The inspiration for this story is the song "The One That Got Away" by The Civil Wars. It's a dark song that made me think about how Rayna might have been feeling after the accident, based on the spoilers we've heard so far. Although there are other characters in this story, this is truly Rayna's story and her perspective.

(Thanks to KarenES for the beta read and the honest feedback.)

I never meant to get us in this deep/I never meant for this to mean a thing

Oh, I wish you were the one/Wish you were the one that got away

Rayna started to get up from the table when Bucky cleared his throat, not looking at her. She sighed and sat down. "What?" she asked, a touch of annoyance in her voice. She thought they'd covered everything. She was still recovering from her injuries, so most of what she was working on right now was for her label. No one knew this, but she had also been seeing a therapist since just before she left the hospital. She had a lot of personal trauma to work through and having the opportunity to talk to someone who was completely objective had been immensely helpful. Having the time to do it was a gift.

"So," Bucky said, still not looking at Rayna. He seemed uncomfortable. He cleared his throat again. "So, Deacon's lawyer called me yesterday."

Rayna rolled her eyes. "I thought we had worked through everything with the settlement for his injuries." She used air quotes when she said "injuries." "He wants more?"

Bucky looked at her apologetically. "Well, yeah, but not money."

Rayna frowned. "Then what?"

Bucky took a deep breath. "Um, apparently he wants to establish paternity with respect to Maddie."

Rayna's eyes widened in shock. "Are you serious?"

Bucky nodded solemnly. "Yes. She's going to file the paperwork next week."

Rayna stood up and walked into the kitchen, fuming. "Why is he doing this?"

"Rayna, I know you don't want to hear this, but I think this is all because you won't talk to him. He's trying to get your attention, get you to see him."

"Well, this is definitely not the way to get that to happen now, is it?" She crossed her arms over her chest and rolled her eyes again. "He can do what he wants, but I'm not going to force Maddie to see him if she doesn't want to."

"I'm pretty sure he sees this as the only way to get to you."

Rayna flung her hands up in exasperation. "He needs to understand that isn't going to happen. I'm done with him. I'm moving on."

Bucky shrugged. "So, what do you want me to do?"

"Let him do whatever he's going to do. I can't make him not do it. But if he's trying to use this as a way to see me, I don't think he's going to be satisfied with that outcome." She felt tears coming on, tears of frustration and anger. "I get that he was angry about the whole situation with Maddie. But his reaction was exactly what I was afraid of. He's just a destructive person, Buck. I can't risk that with Maddie. I couldn't back then and I can't now. I can't trust him."

"Rayna, I understand how you feel. But what about Maddie?"

Rayna looked pensive. "I'm not sure. She hasn't really asked to see him or asked about him. I'm not pressing it either. She knows what happened, mostly. I think she's just not sure what to do."

"I think you need to be careful, Rayna. I'm not a lawyer, but I think Deacon does have some rights here."

"I guess. But that doesn't mean that I have to make it easy." She sighed. "I'm not going to prevent Maddie from having a relationship with him if she wants to. But if he thinks this is the way to get back in my good graces, he's wrong. I'm done with Deacon, Bucky. For good."

Bucky wondered about that. He knew how angry Rayna had been once she woke up from her coma and she found out how serious things had been. Things hadn't improved as she had worked through her recovery. She had told him that she was looking at Deacon through a different lens these days. That she was rethinking everything. He wondered how long that would last. Their connection had been very powerful, but he also knew that she had been very rattled in the aftermath of the accident. To Bucky's way of thinking, there was plenty of blame on both sides and it was hard to say for sure whose pain was more justified. But it wasn't for him to judge. He just hoped for some peace.

###

After Bucky left, Rayna contemplated the idea that Deacon wanted to assert his parental rights. She had been afraid he would do this. That he wouldn't leave well enough alone. She had really hoped they could work through this privately, with Maddie taking the lead. She acknowledged to herself that what he was asking was not outrageous. Except for the fact that he was an alcoholic, an addict. He said he was back on track, that he was going to meetings, working his program. Coleman confirmed it. But the fact that he had fallen off the wagon so easily after thirteen years of sobriety had shaken her to her core. She had really thought he had found his groove. She acknowledged that the news that Maddie was his daughter was huge and definitely a game-changer, for both of them. But instead of working through his anger and hurt appropriately, he had headed straight to a bar and drowned his sorrows in whiskey. All she could think of was that he had, yet again, disappointed her.

When she had first woken from the coma, she didn't remember everything that had happened. She did remember being with Deacon and she did remember that he had been drinking. She was told that he had been arrested. Eventually her doctors told her how serious her injuries were and how close she had come to dying. When she had processed that information, she wept. And that was the beginning of her path to ending things with Deacon. Perhaps forever. She felt despair over the fact that they were back to where they had been years ago.

Deacon had asked to see her before she left the hospital. She had not been ready to face him. At first, she had felt hurt and sorrow, but the more she thought about where they were, the angrier she got. He sent notes that she wouldn't read and flowers without a card that she knew were from him and she made the nurses take them away. She had nightmares about the accident and would sometimes wake up screaming.

It was a night nurse who told her she might want to think about talking to someone about what she was going through. She told her that many people suffered post-traumatic stress disorder after a serious accident or near-death experience and that it often helped them work through the issues. The nurse helped Rayna locate a therapist who would be discreet. At first, the sessions were about the accident, but it became apparent early on that the real issue was around Deacon.

Rayna initially saw the therapist twice a week. At first, she had fought against the idea that she was an enabler of Deacon's addiction; she saw it as Deacon's problem and not hers. But the more they talked about it, the more she realized her part in allowing him to continue to go through the cycle of healing and back to addiction. It broke her heart to come to the realization that by allowing Deacon to have a safe haven to come to when he couldn't deal with sobriety any longer, she had prolonged his failure to get better. What she had seen as being supportive was actually hurting him. The day the therapist got her to talk about what was different the first four times Deacon went to rehab and the last time, she felt a tsunami of emotions. She sobbed for a long time, realizing, at last, that it was only when she wasn't there to catch him that he had finally stopped falling.

The hardest part, for her, was coming to terms with having to end her complicated relationship with him. She wanted to hate him, she wanted to deny their relationship, but the therapist helped her understand that she could still acknowledge her feelings and realize that she needed to move on. This time she needed to truly let him go. When she finally understood, and accepted, that the love they had had was real and it meant something, but it still wasn't good for them, she had her true breakthrough. She knew she needed to tell him, but she was reluctant to cause him hurt. Plus she wasn't sure she was ready yet to face him. That had been the focus of some of the recent sessions she'd had. And that was the part she was still struggling with when Bucky told her that Deacon was going to want to formalize his parental rights to Maddie.

The time was getting closer, she knew, when she would have to face him and tell him her decision. Her sense was that he felt regret for what had happened to the two of them in the truck that night, as well as the events that had led up to it, and that he wanted to make things right with her. Her heart felt heavy when she thought about how hopeful she had been that night she had stood on his porch and told him that she loved him, that she had always loved him. They had been so happy for that short while and then it had all exploded around them. She had let herself be ruled by her heart and she had been disappointed. One more time.