It's fun to stay at the Radiant Heart, a baldur's gate fanfic

Sionel's Dream

Far above the earth, in the highest tower of her keep, Sionel Bluestar lay dreaming. In her dream, all her adventures in Amn still lay before her. It seemed to her she had only just escaped from Irenicus' dungeon, and seen Imoen ripped from her clutches by the Cowled Wizards. Tired, scared, dispirited...

SCENE: Waukeen's Promenade. Sionel stands amidst the rubble of the recent battle; the onlookers stare at her, but offer no help.

And then, suddenly, the music starts, and two men – strangely familiar, although she has not yet met them – step forwards. One, a grizzled paladin, wearing a blue peaked cap with a baton strapped by his side. The other, a younger cleric, in a ten-gallon hat and chaps. They stand side by side, facing Sionel... take a deep breath, and...

KELDORN and ANOMEN (singing):

Bhaalspawn! There's no need to feel down

I said, Bhaalspawn, pick yourself off the ground

I said, Bhaalspawn, 'cause you're in a new town

There's no need to be unhappy

Bhaalspawn! There's a place you can go

I said, Bhaalspawn! When you're short on your dough

You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find

Many ways to have a good time!

[Three more familiar characters step up behind them to form a chorus line. A burly dwarf, wearing a hard-hat and carrying a shovel; a large man wearing a feathered head-dress from which peeks a hamster; and a darker man, clad entirely in leather due to class restrictions. Above them, something round and bright descends from the heavens. As it descends, it spins, casting rotating shafts of light over the scene; on closer inspection, it appears to be a golden skull.]

CHORUS (singing):

It's fun to stay at the Radiant Heart

They have everything an adventurer could need

They've even got boots of speed

It's fun to stay at the Radiant Heart

You can memorize spells

You can sharpen your steel

You can rest 'till you're totally healed!

[On closer inspection, it can be seen that Valygar is lip-synching.]

Bhaalspawn! Are you listening to us?

We said Bhaalspawn! Watch for Irenicus!

We said Bhaalspawn! You'll see him in your dreams

'Cause you can't escape the cut-scenes

No man, does it all by himself!

SIONEL:

What d'you mean, 'man'? Can't you see I'm an elf!

CHORUS:

Look, just go there, to the Radiant Heart!

(You can stash those artifact parts!)

It's fun to stay at the Radiant Heart

We can give you new quests, help you pick up XP

You can hang out with NPCs!

It's fun to stay at the Radiant Heart

You can memorize spells

You can sharpen your steel

You can rest 'till you're totally healed!

KANGAXX (aside, spoken):

If you get the patch.

CHORUS (singing over him to drown him out):

Bhaalspawn, I was once in your shoes,

I said, I was down and out with the blues

I felt, no man cared if I were alive

I felt Cowled Wizards were so jive

Just when we all thought we were licked

They said young man try the Temple District

There's a place there called the Radiant Heart

They can help you make a new start

It's fun to stay at the Radiant Heart

We've got everything to wipe that frown off your brow

KELDORN:

We could even go burn some Drow!

CHORUS:

Radiant Heart!

It's fun to stay at the Radiant Heart

Sionel Bhaalspawn, there's no need to feel down

Sionel Bluestar, pick yourself off the ground

Radiant Heart

Just go to the Radiant Heart

Bhaalspawn, Bhaalspawn, I was once in your shoes,

Bhaalspawn, Bhaalspawn, I was out with the blues

Radiant Heart

[REPEAT AND FADE, as Kangaxx rises back into the heavens and the scene & characters dissolve.]

SCENE: Bluestar Keep. Sionel sits up sharply in bed, and her eyes fly open. Beside her lies Anomen, covered by the blankets.

ANOMEN (drowsily): What is it, love?

SIONEL (looking around her): I just had the strangest dream... if it was a dream. I was back in Waukeen's Promenade, and you were there, and Keldorn, and Valygar, and Minsc, and Korgan... and that demilich we fought... and you were all dressed in the strangest clothes...

[She lifts up the blankets gingerly, just to make sure Anomen is indeed dressed in his old nightshirt.]

ANOMEN: Well, it must have been a dream of extraordinary magnitude.

SIONEL: Yeah...

[She cuddles up to him, and shuts her eyes again; soon the only sound is the slow, steady breathing of two people fast asleep. We pan back from the bed, further and further. The last thing we see before the final fade is a ten-gallon hat hanging on the back of a chair.]

THE END.