Today should be amazing. It should be memorable. Instead it was sad and nothing like I pictured my eighteenth birthday to be like. I had pictured spending the day with Peyton and Lucas. My two favorite people in the world or at least they used to be. I felt dumb for letting the two people I loved and trusted most to hurt me for the second time. It felt like I was being suffocated by staying in the house. I needed an escape. I took one last look in the mirror and I didn't recognize myself. The girl who was cheerful, happy, and in love was gone. I just looked broken.
I didn't have a plan of where I was headed. I just walked around with my head down not wanting to see or talk to anyone. I wished I had worn different shoes. I loved these shoes, but heels were a bad idea. Before I could stop myself I thought about the time when Lucas carried my shoes for me when my feet were hurting. He had taken me to one of his favorite spots in town and I was not wearing the best shoes for it. It made me smile to think about that day, but as soon as I did I remembered why he wasn't here. All I had wanted was to spend my day with Lucas. I love him. I lied and told him I hadn't, but the truth is I never stopped. I wondered what he was doing tonight.
It was in that moment that I let myself think about Peyton. She was supposed to be my best friend. My best friend that decided to fall in love with my boyfriend and lie to my face for days. I would have done anything for her and all she did in return was hurt me. I wish I knew what it was about her that made me so insecure, but there was this part of me that knew I couldn't compare to her in his eyes. I wonder what it would have been like had she not been in our lives. I guess I'll never know.
I thought about the past few days and how Lucas had been trying to win me back. No matter what he said or what he did I just wasn't going to let myself fall for it again. I had to admit though it was hard. I had been so close to giving into him a few days ago when I saw him last. No matter what I loved him. I just had to put myself first and protect myself. As long as Peyton liked him or loved him I couldn't put myself in that situation again. This is what I had done for the past few days. I went back and forth on whether we should be together or not. I mean we were like fire and ice. That sort of chemistry was rare or that's what Mouth said.
Looking up I realized where I had walked to. Peyton and I had gone in this store every year for my birthday. The thrill of stealing something or at least what Peyton wanted me to believe. I overheard her dad once talking about going in to pay for what I took. All these years of friendship and she couldn't let me be happy. She always encouraged me to let someone see the real me, give love a chance, and she couldn't let me have it.
I wiped away the tears before anyone could see them. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Seeing them together now was the final straw on this back and forth dilemma I had. He put his arm around her shoulders and they just laughed and smiled. I didn't realize I could hurt anymore, but I did. Any other day would have been different. Today was my birthday though. Before I knew what I was doing I took a picture of them on my phone and sent it to Lucas. He knew that I wasn't okay with Peyton and that she hurt me. I guess that truly is love when you don't care about hurting the other person.
I was disappointed that Brooke hadn't shown up. I should have known that she wouldn't have gone here after her fallout with Peyton. I still didn't know what was going on, but I figure they'll work it out eventually. I felt my phone go off so I stopped walking and opened up the text. I couldn't help but smile seeing it was from Brooke. As soon as I opened it though my smile was gone and I felt my heart break. I immediately started looking for her as I saw her running away.
"Lucas, what's wrong?" Peyton asked as I stepped away from her. If I hadn't felt stupid before I did now. I broke her heart again without even trying. I let Peyton see my phone. I was still watching Brooke run away as Peyton started to cry. She kept mumbling something about it being her fault and she was sorry. I didn't pay much attention as Brooke's message kept repeating in my head.
"It should've been us. We could have been the real thing, but I guess we'll never know. I thought it could be different, but we missed it. I love you Lucas. I wondered where you were tonight. Now I know and all I can say is it should've been us."