[an] Hello after a few years (months, days, weeks - what's the difference?)! School and a personal project came about to fill my mind with other things, but here I am now.
I wrote this up a few months ago and I've been deliberating between putting up or not. So I did.
It was an idea that bounced around in my mind and it came out as story-book-ish as I could make it.
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a young knight that went by the name Rin. He had cat-like eyes of melted crystalline that shone with unwavering loyalty and burned with unruly fire, unnaturally sharp canines that flashed when his mouth curved in a bright smile, and untamed locks of blackened blue. Not many people took him seriously as, even though his father had a legacy as one of the greatest knights in the kingdom, he could speak to animals and had a strange inhuman appendage that sprouted at the base of his spine: a tail. Regardless of this, the knight was a cheerful fellow who enjoyed a good batch of sukiyaki in the evening and dreamed of one day defeating the demon who cursed him at birth with the aforementioned tail. But because of his general ill repute, Rin was frustrated and he wanted nothing more than to prove all of their assumptions wrong.
One day, an opportunity arose. As Rin the tailed knight wandered the town, bowl of sukiyaki in hand, he overheard a gaggle of peasants gossiping amongst each other. There was rumor of a beautiful princess with fair hair, wide, innocent eyes, and a generous amount of bosom who was trapped in a tower by an evil spiky-haired magician. The princess, they said, was from the land of the Little Green People and held secrets of where Satan resided. Although Rin felt sorry for this princess, Rin the knight was drawn in by the secrets the princess was implied to have. Thus, Rin decided to save the princess. Not only would be one step closer to Satan, but he would have a cute girlfriend and a little bit more of a positive reputation to boot.
Mind flooding with possibilities, Rin packed up his faithful Kurikara, a miniature cooking set, and a potion his deceased father had passed down to him before the man passed away. Before he left, he gathered information about towers and landmarks, not quite taking note as he went forth on his adventure. He knew for a fact that it was roughly four days' worth of walking to reach his destination and that he would need to take a right on the goblins' den beside a sparkling lake.
The first day of his travels, he met a strange, tailed jester who kept speaking of "ships" and "pillows with people's faces." After hours of circling conversation, the jester—who called himself Mephisto—noted the knight's tail. Though disturbed by the jester's odd manner of counting and put-off by the pointed attention directed toward his tail, Rin entertained the jester's banter. As it turned, Mephisto had knowledge of the on-goings of the tower.
"There are two guards," Mephisto explained with a grin stretching ear to ear, "one with pink and one without. The one without leaves his post when the sun begins to waver and the one with pink had a curious habit." The jester tossed a tome at the knight.
Catching the tome and curious of its content, he cracked open the tome, only to promptly throw it to the floor with a rapidly reddening face. "What the hell?!"
"Do not underestimate the power of a man's lust," Mephisto the jester gave a laugh deep from his belly before counting down ("Eins, zwei, drei!") and disappearing before the startled knight in a cloud of pink smoke.
Reluctant to take the blasphemous content with him, yet wishing to heed the stranger's advice, Rin the knight tentatively plucked the tome from the floor where he launched it, tucked it into his knapsack, and continued on his journey.
The second morn, he was sidetracked from his goal by the sound of a scream. Breaking off from the main trail, he tracked the noise and determined that it originated from the dense forest nearby. Hurriedly wandering the area and dodging haphazardly strewn branches, he spotted a girl about his age with long, dark pigtails and short, rounded eyebrows who was followed by small foxes, both of which appeared to be her familiars. Right behind her, there was a disgusting monster with two sets of arms and no eyes. The knight made quick work of the monster with a few swings of Kurikara and the girl, rather than act gracious, treated him with obvious derision.
"I didn't near your help," she stated, giving a haughty huff and a lift of her chin.
Rin merely frowned, unaffected by the behavior as he answered, "As long as you're okay." That earned him a furious blush, for which he was befuddled about. Once they settled camp away from the forest, the girl insisted that she be referred to as Izumo. Most of her family, she told him, had been killed by an organization of rogue magicians, but she knew her younger sister had survived the assault and she had been searching for her younger sister when the monster came about. In mentioning it, Izumo thanked him and asked what he was doing near the woods.
