I still remember the look on your face,
Lit through the darkness at 1:58
It was one of their night excursions. No one knew about them yet, so their meet ups were still strictly at night, something that thrilled both of them, even though they were fully grown adults.
"Slow down a bit, Nev," Hannah said, slowing her pace to a walk. "We're far enough from the house that no one will hear us talk."
"I have something I want to show you," Neville said, pulling her arm. Hannah groaned, causing Neville to smile and kiss her quickly. "Come on. Be adventurous."
"I'm the Hufflepuff," Hannah said. "I'm not meant to be adventurous. Only loyal."
"Please?" Neville asked. "It's not dangerous or scary. You'll be fine. Besides, you have me to protect you."
Hannah smiled. "If only I could tell my 12 year old self that having Neville Longbottom protect me would actually make me feel safe. I don't think she'd believe it."
"I'm pretty sure that my 12 year old self wouldn't believe I was offering to protect someone," Neville said. "I was a bit of a loser back then."
"Yeah, but you proved yourself to be better than everyone," Hannah said, wrapping her arms around his neck. "So don't worry about it. It was ten years ago."
Neville kissed her and she responded enthusiastically, only to be disappointed when Neville pulled back.
"Seriously, though," Neville said. "Come with me."
Hannah sighed, overdoing it for dramatic effect, before pulling her arms from his neck. "Fine."
Neville smiled triumphantly and, to Hannah, it looked like he was about to say more, but instead, he just grabbed her hand and pulled her forward.
The words that you whispered
For just us to know
"I hope you've thought of how you're going to explain what happened to Hermione when she finds our bodies here," Hannah said. "She was already suspicious of us because you invited me over and us dying together wouldn't exactly help our secret relationship."
"But how would I explain something to her if I was dead?" Neville asked, a smirk on his face.
Hannah frowned. "This is why I'm not normally awake at 2 in the morning."
"It'll be worth it," Neville said. "I promise."
Hannah, despite wanting to go back to Hermione and Ron's new house and sleep, instead followed her boyfriend.
"Okay," Neville said. "Close your eyes."
"What?" Hannah said. "First you drag me out here at 2 in the morning and now you want me to close my eyes? You are insane-"
He cut her off with a kiss. "Look, this is the last thing I'm making you do. I just want you to see this and be completely awed."
"Fine," Hannah said. "But I better be awed otherwise you're not going to hear the end of it."
Neville smiled, the look on his face from earlier, when he looked like he had something else to say, reappeared. "Just close your eyes."
Hannah did so and felt Neville move from in front of her to behind her. His hands went over her eyes and he led her forward slightly.
"Okay," Neville said, and Hannah couldn't help but notice the nervousness in his voice. "You can open them."
He removed his hands and Hannah opened her eyes, completely shocked at what she saw. She had been expecting a plant or something, but this was the complete opposite. It was a lake, with lots of trees around it and the brightest stars Hannah had ever seen.
"It's beautiful," Hannah said. She looked up at the stars and shook her head. "You can see so many stars here."
"I found it the other day when Ron was showing me the property," Neville said, sitting down. "I figured you would like it."
Hannah sat down next to him and looked at him, a huge smile on her face. "I love it Neville. Thank you."
You told me you loved me
So why did you go away?
Neville smiled at her and the look on his face returned, but he seemed to push whatever was bubbling up inside him down and looked out at the water.
"What?" Hannah asked. "You keep making that face."
"What face?" Neville asked.
"A face that looks like you want to say something and you're completely overwhelmed," Hannah said.
"Oh," Neville said, still not looking at her. "That one."
"Yeah," Hannah said, getting concerned. "What is it?"
Neville looked at her and the face reappeared but he turned back to the water quickly. "Nothing. It's stupid."
"I'm sure it's not," Hannah said, reaching over to his hair and running her fingers through it in what she hoped was a soothing matter. "Come on, Neville. What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," Neville said, though Hannah noticed that he sounded flustered. "Trust me, nothing is wrong it's just…"
"What?" Hannah said. "You know you can tell me anything."
Neville, despite being flustered more than she'd seen him, smiled at her. "I know. I just…I love you, Hannah."
Hannah froze. The fingers that had been in Neville's hair stopped moving and she looked at him, her eyes wide.
"Never mind," Neville said, backtracking and starting to stand up. "It was stupid, let's just forget that I even said it-"
"No," Hannah said, pulling him back down to a sitting position. "No, it wasn't stupid."
"Oh," Neville said, obviously shocked. "Well, I mean, you don't have to say anything, I know we haven't been dating that long-"
"I love you too," Hannah said suddenly, surprising even herself. But once she said it, she knew it was true. She was in love with him.
"Really?" Neville asked, shyly, like he couldn't believe it.
"Yeah," Hannah said. "I love you."
Neville smiled, leaning in so that his lips hovered over hers. "I love you too."
I do recall now, the smell of the rain,
Fresh on the pavement
Hannah apparated right in front of The Three Broomsticks, rain falling down on her head. She pulled her hood over her head, inhaling the smell of the rain, and started walking in the direction of the Hogwarts Castle. It took all her will power not to run there, so she managed to walk at a fast pace, somehow hiding her eagerness to see Neville.
They both had assumed that when he had taken the job at Hogwarts that he would get the summers off and he'd be able to stay with her and they could spend time together when she wasn't working at St. Mungo's. They would be able to go out to eat and hang out with their friends and simply do all the things they couldn't do during the school year because of his schedule. However, when he was told that he needed to stay on the grounds to watch over some of the plants he brought in, both of them were extremely disappointed. Their relationship had just become known to their friends, quickly after saying they loved each other, and Hannah was hoping that he could finally meet her father.
However, him staying at the school made it so that it wasn't possible. Hannah was so busy at work that she barely got any time off to see him and he couldn't leave the castle unless he had someone watching the plants—but of course, no one but him knew how. So they hadn't been able to see each other. Then, Hannah was looking at her work schedule and saw that she wasn't scheduled to work on July 9th, and wrote Neville and instantly requested the day off, making sure that she would not get called in and that she would be able to see him, after months of letters.
