I know but I had to write another Bellatrix and Sirius fanfic. I was really in a mushy mood at work today and this is what happened. Please review and know that I own none of the characters mentioned below, if I did my butt wouldn't be numb from sitting at a lab station all day.
I wasn't always like this. Bellatrix was not always insane and a broken woman. I was once beautiful. It may seem like a lie given my current condition but I was very beautiful. I was in love once and I thought he loved me just as much as I had loved him. A part of me still loves him. I will grind my teeth and admit it, I still love Sirius Black.
I remember how young we were and we would play together for hours. On occasion we would hide behind the stable and sneak in kisses. When we were around 12 or so it was touches in secret spots. Touches in places Mother told me boys weren't supposed to touch. But that didn't matter, I was in love. When we were 16, he told me that he loved me as well. I believed him and he made love to me for the first time. Rhodolpus still doesn't know that I was not a virgin when I came to his bed. But that will be our little secret.
Sirius would often write me poetry and call me his dark angel. Not anymore. I am no one's angel now.
Soon, afterwards, everything came crashing down around me. Sirius ran away from home. His running away didn't upset me at all. He hated it there just as much as I did, if not more. All my life I had wanted to run away from this place, these people. I just thought when the time came we would run away together and start our own family with our own traditions. You see, I too used to dream of weddings and children, but no longer. He promised that he would take me with him and that I would be the mother of his children. He didn't keep his promise. Instead I was given away to the Lestranges. They broke me.
Sirius had told me that we would live happily ever after. But instead he letthe Dark Lord get me. The Dark Lord broke me further and at the same time made me feel powerful like I and the others were doing something grand. Something that true witches and wizards everywhere would one day look back on and be proud that we had the courage to take a stand and save our dying race.
I needed something to fill that space that my heart had once occupied. The Dark Lord now filled that space but it still hurts. He became my world, my everything. He gave me something to believe in again. He made me feel.
As I look around the Death Chamber, I see Potter, the mudblood Draco talks about and the Weasley boy. I pull the Longbottom boy's hair just a bit tighter and I look around the chamber again; all I see are children. Children that I will never get to have. I see the children that I will never have with him. Damn the Order has arrived.
From a hidden corner I saw him. He was beautiful. He is just like I remembered him. I had to suppress a chuckle. He was still as arrogant as ever.
I couldn't stand it any longer. All of the hurt and pain came to me all at once. Before I had time to stop myself, my wand hand raised itself and the trademark green light left the end of my wand.
He gripped the space above his heart and I read the pain in his eyes. Our eyes locked. The hurt in his heart and the pain in his eyes now matched mine.
I smiled in triumph.
