A/N: This story will fill in a lot of plotholes for the episode "Before and After" (such as contradictions between the two "Year of Hells" we saw on the show, and why Tom seemed so out of character when married to Kes).

It will also try to provide a more uplifting twist on the "Before and After" timeline, for anyone who found that timeline a bit...unpleasant.

EDIT: A major continuity error that I missed was fixed.

I don't own "Star Trek: Voyager."


Almost the entire crew was gathered in the Mess Hall for Kes's funeral. Ocampan tradition called for an immediate burial—or at least "immediate" in the eyes of humans, and any species that didn't have a nine-year lifespan. Dr. Kes had passed away just the previous night, after her daughter Linnis won the fight to reject the Doctor's experimental, life-extending treatment. Kes's casket was sealed shut, in preparation for its jettison into space. There was a serene feel around the entire crew. This funeral was not one of the more painful ones, not like Janeway's or B'Elanna's. Kes had lived a full life and died naturally, and everyone except her husband Tom had already been prepared for this moment.

Captain Chakotay addressed his crew with a solemn calm. "Kes touched the lives of everyone aboard this ship. We'll each get a chance to voice just how, in accordance with Ocampan tradition. You all received a briefing on how this will go down, but I'll run it by you all just one more time. Each crewmember will be given a flower, leaf or fruit, which Neelix is handing out. You'll all approach Kes's casket, one at a time, and deliver a few short words on how she affected your life, then place your plant on the table around her casket. Try to keep it to just a few sentences, unless you're immediate family."

Linnis Paris, the daughter of Tom and Kes, was the first to come forward. "Mother, you were the greatest influence on my life. Dad may've been the one I liked to have fun with more, but you were my role model, my guide. You still are, and always will be." She placed an Ocampan flower on the table next to the casket and stepped aside.

Chakotay glanced at Tom Paris, wondering if he would be next. Tom stood with Harry Kim, who had his arm over his friend's shoulder. Tom's eyes were bloodshot, but for the moment, his grief seemed beyond tears. It looked like Tom wasn't prepared to say anything just yet. So instead his grandson Andrew Kim went next.

Andrew was the son of Linnis and Harry. The boy appeared to be close to be nine or ten years old, but aged rapidly due to being one-quarter Ocampan. In fact, the boy had only been born a few months ago. "Grandma Kes," Andrew clutched the large fan-like leaf Neelix had given him. "You were the smartest person I ever knew. It's been so lonely, growing up alone, while my friends stay the same age forever. But having you to talk to made everything easier."

Next was Naomi Wildman, who was now reaching her preteen years. Like Andrew and Linnis, Naomi aged rapidly due to her Ktarian heritage, but still at a slower rate than the Ocampans. "Kes," Naomi began. "You were like a second mom to me. I barely remember Mom, but you made sure everything I did remember stayed as clear as it could, by reminding me of her and telling me stories about her every day." Naomi's mother, Ensign Samantha Wildman, had been killed during the Year of Hell. Afterwards, Neelix had taken custody of her. "I'll try to do the same, now, for Andrew. I'll make sure he doesn't forget a single day he had with you." Naomi placed her daisy on the table and left.

Marla Gillmore came forward with an aqua Ocampan fruit. "After the crimes I'd committed aboard the Equinox, I didn't know how I could redeem myself. It was with your guidance that I was able to start anew. Without it, I don't know if I'd have had the confidence to adopt Amanda."

Amanda was the Borg infant, rescued from a damaged cube, along with Icheb, Mezoti and the twins. Icheb and Mezoti were standing near the front of the crowd, and Mezoti was holding Amanda, who was a little over a year old now. The twins, Azan and Rebi, were no longer on Voyager, having been placed with an adoptive family some months ago.

The funeral lasted well over an hour. Some eulogies were several sentences, while others were less than five words. Tuvok and the Doctor both had a lot to say. By 0900 hours, the only three left to go were Neelix, Tom, and the captain.

Neelix stepped up to the casket with a small white flower, and spoke in a strained voice. "We may not have had what we once had, but you were still more precious to me than life itself. I'm," he bit his lip, fighting back tears. "…glad you found happiness, and lived a good life Kes."

After Neelix left the coffin, Chakotay looked at Tom, silently asking which one of them should go next. Tom gave Chakotay a long look, and Chakotay took it as a hint to go ahead.

