Mewtwo: Coast to Coast
Disclaimer: This concept is owned by SGC2C I don't own it.
Los Angelos
:WAITING
Annoucer: Last week on a very special Mewtwo: Coast to Coast...
Mewtwo: Get me 100 C.Cs. of bolgerdrine, stat! Clear!
Lugia: Still no pulse.
Mewtwo: Clear!
(A blue mustang is racing down the street, followed by a van. A truck collides
with a parked car and rolls over)
(Two Enetis appear on the screen)
Eneti 1: I'm Entei!
Entei 2: No, I'm Entei.
Mewtwo: Wait a minute...
Mewtwo: (Scene changes to a tropical setting) A stolen treasure map?
Lugia: A stolen treasure map?
(Another multi-car crash, in slow motion. In the oval office)
Lugia: The clock is ticking Mr. President. You must make a choice!
Mewtwo: (As the president) A stolen treasure map?
(Green smoke seeps from a box in a van, which then explodes)
Lugia: (In the kitchen, with Mewtwo) I, I think I'm pregnant.
Mewtwo: (stares back, with dramatic sting music)
(Eneti's riding on a bus)
Eneti: (Laughs evilly)
Annoucer: And now...the conclusion...
(Cue opening titles and theme, a la Charlie's Angels, with Lugia, Eneti, and Mewtwo in the title screen, with subtitles. (MEWTWO: COAST TO COAST/@ MCMLXXIII Martin Quin)
Annoucer: Mewtwo: Coast to Coast, A Martin Quin production. With Mewtwo, (Mewtwo) Lugia, (Lugia) Choocie Choocie girl, Charo, (Mew) Eneti, (Eneti) Raikou, (Raikou) Metallus (Metallus)
Adrienne Barbeau: Well, there we are...
Annoucer: Adrienne Barbeau, (Handy Man)
Kirk: Do you believe in magic? Any young girl...
Annoucer: And special guest starts, Metallica. (Metallica) Mewtwo: Coast to Coast will be right back after these messages.
:INTERRUPT FEED
:START FEED
Annoucer: Tonight's episode, 'Hickory Dickory Dead.'
Subtitles read HICKORY DICKORY DEAD/ACT I
Mewtwo: Greetings, I'm Mewtwo.
Annoucer: Meanwhile, back at the set...
Mewtwo: I can do it from here.
Annoucer: I'm sorry.
Lugia: Did'ja get Eneti?
Mewtwo: No, got something better. Raikou! Y'okay in there, buddy? I think we're about to start in a minute.
Raikou: Is this on? (click!)
Lugia: You got Raikou?
Mewtwo: Well, what's wrong with that?
Lugia: Nothing...
Raikou: (click!) Is this on? (click!) (click!)
Lugia: ...If you like babies.
Raikou: (click!) Is this on? (click!)
Mewtwo: Yes, Raikou. Go ahead.
Raikou: Mewt... (click!)
Mewtwo: Yes, go ahead.
Raikou: (click) Hello? (tap tap tap) Is this on? (click!)
Mewtwo: Yes, Raikou, I can hear you!
Raikou: (click!) ..at, you Mewt... (click!)
Mewtwo: (Clears throat and sighs)
Raikou: (click!) Hi M- (click!) (click!) (click!)
Mewtwo: Raikou!
Raikou: (click!) -Ing is broken! I thi- (click!)
Mewtwo: No, it's not broken, just keep the button pushed in.
Lugia: It's the red button!
Raikou: (long pause) (click!) Broken! (click!)
Mewtwo: No, just keep the button pushed in!
(Raikou presses the wrong button, screen changes to Japanese test pattern)
Raikou: Whoops! Hello...
Mewtwo: No, no, the other one, the other one. The other one!
Raikou: (Finally gets the feeds fixed) Ok! I think I got it!
Mewtwo: (Sigh) Good, you're clear on how the feeds work, right?
Raikou: 10-4 on that, Mewtwo...over and out.
Mewtwo: Send in the musical guest.
Raikou: Now?
Mewtwo: Yes.
Raikou: Oh! Is it that time?
Mewtwo: Yes, it's that time.
Raikou: (Starts jacking with the controls.) All right, let's see...um...yeah, right!
Mewtwo: Please welcome, heavy metal music makers, Metallica.
The monitor shows another test pattern with a foreign language speaking.
