The Rocketeers
----------
AKA Team Rocket Wises Up
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Author's Note: Yes, I am anti-Pokemon. I won't even try to stop getting flamed over this, but just remember: I'll always do the same for you!
Disclaimers: All the Pokemon characters belong to . . . some company in Japan. Mount Deimos, Reecluze, Ebolemon, Disastremon, and Stealthazar are all made up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Team Rocket was sitting around, bored and listless, on the lower slope of Mount Deimos. James was chewing gum, Jessie was staring into space, and Meowth was getting himself tangled in a ball of yarn.
Suddenly, Jessie smacked her fist into the ground next to her.
"God DAMMIT!" she yelled.
"Huh?" James looked up from his fresh piece of gum. "What's the matter, Jess?"
"What do you think's the goddamn matter?" she fumed. "We're both seventeen and I don't even have a driver's license! Instead, I'm running around in wimpodite white clothes with a bigass R on the front, trying desperately to be evil without killing a single thing or even winning one fucking battle! Dammit, I want to be BAD!"
James thought for a second. "Damn, you're right," he said slowly. "Our act could definitely use a makeover."
Meowth disentangled himself from the yarn, a grin on his face. "You know, bosses," he said slyly, "The answer's been right under your noses the whole time."
"What?" they both said.
"Buy me an anchovy pizza, and I'll tell you."
Thirty minutes later, at the Cerulean City Pizzeria, Meowth licked the last traces of fish and tomato sauce from his whiskers. "Ahhhh," he sighed contentedly, and belched.
"We held up our end of the bargain," James said. "Now tell us."
"OK," Meowth replied. "The thing is, you two are terminally uncool. Now don't get offended-" Jessie was starting to rise in anger- " -just hear me out. Hang on, I'll make a list."
Using the back of a paper menu, Meowth composed the following list.
1. Costumes- White is for sissies. Polyester is for lawyers or investment bankers- and you guys aren't that evil yet. We need black leather, lots of it.
2. Attitude- Team Rocket is too predictable. Never wants to kill anyone, scared of fighting, kowtowing to that fat prick Giovanni. We need to get tough.
3. Goals- Always trying to capture Pikachu. Why don't we just kill the little rat?
4. Personal attitudes- James whines, Jessie is too macho. James eats too much, Jessie eats too little. We need to change that.
5. Fighting Techniques- Learn some kung-fu or something. You can't win with just three or four Pokemons. Use some new techniques and bust their asses.
6. The Motto- CHANGE THIS! PLEASE! At least add some swear words, guys. Otherwise, nobody's gonna get scared or even stay calm. You're just making them laugh. The rose is good, though. Keep the rose.
James studied the list. "Looks good," he said, and passed it to Jessie. She nodded.
"I couldn't agree more," she said. "Especially numbers one and four." Jessie glared at James.
"First off. The Motto." Meowth said, standing back to appraise their performance. "Show me."
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To reunite all peoples within our nation!"
"To denouce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"JESSIE!"
"JAMES!"
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"
"That's right." finished Meowth. "However, your performance is NOT right. The motto sucks, your routine sucks, and Jessie looks trashy that way. We need to re-write and re-choreograph the whole thing."
"If we're going to do this over and over," James said, getting up, "Maybe we'd better leave the restaurant."
A week later, in a deserted lot, they had finally finished their new motto. James readjusted his black sunglasses. "ACTION!" Meowth yelled.
Instantly, the place designated as the stage went pitch-black. From the center of the blackness, a glowing silver and green point appeared- then exploded into a fantastic net of similarly colored lightning. From the center of the lightning, two dark figures emerged- Jessie and James, completely transformed. Both wore black leather- lots of it- black trenchcoats, and had automatic weapons, not to mention cool-looking sunglasses. Jessie had exchanged her miniskirt and shirt for a black catsuit, and had the silver R for Rocket emblazoned on a chain-link metal belt. James wore a thin, black shirt which showed off a well-toned body he definitely had not had a week ago, as well as black leather boots and pants.
Moving smoothly, they stood side-by-side and grinned maliciously at their one-cat audience. This time, James started.
"To hasten all Pokemon's gruesome deaths!"
