. So I wondered, what if Luke told Lorelai about April after she came downstairs from changing out of her wedding dress? Fix-it fic for 6x11.
Many thanks to junienmomo for her wonderful and constructive feedback. Required disclaimer: Not my universe or characters. First several lines borrowed from episode.
Pushing the front door closed behind him, Luke slowly pulled himself around the corner. "Lorelai?" he called, almost hoping she wasn't home.
Her response was immediate. "Uh, Luke I'm upstairs!"
"Yeah, I, uh," he stumbled. "Can you come down? I have to talk to you about something." He winced at the halted way the words came out, especially the way 'something' trailed away, knowing that something would change their lives forever.
"Uh, okay, yes, I will come down," she said. Okay, he thought, here we go. "But I'm coming down in my wedding dress."
Luke's eyes widened in panic. "What, no!"
"Yes!" she spoke over him.
"It's bad luck for me to see the wedding dress," he told her. Crazy woman, didn't she know that?
"I know, but I need you to see this dress." Her voice became louder as she walked down the hallway towards the stairs. "There's something not right up here, it was too easy. I can't be objective anymore."
Not right? Crazy, completely crazy. She was over the moon at how easy it was earlier; wasn't the snow enough of a sign for her? He didn't believe in fate, but she lived for that crap. "But-"
"Coming down!"
"But, I don't-" he broke off as she came down the stairs to stand in front of him, a clichéd yet beautiful vision in white. His wife, she was going to be his wife. The gorgeous, ravishing woman in front of him – his! His eyes registered the pout on her face but all he could see was her beauty. He knew she'd described the beads and the lace and the tulle and the sash earlier, but seeing it took his breath away. And it wasn't the dress and all those details, no, it was her – just Lorelai, ready to stand by his side for the rest of their lives.
"Well," she stated more than asked, as if to say here it was. Luke couldn't stop the way his lips turned up at the corners.
"It's-" He held his hands out in front of him. "You're perfect."
"Really?" she asked, flipping the veil over her shoulder as she often did with her hair. She began fidgeting with the dress as she spoke. "Have you seen the back? Cause I think the train's a little weird, and I can still take it back if you don't think-"
"It- it's, perfect," he interrupted.
"Are you sure?" He watched the way her eyes met his, seeking affirmation, and he marveled that this woman could ever question her beauty, in or out of the dress. Luke slid an arm around her waist and pulled her in, careful not to pull the dress up against the clothes he'd been wearing in the diner all day. Her face tilted up in anticipation of his lips meeting hers as his left hand came to rest on her side. His kiss was gentle and firm as her hand came up to rest against his neck, and he felt the moment she believed his confidence in her perfection. Instant desire sparked in both of them, but she pulled away, a smile on her face that made his heart clench.
"Okay," she said with a little bit of sultry in her voice. Her expression changed as she turned serious. "It's not bad luck if it's under five minutes," Lorelai told him before hurrying back up the stairs.
Luke watched her with a smile on his face before a heaviness descended on his chest again. He pulled his coat off and walked back to the entryway, hanging his coat up, dropping his keys in the bowl on the side table, and checking to make sure the door locked behind him. He took a few steps back to the living room and sank down onto the couch, folding his arms behind his head and leaning back. He felt so light with her, no worries or cares or halfway grown daughters dragging him down into a pit of distress, unsure of what happens next. Lorelai was his light, and he had no desire to break it. But he had waited too long already, he knew. Somehow he knew that if he didn't tell her, that light might break beyond repair, might leave his life entirely. Honesty, they had promised each other. She had been honest with him about everything so far, even though she took her time telling him about the lunch with Christopher, but he still owed it to her to be honest with her about April.