Mewtwo: Ok, all right. Raikou...
Raikou: I can do that better!
Mewtwo: Uh, you know folks, I ran into Metallica just last year at a celebrity Pro-Am down in Merlte...Mertle Beach last year. Mertle Beach, right, Lugia?
Lugia: Pebble.
Mewtwo: Pebble Beach, right.
Raikou: GOT IT!
Mewtwo: Metallica!
(Another test pattern is shown on the screen)
Raikou: I-I, I thought I got it.
Mewtwo: Raikou, what the heck's going on in there, buddy?
Raikou: (Finally gets picture of Metallus) Guest coming up! Fresh of the griddle.
Mewtwo: (Annoyed) Well, it's about time...
Metallus: (Drones on and on)
Mewtwo: This isn't Metallica.
Lugia: Yeah, I know.
Mewtwo: This is Metallus.
Lugia: Right.
Mewtwo: No, it's not right. It's wrong, very wrong.
Lugia: So?
Mewtwo: I think we have a problem.
Lugia: Houston...
Mewtwo: Listen, can you operate the feeds?
Lugia: Me?
Mewtwo: Yeah.
Lugia: Nnnnno.
Mewtwo: Well, super!
Lugia: Problem?
Mewtwo: Oh, shut up!
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music, subtitle: ACT II)
(Scene of Mewtwo battling Mew with french overdubs)
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music, subtitle: ACT III)
James Hetfield: (Burp!) Sorry, I had a tuna sandwich. Uh, slimy eggs in it.
Raikou: Yeah, I can tell. Would you like a mint?
Mewtwo: Raikou, what are you doing? Is Metallica here?
Raikou: Yeah, he's out there.
Mewtwo: He? You gave me Metallus!
Raikou: Oh. Eh, no biggie.
Mewtwo: Yes, biggie! You screwed up the fee- Wait a minute, who's this?
Kirk Hammett: That's the mighty Hetfield.
James Hetfield: Mighty Hetfield, of Earth.
Kirk Hammett: I am Kirk of Earth.
Mewtwo: And your...Metallica.
Kirk Hammett: Yes, sir, that is correct.
Raikou: We we're just having a lovely conversation about tuna.
Mewtwo: Well, that's nice. Now would you give me the right guests so I could do My job. You know, talk show host?
Raikou: Oh, sorry. (Sends Metallica out)
Mewtwo: (Vanishes)
Raikou: ...You think your so hot. I could twist you and punch you and hurt you so badly, I can...
Mewtwo: (Bolting in) I heard that!
Raikou: I didn't say anything!
Mewtwo: (Vanishes)
Kirk Hammett: I, I tell you why you're so...
James Hetfield: Look at the pics. look at Mewtwo, man, when you talk.
Kirk Hammett: Oh, that.
Mewtwo: Well, looky there, Lugia, It's Metallica!
Lugia: Wow! Everybody limbo!
James Hetfield: Howdy, dude.
Kirk Hammett: Hey.
Mewtwo: Howdy Metallica. Did Raikou treat you in a pleasant, courteous, and professional manner?
James Hetfield: I, I hated him.
Mewtwo: Oh, you did?
James Hetfield: Yeah.
Mewtwo: What was the problem?
James Hetfield: He had an annoying voice. I wanted to smash him, with my boots. (Laughs)
Mewtwo: Well, uh, we're in a transitional state...
Raikou: Hey, everybody, listen up!
Mewtwo: Raikou!
Raikou: Mewtwo! Clean up on Aisle 8! (laughs loduly)
Mewtwo: Raikou!
James Hetfield: He is annoying.
Raikou: This intercom thing is a pip!
Mewtwo: Would you excuse me just for a moment?
Kirk Hammett: Ok.
Raikou: (still laughing) Aaah! You're squeezing my arm!
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music, subtitle: ACT IV)
Celebi: (In the kitchen, with Mewtwo) Mewtwo, I think I'm pregnant.
Mewtwo: (stares back, with dramatic sting music)
Title graphic and dramatic theme music, subtitle: ACT V
(Kirk is playing "air guitar" to toy guitar music)
Mewtwo: (laughs) That's pretty keen! You boys are quite the musicians!
James Hetfield: We're big fans of, uh, the musical part of your show.
Mewtwo: You like the Lugia, do you?