He explained his reasoning—the tower to the right of the goblins' den near the lake—and she eyed him strangely when he mentioned a princess. Despite the odd reaction, she gave him a tip: in that tower, there was a demonic chef who only let the best cooks through the third floor, doing so through the challenge of competition. Grateful for the information, and mentally deciding what he would make when the situation arose, he thanked her, wished her luck on finding her sister, and moved on with his main quest.
The third sunrise brought about a half-naked woman with mind-bogglingly large assets. The moment they crossed, the woman attacked him and battle went on with Rin the knight struggling not to exercise his full power on her. The precaution led to a swift defeat and outright criticism from his opponent. She mentioned that she had met someone the day before, a boy who vaguely resembled his visage, but taller, bespectacled, and not to mention more talented. Infuriated, the knight got back on his feet and he lashed out with most of his power, pleasantly surprising the woman. The unending battle continued until the sun began to sway and sink, and the moon soon took its place.
With the couple tired of the fight, they settled the night with a campfire and a mutual truce. The woman introduced herself as Shura, an apothecary with a slight fetish for poisonous swords. As the night progressed and alcohol swam in their blood, Rin eventually informed Shura of his goal, the tower to the right of the goblin's den near the lake. Again, at the mention of the princess, he received a blank stare. Shortly after, Shura snorted and then exploded in a roar of laughter.
"You'll need this if you want to save that princess," she snickered drunkenly, throwing a tube of unknown paste at the knight's head. Without looking at it, he shoved it into his bag and demanded another bottle of the magical drink that made him giggle uncontrollably and lose his balance. The morning after, the hangover was prominent as he staggered up from sleep and they parted ways with a wink from Shura the apothecary. From there, he was off to save the princess once again.
On the fourth day, he finally turned right at the goblins' den and it took only a handful of hours before he arrived at his destination. Though it looked worn and old, the tower was not too menacing. Immediately, he saw the two guards that Mephisto the jester notified him of: the one with pink and the one without. It was then that he realized that the jester meant hair. Thumbing at the tome in his bag, he set camp a reasonable distance away and waited for suppertime to near. As Mephisto the jester had said, the one without left, leaving the one with pink to stay. Rin considered knocking out the one with pink but, upon further inspection, he found that the gate was locked and he wasn't learned of the ways to undo the mechanism. With no other alternatives coming to mind, he broke camp, took out the tome, and approached the one with pink.
The guard quickly straightened up. "Halt! Who goes there?"
"I bring gifts," Rin assuaged the tenseness of the guard's soldiers as he held out the tome. "For your viewing pleasure, sir." He prayed that it would work.
His prayers were answered as the chap took the tome, albeit with suspicion clear on his features. The one with pink opened the book and his jaw dropped. "This is the—the third edition! Are y' seriously givin' this t' me?" The one with pink was mesmerized as he flipped through the pages of naked women and it was difficult for Rin the knight to hide a grimace.
"Only if you let me through the gate."
The one with pink looked away from the tome for a moment to cock an eyebrow. "Y' know Bon?"
That was certainly a unique name for a princess, the knight thought. "Yeah. We're really good friends." Soon they would be, anyway.
Uncertainty swept the guard's mouth in a purse but the desire for the tome overrode the indecision as the one with pink proclaimed, "Hell. Why not?" The tome was taken, the gates raised, and Rin the knight wondered for a moment why the guard referred to the princess so familiarly but shrugged it off as he passed through the entryway and made his way up the tower to the second floor.
"Shima-san, why're the gates open?" he overheard a quiet voice inquiring.
"I'unno," replied the one with pink.
