While you were sleeping

How many times will you wander away from me? Stuck in this feeling of inability, I'm so close to screaming sensei. So close to asking you to stop, to stay, to love me . . . help me get rid of these nightmares.


Kakashi thought he saw something in Sakura's eyes as he disappeared from the training ground. As he appeared atop his crumbling apartment, the thought of what it might be carefully eluded his attentive mind.

Although Kakashi portrayed the lazy and oblivious man, he was always aware of what was happening around him. Not knowing something frustrated him to no end. This frustration was seemingly wore than others, which were solved with a few rounds of hot sake and loose-lipped shinobi.

Unfortunately for Kakashi, the object of his frustrations was not fond of drinking. This was most likely caused by her violent, gambling addict of a shishou who managed to fit in over a dozen cups of sake a day. A feat that the fifth Hokage was adamantly proud of. Not many could be that drunk and still be able to adequately run an entire village.

It was no wonder however, with a shishou like that, that his Sakura was awfully wary of drinking, as well as gambling.

Not that Sakura was his in any way, any form. Except of course, being his student, well ex-student for that matter, but she was his at one point.

Not that Kakashi felt any possessiveness over Sakura, more than of her two teammates, Naruto and Sasuke. Yet he didn't find himself constantly worrying about their feelings.

Maybe it was just because she was a girl, and therefore he felt the need to protect her. Which he knew was not needed as he had seen her punch through seven metres of concrete . . . and break Sasuke's nose when he was still with Orochimaru. In all actuality Kakashi was quite sure why he felt more possessive and protective of Sakura. It was something he had been denying for a long time and he knew that he couldn't keep it up.

Sakura was depressed, Kakashi could tell. Just as he could tell that she was no longer that pathetic, whiny little girl with an anger to be reckoned with. Okay, all of that except for the anger part.

She had grown into a capable, independant kunoichi, both mentally and physically. In every sense of the word Sakura was her own women.

And she wanted to kill herself.

Kakashi just didn't know why.


Sakura felt a jolt of loneliness as Kakashi disappeared from the training field. Unusually, Kakashi and Sakura had been the only ones left, as Naruto and Sasuke departed quickly after being summoned by her shishou.

They had not wanted to anger Tsunade, but Sakura often wondered though, why Naruto bothered to turn up on time only to spark her anger by calling her baa-chan. She supposed that Naruto's nickname of the forever youthful looking was meant as an endearment, even if it was quite true.

She was hopeful that her shishou wouldn't create bloody marks all over her friends body, something the medical ninja had become quite familiar with. As during the many years, if Tsunade-shishou was too angry she would let others fix Naruto up.

Yet, thankful to her shishou, Sakura has become stronger in taijutsu, genjutsu and medic jutsu. She just wished she was strong enough in genjutsu to make Kakshi stay, something she knew to be impossible with his one sharingan.

Kakshi wasn't the only she wished would stay, her sanity back would be helpful. Sakura knew she was depressed and only had enough will power left to hide it from everyone.

It seemed quite easy actually, Naruto would be oblivious until she made a mistake, even though she loved the boy he was that quick on picking things up. Yet if he found out, he would never leave her alone, he would constantly comfort her, make it better . . . maybe she should tell him.

No, no. Silly thought.

Ino was too caught up in trying to get Chouji to stick to his diet. Tsunade-shishou was busy running the village and getting wasted, and Sasuke was too wary to even speak to her. His wariness probably stemmed from when she had snapped at him two months after he had return to Konoha seeking amnesty from his crimes.

Sakura and Naruto had only been able to finally bring their fellow teammate home because he had avenged his clan. Uchiha Itachi was dead, killed by his own brother he had labelled pathetic and weak.

However once Sasuke found out the truth, the people that had ordered Itachi to murder his clan were found and killed. In this Sasuke was not alone. Everyone helped execute the traitors within Konoha and they were all glad to help.

Sakura had been one of those to help, and however happy that her former love had returned she did not feel as she had once felt. Over the years they spend apart, Sakura began to realise that her feelings for the surviving Uchiha had begun to fade into a more platonic love. All she simply felt now for the boy was a friendship filled with affection but burderened with painful memories that had yet to fade.

She supposed telling him that she had lost all respect and love for him the moment he had attacked Naruto, had surprised and shocked him. In all fairness though, he should never have dryly commented on her lack of gushing as if it was all she was useful for.

Sasuke understood how much she had grown as a shinobi, he just hadn't realised that went for being a person too. He had no chance of noticing the secret she had been hiding for so long. No one had.

Not until her sensei, her friend, had stumbled upon her mourning at a grave, lured by the scent of blood splayed across her thighs. Cuts that would've been kept hidden as they healed, were naked to his eye in her vulnerable state, she was just lucky he didn't see the old scars.

Her Kakashi watched her carefully from that moment on. Sakura just didn't understand why. She didn't think he would care that much.

Sakura rolled her shoulders and cricked her neck. Now that Kakashi had gone, training was officially over. She was alone again. Not that she didn't mind being alone, quite the opposite in fact, for now she didn't have to guard her actions so carefully.

It was just that she didn't want Kakashi to leave, seemingly more content when he was around. It was okay though, for she had to get a good night of sleep before her early shift at the hospital tomorrow.

Sakura started the journey home, walking instead of transporting herself due to her lack of chakra from her vigorous training. She usually didn't waste so much chakra but today she had been practicing a new justu on Naruto, as his many kage bunshin gave her ample amounts of targets.