"To stomp out truth and slaughter kindness!"
"To make Poketrainers just bloody smears!"
"To realize Professor Oak's worst goddamn fears!"
"JAMES!"
"JESSIE!"
"Team Rocket attack at the speed of light!"
"You've got a choice for fight or flight!"
"Meowth, damn straight!" the cat finished, jumping up on the stage. He, now, wore a collar of black leather with silver spikes and a tag with the Team Rocket R on it.
A bolt of green lightning struck Jame's right hand. and a red rose appeared there. James delicately sniffed the rose then, with an evil grin, hurled it at a picture of Ash at the other end of the field. The rose struck and exploded, showing thorny shrapnel everywhere.
"Yes!" Jessie crowed. She and James exchanged a high-five. "We are hot shit!"
"OK," Meowth ordered. "Show me your special moves."
Jessie went first. She assumed her stance, hands on hips, standing in a heroic manner. Suddenly, she sprang into the air, hands snapping up for a cartwheel. From the cartwheel, she executed a perfect series of flips and loops, knocking down and breaking in half several Ash-Misty-Brock dummies in the process. She landed with a class-A scissors grip on a mannequin of Professor Oak, which would have broken the spine of the real thing.
James went next. He, too, assumed the 'Heroic' stance. He was facing a training droid of Ash. However, James faked a left to the jaw, ducked under the droid's clumsy punch, and head-butted it in the stomach. While it staggered, he planted a foot in its chest and, with a perfect kung-fu kick, sent it sailing off the stage and into a chain-link fence. It flashed 'Opponent Unconscious. Possible Death."
"YES!" Meowth crowed. "They won't stand a chance! And one more thing-"
He delved into his black leather pack and produced four Pokeballs, all black and silver.
"Forget that sissy Weezing," he said. "I went down to the Scarin war labs yesterday and created you some new Pokemons."
James had:
Stealthazar- a ghost Pokemon with wicked claws and total invisibility, not to mention a love of sneaking-up tactics.
Disastremon-Catastrophemon-Armageddon- an unclassifiable creature which mutated quickly and caused disasters to befall its opponent.
Jessie had:
Colyrea-Ebolemon- a disease Pokemon which infected, melted, and ultimately destroyed whomever it was sicced on.
Reecluze- a spiderlike Pokemon which shoots jets of acid. Cannot be easily destroyed as it automatically spins a thick shield of web which blocks any attack.
"See, these Pokemons don't need to have a weakness," Meowth chuckled. "They ain't even in the books."
"And since when does Team Rocket play fair?" James said, his eyes glinting fiercely behind the sunglasses. He toyed with the Disastremon's Pokeball.
"Let's kick some Pokeass," Jessie added. She adjusted her sunglasses.
"I can't believe we're going to the Pokemon Finals!" Misty gushed as she cuddled her Psyduck.
"Yeah," Ash added. "I mean, it's been only five years since we started training. Going to the Pokemon Finals at seventeen!"
"I couldn't agree more," Brock said. "Most trainers are in their thirties or forties when they compete."
"Well, that's because we're just the best, right?" Misty said, snaking an arm around Ash's waist.
Ash gave her a quick kiss. "You've got that right, Misty. The best."
The road they were on, a narrow track with a slight incline which led through a thickish forest, turned a corner. They went around the corner- and found themselves facing a sheer rock wall.
"What the-" Ash muttered, running his hand over the wall. "This isn't on the map."
"Send Pidgey to investigate," Brock suggested.
"Sounds OK," Ash replied. He threw the Pokeball. "Go, Pidgey!"
The brown and white bird flew high, hovered over the wall, and- "SQUAWK!"- hit the ground at a good 20 miles an hour as a mess of blood and feathers.
"Pidgey?" Misty yelled, dropping Psyduck and running over to it. She picked it up, and turned a tearstained face to her boyfriend. "It's over, Ash. Pidgey's dead."
"Dead?" Ash said, kneeling beside her. He ran a hand over the lifeless Pokemon. "This isn't right. There wasn't another Pokemon around- what could have killed it?"
Instantly, from every direction, two maniacal laughs could be heard- one slightly lower than the other.
