Disclaimers:
1) I do not own Pokémon. Satoshi Tajiri does.
2) The Hayate no Gotoku franchise. the La Corda D'oro: Primo Passo franchise and the Ouran High School Host Club franchise belong to their respective owners.
3) Pokelight Forums is owned by Hollow Abyss and Hikari. I am merely one of the administrators of the aforementioned forum.
ONESHOT - STRAIGHTFORWARD
"Let me get this straight. You're going to attract Ash by dressing up as a cheerleader and performing in front of him."
"That's right! Since puberty kicked in, getting Ash will be as easy as Caterpie!"
"Don't you mean easy as pie?"
"Oh Brock. Everyone says easy as Caterpie nowadays!"
"If you say so, Dawn..."
We find our heroes, Dawn and Brock, as they enter the gates of Figa Valley, the location of the Romacci Region's Pokémon League. They were on their way to see a man named Ash Ketchum, one of the competitors of the Romacci League Tournament which will start tomorrow.
A number of years had passed ever since the trio traveled the world together. Brock couldn't wait to see his old compadre again. Ash was like a younger brother to him. He really wanted to see how much Ash had grown over the years.
As for Dawn, she had her own plans with Ash...
"You know, your plan might work, Dawn; however, I still have my doubts," Brock remarked.
"This plan will definitely work, Brock. Ash can't be dense forever. He will start noticing girls at some point in his life," Dawn retorted.
"I'll still stand by my stand. I doubt that this will work."
"I'll get Ash. You'll see. No need to worry!"
With Dawn's pom pom's in hand, Brock said, "Well then, you'll need these."
Now, before Dawn could thank Brock, a couple of Nurse Joys ran past the Breeder. Within seconds, the boy disappeared from the cheerleader's sight.
Dawn shrugged her shoulders. "Heh... You'd think that after all these years; Brock would have found a girl by now. I guess some things never change..."
Yes, Dawn. Some things never change...
Hm... I wonder where Ash could be? This thought floated through Dawn's mind as she wandered aimlessly to find Ash. Apparently, she didn't tell the boy that she would come over to see him today. She wanted it to be a surprise. Since she didn't tell him, there was no reason for the boy to let himself be seen.
Luckily for her, she was able to put her newly-developed body and her new cheerleader outfit to good use. Since this wasn't a lemon oneshot, the nearby boys were very polite to her and they didn't let their manly urges take control over them.
And so, with the help of those kind boys, Dawn was able to locate Ash. Apparently, a boy who fit Ash's description was last seen in the South East Pokémon Center with a purple-haired dude.
With the coming of the next Romacci League Tournament, Figa Valley converted many of its buildings into Pokémon Centers. The South East Pokémon Center was actually a hotel with a Mobile Pokémon Center at the back of the hotel lobby. Dawn was in awe as she walked through the automatic doorway. The interior was done in a Roman motif to reflect the Roman Coliseum theme of Figa Valley's main attraction, the Romacci Coliseums. Long pieces of expensive textiles hung from the columns. Exotic plants plotted in exquisite pottery boxes lined the exquisitely tiled floor.
And among all of this high-class beauty was a Pikachu who looked bigger than most of his kind. His ears twitched. His head perked up as if an old friend of his was nearby. He didn't know how right he was...
The two trainers who sat beside him noticed the sudden change in the Pikachu's mood.
Dawn could tell that one of those boys was Ash, the man of her dreams, the apple of her eyes, the object of her deepest desires.
Ok, Dawn. This is it. You've spent a whole day to practice your routine for this event. This is your moment. Today's the day you'll become Ash's girlfriend! No need to worry, Dawn! No need to worry!
Dawn kept echoing her personal catch phrase in her mind as she made some last minute preparations. She made sure that there were no threads undone, no hair strands out of place, no Butterfree in her stomach, no Toxicroak in her voice, and no nerds sneaking up behind her and ruining the mood. Yes, Dawn was ready for what could be the highlight of her life.
Yes, she was ready. Calling out his name, Dawn ran up to her prize.
"Hey, A-"
Bam...
Dawn landed on the floor with a hard thud. Apparently, she somehow collided with another person. She realized that the person was someone she had met before while traveling with Ash and Brock. It was...
"Shinx! Ash!"