Hannah saw the gates to the castle and instantly, her heart started pounding in her chest. She was going to meet Neville up at the castle, so nothing surprised her more than when she saw him, standing in front of the gates, looking at her like she was the most amazing thing on the planet.
That July 9th
The beat of your heart
"Neville!" Hannah said, and her impulse to run was finally acted upon as she ran up to him, throwing her arms around him. "I've missed you so much!"
"I've missed you too," Neville said, pulling her closer to him. His kissed her forehead. "Merlin, I love you."
Hannah looked up, smiling at him. She could feel his heartbeat, perfectly in timed with hers and suddenly all that time away from him felt worth it.
"I love you too," she said. Neville leaned down and kissed her and she couldn't help but wonder how the hell she managed to survive without him for so long.
She pulled away, but instead of letting go and going up the castle where they could dry off and catch up, Hannah instead rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Suddenly she remembered why that was her favorite sound.
She was in love with him. And nothing was going to change that. She didn't need the big show of affections and Neville knew that. While she was always happy to participate in kissing, Neville and her both knew that they were happiest when they were holding each other and simply knowing that the other was there. Hannah loved listening to his heart and him holding her because she knew that there was nowhere safer in the world.
So they stood there, holding each other as if they were never going to get another chance to do so, the rain falling down, and Hannah, listening to the love of her life's heartbeat jump and knowing that she would never regret this moment.
It jumps through your shirt
I can still feel your arms
Even though two years had passed since then, Hannah walked into her flat, drenched in rain, having intense flashbacks to that time in front of Hogwarts. She tried to ignore it, but every time the rain came down, even though it had been two years since then and four months since he broke up with her, she would feel his arms around her and his heart beating; a sound she had tried so hard to forget.
Hannah took a deep breath, running her hands through her damp hair, as she tried to calm herself down and not fall apart. Not need to feel his arms around her in order to feel safe.
She went back to her room, changing into her pjs and pulling a box down from a high shelf in her closet. She pulled out a sweat shirt and put it on even though it was too big for her and brought the box out to her living room, placing it on the ground.
But now I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
She knew she was pathetic. She knew that if she saw someone else doing this, she'd tell them to have some pride and move on. But she couldn't. So instead, she sat down on the floor, in Neville's old sweatshirt where his scent was barely there and pulled her knees up to her chest.
She had tried so hard to avoid this. She had spent the week after he broke up with her upset, but then told herself that she was going to be better because of it. She distracted herself, working more and going out with some of her friends that she had from Hogwarts like Susan, Ernie, and Justin, and while she would have fun, there would be this big part of her that wanted to just go back to her flat and watch a muggle film.
It was most difficult for her to avoid her feelings for Neville when she was at work, simply because she worked with Neville's parents or near them almost every day. This, of course, meant that there was always the possibility that she would run into him, something she currently didn't want to do.
She missed him. She really, really missed him. And he had been such a big part of her life for so long—over two years—that she suddenly felt like she didn't know who she was anymore, simply because so much of her time was dedicated to him. She had made a point to remain her own person in their relationship, but she still felt that slightly identity crisis, simply because she no longer knew who she was going to talk to when she was upset or happy or wanted to tell someone something.
Neville was that person for her. Even now, when she was sitting on her floor, in his sweatshirt, crying and missing him so much, the only person she wanted to talk to about it was him, even though he was the cause for this.
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss
Hannah put her hands to her face as a sob escaped her. She missed him. She missed him so, so, so much. Even on their bad days, when they would fight or when they wouldn't talk, she'd take that over this. She'd take being upset with him and wondering if they were going to make it, over missing him and not knowing if he was missing her.
That was probably the worst part, was the fact that even though everyday she felt a hole in heart, she wasn't sure if he even missed her. If she had done anything to make him miss her.
I never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips
She had thought—maybe foolishly—that he was the one. She thought they were going to spend the rest of their lives together.
She never thought that things would blow up the way that they did.
And as she sat there on the ground, her knees up to her chest, she couldn't help but wonder if she would ever get over him.
I do remember the swing of your step
The life of the party, you're showing off again
"Well you seem very excited," Hannah said, laughing as Neville walked quickly down the hall to the psych ward at St. Mungo's.
"It's a Christmas party," Neville said. "With my parents and my girlfriend. Of course I'm excited."
"It's also with all the other people in the psych ward," Hannah said.
"Yeah," Neville said. "Which is why it's even better."
Hannah smiled at him, letting him drag her along, in awe of how happy he was to be going to a Christmas party with—for lack of a better term—a bunch of lunes. Since she worked in the ward and planned the holiday parties every year, working with the people many considered pariahs was one of the greatest joys in her life, simply because they were some of the kindest people on the planet, even if they were different. So to find someone, who was so happy to spend a few hours with these people who many would overlook, could not have made her happier.
"Hello, everyone!" Neville said once they came in the door.
One of the louder patients, Gilderoy Lockhart, said, "Why hello! Welcome to our wonderful party!"
"Hello," Hannah said. "How are you doing today, Gilderoy?"
"Quite good," he said, happily. "I must say, you are looking very beautiful today, Healer Abbott. Have you thought any more about my marriage proposal?"
Neville gave Hannah a look but Hannah laughed it off.
"I'm sorry," Hannah said. "But I'm afraid that I cannot marry you."
"Well, why ever not?" Lockhart asked and his eyes widened when he saw Hannah's hand intertwined with Neville's. "Oh! You have deceived me! You already have a gentlemen caller!"
"Yes, I'm afraid I do," Hannah said, laughing at Neville's annoyed expression. "I'm sorry, but I'm rather fond of him. Now, if you don't mind, we have other people we need to see." Hannah pulled Neville along.
"You're getting hit on by our old professor?" Neville asked, and Hannah couldn't help but smile at the edge in his voice.