"What the heck?" Brock said. He covered his ears, trying to shut out the laughter.
"We'll need support," Ash said. He threw another Pokeball. "Go, Pikachu!"
"Pikapikachu?"
"Don't worry," Misty said, still crying over the Pidgey. She scratched Pikachu's head. "I'm sure it's in Pokeheaven right now."
"Chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" Pikachu started crying, half from fright, half because he was too stupid to realize that there was nothing he could do.
Then the world went dark.
"Hey!" Ash yelled. "What's going on!"
Then, right in front of them in the blackness, a pinprick of silver light appeared. This exploded into a whirling vortex of silver and green lightning- and two dark figures emerged.
"Team Rocket!" the three Poketrainers gasped.
And so it was. However, it was only their hair that made them recognizable- otherwise, their look was completely new. Both wore black, and black trenchcoats to match. They even had sunglasses. The two stood back-to-back, grinning evilly at the three stunned teens. Then James spoke:
"To hasten all Pokemon's gruesome deaths!"
Jessie added:
"To stomp out truth and slaughter kindness!"
"To make Poketrainers just bloody smears!"
"To realize Professor Oak's worst goddamn fears!"
"JAMES!"
"JESSIE!"
"Team Rocket attack at the speed of light!"
"You've got a choice for fight or flight!"
Then Meowth jumped out from behind them, grinning also as the spikes on his collar reflected the lightning. "Meowth, damn straight!"
The three Poketrainers gasped. Team Rocket had sworn!
Jessie looked at James. "You sure this is the right bunch of idiots? They're just gaping."
"Naah, it's them." James replied. "These fuckers are the right ones. Nobody else is this stupid."
These words snapped Ash back to his senses. "You'll never win, evil ones!" he yelled.
"Oh?" Meowth said.
"Vileplume, I choose you!" Ash yelled, hurling the red-and-white ball at the smirking Team Rocket.
James retaliated. "Kick ass, Stealthazar!"
Within nine seconds, Vileplume had been turned into coleslaw by some invisible force.
"Stop!" Misty said. She grabbed Ash's arm. "They've got some tough pocket monsters now- we have to bring out the big guns!"
"No guns, though, OK?"
"Agreed." Then Misty threw her Pokeball. "We're relying on you- just like with Mewtwo! This is your number-one cue- triumph over evil, Mew!"
KERACK! Jessie had done a no-hands cartwheel, wrapped her legs around Mew's neck, pulled a scissors move, and- Ash, Misty, and Brock ducked to avoid the spray of gore. Apparently, Jessie had attached razor blades to her boots, because Mew's head had come clean off.
"Hell yeah!" James and Jessie high-fived. "My turn," James said. He launched himself forward, moving faster than the Poketrainers could see.
"You'll never win, evil oooOOAAGGGHHHH!" Brock's words were truncated by a spiked gauntlet which flattened his nose.
"I beg to differ!" James retorted, throwing the wailing Brock away like a stuffed doll. Jessie moved forward also, and James handed her one of his Pokeballs. She nodded in comprehension and dropped back.
"Your days of wrongdoing are over!" Misty cried. She was obviously enraged. "Now comes your final defeat!" Misty and Ash threw every Pokeball they had- and there was every kind of Pokemon in creation, glaring at the two Team Rocket members.
James motioned to Jessie. "Speaking of big guns . . ." he said, and stepped back. FAR back. Jessie threw the Pokeball she held, then jumped away too. There was a burst of red light- and a small, orange raccoon was sitting on the ground.
"Hah! Is that the worst you can do?" Ash taunted. "Go, Geodude!"
The rocky Pokemon rolled forward to challenge the raccoon, who just sat there, staring calmly at it.
Geodude took his first swing- and suddenly, a geyser of lava shot up under him, instantly reducing him to a puddle of molten rock. The other Pokemons drew back in terror from the molten magma, and from the flames which sprung up. Then Disastremon- for that was who it was- began to change. He swelled up, tail growing longer and leaner, body lengthening out, claws becoming more evident. Within seconds, he had become something more like a puma; Catastrophemon; but he didn't stop there. Instead, the claws grew again, the teeth lengthened, the ears shrank slightly, and cross-hatched dark green marks appeared. Jessie and James exchanged That Look. Ash and Misty's Pokemon had a full-blown Armageddon on their hands!
