Therapy
In a city of fools I was careful and cool but they tore me apart like a hurricane
He was always considered different. In a place where brute strength and war were privileged there was no space for someone filled with a deep and insatiable lust for knowledge and freedom. In a place where everything golden was taken to a high standard, a shadowy figure would certainly be looked sideways.
Weak, strange, and unmanly. That was what this person was considered. Being always overpowered by brawn he was cast aside for being the poster for what an Asgardian couldn't be: tall, lithe, dark, and royal. He was trash. Argr. Nothing more than a mistake, a blot to dirt a spotless place.
His biggest mistake? To love the person he was not supposed to. The personification of Asgardian stupidity and idiocy. His own brother. The only person who's ever loved him back.
He always tried to keep his mind centered, his emotions in check. He only acted after long consideration. Only when even the smallest of details were perfect. Therefore it was astonishing to see his plan backfiring so spectacularly. His brother exiled. He was sitting in a throne he never wanted and being cast aside again. No one stood by his side. No one even spared him a glance, an encouraging smile. All he saw was scorn and hatred.
That was not supposed to have happened. They were not supposed to have reached Jotunheim. He thought the All-Father was going to stop them on the Bridge. He never dreamt his brother was going to be stripped off his powers and sent to Midgard. He never imagined it was going to come to that: him, holding onto his brother, the dark beyond, the abyss, behind his back.
A handful of moments I wish I could change, but I was carried away.
If he could go back, there were so many things he'd change. His children. He'd fight harder, kill if necessary, o keep them close to him. His precious. His world. His beacon of light in the darkness. Transformed into monsters and cast aside because of their father's reputation. Because he had been foolish. His precious, his world.
Thor. The big oaf. The impersonation of everything he has ever despised. His love. He should have never let their affair begin. It was too painful afterwards. They were brothers, destined to spend the eternity together and yet separated. Destined to the crown. Even though only one of them would ever come to be bestowed with it. He never wanted it. He always wanted to be by the side of the man he loved with all his might. He only wanted to be his equal.
Give me therapy
I'm a walking travesty
A lie. It has all been a lie. His entire life, a lie. He was just another relic. He was a monster. The creature every Asgardian hated and wanted to kill. Jotun. Worst of the worse. A relic. A lie. A monster. Pain, painless and invisible. Pain, not physical, emotional. Pain swept through his veins like poison. He was no one. He was a lie. No one's son. A monster.
You can choke on your misery
The moment he saw his plan collapse, when he saw the look on the man's eye - the man who had lied to him for centuries - he knew that was it. The end. He had failed. Failed his children, his love, his world, failed himself. But he wouldn't let them see him defeated. He would have it his way. No one else's. With this though Loki let go.
