Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, and probably never will. Now that's a sad thought if I've ever heard one.
A Couple Days of Confusion:
At First…
At first, he didn't realize that anything had changed.
He had walked away from the incident so easily, so confidently, so like he always did, that nothing seemed amiss. The only difference was that this time there were no angry tears or painful remarks attacking his back as he had left. He hadn't insulted or demeaned anyone.
However, no one else was there to notice, and he didn't immediately perceive it himself.
But eventually, as time wore on, the change in him did begin to become first noticeable in small glimpses to himself, and then gradually to the few close friends around him.
His own perception of the difference came in the irregular heartbeats and sweaty palms, the need to be close to her, the need to touch her. It came in the form of a dry mouth when she stood near him, and in that fluttery feeling you get in your stomach when you're anticipating something significant.
Yet he hid all of these symptoms well. He didn't know what they meant, and in that respect they were dangerous. Anyone could use them against him, even if he didn't understand how they could as of yet.
But that wasn't to say that Draco Malfoy was stupid, that he couldn't even understand his own feelings and emotions, because he was far from it. He understood the most important part, actually. The part that made sure he knew that this change, whatever it was, would alter his dreams and ambitions, his desires, for the rest of his life.
His close friends began noticing the alteration in a completely different trend. Draco did his best to hide his sweaty palms and sudden cravings for her complete attention, and he succeeded. But he could not hide his modified behavior towards her- which was a completely different matter.
His friends noticed that when she was near, he no longer could generate tears from her. They didn't realize that now he couldn't even fathom the idea. He stopped tossing insults like they were his only way of communication, and he stopped humiliating her behind her back.
At first they didn't understand, but it didn't take long for them to catch on to his strange behavior. However, they ignored their conclusion to what had happened to him completely, and none spoke to him about it. It scared them too much, the idea that maybe if he didn't already know, and they let on, everything might change even more than it already had. Well, that….. and they were in denial.
But it was a well known fact that nothing could stay secret in Hogwarts for long, and as Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle soon found out, slips of the tongue could mean a lot of grievance to the unwary.
It had been three weeks since that fateful day (A/N: cliché, I know) and Draco, Crabbe, and Pansy were all three sitting at that moment in the Great Hall, enjoying a carefully prepared lunch courtesy of the ever-obliging House Elves.
Nothing momentous had happened as of yet, and for that both of Draco's friends were terribly glad. The only noticeable odd behavior was the occasional glance across the Hall towards the very chatty Gryffindor table, but that was nothing compared to the full-out staring he had been caught doing a number of times since his apparent 'change'.
He was even paying them with a bit of his attention, which definitely made the conversation much less bland.
"Draco," Pansy asked, her brows furrowed in irritation "What answer did you get for question #98? Arithmancy really makes no sense to me whatsoever….."
After a few moments of silence, she turned her head from her book to look at the boy beside her, lips sealing together to form a very straight line as she realized that he was completely dazed again, staring across the room, and not even touching his food.
"You know Crabbe," She said after a few moments, not afraid at all that Draco would overhear her, mostly because he so rarely ever paid her any attention any more "I think I could put Hermione Granger down as the reason I'm now so close to failing arithmancy"
Crabbe laughed, as Draco quickly snapped his head back in Pansy's direction: "What did you just say?" He questioned, eyes sharp and cold.
It was there that Pansy realized her mistake. She had let on to something that should never have been let on to, and now she could no longer take it back. It was all said and done, and now everything was going to change and nothing could stop it. The only thing she and Crabbe could do now would be to play along, and hope fervently that nothing drastic occurred.
"Come on Draco……You can't tell me that you haven't noticed? I mean, look at yourself! Whenever that Granger Girl's around, you get all weak and mushy and you can't stop staring at her, can't even throw a decent insult! You have to have realized it by now……Why, you're practically in love!"
Draco sat there silently for the next few minutes, looking very taken aback. His mouth hung open a bit, and his eyes were wide with an unnamed terror. But, being who he was, he was still able to recollect himself quickly and gather to him all the dignity that he retained to toss into a very deplorable denial.
"I have absolutely no idea what you're going on about. We're in sixth year for Merlin's sake! People don't fall in love now, when they're 16 years old! And to….to her of all people! Honestly Pansy, I would have thought that you were a bit smarter than that!"
But Pansy and Crabbe were unconvinced, even more so when they realized that he hadn't met their eyes even once during his rant. They both looked at each other with brows raised, as if sharing a secret message.
Draco seemed to sense their disbelief, and almost immediately rose from the table and left the Great Hall as quickly as pride and dignity could allow- not once glancing in either Pansy and Crabbe's direction, nor Her's.
After he left the Great Hall, Draco made a beeline towards the library. Over the past few weeks, he had been frequenting it an awful lot- almost as much as a certain Gryffindor. But he refused to believe, even now after it had been so openly pushed before him, that his trips to the library had anything to do with anyone but himself.
He sat there now, at one of the desks, head in his hands as he began massaging his temples- desperately hoping that it had all been a dream, or illusion, or something that was anything but reality. He could hear distant footsteps behind him, and absently wondered if it was her. If she had seen him leave the Hall and was now searching for him.
