But if there's a pill to help me forget,
God knows I haven't found it yet
But I'm dying to, God I'm trying to
'Cause trying not to love you, only goes so far
Trying not to need you, is tearing me apart
Can't see the silver lining, from down here on the floor
And I just keep on trying, but I don't know what for
'Cause trying not to love you
Only makes me love you more
Night before the Shield broke up.
Seth stands in the hotel room, watching Dean and Roman sleep. Curled against each other painfully in love. Since the start of the Shield they shared something. Something Seth wanted more then anything wanted to grasp but he couldn't. He wasn't even bitter about it. He wast just broken. He loved both of them but they didn't love him and he knew it.
He also knew if he stayed he would do something stupid. He would tell them and then they would feel obligated to do something about it. They would of course do something. He was their baby brother. The one they felt the need to protect to keep safe. The one they put on a shelf and didn't let anyone near. He had a couple admirers that would talk to him and Roman and Dean chased them off. They stated that they weren't good enough for Seth.
Seth looks at his hands and then sighs softly, moving out of the bedroom and curls up on the couch, pulling a blanket around himself. Roman and Dean where also perfect for each other. Roman protected Dean and made him feel safe. He made Dean into the soft individual that Seth loved seeing. Roman kept Dean also under wraps and even though Seth tried to play peace maker like Roman was always the one that kept Dean smiling. Then there was Dean that always made Roman smile in that way. He made Roman purr and melt into the teddy bear. They where perfect together.
Seth couldn't let his own feelings fuck with that. Dean and Roman had been together for a year now and Seth protected them. He made sure no one screwed with them. All the while though Roman and Dean kept him close and protected.
Seth after tonight he knew he would have no one. He could protect Dean and Roman from afar and keep them safe. He though would have no one. His father and mother wanted nothing to do with him. His father abused him severely after his mother got with him. He would use any chance to beat on Seth for what he did. He was never his father's son. His mother never cared. After Seth left to be a part of FCW he was disowned and they even went and changed their phone numbers.
Seth knew by taking this step he would giving everything up. None of them knew though that he was doing it for them.
August 22, 2014
Seth feels just run down as he follows Randy through the arena. The older man normally couldn't stand Puppy Rollins as he called him. Hunter though forced Randy to keep track of Seth. Randy took that job far to literal though for Seth's tastes. He couldn't move with out Randy and he was often forced to follow Randy everywhere. At least though even if Randy hated him it was better then being left alone. Alone all he had was his own thoughts to keep him company.
Seth oofs as he runs into someone and falls to the ground with a thud. Seth mumbles glares up, "why di ..."
Dean looks down at Seth and glares at him. Roman is behind Dean and has a hand on his arm. Randy rushes over and pulls Seth up, demanding to know what's going on. Seth shy's from the hatred in Dean's eyes.
"nothing Randal, your little whore slammed into me," Dean growls out.
Randy snorts and pulls Seth towards the authority locker room, "stay away Ambrose."
Seth follows and shakes softly from the encounter. What he doesn't know was Ambrose was looking for him and wanted to catch him alone. Dean wanted to know why Seth had made the cinder blocks safe for him to go through with no damage. He wanted to know why Seth protected him. He hadn't told Roman until after Roman almost killed Seth but now they wanted answers. The only problem was Seth was never alone.
Seth plays lightly with his gloves in the authority locker room, waiting for his match to start. The one person that Randy let near Seth was John Cena. For some odd reason the man took an interest in Seth and Randy. Randy was still despite everything was still Cena's friend so it was easy enough for John to come into the locker room to talk to both men. Today was no different. John wanders in and looks at Seth.
Seth doesn't look up, "Randy isn't here."
Cena chuckles, "I'm not here to speak to him Seth."
Seth cocks his head and looks at John, "Oh."
Cena walks forward and traces a finger down Seth's cheek, "I wanted to talk to you. Why do you always look like a whipped dog Seth. Talk to me."
Seth swallows and looks at John, "I don't know what your talking about."
John sighs and then backs Seth against the wall and leans forward whispering against Seth's ear, "you can't fool me Rollins.. Talk to me."
Seth's walls fade as he feels the warmth of Cena. Over the past few weeks, John was the only one that still talked to him like he was more then trash. John was the only one that wanted to be around him. He couldn't lose that. He thought he was prepared, when he left the shield for their own good, to be alone but he didn't want to be.
Seth caves and tells John, letting it all pour out. John listens quietly keeping Rollins pinned against the wall, "do you still love them?"
Seth takes a breath, "I think I love them.. but I don't think.. I'm in love. They love each other and need each other."
John chuckles softly and whispers in Rollin's ear again, "think you can love another?"
Seth looks confused and then his eyes go wide as John gently pulls him into his arms, kissing him softly. Seth melts against the feeling, kissing the other man tentatively back. Seth and John pull apart when Randy clears his throat.
"Fuck I thought you would never actually grow a set Cena," Randy smirks leaning against the door, "took you long enough."
