AN Sooooo another multichap fic started before I finish the others *smacks self round head*. This is probably going to be 8 or so chapters looking at Syed's past and imagining some of that intriguing backstory. I realised that as well as Indie's rather superb fic on here, there is also a fic by Glowstix (:D) on lj which I think covers basically the same stuff as this will. Apparently I am just incredibly unoriginal! Anyway, I deliberately haven't read the latter to avoid any unintentional influence, but I apologise in advance for any unintended similarities/coincidences.
Also, I have tried to keep as true to the canon backstory as much as possible, but due both of EE's vagueness over certain aspects and my dumbness, I'm sure that I will have made some errors somewhere and apologies for that too.
Right so on with the highly derivative, hugely inaccurate story! :D
Reviews are, of course, always welcome.
Prologue
15a Turpin Road, Walford. 5th April 2011.
I open the door to let Yusef out, his words echoing around in my head, their meanings clashing with the sight of Dad earlier, competing thoughts of what I think is real and what I know I want. Could they really be ready? Could this moment, an engagement party, a celebration of family and love, could this be a sign to them that despite me, despite the shame I have brought them, the family is not irretrievably damaged, that life, and love carries on? An engagement party. Tam's engagement party. For a couple already married. Maybe this odd situation is just odd enough to let us bypass all that has passed. The door shuts and I turn, watching Christian smooth down the duvet over the freshly made bed.
"Good as new," he declares proudly, smiling as if he had built the bed from scratch rather than just laid some new sheets.
"Weird isn't it?" I say, walking over to him.
"What?"
"Tam. Being married. I can't really get my head round it. He's still little Tambo, who would follow me round everywhere I went, who ran away and hid when the girls at primary school tried playing kiss chase…"
"Didn't look like he was doing much running and hiding earlier," Christian laughed, and I screwed my face up with the effort of trying not to remember.
"Please don't. He's my little brother, I never needed to see that."
"Aw, little Tam all grown up. Still, both of their first times? I'm thinking more awkward fumbles and bad timings than swinging from the chandeliers."
"Which is lucky, given the distinct lack of chandeliers in our flat."
"If you really want some, I hear Dagenham Dave—"
"Don't even joke about such things. I think I'm still traumatised from seeing him in the street the other day. He practically pinned me up the wall to quiz me about the 'wear and tear' on the mattress." I hear Christian's barely suppressed snigger and attempt to ignore it. "Still," I add instead, with a sigh and a barely suppressed shudder at memories so nearly forgotten. "awkward fumbles and bad timings sound like a dream wedding night in comparison to some."
Christian is silent, there's not a lot that can render him lost for words but this is pretty much guaranteed to leave him struggling. And to be honest, it's not exactly my first choice of discussion topic either. I bite my lip, wishing I hadn't said anything, wishing that I could just be happy for Tamwar without finding myself reliving the past, until I feel a strong palm stroke back my hair and a pair of lips press gently into my head.
"You know you can always talk to me, about that stuff, if you want."
And I smile appreciatively, cautiously. "Maybe later. If you're sure you want to listen?"
"To you? Always."
"So, was your first time all awkward fumbles then?" I ask, a desire to know mixed with a wish to rid my mind of some guilt-wrenching memories.
"As if. I was a hot young thing of course." He grins, with irresistible arrogant pride.
"Of course."
"And he was a fine, older man who was very good at letting his experience show." I raise an eyebrow, trying to keep my face as nonchalant as possible, but Christian's hand tickles under my chin and drags my eyes to him. "Jealous?"
"As if." I laugh. "If he was an 'older man' when you are a 'hot young thing' then I'm guessing he's pretty passed it now. If he's still alive." I add mercilessly.
"Cheeky bugger." And I laugh at the outraged look of shock that crosses over his face. "Although that said, you were probably not even out of nappies when I started…Shit that's depressing. Let's change topic!" He looked at me, his whole demeanour suddenly quieter. "What was your first time like then? You know, your real first time."
"You know." I reply edgily. "I told you. Awkward, fast. Unfortunate repercussions." And already in my mind I can feel the cold sensation of tiles against my back, the warmth of breath on my skin. Then freezing cold water on my hands, bile burning in my throat.
"Syed, that's like asking someone what the book they're reading is like and them replying that it is kind of papery and covered in ink. What was he like? Was he nice?"
I snort. "No. He was an arrogant, cocky little shit."
"And you fancied the pants off him obviously."
"Obviously." I sigh. "Except I didn't realise till my hands were halfway down his pants. Look I will tell you about it, but later yeah? But I will." I blink and try my mind to rid the images of bare chests and loose white towels, of tanned skin and all-knowing eyes. When I open them again it is to see Christian looking at me with the softening of eyes that means sympathy and affection and the purest undiluted love.
I smile, awkwardly, and he returns with a tempting grin, a less than subtle hint at his attempts to move away from the awkward past and onto the heated now. He steps into me, and his arms begin their familiar path to enclose me within.
"So," he murmurs into my ear, his hands reaching round my waist, his body pressed up tight against mine. "What did you do when the girls played kiss chase?"
"Just ran faster than them. It could be hard work though, getting away from them all. I was quite the catch at my primary school."
"Oh I bet you were. Bet I could catch you though."
"Somehow I don't think I'd be trying all that hard to get away. In fact I have the distinct feeling I might develop some kind of cramp."
"Mmmm…then I might just have to massage it away, right? With your expert help of course."
"Come to think of it, I can kind of feel a twinge coming along right now…"
He leans in even nearer, his voice a low seductive murmur that bypasses my mind and races straight to my groin. "Race you to the shower then."
"You're on." And I free myself from his arms, running happily into the bathroom, all thoughts of the fumbling of past hands, the gasping of past mouths and the pressing of past bodies evaporate away, rising like steam from the heated water of the shower.