The Armageddon rose up, roaring- and the sky grew dark above them. The wind picked up, whipping the Pokemons into a frantic state; lightning flashed above them as the tiger-sized menace summoned all his powers over chance cataclysmic events. A meteor, headed peacefully for a collision with Jupiter, suddenly veered off its course. The rock was on a new mission: Destroy the Pokearmy!
The 500-foot meteor said down through the atmosphere. Jessie shaded her eyes as she saw it approach. "We're all gonna die!" she yelled as it came closer . . . closer . . .
A week later, in a chic Lavender Town French restaurant . . .
"Remind me again how we managed to survive the impact," James said as he casually threw the waiter over his shoulder. "I don't remember much."
Meowth sighed. "Do I gotta tell you *everything?* Look, Armageddon has control over anything that might be a disaster- even a disaster for the Pokemon trainers, too. And it would be a disaster for them if you survived. So he manipulated Reecluze, who spun a protective web shield- which, when augmented by Armageddon's powers, managed to save us all. So here we are."
"Damn straight," Jessie added as she shredded the restaurant bill. "Man, this feels so good!" she continued. "It's fun to be really *evil.* Hey, remember Giovanni's expression when I started up the chainsaw?"
"*That* was cool," James said. "But now that we're not Team Rocket- of course, that fat prick *would* fire us before we killed him- we need a new name. Hmmm . . . something with R, so we don't have to change our costumes again."
"The Ravagers?" Meowth suggested.
Jessie shook her head in disgust. "That sounds like a cross between Genghis Khan and a dirty novel. How about 'The Rocketeers'?"
"That oughtta work," the other two agreed. "C'mon," James said, getting up. "We have things to do . . ."
" And Pokemon to kill!" Jessie finished the sentence.
Meowth followed them. "Just as long as the Pokemons aren't *me.*"
"Don't worry, buddy," James said, tossing him a Sacajawea golden dollar coin, "What would we do without you?"
----------
AKA Team Rocket Wises Up
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Author's Note: Yes, I am anti-Pokemon. I won't even try to stop getting flamed over this, but just remember: I'll always do the same for you!
Disclaimers: All the Pokemon characters belong to . . . some company in Japan. Mount Deimos, Reecluze, Ebolemon, Disastremon, and Stealthazar are all made up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Team Rocket was sitting around, bored and listless, on the lower slope of Mount Deimos. James was chewing gum, Jessie was staring into space, and Meowth was getting himself tangled in a ball of yarn.
Suddenly, Jessie smacked her fist into the ground next to her.
"God DAMMIT!" she yelled.
"Huh?" James looked up from his fresh piece of gum. "What's the matter, Jess?"
"What do you think's the goddamn matter?" she fumed. "We're both seventeen and I don't even have a driver's license! Instead, I'm running around in wimpodite white clothes with a bigass R on the front, trying desperately to be evil without killing a single thing or even winning one fucking battle! Dammit, I want to be BAD!"
James thought for a second. "Damn, you're right," he said slowly. "Our act could definitely use a makeover."
Meowth disentangled himself from the yarn, a grin on his face. "You know, bosses," he said slyly, "The answer's been right under your noses the whole time."
"What?" they both said.
"Buy me an anchovy pizza, and I'll tell you."
Thirty minutes later, at the Cerulean City Pizzeria, Meowth licked the last traces of fish and tomato sauce from his whiskers. "Ahhhh," he sighed contentedly, and belched.
"We held up our end of the bargain," James said. "Now tell us."
"OK," Meowth replied. "The thing is, you two are terminally uncool. Now don't get offended-" Jessie was starting to rise in anger- " -just hear me out. Hang on, I'll make a list."
Using the back of a paper menu, Meowth composed the following list.
1. Costumes- White is for sissies. Polyester is for lawyers or investment bankers- and you guys aren't that evil yet. We need black leather, lots of it.
2. Attitude- Team Rocket is too predictable. Never wants to kill anyone, scared of fighting, kowtowing to that fat prick Giovanni. We need to get tough.