"Angie?!" Dawn squealed. The girl in front of her was none other than Angie, the girl whom she met when she first traveled through Sinnoh. Except for her height and body, Angie barely changed much in terms of appearance.
"Dawn? Is that you?" asked the cyan-haired girl who clutched a Shinx and a Pikachu in her arms.
"Yeah! It's me! Long time, no see, Angie!"
"The feeling's mutual. I should have watched where I was going. Sorry about that."
"I'm sorry, too, Angie. My mind was somewhere else," she said. Then she noticed Angie's Pikachu and asked, "Is that your Pikachu?"
Angie explained, "Yup. This little guy reminds me so much of Ash, so that's what I call him."
"Ash, huh? I wonder how Ash would-"
There was a sudden moment of silence and Angie didn't like the sound of it...
Dawn looked at her with a gaze that screamed, 'I know your secret...'
That gaze made Angie feel a bit uneasy. "Uh, wh-why are you l-looking at m-me like th-that?!"
"Because..."
Angie began to sweat like a prisoner in an interrogation room. "B-because what?"
"Because you like Ash..."
Angie defended herself with one of those cliché escape ploys. "I don't know what you're talking about!"
Dawn saw right through her little ploy. "Don't lie to me. I can tell you like Ash. I bet you liked him ever since you've met."
Angie needed another escape ploy. Fast. She tried her best to pull something out of her head, but she got nothing. Luckily, before she could crack, Angie noticed something strange. It wasn't Dawn's cheerleader outfit. It was something else... "Dawn, look over there!" Angie cried, pointing at Ash and company.
Of course, Dawn didn't believe her. "Do I look like I was born yesterday?" Well, Dawn, your outfit's so small that we can see your birthday suit underneath it...
"Hey! My outfit ain't that small!" Dawn snapped at yours truly.
Well, Dawn, the authoress wanted a narrator just like the one in that slice-of-life romance comedy anime about combat, about battle, and about a very unlucky debt-ridden parody sue-ish teenaged butler who has to risk his life for a girl. Man, that was a mouthful.
"That doesn't mean that you could tell dirty jokes about me!"
Yes it does, Dawn. Yes it does. It's all in the name of comedy.
"I can't continue working like this! I-!"
"SHUT UP!!" That was Angie. She sounded mad. Even the Pokémon in her arms cowered in fear.
"Gee. Ya' think?!" Dawn snapped at me again.
Yeah. I think.
"QUIET, BOTH OF YOU!!" Wow. Angie sounds like a mother scolding her troublesome kids.
Angie sighed. "Dawn, just look over there!" an exasperated Angie said as she pointed to where Dawn should look.
"OK. Fine. I'll look, but if you make a run for it, I'll- Oh... My... GOSH!!"
"Well, Ash, what do you think?" asked a red-headed girl with a Glameow perched on her shoulder. She held out her badge case in front of Ash and his companion with pride. "Not bad for a beginner, huh?"
"Wow! That's awesome, Zoey! I never thought that you'd be into collecting badges," Ash said as he took Zoey's badge case from her hand. Pikachu and Ash's companion took note of how shiny Zoey's badges were. Zoey probably polished them beforehand.
"Someone convinced me that any person can go both ways," Zoey replied.
There was one person that came into Ash's mind. "I bet you did this because of Nando. He's both a trainer and a coordinator."
Of course, Zoey had someone else in mind. "Nope. It wasn't Nando, but good guess."
"Really? Then, who was it? Candice?"
"Nope. It wasn't Candice, either. It was actually-"
"Oh... My... GOSH!! ZOEY!!" Suddenly, a seemingly random girl wearing a cheerleading outfit entered the scene.
Is that you, Dawn? I can't believe you're here, too, Zoey thought. Several years had passed since Zoey last saw Dawn. She was glad to see her again, but she would have liked it better if they didn't have to meet at this precise moment. At the moment, she was busy looking good in front of Ash. She didn't need any distractions, especially not from her long-term friend.
Dawn proceeded to glomp her old friend. She hasn't heard from her in over a year. "Zoey! I'm so glad to see you!"
"Dawn, you're crushing me..."
"Oh! Sorry!"
"It's ok."