"It comes with the job," Hannah said, turning to face her boyfriend. "Why? Are you worried I may leave for you him?"
"No," Neville said. "I just don't like him flirting with you."
Hannah laughed, stepping forward slightly. "Well you're lucky that I'm completely in love with you," she whispered. "Because I don't plan on leaving you for anyone any time soon."
"How about you just don't leave me for anyone ever?" Neville asked.
"Ever?" Hannah said, a teasing tone in her voice, though she was going mad on the inside at the thought of Neville saying they'd be together for…well ever.. "That's a pretty long time. What about Ernie?"
Neville frowned at her, because she was teasing him and because she had brought up Ernie. Neville had never liked him, because he always thought that Ernie had more than friendship on his mind in regards to Ernie. "Yeah, well can you just say it?"
"Fine," Hannah said, standing on her toes to kiss him. "I won't leave you for anyone. Ever."
"Good," Neville said, suddenly seeming like a weight had just been lifted off his shoulders. He leaned down and kissed her again.
"Oi!" Came the voice of Neville's gran. "No snogging in the hospital!"
Neville pulled away. "Sorry Gran."
"Don't apologize to me," Gran said as Neville and Hannah approached her. "Apologize to your parents. Too busy snogging them to even notice that they're here."
"Right," Neville said, turning his gaze towards the two people sitting at the table in front of him. Hannah saw his eyes shift, from the normal, impassive look, to one full of love for the people in front of him. He walked forward and pulled his father into a one sided hug. "Hey Dad." Neville said before turning and giving his Mum a kiss on the cheek, which was only responded with a look of confusion. "Hi Mum. Nice party, huh?"
Despite the fact that his voice was cheerful, Hannah knew that he was feeling quite the opposite. Every time they came in here, despite the fact that Neville loved his parents more than anything on this planet, Hannah knew that he was hurt every time they looked at him with a confused expression, wondering who this man was who was hugging them. He would pretend to be happy the entire time, keeping the mood light and telling them all that was going on in his life, but you could always see in his eyes that he knew that they had no idea who he was and that fact broke his heart more than anything. The only thing that broke him out of this was when his mum would give him a gum wrapper, because that was one thing that she only did with him and it helped him believe that maybe, just maybe, she knew who he was.
Hannah sat down next to Neville's gran and watched as Neville walked to the chair next to her, his smile not quite meeting his eyes. Once he sat down, Hannah found his hand and gave it a squeeze, letting him know that she was there. He squeezed back and Hannah couldn't help but feel a little reveled.
"So Neville, do tell us all about your job," Gran said. "Your parents are excited to hear about how great their son is doing."
"Well, as I told you guys last time I was here, I'm the Herbology Professor at Hogwarts," Neville said. His parents watched him with blank stares but Hannah couldn't help but wonder if maybe, some part of them, knew that his was their son.
Hannah always wondered that with them. When Neville was around, they were different. Not noticeably, but just in the little things that they did. When someone would talk to them, often times they would look around and she was never quite sure if they were paying attention. But when Neville talked to them, they paid complete attention, like they knew, in the back of their mind, that this was their son.
Something that Hannah didn't expect was for Neville to become the life of the party. Often times, she still thought of him as the timid, unsure boy he was at Hogwarts and now, he had found some Christmas music and turned it on, singing completely off key with one the older patients, Mandy, a woman who seemed a little too interested in him for Hannah's liking.
And I roll my eyes and then
You pull me in
Hannah turned her attention back towards his parents, who were still watching Neville with great attention. She went over and took a seat right next to Alice.
"Hello Frank, hello Alice," she said. "How are you both doing today?" She didn't get a response, though she knew that she wouldn't. Frank and Alice were both two of the quieter ones in the ward, partially because the part of their brain responsible for speech had been greatly damaged.
"You see that man over there?" Hannah said, pointing at Neville as he sang to a terrible Celistina Warback song. "He's your son, Neville. He is a very wonderful man. You should be proud."
Hannah laughed softly as the song ended and the room gave Neville and Mandy a round of applause and demanded an encore.
"I know I'm proud of him," she said. "I also happen to be very much in love with him." Much to her surprise, Alice turned her head towards her. "I never thought that I would be. But I am. I am in love with him. And I plan on being in love with him for a long time."
She looked over at Alice, who was still looking at her. Alice's face, while blank, had the smallest sign of comprehension as well.
"Do you…do you think that'd be a good thing?" Hannah asked. "If I was in love with him for a long time?"
Alice didn't respond, only turning her head forward. Hannah sighed, not sure why she felt disappointed, when she hadn't been expecting another response. She reasoned that it was because that was the first time she had told anyone that she could see a future with Neville. And not just a future of within the next few months or years. But a future that she had dreamed about.
"Hey," Neville said, walking in front of her and grabbing her hand.
"Hi," Hannah said, allowing herself to be pulled up. "What are you doing?"
"We're going to dance," Neville said, pulling her towards the center of the room.
Hannah groaned. "You know I hate dancing."
"Please?" Neville said, pulling her close to him.
"I'm terrible at dancing," Hannah said as Neville wrapped an arm around her waist.
"No you're not," Neville said, moving them slowly in a circle. "You're dancing right now."
I'm not much for dancing
But for you I did
Hannah sighed, wrapping another arm around his neck. "Fine."
Neville smiled triumphantly, continuing to spin them around. "I know you'd much rather be dancing with Lockhart, but you can give me this one dance."
"Hey, at least I'm not leading him on," Hannah said. "You're the one that keeps flirting with Mandy over there."
"I'm being nice!"
"You're flirting," Hannah said. "I think that it's only fair that you promise me that you won't leave me for her."
Neville smiled down at her. "I won't leave you for anyone. Ever."
"There's that word again," Hannah said.
"Yeah," Neville said.
They were quiet for a minute, turning slowly, before Hannah broke the silence.
"I don't want to sound like I'm coming on too strong," she said softly, unsure of herself. "But…I really wouldn't mind not being with anyone else ever again." She looked up at him. "I just…I only want you."
