A request from Mr. Mallard of TvTropes.


Shinji sighed, and then grunted. He hated the smell of alcohol.

Especially Misato's brand. No one knew what the name was, Misato always ripped the logo off every bottle when a new crate arrived, so there was no way that anyone could stop the shipments. And she either guarded and hid the bottles well enough; she made the security systems, so she knew the impossible places. The liquid smelled, and the consumer smelled. And that was Misato's favorite brand.

"…where's me whiskey?" She belched. And, Shinji always got the duty of taking her home after binge. At least he was getting a small workout.

"Shinji…Shinji…" Misato hiccupped.

"What?"

"I…love ya man." She shifted her body weight to the side, sending the two to the ground, with Shinji on top. "Yeah…I want you…"

"W-w-h-h-a-a-t-t!" He got up so fast, you could have sworn that he dodged a bullet. "No! You're older than me! And drunk!"

"Drunk people…have REALLY good sex…" She started to undress.

"Put your clothes on! This is a public street!"

"…I slept with a man on a park bench. I think this name was…Kisame Irish?"

Shinji got the joke a little while latter, after this.

Shinji knew better to try to argue with her. She wouldn't need sex if he could get her back to her bed. She would be snoozing logs as soon as her body graces the sheets. Just trick her…huh. That felt good…

Oh crap.


"BWAHAHA!" Asuka was just losing it. "YOU'RE GIVEN A BEER RAG?"

"Beer rag?" Shinji asked, meekly, behind a closed door, and under his bed sheets.

"A blowjob from a drunk person." Rei said. "Asuka talked about it all morning."

"AND IT'S STILL FUNNY!" Shinji didn't want to see, but he could tell that Asuka was rolling like a tumbleweed in a tornado. He couldn't stop imagining Rei standing there emotionless, and Asuka rolling around on the floor, arms clamped to her sides.

He decided to look at his phone, hoping to contact someone to get him out of here.

There were two messages from Misato. Shinji cried.