Now, before Dawn could ask Zoey why she seemed to have disappeared from the coordinating sphere for a whole year, Ash spoke up. "Dawn? Is that you?"
Dawn twirled and faced Ash. "Yes, Ash! It's your old friend, Dawn!" She proceeded to pose in front of him.
"Wow! What brings you here, Dawn?"
"Probably the same reason why I'm here, Ash," Angie, who followed behind Dawn, piped up. Yes, Dawn, Angie's not a dull knife. She is on to your plan.
"Angie?! Cool! You're here, too!" Ash exclaimed.
"Ha! I knew it!" Dawn cried. It looks like Dawn read between the lines.
Sensing some trouble brewing, Pikachu decided to take cover under the arms of Ash's purple-haired companion.
"Huh? What's Dawn talking about, Angie?" Ash asked.
Angie tried to answer, but Dawn butted in... "Angie just wants to win-"
... However, Angie made a comeback... "... Win... The... Uh... Tournament! Yeah! The tournament!"
"Cool! You're entering, too! Same as Zoey!" Ash exclaimed. For some seemingly unknown reason, Zoey wished that Ash had never said that.
"Zoey?!" Dawn cried. Did she really hear Ash correctly?
Ash confirmed his statement. "Yeah. Zoey told me that she wanted to see what being a battler was like." Then, since it was already in his hands, he proceeded to show everyone Zoey's badge case.
Dawn's eyes widened. She thought it seemed impossible to imagine Zoey taking up a career in battling; however, if she had taken more time to think about it, then she would have realized that people can change over time, and a long time had passed since the two girls last saw each other.
Unfortunately, Dawn wasn't given enough time to think about it, so the only thing that she could do was to...
"WHAT THE FOCK?!?!?!"
... Freak out...
"Zoey?! What's going on here?!" a frantic Dawn asked.
"Dawn, I..."
And then, everything clicked. Dawn realized Zoey's true intentions. She whisked her away so that Ash wouldn't hear them.
Hushing down her own voice, Dawn said, "Everything makes sense now, Zoey. I know what you're up to."
"You know that I'm trying to get Ash to be my boyfriend," Zoey coolly said, "And judging by that outfit you're wearing, it means we're on the same page." Yup, the red-head had always been a sharp knife.
"Am I that obvious?" Dawn asked her friendly rival. I'll let Zoey answer that.
"This is a romance parody, after all," Zoey replied.
"You have a point..." Dawn said. "... But Ash is mine!"
Zoey replied in her usually cool manner, "Fine. Beat me in this contest of love, and you can have him."
"I am NOT losing Ash to you, Zoey! I've trained so hard for this day, and I plan to make him mine!" Yes, Dawn did prepare for this day. She spent days studying several Pokémon-related hair-care techniques. Yes, people, Dawn is not just a ditz. She does her research.
And she practices her lines, too. Yes, she wrote a script of what she would say to Ash. Of course, she's only human, so she only spent a few days rehearsing for that special event; plus, she'll probably forget those lines when she faces the real thing.
But I digress. Let's go back to the story, shall we?
"I did my research as well, and Ash gets along best with girls whom he can relate with," Zoey said.
"What makes you say that?" Dawn asked.
"Pikapedia," the redheaded coordinator-turned-battler replied. Yes, ten out of ten Super Nerd-class trainers agree that Pikapedia is better than the library. Anyway, Zoey continued, "Pikapedia has a page on Ash, and it seems like he gets along best with girls who aren't too girly."
"Oh please! That Ash has spent a lot of time with me. We basically traveled all over Sinnoh together! I don't need to change who I am! He'd love me just the way I am!" Dawn said. Spending a lot of time with Ash gives her an edge. That should also give Misty and May an edge as well, but they don't have as big a role in this story as Dawn does, so let's just focus on Dawn for now.
But then, Zoey countered with, "According to Pikapedia, Ash met this girl in the episode, 'Talking a Good Game.' I forgot what her name was, but when they first met, Ash thought that she was a guy."
"So?"
"Apparently, they got along quite well even after he found out that she was a girl."
"That doesn't prove anything."
"The article also mentioned something about this one tomboy from the Pokémon DP Summer School Arc. I think her name was..."
... And then, it hit them right in their faces...