Neville broke eye contact with her and Hannah knew that she had come on too strong. She had been too forward with her emotions and now he was going to take a step back.
"I'm sorry-"
"I-"
Hannah stopped and looked at Neville. "You can go first."
"Okay," Neville said, gulping. "I…uh…I feel the same way. I don't really want to be with anyone else but you."
"You mean that?" Hannah asked.
"Yeah," Neville said. "I love you. Forever and always."
"Forever and always," Hannah said. "That's a bit of an overused saying but I can't think of a better use for it."
"Thank you," Neville said suddenly, taking Hannah by surprise.
"For what?"
"For loving me," Neville said. "And for accepting me for who I am. And for accepting my parents for who they are, despite…" his eyes wandered over to where his parents sat, the blank expressions still on their faces. "Despite the fact that they have no idea who I am."
"I think they know," Hannah said softly. "And more than that, I'm sure they're proud. They have every reason to be." Hannah kissed him quickly, before Gran yelled at them. "They love you. I promise."
Because I love your handshake, meeting my father
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets
"Dad, please do not try to scare him," Hannah said as she got ready for her Dad to meet Neville for the first time.
"Why not?" he asked. "It's a father's right to do so!"
"Dad, not only is he 4 inches taller than you," Hannah said, putting some plates on the table. "But he is also a wizard. So, you're going to lose if you try to fight him."
"I would never try to fight him!" her dad said, and Hannah gave him a look of disbelief. "Not unless you were serious about this bloke, to the point of where you were planning on marrying him."
Hannah didn't say anything, choosing instead to go grab the napkins.
"Hannah," her dad said, his voice low. "Why didn't you respond to me?"
Hannah took a deep breath. "Because…I'm pretty sure that he is the bloke I'm going to marry." Her dad's face dropped and she quickly went into recovery mode. "Not anytime soon! Trust me, there are absolutely no plans for us to get married anytime soon."
"Well, I should hope not!" her dad said. "You've only been dating him for a few months!"
"It'll actually be eight months on Christmas," Hannah said. "We started dating in April, right before he took his new teaching job. We kept it a secret for the first two months."
"Well why'd you decide to tell people after that?" her dad asked. "I would have been fine thinking that you were still single."
Hannah smiled slightly. "Because we told each other we loved each other. And suddenly neither one of us wanted to keep it a secret."
Her dad processed this, sitting down in a chair. "When did you decide that this was the man you were going to marry?"
"I didn't really decide it," Hannah said. "It just…happened. All of a sudden something clicked and I just knew."
"Does he know?" her dad asked. "About the fact that you think you're going to marry him?"
"Yeah," Hannah said, thinking back to the Christmas party at St. Mungo's a few days ago. "Yeah he knows that I want to be with him forever. And he feels the same way."
"Oh God," her dad said, putting a hand to his forehead. "It's times like these that I really miss your mum. She always knew what to say in these situations." Hannah nodded and her dad looked at her. "I hope that this boy is worth it," he said. "I hope that he deserves you and is everything you've hoped the man you'd marry would be."
Hannah smiled. "He's that and more."
"Just one thing," her dad said. "You're not getting married any time soon?"
"No, dad," Hannah said, shaking her head. "We're only 22. We're both working on our careers right now and we're happy. I love him. And I plan to marry him. Just a few years down the road."
"Well, thank the Lord for that one," her dad said, just as the fireplace burst into green flames.
"Hello," Neville said, stepping out of the fireplace.
"I'll never get used to that," her dad said, standing up. "Hello there. I'm Charles Abbott, Hannah's father."
"Neville Longbottom," Neville said, grabbing Charles's hand in a firm handshake. "It's great to finally meet you sir."
"You too," Charles said. "Quite the handshake you got there."
Hannah muffled a laugh, knowing that Neville had spent more than a few hours practicing his handshake with Harry before walking over and giving Neville a quick kiss.
"Hey," she said. "Why don't you boys go watch the telly while I finish dinner, yeah?"
"Whatever your father wants to do," Neville said. "I don't watch the telly much."
"Really?" Charles asked, leading the way to the sofa. "Have you ever watched a football game?"
"No sir, I can't say I have," Neville said, sliding his hands into his pockets as he walked behind Hannah's dad.
"Oh, well, we'll just have to find a game and I'll teach you the basic rules," Charles said. "It's a lot less confusing than that Quid-Patch game you wizards play."
"Dad, it's Quidditch," Hannah said.
"Well whatever it's called, football is much better," Charles said. "Oh here's a game! Liverpool and Manchester United. Alright, so, you see that bloke with the ball? That's the…"
Hannah smiled as she watched her dad rattle on about football, Neville listening closely as if he was going to be tested on it later. She went back in the kitchen, finishing cooking while listening to her two favorite men watch a football game.
How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something
"So how do you think I did?" Neville asked after the dinner.
"I think you did very well," Hannah said. "My dad seemed to like you a lot."
"More than all your other boyfriends?" Neville asked with a slight smirk on his face.
"Haha," Hannah said. "Considering none of them have ever been serious enough to meet him, I'd have to say yes, you did much better than my other boyfriends." She began to fill the sink up with water, causing Neville to frown.
"Why are you doing the dishes by hand?" he asked. "I was going to ask you why you made dinner by hand too, but forgot."
"Oh," Hannah said, turning the water off. "I just always don't use magic when I'm with my dad. My mum and I both would do things the muggle way when dad was home, simply because it always made him more comfortable. And because it would have been hard to explain how we did the dishes in two seconds at dinner parties." Hannah pulled her wand out of her pants pocket, waving it, and smiling at the sight of clean dishes. "One of the difficult parts of being a half-blood, I guess. My mum would have to pretend to be a muggle around my father's friends and my dad would have to act like he didn't find it weird that people popped in and out of the fireplace and waved a stick."
"Was he ever against it?" Neville asked, sitting himself up on the counter as Hannah put the dishes away.
