It's time—the day is finally here. I can't help but acknowledge the strangeness of my situation. Yes, I love Jacob and he loves me; that's what matters, right? But I'm not unaffected by the fact that he was a father figure to me growing up. He held me in his arms when I was first born. He loved me. In that way? He imprinted on me as a child but does that mean his feelings were romantic from the start? Is there a difference between romance and simply caring for someone? Why am I asking myself all of these questions now…I've had my whole life to answer them and of course, on my wedding day is when they start eating me up. I sit in my parent's home, questioning...everything. Okay shut up, Renesmee. I try and talk myself out of this burning curiosity. I love him and that's what matters. All of this is unconventional but so is my entire life. Yep…not so conventional to be half human, half vampire, and have my entire family be blood-sucking monsters, oh and not to mention my soon-to-be husband is a werewolf. Unconventional is the understatement of the year. I hear a knock on my bedroom door. It's my mother. It should probably feel weirder than it does that I call someone who appears to be the exact same age as me "Mom". Maybe I should start calling her Bella. No, no. She's my mom no matter what. She's come to give me one of her motherly talks. Regardless of us being the "same" age now, she's always going to treat me like her daughter, as it should be. She begins to tell me how much she loves me and how happy she is for Jake and me. How everything is falling into place. Everything is finally how it should be. I give her a hug and then politely kick her out, wanting a moment to myself before I walk down the aisle. I look out the window and see dad, Edward, pull my mom into his arms. The way they look at each other is enchanting. Like nothing else in the world matters—their love is so deep and so passionate that it cannot be explained in words, only by the look in their eyes. Do Jacob and I have that? Well, he's imprinted on me so its safe to say there's nothing in this world he wouldn't do for me. And that's comforting. However, I didn't really have a choice in the relationship. Yes, I love him and want him but then again he's all I've ever known. I peek out the window once more to find my parents gone and my fiancée in replacement—in full wolf form. I leap out of my chair, burst the door open, and collapse into his warm, familiar fur. This is where I feel safe. We lay there, woman and wolf. Well, half-vampire/half-woman, half-man/half-werewolf. God, is anything uncomplicated these days? I look him in his big eyes—is he looking at me the way my dad looks at my mom? I can't help but wonder. A strange, unfamiliar feeling overwhelms my entire being. I get up quickly, explaining I still have to finish beautifying and getting ready, run into the house and lock the door behind me. My breathing speeds up. I feel sick to my stomach and a rush of coldness sores through my insides. Whoa—I think I need to get out of here. I need to figure out if this is really what I want. Maybe I need to be on my own? Independence is something I am very unfamiliar with. For my whole life, the only times I'm really alone is when I'm sleeping, and even then I never really feel any solitude. I want to experience loneliness, fear, learn to be on my own and care for myself. Before I have time to change my mind, I'm gone. Barefoot, only wearing my wedding dress (originally my mothers), a flower tiara, and my engagement ring. I start running. And I can run…fast. The forest is flying past me at intense speed. With each step forward, I feel more and more liberated. Freed. Alone, at last. And then I feel it; my unborn baby kicks. Oh, this decision isn't only affecting me. I have another human (is it a human?) to think about now. Each kick is a reminder of what I am really doing—running away and betraying everyone who has ever cared for me. I can't do this to them. As much as it pains me, I turn around and make my way back. I see my dad in the distance; he must be looking for me. "Over here, dad" I say, nonchalantly. "Renesmee where have you been? The ceremony is going to start any minute." I can hear the nervousness in his voice and can see the worry in his tell-all eyes. "Sorry, I just needed to get some air. I'm ready". He takes my cold hand and leads me through the woods, past our home, to the alter. Well. Here it goes. The very first day of the rest of my life. My life with Jake. My unconventional, exciting, lonely-free life. I have a pit in my stomach as I mutter the words "I do".