James Hetfield: Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Kirk Hammett: Love Lugia.
Mewtwo: Well, what do you know? Hey, Lugia, did you hear that, buddy?
Lugia: "Buddy"?
Mewtwo: Looks like you got some fans!
Lugia: Bite me, Metallica!
(Kirk and Jim stare back at Lugia)
Lugia: I bet you think you're evil now.
Kirk Hammett: We love evil.
Lugia: Really, well aren't we the pretty ones!
Kirk Hammett: Yes.
Mewtwo: Lugia, they're fans of yours!
Lugia: Well, that's what they expect!
Mewtwo: You're twisted.
Lugia: Yup.
Mewtwo: Well boys, I'm gonna give you a break. I'm gonna let you play a song for Lugia. Ladies and gentlemen, Metallica!
James Hetfield: All right, ready?
Kirk Hammett: One, two, three...
James Hetfield: Mine's louder, though.
(Kirk and Jim start playing their toy guitars again)
James Hetfield: (singing) Mewtwo, your like, the dude!
You oughta, like hang out and be in our band.
You're, like the man.
And, uh, you are, cause you kick a lot of buttock.
(Big Finish)
Cool!
Lugia: Well, that was stupid.
Mewtwo: LUGIA!
Lugia: Well, it was.
(Title graphics and dramatic theme music, subtitle: ACT VI)
(Black screen for about 10 seconds)
(Title graphics and dramatic theme music, subtitle: ACT VII)
Kirk Hammett: Hey, could (Laughs) Could we smoke a cigar, or is it gonna mess with the oxygen in here?
Mewtwo: And just where pray tell did you get those grubby things? Did Raikou give them to you?
Kirk Hammett: You want a cigar?
James Hetfield: No, you go ahead, man.
Mewtwo: Ent, eh, RAIKOU!
Raikou: What?
Mewtwo: Did you give the boys cigars?
Raikou: Well...yes.
Mewtwo: And why did you do that?
Raikou: Well, my daddy always said, "There's nothing like a stogie to clean the pipes," Y'know?
Mewtwo: No, I don't know. Here I am on this anti-smoking campaign, doing telethons, dressing as a clown and visiting children's hospitals, donating time and money out of my own tights, and then here you come, (Does a stupid Raikou impression) 'Here, fellas, smoke up!'
Raikou: But, but I was just being hospitable.
Mewtwo: Hospitable? Hospitable? Raikou, you're fired!!
Raikou: Oh, pooh!
(Mewtwo comes in)
Raikou: Stay away from me! I'm a vicious pokémon!
Mewtwo: Tell me where Eneti is.
Raikou: I don't know what you're talking about.
Mewtwo: Don't play dumb.
Raikou: No! Please! Don't hit!
Mewtwo: Tell me where Entei went and I won't!
Raikou: But I can't! Lugia told me not to tell!
Lugia: I did not!
Raikou: He said he would get his swarm of angry henchmen...
Lugia: I did no such thing.
Raikou: He said he was going to...
Mewtwo: Lugia doesn't have a swarm of henchmen.
Raikou: He doesn't?!
Lugia: (evil laugh)
Raikou: Oh, you liar you!
Mewtwo: You give me no choice, Raikou. I'm going to count to three.
Raikou: But, but I, but...
Mewtwo: One two three!
Raikou: (Crying) Ok! Ok! Eneti's on a bus!
Mewtwo: A bus?!
Raikou: To Los Angelos, that's all I know! (sobs) Just, just don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! (sobs louder)
Mewtwo: Calm down, ya big baby!
Raikou: Don't touch me!
Mewtwo: Lugia, take over the show, don't escape.
Lugia: Oh, I won't.
Mewtwo: I got some heat to seek!
Lugia: ...What?
Mewtwo: Well, y-you know what I'm talking about.
Lugia: (to Raikou) Pansy.
(Graphic titles and dramatic theme music, subtitle: ACT VIII)
Suicune: (In the kitchen, with Mewtwo) Mewtwo, it has come to my attention that I am pregnant.
Mewtwo: (stares back, with dramatic sting music)
(Graphic titles and dramatic theme music, subtitle: ACT IX)
Lugia: Wanna go outside?
Kirk Hammett: (laughs) What would happen?
Lugia: You'd explode.
Kirk Hammett: Uh huh.
Lugia: Come on. It's fun.