"Magic? No," Hannah said. "Mum just always thought that it was easier for her to not use magic than it was for him to try and keep up with us. It was her way of letting him know he was needed." Hannah shut the cupboard and hoisted herself up on the counter next to Neville. "I wish you could have met her. She would have loved you."
"Really?" Neville asked.
"Yeah," Hannah said. "Even when we were in school and I would mention you or something, she'd always say how she thought we should hang out more because she liked your parents. Apparently she knew them when she was at school."
"Well then she'd be very happy to see us now," Neville said. "What with you being completely in love with me and everything."
"Oh yes, the love is only on my side," Hannah said, pushing Neville off the counter. "You're an arse sometimes you know that?"
"I've been called many things," Neville said, standing in front of Hannah and still being as tall as she was. "Mostly things like pathetic or badass, but I'm pretty sure arse has not been one of them."
"Yeah well those people clearly don't know you very well," Hannah said, smiling. "Because then they'd know that you—"
Neville cut her off by kissing her, causing her to push him away.
"Hey!" Hannah said. "I'm talking here. Anyway, as I was sayin—"
He kissed her again and, though it was a little more hesitant, Hannah pushed him off.
"You know I hate it when you do that," she said.
"You'd miss it if I didn't though," Neville said.
There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions
Now Hannah stood at her counter, fighting back tears at the memory. She had brushed his comment off, thinking that he wouldn't stop doing that, because they had a future together. They had Forever and Always.
But they didn't, and now she was suddenly missing those times when he would just kiss her, even when she was trying to tell him something important.
And I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss
Hannah was not sure why she missed him so much. But she just wanted him back in her life. Even if they were 12 again and she was the insecure girl who didn't know how to do her makeup and he was the boy who everyone thought was wrongly placed in Gryffindor, she'd take it. Because she just wanted him back in her life in some sort of capacity.
It was terrible. Because she knew that there was nothing she could do. There was nothing she could do but sit in her flat, wearing his sweatshirt and miss him and just hope that one day he'd come back. That he would come back to her door and say that he missed her like crazy and that he wanted to be with her and that it was a mistake to let her go.
But she knew it wouldn't happen. She knew the damage that was done between them.
Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips
"But why?" Hannah asked softly, tears falling down her cheeks.
"I just can't," Neville said. "I don't want to do this—"
"Then why are you?" Hannah yelled, something that shocked both of them. "Why are you breaking up with me then? If you don't want to do this, if it pains you so much why are you breaking up with me?"
"Because it's not working anymore," Neville said.
"What's not?" Hannah said, standing up. "What's not working? What am I doing wrong?"
"It's not you," Neville said. "It's just the relationship isn't working."
"I thought it was working just fine!" Hannah said, wiping tears from her face.
"I'm sorry," was all Neville said.
Hannah didn't say anything, only looked at him, sitting in his chair, looking down at the ground.
"What about Forever and Always?" Hannah said, causing Neville to look at her. "What happened to that? What…what changed? Everything was fine and now suddenly you're done?"
"I'm sorry," Neville said. "Things just changed. It wasn't…" He stood up and looked at her straight in the eye. "It wasn't you."
"Well I have a hard time believing that it could be anything else," Hannah said. Then, suddenly not wanting to be in his flat anymore, a place she used to love to be, she said, "Goodbye Neville."
And before he could say another word, she apparated to her flat, where she instantly fell to the ground, sobbing.
So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep
It had been six months since Neville had broken up with her and she was doing okay. She missed him every single day. Every small thing made her think of him and a part of her was always right on the verge of going home, putting on his sweatshirt and missing him, more than she would have ever thought possible. It was the worst when she was in her flat alone, without any distractions.
That day, though, was the exception.
"Here's the Daily Prophet, Hannah," a nurse said, dropping it in front of her. "I think there are some people in your department who would like to see that."
"Really?" Hannah asked, grabbing the paper and looking at it.
And when she did, she almost instantly regretted it.
On the front page was a picture of Neville, holding a book. The title of the article was, "Hogwarts Professor Writes New Herbology Textbook" and despite the pain inside her, Hannah couldn't help but smile because she knew that for Neville, writing a book about Herbology had always been a dream, so to write a textbook that would be used during his lessons must mean that he was ecstatic.
The article contained many pictures, lots of ones with Neville with plants that he discussed in his book, but also pictures of what his life was like outside of teaching. There were pictures of him, Harry, Ginny, and Luna, who Neville had described as a few of his best friends. It showed a picture of him in front of the Eiffel Tower, where he went while researching his book, something Hannah didn't know. There were pictures of his life, of this whole life that he was somehow able to get within six months, a life that she had no idea he was having.
She was confused, because this man in all the pictures before her, used to be someone who would sleep next to her and who she knew everything about. And he had suddenly managed to get a completely new life, while she was still doing the same thing, the only difference being that he was no longer there.
And I'll feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
"Hey, Alice and Frank," Hannah said as she walked in between their beds, the newspaper in her hands. "I have something I thought you guys might want to see."
She handed the paper to Frank first and she could have sworn she saw something similar to recognition as he looked at the paper. But as quickly as it was there, it was gone. She took the paper from him and handed it to Alice, who stared blankly down at it.
"Do you guys know who that is?" Hannah asked, taking the paper and sitting between their bed. "That's your son. Neville. He comes in here from time to time. But yeah, he wrote a book. You guys should be proud. He sounds like he's happy." Hannah skimmed through the article, her eyes catching something.
"Listen to this," Hannah said. " 'When asked about his relationship status, Longbottom replied that he was currently single. We asked him if he was looking for anyone special and he said that while not actively looking, he was always more than willing to date someone and see if she could be the future Mrs. Longbottom'." Hannah gulped. "So he's still single, so you guys might need to wait for grandchildren. Although, he seems more than willing to date anyone." Hannah wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be crying. I just meant to come here and share your son's exciting news with you. Not to do this. But I…I love your son. Still. Even though it's been 6 months and we haven't spoken since we broke up. I want to talk to him but I can't because it hurts, it hurts so much." Hannah let out a sob. "Merlin, this is so unprofessional…but he just, he's fine. He's moved on and is happy and has a wonderful life and seems to have completely forgotten about me and meanwhile, I'm here sobbing at his parents' bedside about how much I miss him and how I want him to come back but there's nothing I can do about it." Hannah put her hands to her face. "Merlin, I'm so pathetic."