But how could he tell her he had a twelve-year-old daughter? How could he tell her he was like Christopher, that he had been absent from April's life? Would wanting to have contact make up for it? He had told her it was good Christopher was paying for Yale, that he should provide for Rory, but he knew it wasn't enough to make up for all of the times Christopher bailed on them. There wasn't enough money or time in the world to make up for that, not to Lorelai and Rory, the single two best people Luke knew. And if Christopher couldn't make it up to them with time or money, how could Luke hope to make it up to April? He knew it wasn't his fault, that Anna hadn't told him about April, and he was so angry he'd missed out because of that. But she had her reasons, and he understood them. He hadn't been a kid person. Anna obviously hadn't known him well, because family was family, but everything she said about him and kids and jam hands was correct. He still wasn't sure he liked kids, even though he and Lorelai had briefly discussed having kids. And what had Anna told April about him? Obviously nothing before the science fair project. Would she even want contact with him? What if April already had a father figure in her life and wanted nothing to do with him? Was Anna married? He hadn't even thought to ask, but she hadn't mentioned it.
Married. He was going to be married. On June third. The thought froze him with all of the emotions and worries it contained.
"Okay, so you wanted to talk to me about something?" Lorelai came bounding down the stairs in sweat pants and his blue flannel she'd stolen, ready for bed.
Luke sat up quickly, trying to smooth the motion by stretching his arms over his head after noticing the way she tilted her head quizzically at his fast movements. "Oh, hey, you're back already," he said, standing up. "I'm gonna go grab a beer. You want one?"
"Sure. So this is a conversation that needs alcohol? Making me kinda nervous, like that time when my mother came over here for the first time and snooped upstairs to find the quilt I'd made of Rory's old baby clothes and I thought for sure she was gonna search under my mattress like she did when I was a teenager and she thought I was smoking pot and hiding it under my bed which was crazy," she babbled as she followed him into the kitchen, "because only the cool kids smoked pot and I was definitely not a cool kid, as awesome as I am, because I wasn't allowed to have friends that didn't have the Emily stamp of approval, and even now I think she still tries to use the stamps of approval and disapproval but I don't let them control me anymore, obviously, because I'm here with you. Although I think she's coming around to the idea of you, seeing as how we're engaged and all."
Luke pressed a beer into her hand and his lips over her mouth to stop the steady stream of jumpy nonsense. "Come on, crazy lady," he said as he slid his arm around her waist and pulled her towards the living room.
Lorelai prattled on as he sat down on the couch and she cozied up next to him. "Did you know she called it on us back then, that first time she came over here? You brought ice for Rory's party and she saw me hug you and assumed in her snobby Emily way that something was going on, and she said you looked at me like a piece of meat that you wanted to devour. I thought she was crazy then, and of course she is, but I totally understand what she means now, and boy do you know how to devour a piece of meat. And me, obviously. You're very skilled at devouring me, which you know. Because I tell you, frequently and loudly."
"Lorelai," he interrupted.
"Now that's not your husky come-here-so-I-can-kiss-you-senseless 'Lorelai', which is usually what happens when I praise your many talents, no, that sounds like a mix of your exasperated please-shut-up-now and your stern you're-embarrassing-me-and-yourself-and-everyone-else 'Lorelai', which doesn't make sense because we're the only ones here, so there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I mean, you've seen me naked and babbling, so I really have nothing left to be embarrassed about with you anymore."
"Lorelai," he said again, tilting her head up with his knuckles under her chin. "I need you to be serious right now."
She tilted her head to the side, staring into his eyes for longer than he was comfortable with. "Serious now," she finally whispered. "What's up?"
The solid rock of dread that had eased up at her babbling settled back into his stomach as he let go of her to reach for his beer. Taking a long swig, he turned to face straight ahead, unable to look directly at her. He took two or three deep breaths, opening his mouth to speak several times before Lorelai reached for his hand. As calm as she appeared, Luke could feel the growing tension in her by the way her hand gripped his a little too tightly and her posture straightened up. "I don't know where to start," he finally said.
"Try the beginning," she told him softly.
