A/N: Felt in the mood for a little Supernatural fic. :)

Dean has a secret.

It's an ugly one, and he hides it as best he can, but when they're alone, just him and Sammy, it rattles around his head so loudly he's afraid he'll just start saying it.

Not that Sammy will understand. Sammy is not even two yet, and he just mumbles happily to himself, a mix of Dee—Da—Dee—and a few other words. Sammy's a baby.

And sometimes Dean hates him.

That's the secret. The secret Dad can't know, that Dean must never, ever say. He shouldn't even think it.

His eyes feel gritty and tired. Dad's been gone for hours, and the motel room is dirty. Only one of the lights works. Dean thinks the carpet looks gross, so he's making Sammy stay on the bed. Sammy keeps pulling the blankets off and whining—he wants to run around, and Dean won't let him stand on the bed—and that's when Dean starts thinking about the secret.

He hates how Sammy's fat little hands are always sticky, how he cries and babbles and fusses and pulls at Dean's clothes. He hates the diapers and the cookie crumbs and runny noses, hates how Sammy falls asleep on his shoulder and drools. He hates how happy Sammy is, sometimes, because he's just a baby and he doesn't remember Mom. Won't ever remember Mom.

Dean rubs his eyes, and swallows down the tightness in his throat that feels like crying does.

"You've got to get used to holding down the fort, Dean," Dad had said. "You're almost six."

Dean knows.

Holding down the fort doesn't mean crying. It doesn't mean hating Sammy, even in secret.

It means chin up, eyes front. Keeping Sammy on the bed, even when he whines. Giving him crackers when he's hungry, picking up the crumbs.

So Dean pushes the secret deep inside until it almost gets lost. It's not so hard, really, because when it comes down to it, he doesn't hate Sammy. He's just afraid to even think of hating anything else.

And when it rattles around his head anyway, he just holds his brother close, no matter how much drool gets on his shoulder. Because Sammy may not remember Mom, but he never forgets about Dean.