(Graphic titles and dramatic theme music, subtitle: EPILOGUE)
Eneti is riding a bus.
Eneti: "Everybody's talkin' at me, I don't hear a word they sayin', just..."
Mewtwo: Going somewhere, little Timmy?
Eneti: (surprised) Waaa!
Mewtwo: It was the perfect plan, wasn't it?
Eneti: Look, if your trying to wear me down so I'll confess something I didn't do, I won't do it.
Mewtwo: I just want the truth.
Eneti: Hey listen, the truth is I know nothing about the plane crash or the whereabouts of Umberto Malzone!
Mewtwo: You think he's gonna protect you? You fool. you're useless to him now! Men like him don't hang, Eneti! Men like him watch their own neck.
Eneti: You're kidding.
Mewtwo: I don't feel like kidding today, Eneti. I need to know, are you going to leave me?
(Dramatic sting music)
Eneti: Nah.
Mewtwo: Ok.
(Eneti still) After the Los Angelos incident, Eneti was returned to his post as director of the show, given a spanking and, told never to escape again. (Raikou still) Raikou was also swatted likely across the fanny for his roll in the Metallica debacle. (Mewtwo still) Mewtwo resumed his duties as host of the popular fanfictional talk show, and was later to be spotted that very evening with gal pal, Tori Spelling. (Passenger 12 still) Upon Mewtwo's arrival, Passenger 12 choked on a cracklin' tatah. Witnesses quoted him as saying, "Man, there's a cracklin' tatah choked in ma throat." (Lugia still) Lugia eventually lead Metallica to the outer air lock, where members of the band were heard to say, "Shouldn't we put on a suit or something?" (Metallica still) Metallica exploded in deep space. (Metallus still) Mwam mwam mwam, mwam mwam mwam mwam.
(Credits roll and closing music plays)
Annoucer: The story you have just heard is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Speaking of names, I have a kitty named Fluffy. Sometimes Fluffy scratches the sofa, and I say, "Down, Fluffy, down, or Fluffy get no din-din." Sometimes Fluffy urp in the corner. Fluffy knows better than that. Cats are fun. I like them.
Episode 29: Los Angelos
(Dramatic theme music)
Disclaimer: This concept is owned by SGC2C I don't own it.
Los Angelos
:WAITING
Annoucer: Last week on a very special Mewtwo: Coast to Coast...
Mewtwo: Get me 100 C.Cs. of bolgerdrine, stat! Clear!
Lugia: Still no pulse.
Mewtwo: Clear!
(A blue mustang is racing down the street, followed by a van. A truck collides
with a parked car and rolls over)
(Two Enetis appear on the screen)
Eneti 1: I'm Entei!
Entei 2: No, I'm Entei.
Mewtwo: Wait a minute...
Mewtwo: (Scene changes to a tropical setting) A stolen treasure map?
Lugia: A stolen treasure map?
(Another multi-car crash, in slow motion. In the oval office)
Lugia: The clock is ticking Mr. President. You must make a choice!
Mewtwo: (As the president) A stolen treasure map?
(Green smoke seeps from a box in a van, which then explodes)
Lugia: (In the kitchen, with Mewtwo) I, I think I'm pregnant.
Mewtwo: (stares back, with dramatic sting music)
(Eneti's riding on a bus)
Eneti: (Laughs evilly)
Annoucer: And now...the conclusion...
(Cue opening titles and theme, a la Charlie's Angels, with Lugia, Eneti, and Mewtwo in the title screen, with subtitles. (MEWTWO: COAST TO COAST/@ MCMLXXIII Martin Quin)
Annoucer: Mewtwo: Coast to Coast, A Martin Quin production. With Mewtwo, (Mewtwo) Lugia, (Lugia) Choocie Choocie girl, Charo, (Mew) Eneti, (Eneti) Raikou, (Raikou) Metallus (Metallus)
Adrienne Barbeau: Well, there we are...
Annoucer: Adrienne Barbeau, (Handy Man)
Kirk: Do you believe in magic? Any young girl...
Annoucer: And special guest starts, Metallica. (Metallica) Mewtwo: Coast to Coast will be right back after these messages.
:INTERRUPT FEED
:START FEED
Annoucer: Tonight's episode, 'Hickory Dickory Dead.'