But when he looked up, he saw only Crabbe's great bulk towering over him. He looked down, unreasonably disappointed, and Crabbe must have noticed this because when he spoke, it was to say:
"Sorry I'm not who you were hoping for, but I don't think she even knows you have feelings for anyone but yourself, let alone a great many for her."
"When did you turn into Pansy? I'm sorry, but I must have missed the transformation. Or have you been secretly rummaging through all of Professor Trelawney's love paraphernalia and found your secret 'inner wisdom'." Draco crossed his arms on the desk and let his head fall to rest against them, his face pressed against the cool wood.
"Come on Malfoy, get a grip on yourself! Of course Pansy's right, I mean, look at you! When was the last time you came to the library before two weeks ago, huh? Never. You're as bad as Goyle was in fifth year when he claimed he had fallen in love with Padma Patil!" Crabbe was waving his arms in desperation, trying to get his friend's attention. Nothing seemed to be getting through Draco's thick skull.
"Oh just shut up, alright? Goyle turned out not to be in love after a few weeks, and I'm not in love either- in fact, I never was to begin with! Why can't anyone just mind their own business?" Draco mumbled all this into the desk, but still loud enough for Crabbe to hear him and the contempt in his voice.
"Malfoy, you are our business. Whatever you do that affects your reputation, or anything about you, affects us all. Every single Slytherin. You're like our mascot, as pathetic as that may sound. Don't even think for one second that this is all about you." Crabbe's voice matched Draco's both in intensity and contempt.
"What, so you're saying that I can't go out with anyone without your permission, is that it?"
Crabbe looked at him questioningly, eyes twinkling the slightest bit. He was certain that he would succeed in making Draco admit it. "Did you have anyone particular in mind?" He asked casually.
Draco just snapped his head up off the table and turned it to face Crabbe, eyes almost piercing both flesh and bone. He was furious with his friend. He knew perfectly well what Crabbe wanted him to say. Crabbe wanted to hear 'So I can only go out with Granger if I have your permission?' or some such nonsense. Draco's eyes narrowed even more.
Crabbe was still waiting expectantly, full of self-contained triumph. But Draco wasn't uttering a syllable. In fact, his friend got up so swiftly that the chair he had been sitting on fell to the ground in a clatter of wood hitting wood. He was almost positive that the librarian would round the corner any second and proceed with dispensing detentions.
But before that happened, Draco walked right up to Crabbe, so that they were merely inches apart, and glared at him with an expression so rigid and cold that it almost caused physical pain, before promptly turning on his heel and heading back in the direction of the Slytherin dormitories.
On his way, Draco, almost burning with anger and frustration, began to recollect the scene of three weeks ago that had brought all of this strangeness on. It hadn't been anything important really, he had only witnessed a few short words and quick embraces. But it had been enough.
He hadn't actually meant to stumble onto the conversation, but when he had, and noticed that he was in the perfect position for listening and watching without being seen himself, he simply couldn't pass up the opportunity.
Hermione Granger and Dean Thomas, her boyfriend of seven months, had been standing in the hallway in the midst of a very intimate discussion, completely unaware that they were being watched.
Draco could discern every word of their conversation from his vantage point. A fact that he would learn to regret in the weeks that followed, he realized now as he replayed the entire situation.
Draco remembered how close they were, how passionate they looked. That was when it had first happened, when his heart had first hurt, when his stomach had first felt sick.
From where he had been standing, he had had a clear view of Dean's back, and Hermione's face. He had seen the tears in her eyes and the way her lips quivered. He had seen the look of pain pass over her face at what Dean had said:
"I know it's not fair, but its not as if I have much of a choice. My father thinks Beauxbatons is a better school, I have no idea why. Maybe its because he's partial to Veela's. I don't want to leave Hogwarts, or you Hermione, but you know I have to. I tried to put this off for as long as I could, but it'll be better this way- no attachments."
"I know," Draco had remembered her replying "But it still doesn't make it any easier. I'll miss you a lot, you know. Everyone will."
This was when Dean had reached out and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him into an embrace.
The next part was the one that he remembered with the most pain, Draco realized now, but for what reason he still didn't know. Dean had said it first, but it was Hermione's voice that still replayed over and over in his mind, that still haunted him.
"I love you, Hermione"
"I love you, too"
And then it was over, and Draco could barely remember what had happened after that. He knew that his head had gone light and a strange dizzying feeling had taken him over and that it had made him feel awfully sick. He knew also that that was when he had taken off at a run, pushing his way past both Professors and students in an attempt to get to someplace where he could be alone and gather his thoughts.
But that had never happened, he recollected now. Professor Snape had accosted him in the hallway, close to the Slytherin dormitories, and asked for his help in sorting through some new potions ingredients which he thought Draco would find, "quite interesting indeed".
He had never had time to determine what exactly had happened to him, but it probably didn't matter anyway, because even now, after he had thought it over, he had no idea.
And as he walked up the steps into the Slytherin common room, all he could think about was his voice saying the words Dean's had said three weeks before, and Hermione uttering the same response.
A/N: You can review if you want, but, however pessimistic this may sound, I've come not to expect it too much. Still, its nice to hear how I'm doing from people other than myself. It gives me variety. Oh, and the next chapter should be out soon, hope you enjoy!