He shook his head as he began talking, unable to start at the beginning, when he dated Anna. "A couple weeks ago, this kid came into the diner. She had this crazy helmet on, with duct tape and extra straps and all that. She started babbling, and I was irritated, and finally she got around to her point, which was that she was doing a science fair project to find out who her father was and she needed my hair, for a DNA test." He heard Lorelai's sharp intake of breath but kept going, unable to stop now. "So she yanked out a couple hairs and snapped a picture and left before I could even process what she'd said. About a week later I went to this science fair, and there she was, with three pictures on the board, and the other two guys had an x over them, so, I'm her father."
"Luke-"
"She didn't want ice cream so I left, with the copy of the report she gave me, and I bought a science dictionary on the way home because there were more words I didn't know in that paper than any I've ever heard before in my life, and that's with knowing Rory. And later, I called her mom, Anna, whom I hadn't spoken to in twelve years – that's how old she is, April, that's how old April is." He vaguely heard Lorelai whisper "April," but he couldn't stop, he had to keep going, he had to tell her everything. "So I went over and talked to Anna, told her I wanted to provide financially, do what I could to make up for the last twelve damn years, and she said they didn't need anything, they were fine, I wasn't a kid person then and she never needed my help, and she was sorry she didn't tell me but they didn't need anything, but I kept talking and insisting so she gave in and said I could pay for things if I wanted to, and I said okay, that I didn't want contact, just wanted to be able to support her, cause she's half my kid, you know? Biologically, the kid has half my DNA and I didn't know it until this month and she's twelve damn years old." Luke abruptly bolted up and started pacing in front of the couch. "Only then I had Kirk help me with the internet because April has a website, and I saw how much of her life I'd missed and I realized that I want to know this kid, my kid, because she's my kid and I'm her father and I have a right to get to know her if I want, if she wants, and so I called Anna today to tell her that and she said okay, that she would talk to April, and then I came over here."
Luke stopped moving and dropped to his knees in front of Lorelai, placing his hands on the back of his head and squeezing his eyes shut. "I have tried to tell you so many times and I keep choking up on it because things are finally right with Rory and the wedding just came together like fate and I didn't know how to tell you that I have a kid because I know it screws everything up and damn it, I have a kid, Lorelai, and I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do now." His words came to a quick halt as he panted with the effort of keeping his emotions in check.
It was several long moments before he felt her hands reach around him to unclasp his fingers from where they dug into the back of his neck. She drew his arms around her waist, his head coming to rest against the junction of her waist and hip as he folded over on top of her crisscrossed legs. His cheek met the soft skin of her stomach where she'd left the bottom buttons of his flannel undone. One hand came to grip his shoulder while the other gently combed through his hair.
Her voice broke the silence, pulling him from the peaceful bliss of only feeling, not thinking. "Her name is April," she stated more than asked.
He nodded against her legs. "She's beautiful, Lorelai," he responded hoarsely.
"Of course she is. She's half you." He shook his head, about to protest when she continued. "I can't wait to meet her," she told him, and he felt sudden hope that she was on his side, possibly unashamed of him, that he hadn't waited too long to tell her.
"You're not mad?" he asked, his voice muffled against the softness of her sweatpants.
"Oh, I'm livid," she said firmly, and his heart dropped down into his boots. "A woman has no right to keep the father of her child completely in the dark about the child's existence. And if she doesn't let you get to know April now, let us get to know her, then my father knows some very good family lawyers." His heart eased back into his chest as the love of his life continued to murmur softly. "And I know you don't want to think about that now, because it'd be great if this all went easy, but I know how mothers can be when it comes to protecting their children. Anna will just have to learn that she doesn't need to protect April from you, that's all. And she will. I know she will, because I know you, and Luke, you're going to be the best father."
Luke's arms tightened around her, more grateful for her support and comfort in this moment than he ever had been in his life. He didn't know about being the best father, but he was damn sure going to give it his all. He turned his lips to press against her skin, peppering kisses across her stomach. His hands slid around her waist to unbutton his flannel, starting where his lips currently were and moving up towards her own lips. Once the buttons were undone, he lifted himself up onto the couch without letting go of her, pulling her with him as he laid down on his back. Drawing her close, he had every intention of making her feel like the most loved woman in the world.