The voices quieted as he went up the flight of twining stairs. He was met with two doorways, one with BLACK engraved on the top and UP on the other. He started toward the latter doorway and jumped as one of the tiles sunk under his feet. The doorway with BLACK swung open and out came a giant black cat with large green eyes, twin tails, and teeth bared. It charged toward him with an angry meow and Rin didn't particularly enjoy harming huge, cute animals. He thought hard as he dodged its dangerous swipes, an idea coming to light when he glanced at his knapsack—the potion his father had given him. The details were fuzzy on its usage: something about "use it on giant cats" and "don't be stupid," though the second detail seemed unfitting in relation. Fumbling with his bag, he jumped out of the way from a rush of claws and managed to remove the vial from his bag. He uncorked it, cocking back his arm to launch the contents into the large feline's eyes, but the giant cat abruptly stopped moving at the sight of it.
"It smells nice," the feline perked up, shrinking to the size of regular house cat as it regarded the vial curiously. "Is it..." Rin didn't know how to respond other than to nod, which seemed to be the right answer as it—he—hopped onto his shoulder. "Can I have some?" Again, Rin nodded. He knelt onto the floor, pouring whatever the contents of the vial was into the feline's water dish. The cat leaped onto the floor and lapped it up gratefully. "Thank you for the catnip wine," it meowed, "My name's Kuro, by the way." Rin, once more, nodded and provided his alias in return. It was then that Kuro decided to join him on his trek upwards.
With the size-shifting cat curled on his shoulders, he entered Kuro's corridor—as per the feline's instructions—and went up the stairs. Knives flew at him the moment he crossed the entrance way to the third floor, but he ducked at the nick of time. The offender was a short demon with a chef hat standing on the counter, spatula in one hand, tray in the other. "Unless you can make a dessert better than me, I won't let you pass!" it squeaked.
More than relieved that he'd been preparing a recipe beforehand, Rin set his sword and bag aside, ushered Kuro off his shoulder, and rolled up his sleeves. At the same time that he whipped up a classic strawberry shortcake, the little chef worked on creating red velvet cupcakes with raspberry filling. An hour later, they presented each other their results and came to the agreement that it was a rough tie. The miniature chef gave the name Ukobach after Rin stated his own name, and Rin was allowed passage as well as the invitation to come to the kitchen whenever he wanted to. The cook of a knight graciously accepted the offer with a beaming smile. Taking the cake with him, he left with Kuro to (hopefully) the final floor.
Reaching the figurative pinnacle of his quest, he braced himself for vicious beasts or dangerous traps that would prevent him from saving the princess from the unusually tame tower. Instead, he encountered a simple door. It had no doorknob, no keyhole; seemingly no way to open it other than a small keyboard on the right and a question scratched above the keyboard: Mbd, S + K, int 3x^8 +5e^x 2-4. To be frank, all of it was gibberish, so he started pressing random buttons with the help of Kuro. Twenty incorrect answers later, the door slammed open to reveal—not a princess.
Instead, it was a tall, glowering man with gold and brown tresses held back by a red headband, smoldering brown eyes, wearing an expression that had a mixture of puzzlement and fury. "Y' could've just rang the damn doorbell!" the man hissed, pointing at the button beneath the keyboard that Rin the knight had conveniently overlooked.
Rin had the shame to blush, but managed a, "Where's the princess?"
The man growled, "One a' you guys, huh? Y' turned the wrong way. It's left of the goblins' den. Not right."
"No way!" the confused knight cried out, pulling at his hair. "But everyone I met along the way never said anything!"
"Look," the kind, still annoyed man pinched the bridge of his nose, "I'm sorry that y' went all this way for nothin', but this ain't really a problem I can deal with right now. I got things t' do."
"...Can I at least get your name?"
"Suguro Ryuuji. Wizard. Scholar. Take your pick." With a robotic waving motion, the door only swung halfway closed but was stopped by a foot in the door.
Rin chewed his bottom lip, then frowned. "Before I go, can I get a kiss? Suguro?" He paused. "Oh. And my name's Okumura Rin."
"Great. If you'd just—" Suguro froze as the knight's words sunk in, "—wait. Did y' just ask for a kiss?"
"Yeah."
The scholar flinched, blushing as he sputtered, "No! Why?"
The knight scoffed like the scholar was unlearned. "'Cause people who save princesses always get a kiss in the end. It's customary, duh."
"But I ain't a princess. Nor did y' save me."