Subtitles read HICKORY DICKORY DEAD/ACT I
Mewtwo: Greetings, I'm Mewtwo.
Annoucer: Meanwhile, back at the set...
Mewtwo: I can do it from here.
Annoucer: I'm sorry.
Lugia: Did'ja get Eneti?
Mewtwo: No, got something better. Raikou! Y'okay in there, buddy? I think we're about to start in a minute.
Raikou: Is this on? (click!)
Lugia: You got Raikou?
Mewtwo: Well, what's wrong with that?
Lugia: Nothing...
Raikou: (click!) Is this on? (click!) (click!)
Lugia: ...If you like babies.
Raikou: (click!) Is this on? (click!)
Mewtwo: Yes, Raikou. Go ahead.
Raikou: Mewt... (click!)
Mewtwo: Yes, go ahead.
Raikou: (click) Hello? (tap tap tap) Is this on? (click!)
Mewtwo: Yes, Raikou, I can hear you!
Raikou: (click!) ..at, you Mewt... (click!)
Mewtwo: (Clears throat and sighs)
Raikou: (click!) Hi M- (click!) (click!) (click!)
Mewtwo: Raikou!
Raikou: (click!) -Ing is broken! I thi- (click!)
Mewtwo: No, it's not broken, just keep the button pushed in.
Lugia: It's the red button!
Raikou: (long pause) (click!) Broken! (click!)
Mewtwo: No, just keep the button pushed in!
(Raikou presses the wrong button, screen changes to Japanese test pattern)
Raikou: Whoops! Hello...
Mewtwo: No, no, the other one, the other one. The other one!
Raikou: (Finally gets the feeds fixed) Ok! I think I got it!
Mewtwo: (Sigh) Good, you're clear on how the feeds work, right?
Raikou: 10-4 on that, Mewtwo...over and out.
Mewtwo: Send in the musical guest.
Raikou: Now?
Mewtwo: Yes.
Raikou: Oh! Is it that time?
Mewtwo: Yes, it's that time.
Raikou: (Starts jacking with the controls.) All right, let's see...um...yeah, right!
Mewtwo: Please welcome, heavy metal music makers, Metallica.
The monitor shows another test pattern with a foreign language speaking.
Mewtwo: Ok, all right. Raikou...
Raikou: I can do that better!
Mewtwo: Uh, you know folks, I ran into Metallica just last year at a celebrity Pro-Am down in Merlte...Mertle Beach last year. Mertle Beach, right, Lugia?
Lugia: Pebble.
Mewtwo: Pebble Beach, right.
Raikou: GOT IT!
Mewtwo: Metallica!
(Another test pattern is shown on the screen)
Raikou: I-I, I thought I got it.
Mewtwo: Raikou, what the heck's going on in there, buddy?
Raikou: (Finally gets picture of Metallus) Guest coming up! Fresh of the griddle.
Mewtwo: (Annoyed) Well, it's about time...
Metallus: (Drones on and on)
Mewtwo: This isn't Metallica.
Lugia: Yeah, I know.
Mewtwo: This is Metallus.
Lugia: Right.
Mewtwo: No, it's not right. It's wrong, very wrong.
Lugia: So?
Mewtwo: I think we have a problem.
Lugia: Houston...
Mewtwo: Listen, can you operate the feeds?
Lugia: Me?
Mewtwo: Yeah.
Lugia: Nnnnno.
Mewtwo: Well, super!
Lugia: Problem?
Mewtwo: Oh, shut up!
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music, subtitle: ACT II)
(Scene of Mewtwo battling Mew with french overdubs)
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music, subtitle: ACT III)
James Hetfield: (Burp!) Sorry, I had a tuna sandwich. Uh, slimy eggs in it.
Raikou: Yeah, I can tell. Would you like a mint?
Mewtwo: Raikou, what are you doing? Is Metallica here?
Raikou: Yeah, he's out there.
Mewtwo: He? You gave me Metallus!
Raikou: Oh. Eh, no biggie.
Mewtwo: Yes, biggie! You screwed up the fee- Wait a minute, who's this?
Kirk Hammett: That's the mighty Hetfield.
James Hetfield: Mighty Hetfield, of Earth.
Kirk Hammett: I am Kirk of Earth.
Mewtwo: And your...Metallica.
Kirk Hammett: Yes, sir, that is correct.
Raikou: We we're just having a lovely conversation about tuna.