3. Goals- Always trying to capture Pikachu. Why don't we just kill the little rat?
4. Personal attitudes- James whines, Jessie is too macho. James eats too much, Jessie eats too little. We need to change that.
5. Fighting Techniques- Learn some kung-fu or something. You can't win with just three or four Pokemons. Use some new techniques and bust their asses.
6. The Motto- CHANGE THIS! PLEASE! At least add some swear words, guys. Otherwise, nobody's gonna get scared or even stay calm. You're just making them laugh. The rose is good, though. Keep the rose.
James studied the list. "Looks good," he said, and passed it to Jessie. She nodded.
"I couldn't agree more," she said. "Especially numbers one and four." Jessie glared at James.
"First off. The Motto." Meowth said, standing back to appraise their performance. "Show me."
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To reunite all peoples within our nation!"
"To denouce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"JESSIE!"
"JAMES!"
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"
"That's right." finished Meowth. "However, your performance is NOT right. The motto sucks, your routine sucks, and Jessie looks trashy that way. We need to re-write and re-choreograph the whole thing."
"If we're going to do this over and over," James said, getting up, "Maybe we'd better leave the restaurant."
A week later, in a deserted lot, they had finally finished their new motto. James readjusted his black sunglasses. "ACTION!" Meowth yelled.
Instantly, the place designated as the stage went pitch-black. From the center of the blackness, a glowing silver and green point appeared- then exploded into a fantastic net of similarly colored lightning. From the center of the lightning, two dark figures emerged- Jessie and James, completely transformed. Both wore black leather- lots of it- black trenchcoats, and had automatic weapons, not to mention cool-looking sunglasses. Jessie had exchanged her miniskirt and shirt for a black catsuit, and had the silver R for Rocket emblazoned on a chain-link metal belt. James wore a thin, black shirt which showed off a well-toned body he definitely had not had a week ago, as well as black leather boots and pants.
Moving smoothly, they stood side-by-side and grinned maliciously at their one-cat audience. This time, James started.
"To hasten all Pokemon's gruesome deaths!"
"To stomp out truth and slaughter kindness!"
"To make Poketrainers just bloody smears!"
"To realize Professor Oak's worst goddamn fears!"
"JAMES!"
"JESSIE!"
"Team Rocket attack at the speed of light!"
"You've got a choice for fight or flight!"
"Meowth, damn straight!" the cat finished, jumping up on the stage. He, now, wore a collar of black leather with silver spikes and a tag with the Team Rocket R on it.
A bolt of green lightning struck Jame's right hand. and a red rose appeared there. James delicately sniffed the rose then, with an evil grin, hurled it at a picture of Ash at the other end of the field. The rose struck and exploded, showing thorny shrapnel everywhere.
"Yes!" Jessie crowed. She and James exchanged a high-five. "We are hot shit!"
"OK," Meowth ordered. "Show me your special moves."
Jessie went first. She assumed her stance, hands on hips, standing in a heroic manner. Suddenly, she sprang into the air, hands snapping up for a cartwheel. From the cartwheel, she executed a perfect series of flips and loops, knocking down and breaking in half several Ash-Misty-Brock dummies in the process. She landed with a class-A scissors grip on a mannequin of Professor Oak, which would have broken the spine of the real thing.
James went next. He, too, assumed the 'Heroic' stance. He was facing a training droid of Ash. However, James faked a left to the jaw, ducked under the droid's clumsy punch, and head-butted it in the stomach. While it staggered, he planted a foot in its chest and, with a perfect kung-fu kick, sent it sailing off the stage and into a chain-link fence. It flashed 'Opponent Unconscious. Possible Death."
"YES!" Meowth crowed. "They won't stand a chance! And one more thing-"
He delved into his black leather pack and produced four Pokeballs, all black and silver.
"Forget that sissy Weezing," he said. "I went down to the Scarin war labs yesterday and created you some new Pokemons."
James had:
Stealthazar- a ghost Pokemon with wicked claws and total invisibility, not to mention a love of sneaking-up tactics.
Disastremon-Catastrophemon-Armageddon- an unclassifiable creature which mutated quickly and caused disasters to befall its opponent.
