His smile didn't reach his eyes as he looked at me.
That amazing brightness was gone.
All that was left was the dull disappointed look that almost caused my heart to break as we held each other in a last embrace "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" he begged for forgiveness.
Like I was all he had to live for.
He sighed sadly and asked me why, all I could tell him was that it was the best thing for him.
I couldn't tell him the truth, it would destroy that light he had forever.
Tears rolled down my face as I knew, if I let him stay now, my chances of staying with him were too thin, and he would have lost the chance to pursue his dream.
I couldn't let him give it up for me especially not when I wouldn't be able to stay, even though that's all I wanted.
I just wanted to be with him forever. No, dreams were to good to be a reality.
Everything good in life will always be snatched away somehow.
I held him tight as he whispered empty reassurances into my ear, things like "you'll be ok." And "I will see you when I get out on break" many things I knew to be lies.
Lies to make me feel better, but lies nonetheless.
And it did help, very little, but some.
As the doctors inserted a needle into my arm I spoke softly to him "there is nothing for you to be sorry for. I love you" I slowly drifted out of consciousness As the strong medical drugs began to take affect.
And by the time I awoke, he was gone.
I knew deep in my gut that he would never come back, so instead of wishing for the impossible, I wished that if there was a such thing as an afterlife or a second chance that we could be together and happy there, or in the small chance that I live and he does come back, I hope while we are separated that his heart will not go astray.
If he comes back, I want to stay in the tight embrace of his arms for the rest of my life.
I want him to congratulate me on beating the evil within my body.
And I know how selfish these requests are, but I want them anyway.
I will always want HIM and no one else, but I can't, because something's just aren't worth the risk and I can't risk hurting him anymore than I already have.
So after awakening, I cried.
I bawled like one of the newborn babies in hospital beds on the floor above me.
"I will miss you" was all I whispered as I fell asleep once more.
He had left for college to fulfill his dream, and I was left behind.
I was left a sad, broken, sick girl who will never see her love again.
after a few years of being alone, and without him, people say I've gone a bit mad.
All the doctors here do.
But everything is fine, and you don't think I'm mad, do you?
/ this is a monologue I wrote for drama and I felt like publishing it.
My inspiration came from a Spamano sonnet written by ~Kawaii Dream
Please read it, it is adorable /