"My parents told me to give him a name, and 'Ash' was the first name that came to mind. It took me a week to realize why it was so familiar!"
"Wow! Do you hear that, Pikachu! Angie named her Pikachu after me!"
With Dawn and Zoey temporarily out of the picture, Angie now had the chance to look good in front of Ash without worrying about outside distractions.
"Say, let's go out and practice sometime. Just the two of us," Angie suggested.
Ash is a nice guy and has no idea about what Angie's true intentions are, so he would most likely say 'yes;' unfortunately, Ash never got the chance to say it.
Two hands rested themselves on either side of Angie's shoulders.
"You're name's Angie, right?" Zoey asked.
Angie replied, "Yeah. So?"
"It looks like we all have the same goal," Dawn added.
Ash tried to ask what was going on; however, he was ignored.
"Look, I'm too busy to deal with you two, so- WHOA!!"
Dawn and Zoey whisked Angie away so that Ash wouldn't hear them; meanwhile, Ash thought, "Weird..." His companions couldn't agree with him more.
Angie's back was against the wall. "So, what are you going to do to me?" The cyan-haired girl asked.
"Nothing that'll make us look out-of-character if that's what you're thinking," Zoey replied, "The reviewers wouldn't like that."
"Aw. But I wanted to boil her in oil!"
"Dawn!"
"Sorry..."
With a raised eyebrow, Angie asked, "Ok... So, what are you going to do to me?"
"We're just going to make an agreement. An acknowledgement that we're all rivals for Ash's love," Zoey explained.
"Winner takes Ash?" Angie asked.
"Correct."
While Zoey and Angie were settling certain love-related matters, Dawn was in deep thought. Yes, people. Dawn ain't dumb. She can think, you idiots! But I digress... Moving on... There was something that had been bothering Dawn ever since she ran into these girls. How da heck did they get here?! Dawn thought to herself.
I know.
"You do?" Dawn asked me.
Yeah. I'm related to the authoress, so I get some benefits; plus, I'm the narrator. It's part of my job to know these things.
"Ok. Then tell me," requested Dawn.
Magic word.
Dawn had a skeptical look on her face. "Seriously?"
Yeah. No magic word; no explanation. I always ask people to say the magic word just to annoy them. Besides, it costs less than bribing people.
Dawn sighed because of how lame the narrator's sense of humor was; however, she had to agree that the price was right. "Fine. Please?"
See, Dawn? Was that so hard? Let's make this explanation short. Do you remember the latest PokéGear model that Ash got from his mom some time before you guys went your separate ways? After leaving you and Brock, he decided to revisit some of the people whom he met before. Like pointing his Pokédex at a Pokémon, Ash would quickly get the number of the people he came across. Most of the people in his address book contain people whom he'd like to battle again. By some twist of fate, Ash also managed to trade numbers with girls who have secret feelings for him.
Some examples include you, Angie, and Zoey.
"Hm..." Zoey popped up behind Dawn ever so suddenly. What would Dawn's natural reaction be?
"GAH!! Zoey, don't pop up behind me like that!"
But Zoey ignored the cheerleader and continued to ponder.
"Zoey, are you even listening to me?!"
Suddenly, there was a glint in her eyes. Did she figure something out?
At that moment, Angie entered the scene. "Hey, guys. Why are you all- Hnh?!"
Zoey quickly shut Angie's mouth. She really felt the need to say something that could most likely determine their fates. "Girls, a really bad plot cliché's going to happen. I can feel it."
The authoress has instructed me to narrate Zoey's explanation so that you readers don't end up reading a long column of time-consuming dialogue. Zoey realized something that may cause trouble for the three of them. Knowing how friendly Ash could be, Zoey figured that Ash was the type who was willing to give his number to any friend. After hearing me mention that some of the girls in his address book have secret feelings for him, Zoey feared the worst. These girls might have thought the same way as Angie, Dawn, and Zoey. Like our favorite threesome, other girls might have made it a point to get in touch with the apple of their eyes at least once every two months. They probably know that Ash will compete in the Romacci League Tournament in Figa Valley. Zoey feared that they'll probably come and try to win Ash's heart.
But of course, what were the chances of other girls traveling all the way to Figa Valley for the sake of making Ash their boyfriend?
In this story? Relatively high.