Jessie had:
Colyrea-Ebolemon- a disease Pokemon which infected, melted, and ultimately destroyed whomever it was sicced on.
Reecluze- a spiderlike Pokemon which shoots jets of acid. Cannot be easily destroyed as it automatically spins a thick shield of web which blocks any attack.
"See, these Pokemons don't need to have a weakness," Meowth chuckled. "They ain't even in the books."
"And since when does Team Rocket play fair?" James said, his eyes glinting fiercely behind the sunglasses. He toyed with the Disastremon's Pokeball.
"Let's kick some Pokeass," Jessie added. She adjusted her sunglasses.
"I can't believe we're going to the Pokemon Finals!" Misty gushed as she cuddled her Psyduck.
"Yeah," Ash added. "I mean, it's been only five years since we started training. Going to the Pokemon Finals at seventeen!"
"I couldn't agree more," Brock said. "Most trainers are in their thirties or forties when they compete."
"Well, that's because we're just the best, right?" Misty said, snaking an arm around Ash's waist.
Ash gave her a quick kiss. "You've got that right, Misty. The best."
The road they were on, a narrow track with a slight incline which led through a thickish forest, turned a corner. They went around the corner- and found themselves facing a sheer rock wall.
"What the-" Ash muttered, running his hand over the wall. "This isn't on the map."
"Send Pidgey to investigate," Brock suggested.
"Sounds OK," Ash replied. He threw the Pokeball. "Go, Pidgey!"
The brown and white bird flew high, hovered over the wall, and- "SQUAWK!"- hit the ground at a good 20 miles an hour as a mess of blood and feathers.
"Pidgey?" Misty yelled, dropping Psyduck and running over to it. She picked it up, and turned a tearstained face to her boyfriend. "It's over, Ash. Pidgey's dead."
"Dead?" Ash said, kneeling beside her. He ran a hand over the lifeless Pokemon. "This isn't right. There wasn't another Pokemon around- what could have killed it?"
Instantly, from every direction, two maniacal laughs could be heard- one slightly lower than the other.
"What the heck?" Brock said. He covered his ears, trying to shut out the laughter.
"We'll need support," Ash said. He threw another Pokeball. "Go, Pikachu!"
"Pikapikachu?"
"Don't worry," Misty said, still crying over the Pidgey. She scratched Pikachu's head. "I'm sure it's in Pokeheaven right now."
"Chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" Pikachu started crying, half from fright, half because he was too stupid to realize that there was nothing he could do.
Then the world went dark.
"Hey!" Ash yelled. "What's going on!"
Then, right in front of them in the blackness, a pinprick of silver light appeared. This exploded into a whirling vortex of silver and green lightning- and two dark figures emerged.
"Team Rocket!" the three Poketrainers gasped.
And so it was. However, it was only their hair that made them recognizable- otherwise, their look was completely new. Both wore black, and black trenchcoats to match. They even had sunglasses. The two stood back-to-back, grinning evilly at the three stunned teens. Then James spoke:
"To hasten all Pokemon's gruesome deaths!"
Jessie added:
"To stomp out truth and slaughter kindness!"
"To make Poketrainers just bloody smears!"
"To realize Professor Oak's worst goddamn fears!"
"JAMES!"
"JESSIE!"
"Team Rocket attack at the speed of light!"
"You've got a choice for fight or flight!"
Then Meowth jumped out from behind them, grinning also as the spikes on his collar reflected the lightning. "Meowth, damn straight!"
The three Poketrainers gasped. Team Rocket had sworn!
Jessie looked at James. "You sure this is the right bunch of idiots? They're just gaping."
"Naah, it's them." James replied. "These fuckers are the right ones. Nobody else is this stupid."
These words snapped Ash back to his senses. "You'll never win, evil ones!" he yelled.
"Oh?" Meowth said.
"Vileplume, I choose you!" Ash yelled, hurling the red-and-white ball at the smirking Team Rocket.
James retaliated. "Kick ass, Stealthazar!"
Within nine seconds, Vileplume had been turned into coleslaw by some invisible force.
"Stop!" Misty said. She grabbed Ash's arm. "They've got some tough pocket monsters now- we have to bring out the big guns!"