And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are
"Hannah?"
Hannah pulled her hands from her face to see Ginny Potter standing in front of her, a bouquet of flowers in her hands.
"Ginny," Hannah said, wiping her eyes in a futile attempt to make it seem like she wasn't crying. What are you doing here?"
"I had an appointment and thought I'd bring Neville's parents some flowers," she said.
"Oh, that's nice of you," Hannah said, standing up, the paper still in her hands.
"I also wanted to see how you're doing," Ginny said. "I haven't seen you in a long time and wanted to check in."
"I'm fine," Hannah said, sniffling. "I'm perfectly fine."
Ginny smiled softly. "Obviously."
"Allie?" Hannah said, talking to one of the nurses passing by. "Could you take care of these flowers and put them in here?"
"Of course Healer Abbott," Allie said, taking the flowers from Ginny. "Anything else?"
"No thank you," Hannah said and Allie left.
"So, what was it?" Ginny asked.
"What was what?"
"The reason why you were crying," Ginny said.
"Nothing," Hannah said. "Just this article." She handed the paper to Ginny.
"Should have known," Ginny said, skimming the article.
"It's just hard," Hannah said. "I miss him so much as it is and then to see that he has his life so together and that he's fine…it's overwhelming."
"I can imagine," Ginny said looking back at Hannah. "But I promise you, he's not as fine as he seems here."
Hannah frowned. "What do you mean?"
"This is going against every single friend rule," Ginny said. "But Neville is not fine. He hasn't been fine since the breakup."
"But why not?" Hannah asked. "He broke up with me. He's the one who is supposed to be happy and perfectly fine."
"That's how it's supposed to be," Ginny said. "But I guarantee you that's not how it is."
Hope it's nice where you are
"Alright, have a good weekend everyone," Neville said. "Remember that you're essay on Mandrake's is due on Wednesday! Go support Gryffindor in the Quidditch match tomorrow!"
There was a whoop from one of the students as they left and Neville sat down.
Six months. It had been six months since he had ended things with Hannah. When he broke up with her, he thought it was because the distance—him being in Scotland teaching while she was in London—was too much and that she deserved to be free to be with someone who was in London as well, someone who could see her on a weekly if not daily basis and not accidentally forget to write back because of the fact that they were swamped in grading papers.
He had thought he was doing the right thing.
But after, he realized that it wasn't. Even though he had managed to write that book he had always planned on writing, which allowed him to travel to Paris and many other places, he realized that he wanted to share all of it with her. He wanted her to be next to him throughout the whole thing and give him that bright, reassuring smile when he was feeling like he was reverting back to the timid boy who had zero self-confidence.
Hannah was the best person he knew. But more than that, he was pretty sure that she was the one for him. And he screwed that up when he decided that she deserved someone better than him.
And knowing that it was possible that she had found someone else or finally realized that he wasn't insane about Ernie fancying her and decided to date him, hurt him more than anything.
And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you, you wish you had stayed
Neville walked down the streets of London, flowers in his hands. Maybe he had been in Scotland too long, but the fact that the sun was visible through the clouds seemed to make everything a beautiful day.
He reached St. Mungo's and walked in, going to the elevator and hitting the button for the floor that he was at far too often.
When he reached the floor, his first instinct was to look for Hannah's long blonde hair. He wasn't paying attention and ran right into someone, causing them to drop all the files.
"Sorry!" Neville said, leaning over the same time as the women he ran into did. He picked up some files and looked up, the blonde hair in front of him, causing his heart to stop.
"Thanks," the women said, pushing her hair off her face. Neville deflated a little when he saw that it was not Hannah, but one of the nurses, Allie. "Oh, hello Neville."
"Hi," Neville said, standing up, grabbing a few more files and standing up. "Here. Sorry about that. I was distracted."
"Don't worry," Allie said, taking the files before leaning down and picking up Neville's flowers. "These are pretty. Are they for your parents or—" She stopped herself and Neville could tell that she had forgotten that he and Hannah broke up. "They're very nice. Do you want me to put them in a vase and bring them to your parents now or later?"
"Later will be fine," Neville said. "I'd like for them to know they're from me."
"Of course," Allie said moving over to the desk to sign him in. "They're doing very well lately. They've been more responsive to people, especially Healer Abbott." Allie took a peak at him while writing his name tag, noting his expression.
"Good," Neville said. "That's good." He bit his lip. "Um, how is Healer Abbott doing? I haven't—I haven't visited here in a while."
"Oh, she's great," Allie said. "She's been working a lot, but she's doing great. I heard that she was planning a trip to Greece with some of her friends…I think it was Susan, Ernie and Justin?" Allie fought to hide her smile when she saw Neville frown at Ernie's name. Hannah had told her that Neville always thought Ernie felt something more than friendship for her. "I think that's who it was. Anyway, she's been great. Real happy."
"Well, I'm happy for her," Neville said, trying his best to sound sincere.
"Here you go," Allie said, handing Neville a name tag. "Have a nice visit. I know that they've missed you the past six months. Why haven't you come to see them?"
"I've been busy with work," Neville lied. The real reason he hadn't come was because he didn't want to run into Hannah, but he realized that he missed his parents too much and would go on a Saturday, because she never worked on the weekends. "Bye Allie."
She was happy. She was happy without him and it seemed more possible than ever that she had hooked up with Ernie.
Neville took a deep breath and ran his hand though his hair, wondering if it was possible to hit himself in the face for being such an idiot and letting her go.