Much to Angie, Dawn, and Zoey's dismay, more girls started entering the scene. Also, please be reminded that this story is set a few years after Ash's Sinnoh journeys; therefore, the girls in this story should be taller, older, and sexier by this time. Put on your imagination caps and get ready to change your shorts, guys.
First, there was Casey, the somewhat cute girl from Johto with unhealthy obsessions for a specific baseball team and for yellow Pokémon with stripes. She knew that Ash was competing in the Romacci League Tournament. Because of her love for Ash and because she never took the Romacci League Gym Challenge, Baseball Girl decided to cheer Ash on throughout the tournament.
Suddenly, Macey, a somewhat cute girl from Johto whom Ash implicitly rejected a long time ago, appeared with a cart full of food which she cooked herself. Deep down inside, she loved her first cooking experience all those years ago, so she decided to develop her cooking skills. Since she loved Ash, Macey decided to bring her two loves together.
... And in case you were wondering, yes, she did share her food with all of Ash's friends...
All of a sudden, Duplica of the Imite House, Melody of Shamouti Island, and Bianca of Alto Mare stormed in through the hotel gates. They looked very pissed off with each other. With the way this story this is going, you can probably guess why. Yes, this story is very predictable.
In most Ash-shipping rivalry fan fictions that you'll find on the internet, you'll mostly expect girls to brag to each other about how they're going to win the lucky dude's heart. Cliché, isn't it? Unfortunately for you, this story was no exception. Look on the bright side. At least they won't end up in a catfight like in normal Ash-shipping rivalry fan fictions.
"C'mon! Every boy loves comedy!" said a certain green-haired girl with thick eyebrows and an obsession with playing dress-up.
"Correction, Copycat! Everybody knows that boys love getting kissed by cute girls!" retorted a certain island maiden who had a habit of kissing men chosen by the gods themselves.
"Oh please! A kiss pales in comparison to being immortalized in a work of art!" bragged a girl with Latias-style hair. Beside her was a painting of what looked like a character from a recently released crappy video game remake.
"That looks nothing like him. Your painting looks like that silent idiot from that recently released video game remake craptaculars, HateGald and SuckSivril," retorted Baseball Girl.
"No one asked you, Screwball," said Bronze Chef Macey, "Besides; Pikapedia says that Ash loves to eat."
"But eating with him is so much better than cooking for him, and he loves to eat with me," Angie commented. Yes, she just had to jump in...
Face met palm as Zoey watched this display unfold right in front of her eyes. "Girls, Ash wants someone whom he can relate to, and I am that someone." Yes, Zoey just had to jump in as well.
And now, we are left with Dawn. She glared at the commotion unfolding in front of her. She had spent long weeks preparing for this day. She even threw away her dignity and wore a risqué cheerleader outfit just for Ash! Most of all, she had something which most of the other girls didn't have. It was the friendship she had shared with Ash. No one could replace all of the wonderful memories that Ash and Dawn shared as friends. When the going went rough, they would always look out for each other. When one's Pokémon got sick, the other would always do whatever could be done to help.
Ash and Dawn shared a very close bond. That is why Dawn believed that she deserved him. With this conviction, and with the bottled-up anger of getting her day ruined by random girls, Dawn mustered up all of the energy that was within her so that she could cry out those magic words into the heavens...
"I-"
Dawn got interrupted. Ash's purple-haired companion stood beside her.
"Forgive me for saying this, but you won't get Ash. Well, not with those plans, at last." Puzzled looks stared at the purple-haired dude that confronted the mess of girls.
Ash was confused. He could not grasp whatever was happening before him. Walking closer to his companion, Ash was compelled to ask, "Hey, Anabel, what's going on? What are you talking about?"
Among the girls in the area who were not named Anabel, bricks were shat as feelings of shock and distaste filled the big, fancy and overly expensive hotel-turned-Pokémon-Center. Yes, I'm taking this chance to reminding you of the story's setting.
Without waiting for someone to voice out their shock, Anabel immediately replied in a slightly annoyed voice, "Yes, I happen to be a girl."
I wonder who this girl is supposed to be. Dawn thought to herself.