"Just a little one. Pleaaase!" Rin held up the dessert he made earlier. "I'll give you some'a my cake. I made it with Ukobach downstairs."
"...What the hell've y' been doin' in my tower, exactly?" the wizard muttered under his breath. "Y' gonna leave me alone after?"
Rin shrugged.
Suguro sighed. "Better than nothin', I guess. Come in. I don't want anyone seein' this stupidity." Brown eyes glanced at the black cat. "...You stay outside."
Kuro harrumphed but followed the instruction, hopping off the knight's shoulder and slinking away. "I'll be where you found me," the cat meowed at Rin.
"I'll meet ya there soon," the knight smiled and the wizard eyed him with confusion but chose not to speak.
The cake was set aside and the tired, acquiescent wizard let the curious, adamant knight into his room. He stopped when the knight's tail settled comfortably about his waist. "...Tail?"
"Yeah," Rin fidgeted, trying to sound disinterested in the hopes of a change in topic. He jolted as fingers skimmed it lightly from the base outward.
The amused scholar chuckled. "At least there's one cute thing about ya."
The knight curled his tail in front of him and stared at it doubtfully. "Cute...?"
"Yeah. It's cute. C'mere already," Suguro coaxed the knight forward with fingertips resting on Rin's waist, "y' want the kiss or not?"
"O' course I want the kiss," Rin rocked on his heels and smoothed his palms over the subtle blue lapels of the wizard's loose robes as he turned his gaze up to the other's eyes. They stood there for a moment, mentally approximating the outcomes, calming the squirming in their stomachs. The grandfather clock clicked in the background as a clear reminder of exactly how long they had been standing there and the knight was the first to lean up, hearing Suguro's breath hitch as he closed the distance between their lips. Rin began a shy kiss, lightly brushing at first, but as fingers dusted over the back of his neck, cupping the base of his skull with a gentle thumb grazing the edge of his jaw, he willed his lips apart and moaned when the kiss slowly deepened. By the time Suguro had pulled away, Rin was glassy-eyed and dazed.
Suguro felt unexpectedly pleased. "S' that good enough for ya, Sir Rin Okumura?"
Unable to articulate the thoughts that had inundated his mind, the knight shook his head, tugging at the blue lapels with a soft whine. "Can I have another one?" Rin was delighted as the scholar caught his lips with a soft growl, nibbled at them, then twined their tongues again. The knight pressed closer, shivering as the wizard's finger slid along the length of his jawline. It was all too soon when the wizard parted from him and he made a noise to properly send the message of his disappointment.
"I think that's enough for today," Suguro attempted to disentangle their bodies with minor success as the cursed knight's tail refused to relinquish its hold on the scholar's waist. "Don't ya got a princess t' save?"
"Can't I just save you?" the Rin's fingers curled at the silken robes, a pout scrunching the knight's features. "You're a princess too, right?"
"Wizard," Suguro corrected with a frown. "There's nothin' on me that screams princess, I'm sure."
"But you're trapped at the highest floor of the tower and you're wearing a dress."
"It's a robe and this's my tower. I ain't trapped in it."
"But what about all the obstacles, like Ukobach and Kuro?"
"I summoned a chef since none'uv us can cook and the cat looked like it lost its owner so I took it in. Didn't 'xactly know it could shift its size, but... anyway, I would'a been a little upset if y' killed any'a them."
"I don't like killing innocents."
"Yeah," the wizard absentmindedly straightened the knight's offset cape at the shoulders, "y' don't seem the type t' do that kinda thing." The knight was silent, hoping that the topic of leaving had been successfully evaded. When Suguro let out a quiet 'tsk,' he knew that wasn't the case. "I hope ya realize that I haven't forgotten 'bout the princess that ya mentioned earlier."
"Damn it."
"Aren't knights supposed t' be altruistic?" The blank stare was all the scholar needed to see. "...Never mind."
"I can always save her tomorrow."
"Ya don't know that."
"...A scholar's like a teacher, right?"
"I guess so. What's that gotta do with anything?"
"Just makin' sure. Suguro-sensei."
"Y' don't actually have t' call me that."