You can plan for a change in the weather and time
But I never planned on you changing your mind
Hannah had been walking out of the Longbottom's room after checking up on them, looking at her charts and comparing them to today's tests, when she saw Neville at the front desk.
"Shit!" Hannah said, instantly turning around and running into one of the empty rooms, hoping that he didn't see her.
She shut the door and then leaned against it, clutching the clipboard to her chest and fighting the tears that were threatening to come. Six months. It had been six months since she last saw him and her first reaction was to hide from him and cry.
She had never thought that it would come to this. She never thought that she would be hiding because she couldn't see him.
She had never thought that he would change his mind and break up with her.
She squeezed her eyes together, tears falling down her cheeks as she slid down the door until she was sitting on the ground.
So I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss
She knew she had patients to check up on. She knew that she needed to go and do her job, even at the risk of seeing Neville.
But she couldn't. Even though it had been six months, the pain of him breaking up with her felt new and fifty times worse. While she always knew that if she saw him again, she'd see him there, she was still surprised when he appeared. She had hoped that if she saw him again, he'd be there because he wanted her back and that he was wrong. That he missed her.
She wiped her eyes, trying to get a hold on herself. She needed to go out there. She needed to do her job.
She was giving herself five minutes, five minutes before she needed to go and do her job, whether she ran into Neville or not. There were people here who needed her help.
And she would go to them in five minutes.
Only she didn't get five minutes.
"Where's Healer Abbott?!" She heard Allie's voice call in a panicked tone. "Hannah! Hannah, where are you?!"
Hearing the panic in Allie's voice, she stood up and threw the door open, running out.
"I'm here!" she said.
Allie ran up to her. "Longbottom's room. Alice is freaking out. They took Frank to the bathroom and she started screaming. You need to go calm her down!"
No, Hannah thought. Because she knew that if Alice was freaking out, Neville was probably there seeing it. She had seen Alice have many different kinds of freak outs—the kind most people had where they would scream, the kind where she would regain her memory and wonder where she was, and the worst kind, where she would have visions of when Bellatrix attacked them.
She ran into the Longbottom's room and saw Alice in the bed, screaming.
"FRANK!" she screamed. "STOP TORTURING MY HUSBAND! TAKE ME INSTEAD! FRANK!"
Hannah scanned the room, noting that there were many other nurses there trying to hold her down as she relived the night that caused her life to change and also saw Neville pushed into the corner, watching his mother with tears on his cheeks and fear in his eyes. He must have felt her looking at him because his eyes moved over to her and, even though the current situation—Neville seeing his mother at her very worst—was one of Hannah's worst fears, Hannah somehow managed to give him a reassuring smile, telling him that everything was going to be okay.
"NO!" Alice screamed and Hannah and Neville's attention was brought back to her. Alice suddenly calmed, her body going limp as she began to weep. "Just kill me. Please, please just kill me." She screamed as, in the memory, Bellatrix shot another curse at her. "NO. NO."
Hannah walked forward to Alice, who was twitching now, tears running down her cheeks, as she screamed.
"Alice!" Hannah said, grabbing Alice's hand. "Alice, listen to me. You're safe. No one is hurting you or your husband."
"GET OFF ME," Alice said, pushing one of the nurses off her. "DON'T YOU DARE GO AFTER MY SON."
Hannah heard Neville suck in a breath at this and pushed the other nurses off of Alice. "Stop holding her down," she said to them. "You're making her worse because she's remembering the bonds she had on her."
"YOU LEAVE NEVILLE ALONE, LESTRANGE," Alice yelled, before screaming as her body reacted to the curses. She went limp and began whimpering. "No…not Neville…please not Neville…"
"Alice," Hannah said, her voice calm and soothing. "Alice, everything is okay. You are safe. Neville is safe. Frank is safe. You all are alive."
"Frank…" Alice said, a sob escaping her.
"He's okay," Hannah said, stroking Alice's hair. "You're okay. You're safe. No one is ever going to hurt you again. Not as long as I'm here."
Alice, who had calmed down considerably, looked up at Hannah. "You won't let them hurt us?"
"No," Hannah said. "I promise, I'll protect you. Forever and always."
I never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
The words had left her mouth before she could even process what she had just said. Although they were just two words, they were her and Neville's promise to each other. They would love each other, be there for each other, and promised each other Forever and Always.
When they fell apart, Hannah thought that she'd never say those words to anyone, ever again, simply because she didn't think she'd find someone she cared about enough to promise that too.
And yet she just made that promise to his mother.
She didn't have to turn around to know who had just left the room in a hurry. Once his mother had calmed down, Neville seemed to realize the situation he was in, in the same room as his exgirlfriend, who had just promised his mother the promise that he couldn't keep. Hannah hadn't been expecting him to look at her, but she was not expecting him to bolt from the room completely.
"Alright, give her a few more minutes and then bring Frank in," Hannah said, stroking Alice's hair as Alice's eyes fluttered closed. "Make sure not to put her in any position that would make her feel threatened or unsafe. If she starts getting slightly worked up, just stroke her hair like this. She feels safer. If it gets worst, call me."
"Yes, Healer Abbott," Allie said, before instructing one of the male nurses to get Frank from the bathroom.
Hannah walked out of the room and took a deep breath. It always hurt her to see any of her patients have any sort of panic attack, but it was always worse when it was Frank or Alice, simply because she had formed an emotional connection with them that she hadn't with the others. She had accepted them as her family, because she assumed they would be one day. While things may not have turned out that way, she, in no way, regretted that decision to let them into her heart. Just because she and Neville fell apart, didn't mean that her feelings regarding his parents, her patients, had changed.
Your name forever the name on my lips
Neville. He had seen his mother at her worst. Hannah closed her eyes and leaned against the wall behind her, remembering the look of sheer panic on his face, her heart broke. She had never wanted him to see either of his parents like that. It was hard enough for him to see them as they were, and while he was aware that these sort of things happened, Hannah didn't think he had any idea of just how bad they got.