"No guns, though, OK?"
"Agreed." Then Misty threw her Pokeball. "We're relying on you- just like with Mewtwo! This is your number-one cue- triumph over evil, Mew!"
KERACK! Jessie had done a no-hands cartwheel, wrapped her legs around Mew's neck, pulled a scissors move, and- Ash, Misty, and Brock ducked to avoid the spray of gore. Apparently, Jessie had attached razor blades to her boots, because Mew's head had come clean off.
"Hell yeah!" James and Jessie high-fived. "My turn," James said. He launched himself forward, moving faster than the Poketrainers could see.
"You'll never win, evil oooOOAAGGGHHHH!" Brock's words were truncated by a spiked gauntlet which flattened his nose.
"I beg to differ!" James retorted, throwing the wailing Brock away like a stuffed doll. Jessie moved forward also, and James handed her one of his Pokeballs. She nodded in comprehension and dropped back.
"Your days of wrongdoing are over!" Misty cried. She was obviously enraged. "Now comes your final defeat!" Misty and Ash threw every Pokeball they had- and there was every kind of Pokemon in creation, glaring at the two Team Rocket members.
James motioned to Jessie. "Speaking of big guns . . ." he said, and stepped back. FAR back. Jessie threw the Pokeball she held, then jumped away too. There was a burst of red light- and a small, orange raccoon was sitting on the ground.
"Hah! Is that the worst you can do?" Ash taunted. "Go, Geodude!"
The rocky Pokemon rolled forward to challenge the raccoon, who just sat there, staring calmly at it.
Geodude took his first swing- and suddenly, a geyser of lava shot up under him, instantly reducing him to a puddle of molten rock. The other Pokemons drew back in terror from the molten magma, and from the flames which sprung up. Then Disastremon- for that was who it was- began to change. He swelled up, tail growing longer and leaner, body lengthening out, claws becoming more evident. Within seconds, he had become something more like a puma; Catastrophemon; but he didn't stop there. Instead, the claws grew again, the teeth lengthened, the ears shrank slightly, and cross-hatched dark green marks appeared. Jessie and James exchanged That Look. Ash and Misty's Pokemon had a full-blown Armageddon on their hands!
The Armageddon rose up, roaring- and the sky grew dark above them. The wind picked up, whipping the Pokemons into a frantic state; lightning flashed above them as the tiger-sized menace summoned all his powers over chance cataclysmic events. A meteor, headed peacefully for a collision with Jupiter, suddenly veered off its course. The rock was on a new mission: Destroy the Pokearmy!
The 500-foot meteor said down through the atmosphere. Jessie shaded her eyes as she saw it approach. "We're all gonna die!" she yelled as it came closer . . . closer . . .
A week later, in a chic Lavender Town French restaurant . . .
"Remind me again how we managed to survive the impact," James said as he casually threw the waiter over his shoulder. "I don't remember much."
Meowth sighed. "Do I gotta tell you *everything?* Look, Armageddon has control over anything that might be a disaster- even a disaster for the Pokemon trainers, too. And it would be a disaster for them if you survived. So he manipulated Reecluze, who spun a protective web shield- which, when augmented by Armageddon's powers, managed to save us all. So here we are."
"Damn straight," Jessie added as she shredded the restaurant bill. "Man, this feels so good!" she continued. "It's fun to be really *evil.* Hey, remember Giovanni's expression when I started up the chainsaw?"
"*That* was cool," James said. "But now that we're not Team Rocket- of course, that fat prick *would* fire us before we killed him- we need a new name. Hmmm . . . something with R, so we don't have to change our costumes again."
"The Ravagers?" Meowth suggested.
Jessie shook her head in disgust. "That sounds like a cross between Genghis Khan and a dirty novel. How about 'The Rocketeers'?"
"That oughtta work," the other two agreed. "C'mon," James said, getting up. "We have things to do . . ."
" And Pokemon to kill!" Jessie finished the sentence.
Meowth followed them. "Just as long as the Pokemons aren't *me.*"
"Don't worry, buddy," James said, tossing him a Sacajawea golden dollar coin, "What would we do without you?"