"Kes," Chakotay said, "You've saved this ship more times than I can count. I don't know how we would have caught those aliens experimenting on us, or made it past that 'Pitcher Plant' alien, without your sixth sense to warn us. And you've saved us in other ways too, acting as an unofficial ship's counselor. You helped a lot of us get through the Year of Hell; you were there for my old crew when we got news about the Maquis back home; and you were there for every new crew member we've gained along the journey." His eyes jumped from Naomi, to the two Borg children, to the Equinox crewmembers. "Voyager won't be the same without you." Chakotay set his olive branch on the table.

Tom swallowed, and finally stepped forward, holding a white rose. He stood over the coffin for several seconds, before finally managing, "Thank you Kes…for…everything." He set the rose down, then returned to his spot next to Harry.

Chakotay waited until it was clear that Tom had nothing more to say. Then, with an approving nod from Tom, Chakotay glanced at Lt. Ashmore. Ashmore blew the funeral whistle, and the coffin was beamed into space.


Chakotay gave Tom the week off, and didn't see him for that entire time. The night before Tom was to return to duty, Chakotay was sipping some coffee, reading an old Ktarian classic, when his door chimed. He wasn't surprised to find Tom standing in the hall. But there was something in Tom's face that Chakotay hadn't expected…or rather, there wasn't something in Tom's face that Chakotay had expected. Tom's eyes were completely dry, and completely white; no bloodshot cells, no wetness. His hair and uniform looked perfectly kept, and he carried himself with his usual casualness. The only indication that something might be wrong were the dark circles under Tom's eyes.

"Tom," Chakotay stepped aside. "Come in."

"Thanks," Tom said quietly.

Chakotay invited Tom to have a seat in his armchair, and offered him a drink (he requested a root beer). After handing Tom his soda, Chakotay had a seat on the sofa across from him, and sipped his own coffee silently. When someone came to Chakotay for counseling, he never rushed them.

"Chakotay, I know we haven't always been the best of buddies. But right now you're the only one I can talk to."

"I'll help you in any way I can Tom. But I'm curious. You can't talk to anyone about this, not even Harry?"

"Especially not Harry."

Chakotay was honestly lost, though he had a feeling this had something to do with Linnis. "Tom what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Tom said. "That's the problem. Nothing's wrong. I don't feel…what I should be feeling."

"You mean in terms of…Kes's death."

Tom breathed deeply. "The day after she died, I was devastated. I thought I couldn't go on, I could literally feel myself suffocating, being crushed, almost like my claustrophobia. But then the next day, I just felt…numb. I figured that was just part of the grieving process, that I'd be graduating to the crying and depression next. But I didn't Chakotay."

Chakotay looked at his helmsman sympathetically. "You're in an unusual position Tom. Your marriage was hardly typical for a human. You can't be expected to react in the same—"

Tom shook his head. "It's not just her death, Chakotay. It's everything. I don't even know how to describe it. It's like," he closed his eyes for a moment. "I've woken up from a dream. I look at the photos around our quarters of our wedding, of Linnis, Andrew, and it's like I'm looking at someone else's life. Was that me? Did I do all that? I mean, I remember it all. I remember marrying Kes, having Linnis…but I can't remember why. Right now, I can think of B'Elanna, and Rein, and every other girl I was ever in love with, and I remember the feeling. But Kes, it's like…I was sleepwalking."

Chakotay's lips parted but Tom cut him off.

"I told the Doctor I thought something was wrong with me, this morning. I told him everything I just told you. And he said," Tom swallowed. "He reminded me, of….Ocampan…pheromones."

Chakotay knew about the pheromones, but he let Tom talk on. At this point, Tom just needed to organize his thoughts.

"Kes said several times that on Ocampa, there's no jealousy in marriage, no unfaithfulness. They pick one mate for life and there's no problem. And the Doc explained that this was because of their pheromones. They give off these chemicals that just sort of make people like them. And when they mate, they get so attached to each other's scents that no one would cheat if they could. The Doc thinks those pheromones are why Neelix was so obsessive over Kes when they were together. And then, when I started to get close to Kes, they…affected me."

"You were told several times, Tom." Chakotay reminded him.

"But I wasn't in my right mind! You just let me, you just let me marry a girl, and have a daughter with her, under the influence of pheromones?"

"The Doctor couldn't change Kes's body chemistry without harming her." Chakotay countered. "Besides, what was I supposed to do? Tell you no, you couldn't be with a woman who finally made you happy again, because there was a chance that some percentage of your love was influenced by a perfectly natural phenomenon? She didn't drug you Tom. Her pheromones were…well they were a gray area, on ethical grounds. Attraction in any species involves at least some literal chemistry, some shallow infatuation."