Hannah had hoped that he would never see the worst. Even when she hated him and wanted to scream at him and hit him, she never, ever wished that he would see that.
Knowing that she had other patients to check on, Hannah opened her eyes and walked toward the reception area. When she reached the desk, she pulled out a pen and wrote in Alice's chart about her panic attack, going into extreme detail about what she had said for future reference. She was about to walk back to Alice's room to put the chart back when, in the corner of her eye, she saw Neville sitting on the ground his head in his hands.
Hannah, slowly and unsure, walked towards the dark alcove that Neville had hidden himself. He didn't hear her coming, didn't even realize she was there, until she sat down next to him.
"Hey," Hannah said softly. He didn't look up at her and Hannah, out of reflex, reached out and put her hand on his shoulder and said, "Neville."
Neville responded to this, looking up at her. His eyes were red and he had tears all down his face. It took everything in Hannah not to just wrap his arms around him.
"Do those happen a lot?" Neville asked, his voice raw from crying.
"Not too often," Hannah said. "There are different levels and that was the worst one. She rarely gets those although she tends to only get them when your dad leaves the room. We think it's because he was attacked first and that he is a sort of emotional anchor for her."
Neville nodded and sniffled, using his sleeve to wipe his nose and some tears. "Sorry about this…I just…I didn't know how bad it got."
"It's fine," Hannah said, her hand moving soothingly on his back by instinct. "I wouldn't expect you to react differently."
"I'm, ugh," Neville said, looking down. "I'm also sorry that I'm here. I thought that'd you wouldn't be working, since it's a weekend and all."
Just like our last kiss
Throughout their whole exchange, Hannah had actually forgotten that they were broken up. Hannah had actually forgotten that the guy in front of her had broken her heart. She removed her hand, thinking that maybe it was too awkward for him and put it in her lap. She couldn't help but notice that instead of relaxing, Neville tensed up, like that hand was the same safety net that it used to be when they were dating.
"Oh," Hannah said. "No, it's fine. I mean, you didn't know. We haven't exactly talked since…you know."
Neville nodded. "I, um, I'm sorry. About breaking up with you the way I did. You didn't deserve that."
"Thank you," Hannah said. "I'm sorry too, for not letting you talk and just bolting."
"It was a better reaction than I was expecting," Neville said. "I was thinking that you would at least throw a punch or something."
"No," Hannah said. "I was too upset to do that."
"Rightly so, too," Neville said. "I'm sorry. Again. I just thought that you should know that."
Hannah nodded and knew that this was the closure that she thought she had been needing. All those nights that she had spent crying over him and wondering what happened were always blamed on the fact that she never had closure. One day, they were perfect and the next, he was gone. She hadn't even known that they had their last kiss until she looked back on it.
Forever the name on my lips
But instead of feeling that relief that you're supposed to feel when you get closure, Hannah felt devastated. Nothing had changed for her. She still wanted nothing more than to hold him and spend forever on him.
And it was then that she knew that it wouldn't matter how many times Neville gave her closure, he'd still be the one. The one who she never got over. The one that changed her.
And because of that, Hannah felt like their break up and lame attempt at closure was completely wrong.
Hannah was not only in thinking that either. Neville felt like they were at that point where closure was necessary but he didn't want closure. Even though he had been the one to end things with her, he didn't want there to be closure, for the door that he had shut to be locked and any chance at reconciliation be killed.
Forever the name on my lips
Hannah was sitting next to Neville looking down at the ground. She knew that she had patients to see. She had charts to fill. She had papers to sign. Yet she couldn't quite move from the spot she was in because she knew that if she walked away, it was for good. No turning back.
And Hannah wasn't quite sure how she felt about that.
"Hannah?" Neville said, causing Hannah to look up at him. "How…how have you been?"
"I've been…okay," Hannah said. "Just working, mainly. You?"
"Work," Neville said.
Hannah nodded and she knew that she should say something about his book, say anything, but she couldn't. She felt the tears threatening to brim over, tears that she had forgotten about.
"I should probably get back to work," Hannah said quietly, looking up at Neville.
"Yeah," Neville said.
Neither one of them moved though. They just sat there, in their dark alcove, staring at each other.
"Why?" Hannah asked, unable to contain herself. "Why did you break up with me?"
"I have no idea," Neville admitted. "I convinced myself that distance was too hard and that you deserved better. You deserved someone who would see you every day and be able to go on dates with you without having to escort a student who got drunk up to the castle."
"But I loved you," Hannah said softly. "I didn't care about not seeing you every day or when we'd go for dates in Hogsmeade and be bombarded by your students with questions on the homework, I loved you and wanted to make it work. Even if I only saw you once in an entire year I'd take that over not having you at all." A tear escaped from Hannah's eyes and Neville reached up and wiped it, leaving his hand to cup her cheek. "I love you. Nothing else matters to me. I want no one else but you, even if there's a guy who could see me at the drop of a hat. It doesn't matter if there are people where it's more convenient for me to be with. I love you."
"I love you too," Neville said, his head leaning in slightly. Hannah leaned in as well and their lips met.
Neville pulled away first and Hannah looked at him, unsure of what was coming next.
"Do you…do you want to try again?" Neville said.
Hannah nodded. "Forever and always remember?"
Neville leaned in close to her. "Forever and always. I mean it this time."
Hannah closed the distance between them, pressing her lips against his, knowing that this was the first of many more kisses, none of which would be their last.
Just like our last…
A/N: Hey guys! Just another little song fic I did. I'm not really sure where it came from, but recently I've just been IN LOVE with Last Kiss and had a vision of who it could be for, so here this is.
The song is Last Kiss by Taylor Swift and she owns all of it, I do not own any part of that beautiful song.
What did you guys think? Doing this really made me fall in love with the Neville/Hannah relationship because I feel like there's so much potential there. I used to be a hardcore Neville/Luna shipper, but doing this changed my mind. I really like this personally.
Follow my blog! You'll get more updates and such and I'm trying to start actively using it again!
Thanks for reading and lots of love!
