Forgiveness

I don't own Sailormoon or any of its characters.

As she looked at the man that she has loved for so long, she is hit with a since of loss, loss of a dream perhaps, a happy ending. Try as she might the tears run their course down her cheeks and splatter on the white cotton shirt she had chosen to wear that hot day. Serena is finding every word that she had practiced over and over again in her head gone as soon as she entered this house of forgotten and stolen dreams. The home that she shared with her husband for nine years of her life. Nine whole years of unwavering devotion. She continues, "…I forgive…you". Those were the hardest words that she has ever had to utter in her life. Darien stood there stunned, utterly confused and humbled that after all the mistakes and heartache that he partook in their relationship that she would forgive him. Just as the words were uttered a slight hope begin to spring forward in him that perhaps a future can begin with them again. That they can put this mess behind them and then they can run together down that proverbial sunset. A dream that he has spent the last year dreaming up and fighting for. But it was too late. She had gone. How can he correct in a year what it took nine years to destroy.

He looked at her and remembered the love that they shared and wondered where had it all gone. What happened to bring them to this point? And just as quickly the realization of all his mistakes, his coldness and insecurities came full force. He knew that back then she was only becoming what she thought he needed in a mate. A perfect wife. But what could he do now, when all that they had shared is over…because of him.

"Serena, there is no reason for you to apologize, you didn't do.."

"Let me finish," she says. "I forgive you because I need to. For the last year I've been stuck in the past and for the last nine years I have been living half a life, because of me. I choose this life. I encouraged it because I wanted to make you happy. And now its time to make me happy."

Where was her inhaler when she needed it, she thought.

"'I read somewhere that love is friendship set on fire, you can't help who you fall in love with.' If that's the case then it's true. I fell in love with you knowing all your faults. But I choose to overlook them, when you continued to cheat on me I said to myself. 'That's what I get for not being everything for him, for not measuring up. Maybe he'll get this out of his system, and then we can move on and be happy.' Besides, my father cheated on my mom for eight years and she stood by and said nothing. But then he realized what he was about to loose and he shaped up. Maybe…just maybe it will be the same for us."

She stared at him square in the eye and every ounce to hatred and resentment that she had for this man begin to whither. "Simply put, I was foolish, you were not going to change, and you simply did not love me… at all. That was hard to realize because I was depending on my love for you to pull us through. I was half a person, in half a relationship. What a fool I was." At a loss for words, she began to look down and inspect every imaginary speck on the kitchen counter.

She all of a sudden felt drained and wanted to flee. A natural instinct for her, but over the last year she realized that running away from problems that were right in front of her was what got her into this mess. She came all this way to face him and tell him what she has been planning and it took every fiber of her being to continue. "I need to move on. When the man you love turns out not to be the person you thought he was you begin to question a lot of thing. Yourself especially. That's what I did. Then I realized what I wanted, true love. And I thought it does not begin with another person. It begins with me. It only took me 27 years to learn."

"Serena, please...I…want to say...I'm sorry for everything I did to hurt you..."

"Sorry, doesn't even begin to cover everything that I feel for you."

"Darien, I forgive you because, if I am going to move on and respect myself tomorrow I need too. You were not a husband and I was not your wife, more like a doormat."

Its getting worse, she could not open her mouth without it taking at least 20 seconds for words to come out.

"With every fiber of my being, I forgive you. I can't be angry anymore, not with you and most importantly not with myself. As of today I am letting you go, along with my anger." And with that she turned to leave.

"Please wait…Serena…please wait…" By this time she was walking towards the awaiting car. "I love you," he yelled. "I love you, please stay, I'm sorry for everything," he said as he ran behind her and grabbed her arm. "Please stay, not for our children, not for anyone, please stay and work on us." Emotions that had been welling up for the past year begin to run over out of his lips.

"I have been waiting to hear those words for a long time now. I came here today, not to get back with you. I came here because, I have to let go. I have a man that desperately wants to love me. But I won't let 'em. Because I was so hurt and angry." She cried. At that time she thought of Nathan and how he has been showing her love with out expecting anything in return.

At first she thought that he was trying to get something from her, but how wrong she was. How very wrong. "So I pushed him away…and I almost lost him," she continued, "I don't want to be angry anymore. I will not stop you from coming to see our children, and no court papers could take them away."

Serena then touched her rounded belly and remembered the little girl growing inside. And she remembered what kind of example she wanted to be for her. She wanted her little girl to grow up and respect her decision and her as a mother and a wife. She didn't have that growing up, so she decided that she is going to be that for her daughter.

Serena pulled her arm from Darien, and continued to walk towards the car.

Once inside, she turned to look at the man she left behind, still standing there looking at her. "…so how'd it go," Nathan said. "Good, good, I'm ready".

"I love you, did I tell you that today?"

"Only forty-five times today, but I love you too, lets go home."

As the car roared to life and zoomed ahead. She no longer looked back, only ahead, to her future.