Tom scoffed.

"Look," Chakotay said. "All I knew was, we'd just been through hell. We'd lost our captain, and we'd lost B'Elanna. You'd lost B'Elanna. You were suicidal Tom. Remember when you tried to take on a Krenim ship in a shuttlecraft, hoping you'd be killed, and I had to come rescue you? Or when you tried beaming yourself into space, and Harry talked you out at the last minute? The Doc had a hell of a time trying to come up with a drug to treat you with, and in the end, only Kes's pheromones did the trick. Her pheromones saved your life Tom."

Tom sighed. "Well I don't want to kill myself anymore. I don't think. I'm not mad at you Chakotay…though maybe that's just because of some withdrawal effect from the pheromones." Tom set down his root beer on the coffee table, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Some life I've had. I finally found love, real love, then lost it almost right away. I got to have a family, a kid, a grandkid, but did it through a fake relationship. And I'm only thirty-two! What am I gonna do with the rest of my life Chakotay?"

"We've still got a long journey ahead of us, Tom. You've got plenty of living left to do."

"Well do me a favor Chakotay." Tom sat back up, and leaned back into the chair. "I'll forgive you for the last four years, if you just do this one thing for me." Tom pinched up his root beer and took a swig. "The next time I fall in love with some… gorgeous-looking girl, who I have nothing in common with, and who just agrees with everything I say, or who I just always agree with…don't let me, okay? Don't let me, unless it's real. You can trust me not to kill myself, now that I've got a daughter and grandson to live for. I love Linnis, Chakotay. I look at her and Andrew, I see my eyes, my mom's hair…Dad's sense of command, my sense of humor…that's all real. I love Linnis and Andrew. I just…don't think I really loved her mother."

Chakotay sighed inwardly. The situation was tragic, but hardly unusual. Plenty of people grew up with "incomplete" families, due to divorce, death, or what-have-you.

Chakotay suddenly remembered that Tom had just asked him to make a promise, and began to respond. "Tom, I'm sorry,"

"What I loved about B'Elanna," Tom cut Chakotay off again, "That was real. We fought a lot, because we were so honest with each other. And everything about her, her flaws, how she looked, how conflicted she was about herself, it was so real and natural. I've always fallen hard for girls like that—Rein, Stadi, Alice, Suzie... But Kes was more like the pretty faces I used to chase, just for a short good time, you know? Even when I married her, I felt like I'd just hit some kind of jackpot, like she was a prize. I feel like such a pig now, just thinking about it.

"If I date again, I want it to be with a woman who's…who's like B'Elanna. Who'll argue with me, who doesn't look like a holo-model, who's just…" he trailed off, and quietly muttered, "What would my children with B'Elanna have been like?"

Now, Chakotay figured, was a good time to change the subject.

"I promise, Tom," Chakotay said. "I won't let you make the same mistake again." He shifted. "At least you have something. You're lucky to have had a child at all, never mind how. And you're lucky you got to enjoy true love, for however long."

Tom glanced up, and narrowed his eyes at Chakotay. "You thought you had it worse than me, didn't you. You lost your best friend, both your best friends, in that Year of Hell. B'Elanna and the Captain. And the only woman you really loved was a Cardassian spy all along. Me on the other hand, I still had Harry. And I at least had memories of a real love with B'Elanna. You probably thought I had it so much better already, that a fake marriage to Kes probably didn't seem so bad."

Chakotay was tempted to snap and fire back some defensive remark, before reminding himself that Tom was here for counseling. "I just wanted to help you Tom. We all did, even Kes. Especially Kes."

Tom grimaced. "Well thanks. But I think I can handle myself from here."


A/N: The idea of having Marla Gillmore adopt the Borg baby, and name her Amanda, comes from "A Little Piece of Paradise" by Aaunty Pasta. (It's a sweet story, and very short. Check it out!)

The idea of including the Unimatrix Zero resistance in an AU fic was inspired by "In Thy Name," Scifiromance's brilliant story set in the "Endgame" timeline.

As for this story, I hope to keep it SHORT, SHORT SHORT. No long epics like "The Silver Bird" or "Fairest in the Universe." No idea when an update will happen; there's no set schedule for this story. The next chapter could come this afternoon, or next Christmas. Who knows.

But, reviews are appreciated.

EDIT: A major continuity error was just corrected. I had a character at Kes's funeral who's supposed to be dead!