Mewtwo: Well, that's nice. Now would you give me the right guests so I could do My job. You know, talk show host?
Raikou: Oh, sorry. (Sends Metallica out)
Mewtwo: (Vanishes)
Raikou: ...You think your so hot. I could twist you and punch you and hurt you so badly, I can...
Mewtwo: (Bolting in) I heard that!
Raikou: I didn't say anything!
Mewtwo: (Vanishes)
Kirk Hammett: I, I tell you why you're so...
James Hetfield: Look at the pics. look at Mewtwo, man, when you talk.
Kirk Hammett: Oh, that.
Mewtwo: Well, looky there, Lugia, It's Metallica!
Lugia: Wow! Everybody limbo!
James Hetfield: Howdy, dude.
Kirk Hammett: Hey.
Mewtwo: Howdy Metallica. Did Raikou treat you in a pleasant, courteous, and professional manner?
James Hetfield: I, I hated him.
Mewtwo: Oh, you did?
James Hetfield: Yeah.
Mewtwo: What was the problem?
James Hetfield: He had an annoying voice. I wanted to smash him, with my boots. (Laughs)
Mewtwo: Well, uh, we're in a transitional state...
Raikou: Hey, everybody, listen up!
Mewtwo: Raikou!
Raikou: Mewtwo! Clean up on Aisle 8! (laughs loduly)
Mewtwo: Raikou!
James Hetfield: He is annoying.
Raikou: This intercom thing is a pip!
Mewtwo: Would you excuse me just for a moment?
Kirk Hammett: Ok.
Raikou: (still laughing) Aaah! You're squeezing my arm!
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music, subtitle: ACT IV)
Celebi: (In the kitchen, with Mewtwo) Mewtwo, I think I'm pregnant.
Mewtwo: (stares back, with dramatic sting music)
Title graphic and dramatic theme music, subtitle: ACT V
(Kirk is playing "air guitar" to toy guitar music)
Mewtwo: (laughs) That's pretty keen! You boys are quite the musicians!
James Hetfield: We're big fans of, uh, the musical part of your show.
Mewtwo: You like the Lugia, do you?
James Hetfield: Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Kirk Hammett: Love Lugia.
Mewtwo: Well, what do you know? Hey, Lugia, did you hear that, buddy?
Lugia: "Buddy"?
Mewtwo: Looks like you got some fans!
Lugia: Bite me, Metallica!
(Kirk and Jim stare back at Lugia)
Lugia: I bet you think you're evil now.
Kirk Hammett: We love evil.
Lugia: Really, well aren't we the pretty ones!
Kirk Hammett: Yes.
Mewtwo: Lugia, they're fans of yours!
Lugia: Well, that's what they expect!
Mewtwo: You're twisted.
Lugia: Yup.
Mewtwo: Well boys, I'm gonna give you a break. I'm gonna let you play a song for Lugia. Ladies and gentlemen, Metallica!
James Hetfield: All right, ready?
Kirk Hammett: One, two, three...
James Hetfield: Mine's louder, though.
(Kirk and Jim start playing their toy guitars again)
James Hetfield: (singing) Mewtwo, your like, the dude!
You oughta, like hang out and be in our band.
You're, like the man.
And, uh, you are, cause you kick a lot of buttock.
(Big Finish)
Cool!
Lugia: Well, that was stupid.
Mewtwo: LUGIA!
Lugia: Well, it was.
(Title graphics and dramatic theme music, subtitle: ACT VI)
(Black screen for about 10 seconds)
(Title graphics and dramatic theme music, subtitle: ACT VII)
Kirk Hammett: Hey, could (Laughs) Could we smoke a cigar, or is it gonna mess with the oxygen in here?
Mewtwo: And just where pray tell did you get those grubby things? Did Raikou give them to you?
Kirk Hammett: You want a cigar?
James Hetfield: No, you go ahead, man.
Mewtwo: Ent, eh, RAIKOU!
Raikou: What?
Mewtwo: Did you give the boys cigars?
Raikou: Well...yes.
Mewtwo: And why did you do that?
Raikou: Well, my daddy always said, "There's nothing like a stogie to clean the pipes," Y'know?
Mewtwo: No, I don't know. Here I am on this anti-smoking campaign, doing telethons, dressing as a clown and visiting children's hospitals, donating time and money out of my own tights, and then here you come, (Does a stupid Raikou impression) 'Here, fellas, smoke up!'