Again, without waiting for Dawn to voice out her question, Anabel replied, "Dawn, I am Anabel, Salon Maiden of the Battle Tower in Kanto, or in Hoenn if you're playing the video games or reading the manga. Your mileage may vary." Gee, you'd think this Anabel girl could read people's minds like some sort of freaky psychic or something. Well, either that, or she's probably used to that sort of reaction. Your mileage may vary.
"Oh, and before any of you say anything, no, I am not a psychic. I can sense the precise emotions of other beings. I'd just like to make that clear." Hm... With all of that attention given to Anabel, I wonder if the writer has just turned this empathic person into a canon sue? Meh. The authoress doesn't fully understand the characteristics of a canon sue, and her dorm's internet's not working right now, so she can't just Google it. And meh. It's a parody, so I shouldn't really care.
"WHAT IS EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT?!?!?!" Ash's rant was so loud that Pikachu fell, landed on the floor, fractured its Thunderbolt-ing arm, and brought joy to all of the Pikachu haters in the world.
... And Ash neither noticed nor cared because this was an Ash-shipping rivalry fan fiction...
But anyway, let's get back to the story, shall we? After all, we're almost near the end. "As I was saying, your plans will never work," Anabel stated, "Ash is a male, and like all males, everything should be straightforward for him." Looks like Anabel's been reading up on the differences between men and women.
And so, Anabel faced Ash and made sure that his attention was all on her by holding his head in her hands. After taking a deep breath, Anabel said the following in a very straightforward manner: "Ash, I love you and I want to be your girlfriend." Afterwards, she topped her straightforward confession off with a modest and straightforward kiss on the lips.
Ash blinked rapidly. For him, it was all too sudden despite the time he had spent with the lilac beauty. And yes, they did travel through the Romacci Region with each other. Anabel could sense a bit of disbelief from Ash's heart. If she could also read minds, then she would find out that Ash had never thought of himself as an eligible boyfriend, let alone a regular boyfriend. To top it off, Ash's mind was conflicted between seeing Anabel as a woman whom he could relate to and seeing Anabel as a woman. This could be due to the fact that this man had always seen Anabel as a friend or due to the fact that Anabel looks like a freaking bishonen. A bishonen is Japanese term which means beautiful boy. Examples of bishonen include the male characters from La Corda D'oro: Primo Passo and Ouran High School Host Club. Congratulations. You have learned something new today. Yay us. This fan fiction has some educational value after all. Please note that I'm using periods instead of exclamation points.
Anyhow, since his mind was filled with the conflicting ideas that were stated in the fat paragraph above, Ash passed out.
All Anabel could say was, "I guess that was a bit too straightforward..."
Everyone else gave Anabel dirty looks, started mourning for Ash, or both.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Sigh... We've finally come to the end of this story. Would you believe that it took the authoress four months to complete this? Finally, she could put this darn thing to rest. And yes, there are still plenty of questions that have been left unanswered. Will Ash ever wake up? Will Ash start going out with Anabel? What will Dawn do? What will the other girls do? Will Ash wake up to find out that Anabel got stoned to death by some seemingly mysterious killers? And will Brock ever spend one hot night with a Nurse Joy?! Well, the authoress neither knows nor cares since she won't write a sequel to this piece of crap that she calls a oneshot. The fact is that sequels will never be good as the originals. Never. So basically, you're stuck with using your imaginations.
Ok. So, go now. The story's over. There's nothing to see here. Oh, and remember to leave a review on your way out. Yes, the authoress paid me to say that.
A/N: (Author's Nook)
LunarAska: I love those lemony narrator types like the one in Hayate no Gotoku. Yeah, some of the humor here was basically inspired by the Hayate no Gotoku anime.
And yes, it took me four months to finish this. After all this time, I've finally found time to finish this. FINALLY!! (Insert Party Smiley Here)
Well, one of the reasons why I haven't been writing lately is because I've devoted some time in helping out a small Pokémon forum called Pokelight Forums. The staff there is great. You should get to know them some time.
Why am I helping out that forum? Well, that forum made my internet life a lot more meaningful. I've made a lot of good friends and learned a few things about settling fights on the internet. Because of those things, I've made it a point to keep this community alive for other people to enjoy.
And so, if you want to join our little community, just go to www (dot) pokelightforums (dot) com.
Pokelight Forums: Where Fate Intertwines.