"Oh!" Lorelai suddenly exclaimed. She sat up quickly and rubbed at her elbow. Luke pulled himself out of his desire-induced fog and blinked his eyes open a little more. Turning his head to follow Lorelai's frowning gaze, he found Paul Anka sitting next to the couch, wagging his tail and panting.
"-the hell?" he muttered, and Lorelai smacked his arm.
"Watch your language in front of Paul Anka." She reached down to scratch behind the dog's ear, cooing at him as she did. "You silly dog, licking my elbow. You just wanna be kept in the loop, don't you?" Paul Anka's paws came up to rest on the couch, pressing into Luke's side. "Yes, you do! Well, guess what, Paul Anka? Daddy has a daughter, too! And that means you have a new sister! Yes, you do! Yes, you do!"
"Aw, geez, Lorelai," Luke groaned. "I am not that dog's dad."
"But I'm his mommy, which automatically makes you his daddy. Duh," she responded. "How many times do we have to have this conversation before you concede I'm right?" Lorelai pulled herself up off of him, moving towards the kitchen. "I'm gonna go feed Paul Anka, make sure he's settled in for the night. Wanna wait for me upstairs, burger boy?"
"Way ahead of you," he told her, meeting her lips for a kiss before she disappeared around the corner. Luke listened to her lively chatter to Paul Anka as he walked up the stairs and into their bedroom. Daddy, Lorelai had called him. He knew, in his head, that contributing half of his DNA to April's being meant he was her father. But Daddy? He couldn't imagine that intellectual and practical twelve-year-old ever calling him Daddy. It brought memories of a young Liz sitting on his father's lap eating peach oatmeal in the early mornings while Luke sat at his feet with his own banana oatmeal, listening to his mother read through the paper as she sipped her coffee.
He stripped his shirts off and stared into the mirror. That family, he realized, he would never have again, not at this point in life. But maybe, he thought, just maybe April could fit into their world, and them into hers. He could see himself in five years with a toddler eating his oatmeal with him while Lorelai slept through seventeen alarm clocks, waiting for the weekends or school breaks when their daughters came home to be with them. Maybe Lorelai's parents would be more involved then, maybe TJ wouldn't drive him so crazy and his kids would know their cousins and Buddy and Maisy would know that toddler and their girls as well as they knew him growing up. It would never be like that picture-perfect early morning father and mother and two children in a two-story home with a white picket fence and a dog, but it was their family. They might be a little messier than he'd hoped for, but a family they would be.
Lorelai's arms suddenly slid around him from behind, her body snuggling up against his. "Hey hot stuff," she whispered. "What are you thinking so hard about?"
Luke turned around and pulled her firmly against his chest, dropping a kiss to her forehead. "Life's messy," he told her.
"Yes, it is," she responded, backing them up towards the bed and wiggling her eyebrows. "We could make it messier."
He rolled his eyes at the poor innuendo and tugged the flannel down her arms. "Crazy lady."
"But you love me," she said, reaching for the clasp of his belt buckle.
He stilled her hands, drawing them up to rest over his heart. "I do."
Her eyes met his, softening at the seriousness reflected in his eyes. She pressed her lips against his softly, lingering for a moment before pulling away. "I love you, too." Her lips returned to his and they sank down onto the bed, returning to their position before Paul Anka had interrupted them.
Luke pulled away suddenly, reaching up to cup her face with his hand. "Thank you," he said, his voice still dark with need.
"For what?" she breathed.
"Everything," he choked, unable to express all of the ways she had loved him that evening.
Lorelai smiled slowly, her hand reaching up to cover his against her cheek. "Always, Luke." She reached up and pulled him back down towards her, intent on finishing what he'd started before they had to return to their messy world, side by side. "Always."