Raikou: But, but I was just being hospitable.
Mewtwo: Hospitable? Hospitable? Raikou, you're fired!!
Raikou: Oh, pooh!
(Mewtwo comes in)
Raikou: Stay away from me! I'm a vicious pokémon!
Mewtwo: Tell me where Eneti is.
Raikou: I don't know what you're talking about.
Mewtwo: Don't play dumb.
Raikou: No! Please! Don't hit!
Mewtwo: Tell me where Entei went and I won't!
Raikou: But I can't! Lugia told me not to tell!
Lugia: I did not!
Raikou: He said he would get his swarm of angry henchmen...
Lugia: I did no such thing.
Raikou: He said he was going to...
Mewtwo: Lugia doesn't have a swarm of henchmen.
Raikou: He doesn't?!
Lugia: (evil laugh)
Raikou: Oh, you liar you!
Mewtwo: You give me no choice, Raikou. I'm going to count to three.
Raikou: But, but I, but...
Mewtwo: One two three!
Raikou: (Crying) Ok! Ok! Eneti's on a bus!
Mewtwo: A bus?!
Raikou: To Los Angelos, that's all I know! (sobs) Just, just don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! (sobs louder)
Mewtwo: Calm down, ya big baby!
Raikou: Don't touch me!
Mewtwo: Lugia, take over the show, don't escape.
Lugia: Oh, I won't.
Mewtwo: I got some heat to seek!
Lugia: ...What?
Mewtwo: Well, y-you know what I'm talking about.
Lugia: (to Raikou) Pansy.
(Graphic titles and dramatic theme music, subtitle: ACT VIII)
Suicune: (In the kitchen, with Mewtwo) Mewtwo, it has come to my attention that I am pregnant.
Mewtwo: (stares back, with dramatic sting music)
(Graphic titles and dramatic theme music, subtitle: ACT IX)
Lugia: Wanna go outside?
Kirk Hammett: (laughs) What would happen?
Lugia: You'd explode.
Kirk Hammett: Uh huh.
Lugia: Come on. It's fun.
(Graphic titles and dramatic theme music, subtitle: EPILOGUE)
Eneti is riding a bus.
Eneti: "Everybody's talkin' at me, I don't hear a word they sayin', just..."
Mewtwo: Going somewhere, little Timmy?
Eneti: (surprised) Waaa!
Mewtwo: It was the perfect plan, wasn't it?
Eneti: Look, if your trying to wear me down so I'll confess something I didn't do, I won't do it.
Mewtwo: I just want the truth.
Eneti: Hey listen, the truth is I know nothing about the plane crash or the whereabouts of Umberto Malzone!
Mewtwo: You think he's gonna protect you? You fool. you're useless to him now! Men like him don't hang, Eneti! Men like him watch their own neck.
Eneti: You're kidding.
Mewtwo: I don't feel like kidding today, Eneti. I need to know, are you going to leave me?
(Dramatic sting music)
Eneti: Nah.
Mewtwo: Ok.
(Eneti still) After the Los Angelos incident, Eneti was returned to his post as director of the show, given a spanking and, told never to escape again. (Raikou still) Raikou was also swatted likely across the fanny for his roll in the Metallica debacle. (Mewtwo still) Mewtwo resumed his duties as host of the popular fanfictional talk show, and was later to be spotted that very evening with gal pal, Tori Spelling. (Passenger 12 still) Upon Mewtwo's arrival, Passenger 12 choked on a cracklin' tatah. Witnesses quoted him as saying, "Man, there's a cracklin' tatah choked in ma throat." (Lugia still) Lugia eventually lead Metallica to the outer air lock, where members of the band were heard to say, "Shouldn't we put on a suit or something?" (Metallica still) Metallica exploded in deep space. (Metallus still) Mwam mwam mwam, mwam mwam mwam mwam.
(Credits roll and closing music plays)
Annoucer: The story you have just heard is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Speaking of names, I have a kitty named Fluffy. Sometimes Fluffy scratches the sofa, and I say, "Down, Fluffy, down, or Fluffy get no din-din." Sometimes Fluffy urp in the corner. Fluffy knows better than that. Cats are fun. I like them.
Episode 29: Los Angelos
(Dramatic theme music)
