To the center of the city where all roads meet, waiting for you
To the depths of the ocean where all hopes sank, searching for you
I was moving through the silence without motion, waiting for you
In a room with a window in the corner I found truth
"Shadowplay" by Joy Division
Grace never felt truly alone in that apartment. She didn't live in the greatest neighborhood, and she thought that might have something to do with it. At night. it felt like maybe the place was haunted- or she was. She was barely making rent. She wrote and rewrote the same poems over and over again, watched infomercials in bed, cooked for one, took baths, and smoked joints out on the fire escaped. That was her quiet meager life in her new apartment. She had never lived alone before, not that she was really alone here either.
When she did go out, the neighbor next door would be walking his dog. They never spoke, but he carried himself like he didn't want to exist. As if he wanted his tall frame to take up as little space as possible. More than anything, he seemed sad. Grace tried not to glance at his angular face for too long. It felt revealing somehow.
Grace felt strange as soon as she got off the subway like there were several pairs of eyes following her. The street was empty but she kept stealing glances over her shoulder. And listening for footsteps that echoed her own. She wanted to believe that it could be simple paranoia, that she was being ridiculous. Wasn't she? She sped up her walking, the apartment was only a few blocks away. Grace wanted to reach for the knife she kept in her purse but didn't want to give in to her fear. It had to be nothing.
He wasn't tall, but he was stocky and outweighed her by at least 40 pounds. Grace didn't see him at first, not until she got up the courage to take another peek behind her. He was 10 feet away and closing the gap. Her hand groped around in her purse while she broke into a full run. For a moment anyway, before he grabbed her by her shoulder and pulled her towards him.
"I'm going to take all your money, and you're not going to make a sound" He pressed himself close to her. He smelled like stale sweat and cigarettes.
"I...I.." She couldn't answer, but her hand kept moving in her purse, searching for her knife. She wasn't sure what she would even do if she found it. Adrenaline pumped through her system. She had a choice: fight or flight. Which would it be?
"Leave her alone," said a deep, raspy voice. It sounded out of practice. He pulled Grace away from the mugger, and the mugger into the brick wall next to them. It was someone in a black sweatshirt. It was someone tall and thin like her neighbor, Elliot. He grappled with the mugger on the pavement. He looked like he could take him for a moment before the mugger threw him to the ground. He was straddling Elliot on the sidewalk and took his first shot at his face.
That's when Grace finally found the knife. She fumbled with it before flipping it open. "Leave!" she yelled at the mugger, but he didn't look up at her. The knife shook in her hand. "Get out of here!" She finally screamed as Elliott took another punch to his face. The mugger smiled a broken toothed smile at Grace before he caught sight of her blade. His smile faded and he paused, weighing his options. She looked into his face, waiting for him to make his move. His dirty brown hair stuck to his head, and his eyes were a muddled blue. For a second Grace wondered what he would be if he wasn't a criminal. He looked like a substitute teacher. He broke away from Elliot and bolted down the street.
Elliot sat up in the street. Blood ran from his nose down to his chin. But, his eyes focused on Grace. They held an intensity that felt familiar to Grace. It sent a shiver up her spine. "Are you okay?" She said, crouching down next to him. She wanted to touch him, but she stopped herself. He seemed so fragile, like her touch might break him. He didn't seem to hear her. He was still focused on her eyes. "Elliot?"
"How do you know my name?" He asked.
"I, uh, looked at your mail" She admitted.
"I didn't think you even knew I exist" He must have been in shock.
"Let's go home?" She asked him, she put her shoulder under his arm and helped him stand.
"Yeah" He responded.
His apartment was bare. The walls were a dingy white like her own. He didn't have many possessions other than the computer on his desk. Grace helped him over to his couch. "Thank you for helping me tonight," She said, holding back tears. The evening had shot her nerves. She felt weak now.
"I tried" He answered.
"You did. I was so scared" a tear fell down her cheek. "And alone"
He stared at a Beta fish in a small glass tank. "You're never alone Grace"