Cena smirks and looks back at Seth, "you never answered my question."
Seth whispers, "I could."
Cena smirks and kisses Seth again gently.
Present day.
Dean had watched John grope Seth in the ring again on TV. Roman even looked on camera pissed off. Dean wants answers so he waits until Randy leaves the locker room where him and Seth are suppose to be sharing. He grabs Roman and they enter the room. Dean though isn't prepared to see John Cena in the locker room, with Seth pinned under him on the couch. Neither Cena or Seth noticed the two men enter. Roman growls thinking something is really wrong grabs John and throws him off Seth.
Seth squeak and John falls to the ground on his ass in front of the door with an oof.
"what the fuc..." Seth screams and then blinks up at Dean and Roman from the couch.
Roman glares at Seth and then John. Dean grabs Seth by the shirt and yanks him up to his feet, " I should ask the same thing Seth."
John moves to protect Seth not sure what's going on but to only have Roman pin him against the wall.
"I want some answers Seth," Dean demands, "one about the cinder blocks.. and two .. what the fuck is going on here."
Seth swallows and looks at Dean, "I don't owe you any answers Ambrose."
Dean slaps Seth hard and presses him against the wall, "wrong answer Seth."
Seth whimpers and looks at John. John looks at him, remarkably calm, "tell them Seth."
Dean growls and grips Seth harder.
Seth shakes and swallows again, "I fixed the blocks so you wouldn't get hurt ok.."
"WHY" Dean demands.
"Why do you think.. so you didn't get hurt.. are you stupid," Seth states.
Dean growls and Seth watches his face form into that stern older brother that you don't want to piss off face and Seth finds himself flipped against the wall. Dean lands 5 firm swats to Seth's butt and then keeps Seth pinned there, "Seth I have all night but I don't think you have the pain tolerance for all night. So tell me why."
Seth closes his eyes and whimpers, "I didn't want you hurt because I left to make things better for you two."
Roman watches and lets John go since John isn't making a move to stop them.
Dean growls, "Make things better.. how.. "
Seth swallows and whispers, "I thought.. I ... Fuck.."
Dean gets impatient and lands another hard swat, making Seth yelp.
Seth sobs out, "I thought I was in love with you.. I left to make sure I didn't fuck things up for you two and because Hunter and them would never stop."
Dean growls, "SO YOU ATTACK ME.."
Seth pushes away trying to get free, "you attacked me you idiot. Both of you."
Dean opens his mouth but he realizes that's true. Seth walked away and they attacked him. The couple times that Seth attacked him was after Dean pushed him to his limits. Roman sighs and runs a hand through his hair.
Dean spins Seth around and looks at him, "What about him?" Dean points to john.
Seth shrugs, "I.. I like him.. a lot."
Dean takes a breath and looks at John. Roman eyes John.
John smirks, "going from attacking Him.. to protective older brother in 2 seconds is very cute guys."
Roman shrugs, "we have a talent for it."
Dean pulls Seth to his side and sighs, frustrated and tired from all of this.
"you guys are too cute," Randy states from the door way.
Roman glares at Randy and moves to attack. Cena though stops him with a hand on his shoulder. Dean mumbles that he doesn't like this. He though doesn't let go of Seth. Roman sighs runs a hand through his hair.
Randy shrugs, "At least I won't have to babysit anymore.. other then enough for show."
Cena nods, "true."
Dean snapped, "who said either of you are coming close to him anymore."
Randy sighs, "he's a member of the authority he can't break his contract."
Cena smirks, "besides.. I think.. I'm dating him."
Seth looks at John and smiles softly, "you are"
Roman mumbles, "who approved that guy to date you."
Seth frowns softly, "me?"
Dean glares at John and then sighs, "well this is a little fucked up."
Seth sighs, "Just a little."
Cena holds up his hand, "i don't want to fuck up.. I want to fuck seth."
Roman glares at him, "I don't like you anymore."
Seth covers his face which is red.
Dean smirks, "I like him though."
Roman shakes his head, "you'd like anyone that makes sex jokes."
Seth holds up his hand, "do I get a say?"
Dean pulls Seth's hand down and shakes his head, "No who said you ever did."
John nods, "no say none."
Randy watches and turns around, walking out, "I'll see you at raw.. when you figure this out. Cena don't die.. you owe me some drinks."
Cena waves and then looks at Dean and Roman, "I really am not giving up on him."
Seth wiggles free of Dean, and jumps into Cena's arms, "Don't want you to."
Dean sighs and watches, "so what do we do."
Roman shrugs, "who says we have to change anything. Randy will continue doing this babysitting duty. We're all singles stars. John is doing his thing.. and groping Seth in the ring which I'm certain every fan girl has seen btw. We just backstage don't have to let that effect us."
Dean nods, "true."
John looks up, "Soo.. I still get to fu."
Seth clamps his hand around john's mouth, "stop while your ahead"