So unfortunately she was left to drag her tired body back to her home, thinking quite wryly that Kakashi could have offered her a free trip with his justu instead of disappearing in a cloud of leaves.

That man was intolerable and yet Sakura wouldn't have him any other way, even though she knew that he was keeping his eyes on her. Sakura just wanted to be left alone by everyone, everyone except him. He was too observant for his own good and Sakura was playing in a game that would most likely leave her drowning. She was treading water but a part of her wanted to drown and that scared her.

Sakura climbed the stairs to her apartment on the top floor. It was times like these that Sakura wondered why she chose the top apartment. It didn't matter that it was the most spacious and had the best view, it was annoying trying to reach her front door after training every day.

Sakura finally reached the landing to her apartment and shoulder barged to door open after unlocking it. The smell of home greeted her and Sakura breathed it in. Her she could truly be herself, here were where the knives, that set her free.

Sakura headed towards the bathroom.


Now inside the apartment he had been living in for sixteen years of his anti-social life, Kakashi headed towards the bathroom. He had to admit that his three former students always gave him a good work out. So much that he didn't usually attempt to reach his Icha Icha novels. Usually, that is.

For today though, it had been tough and a thin layer of sweat and grime had collected on his body. He needed a shower, badly.

It didn't help that Kakashi, being the lazy man he was, wanted to do nothing more than collapse. Collapsing would look weak and whatever Kakashi was, it wasn't weak.

So he trudged his way into the bathroom, resolutely ignoring the pulls in a few strained muscles. He suspected he'd tore his calf ligiment as it trembled with every step.

'Maybe I should have had Sakura take a look at it' he absently thought.

She was now quite an outstounding medic and a small injury such as this would've taken a few moments to fix. But Kakashi hadn't figured out yet how to approach the depressed girl without inducing her wrath.

She was a little vixen with a temper that could unleash a chakra-induced fist to cause broken bones. Jiraiya didn't call her mini-Tsunade for no reason. So if she was anything like her shishou, and Kakashi knew she was, he would have to be careful about this.

Thoughts ran through his head as he disrobed, breathing in unhindered air through his nose when he took his mask off. The next important thing to come off was his pants, a feat made difficult as he leg almost gave out on him. When everything was lying on the bathroom floor he turned, naked, towards the mirror.

'There's my father' he thought to himself, ashamed at the reflection in the mirror.

Even though he had long ago learned that his father had been a good man who had done the right thing, no matter was others said. He would never know that all his friends and fellow humans saw a strong man who didn't let anyone get close. Not the man who was the cause of the second ninja wars.

He only saw the exact replica of the man he had call otoo-san, minus the scar and sharingan eye. Kakashi closed his sharingan and turned on the water, wincing as the pain grew behind his borrowed eye.

His thoughts turned back to Sakura and her unknown problem as the water soothed his body.


'If only I could cut deeper, harder. The pain feels so good. I feel numb already'.

Her thoughts were morbid as the blood dripped over her old scars and onto the white linoleum.

Sakura was quite fond of watching the blood and if she was honest, the way the blood flowed from her body sent a primitive shudder of pleasure through her. Something screamed inside her head. I did that. That's my work. Everyone look at how beautiful I made it.

She made her pain into a work of art, covering the old scars that could not heal, even when she had tried to. For these scars had been cuts from a poisoned blade. Two crosses on each leg.

She remembered that day well. She didn't want to but she could not forget. When it got too much, she took out her own kunai and cut the memories away. The blood was because of her this time. Never again would Sakura let the blood be because of him. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

The edges of her vision started to blur and Sakura wondered if she had done this too soon after her last 'session'.

Smiling faintly, the pink-haired girl rested her head against the tiles. Her blood looked so bright against the white of her skin. Forever ingrained into her memory and forever hidden from her friends.

A constant pounding on her front door woke the kunoichi from her unconscious state. Groaning slightly, Sakura pushed herself up from her fallen position on the floor. Obviously when she passed out her body had managed a way to cause her even more pain and now she had an unbearable kink in her neck.

Though her neck made her grimace, the faint pull on her thighs sent waves of calmness through her body. This she could handle. Her own self-inflicted pain made it so much easier to breathe.

The pounding on the door continued and Sakura quickly snatched a robe to cover herself.

She rushed to answer the person yelling "I'm coming, I'm coming!"

Hopefully whoever was at the door wouldn't smell the blood that had dried upon her skin. If they did she could easily say it was from her training session with her boys and she hadn't had the time to clean up yet.

After her call the knocking had ceased and Sakura opened the door to find a tiger-masked ANBU on her doorstep. Immediately her body tensed and her mind travelled to the many possibilities of this visit. No longer was she the depressed young girl hiding behind her carefully erected facade. She was Haruno Sakura. An amazing kunoichi and medical ninja, second only to her Tsunade-shishou.

The neutral voice of the ANBU informed Sakura of the circumstances saying "Hokage-sama requests your presence immediately. You are to pack for a one month mission".

"Hai" Sakura acknowledged.

With his job done the ANBU disappeared in a puff of smoke and leaves. Similar to the same jutsu Kakashi used. Sakura felt the slight thrill and determination of an impending mission.

Laughing lightly she whispered excitedly "Lets get back to where the real fun is".

She'd been spending too much time in that damn stuffy hospital.