A/N: Ah… this is just… epic crack, is what it is. I enjoy epic crack about the espada… and doesn't Szayel seem like the sort of mad-scientist to have an eye twitch?

They're Doing What In My Lab?

Grimmjow hated paperwork. Especially when it was for Szayel, he had to go down to the lab to give the reports to him. Joy.

His hand reached for the doorknob but stopped. Had he really just heard what he thought he heard? "Oh shit."

There was another moan from the other side of the door, "Aizen-sama…" followed by another moan.

"Are you sure Gin? Do you really want me to take you?"

There was another moan. "Yes Aizen-sama… please… oh dear gods… take me!"

Grimmjow had to get out of there; he dropped the paperwork and ran. He threw open the doors to the meeting room making several people jump. His breathing was labored, but he still managed to splutter. "Gin… and Aizen!... They're… they're having sex in the lab!"

Szayel's eye twitched. "They're doing what in my lab?"

"They're fucking each other!"

Starrk couldn't hold back a laugh as he said, "Gin and Aizen? Screwing each other in Szayel's lab? While I'd pay good money to see that, Grimmjow, I don't believe it."

Halibel sighed. "Are you sure you weren't slipped something in your tea? Or high from the fumes in the lab? Or, possible if not probable, you made this up to get attention?"

Grimmjow scowled. "No, that's something emo-boy over in the corner would do."

Ulquiorra glared daggers at him, "If you're so above me then why are you only the sixth espada?

"Girl!" he shot back.

"Trash!"

"I'm telling you, that's what they're doing!"

"Prove it."

"Fine, let's go."

"So wait, let me get this straight, you want to take us to Szayel's lab to show us Gin and Aizen who are supposedly having sex. Does that make sense to anyone?" Halibel asked.

"Well, in all logistic sense…" Szayel started to go into one of his lectures about science and logic and statistics, and Grimmjow was just about ready to beat him into the ground.

"Shut up trash!" Ulquiorra said, turning on Szayel, and stopping Grimmjow from doing anything.

Resignedly, they all walked down to Szayel's lab. It was quiet, too quiet.

"Alright, now I'm going to knock down the door." Grimmjow whispered. Szayel looked horrified at the prospect of his precious lob door being blown off its hinges by Grimmjow of all people.

He backed up and went to take a running jump, but just as his foot was about to hit the door, Ulquiorra opened the door. There was a loud crash as his body slammed into the cabinets.

After recomposing himself, he saw a bemused Gin, annoyed Aizen, indifferent Ulquiorra, and the 'I am going to fucking kill you by ripping you apart from the inside out' look on Szayel.

Taking a closer look at Gin and Aizen, he saw that they were both clothed, drinking tea, and going over what looked like Szayel's latest report.

"Well?" Aizen asked rather impatiently.

Grimmjow looked away, "Well, you see…"

"I thought you said that they were having sex Grimmjow, and then decided to ambush the place to find out." Ulquiorra stated innocently. Gin's smile grew wider and Aizen raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, really?"

Ah, shit, I'm dead now. "Yes."

"Well, you caught us, that's what we were doing."

Szayel's jaw hit the floor. "In my lab… In my lab…" He sounded quite crazy, and his eye was still twitching.

"Why not?" At this point, Grimmjow fainted from overload of the mental images paired with the noises from earlier.

Ulquiorra smirked, then turned to Aizen, "Thank you, for helping me get him back Aizen-sama."

"It was my pleasure, Ulquiorra, my pleasure."

A/N: Ah… and now the million dollar question, did they actually do it? And if they did, was it really as good as Aizen says it was?;)