"Suguro... You're right, Suguro sounds better than Suguro-sensei."
"Okumura."
"Okay, okay... but it's getting late. Can't I go tomorrow?"
With a joint glance out the window, the knight grinned as while the wizard frowned. The sun was already sinking below the horizon and both knew that traversing the land was much more dangerous in the dark than in the light. "...I guess you can stay for the night," Suguro the peeved wizard groused, quickly adding, "but y' leave in the mornin'."
"Afternoon?"
"In the mornin'."
"Can I have another kiss?"
"Why? I gave ya two already."
"'Cause I like your kisses. They're magical."
"...Did y' really just say that?"
"I never thought I'd be able to use that and make it work. Wasn't that smooth?"
"Hell no. If y' ever say somethin' like that again, I'm throwin' ya outta the window of the highest floor."
"I thought scholars were supposed to be careful with their words."
"I thought knights had t' get a proper education."
"What's that s'posed to mean?"
"Whaddaya think I mean?"
"Ogre face!"
"Bipedal rat!"
"Bearded princess!"
"I ain't a princess, idiot knight!"
"You're the stupid one!"
"Says the one that didn't notice the doorbell."
"It's not my fault it was so inconscience!"
"Y' mean inconspicuous."
"Yeah, that."
"...You're makin' me regret lettin' ya stay here with each passin' word, knight."
"You won't be regretting it when I cook up dinner."
"Not sure if I should be lookin' forward to it."
With the help of Ukobach, Rin the knight labored in the kitchen to create the surprisingly simple demands of the wizard. Knives chopping at impossible speeds, a silent partnership easily built between the castle's cook and the determined knight as they worked together. The side dishes were first made, mostly finger foods to stimulate the appetite. Then the main dishes came about, still simmering on the stove as they began to work on the desserts. It was when the moon was high in the sky that they finished, the pair sharing a victorious high-five while admiring their work. Desserts were left to rest atop the stove as while drinks were kept in the ice box to keep them cool. The handy knight was swift as he set the table, taking into consideration the possibility of the guards joining.
It made the knight beam when Suguro finally took a seat at the head of the table, overlooking the appearance of the dining room with admiration. "I'm impressed," the scholar admitted.
Despite Suguro's initial wariness, the dinner went over and beyond the wizard's expectations. It was delicious and carefully made to tailor to the tower master's likes, as he'd offhandedly described earlier on to the chef of a knight who was determined to display his abilities. Rin's eyes were bright as Suguro sampled the meal, musing on the elaborate tastes that made his palate sing.
"So whaddaya think of it?"
"...It's damn amazing. I'm not sure if I wanna let ya go anymore."
Rin's face flushed with pride but he grinned wide, taking the seat near the wizard. "Damn right."
Not too long after, the one with pink (Shima Renzou was what he called himself) and the one without (Miwa Konekomaru was his name) joined the pair, having caught a whiff of the aroma of good food. The giant cat and the miniature chef came too, of course. Many jokes were shared across the table, laughter bubbling every few moments. The two guards and the knight became fast friends as the knight was a very friendly young man, if a bit rambunctious. Shima thanked him profusely for the tome and Suguro overlooked the interactions with a wary eye. Konekomaru kept the conversation relatively peaceful, though he did provide his own tease every now and then.
With midnight approaching, their stomachs stuffed to the brim, and exhaustion weighing their eyelids, they all exchanged their "good night"'s before they headed off to their respective rooms. Most of them.
"Damn it, Okumura, I told ya that I'm not lettin' ya sleep with me!"
"Just one night!"
"I don't care if it's one night or two nights, I said no!"
"I'll make breakfast?"
"...Just don't get into my side'a the bed, knight."
And so saving the princess was left for another day as the curtains were drawn and the knight somehow squirmed his way into the arms of a reluctant wizard, drifting off to dream of sukiyaki and defeating Satan.
[an] A more apt title is "The Wrong Right Tower" but that would give it away, am I right?
If I have the time, I'll type up "The Right Left Tower" and it'll wrap up this story. Let's cross our fingers.
In the meanwhile, this will remain a one-shot.