A Baby
All direct quotes are taken from "Catching Fire" by Suzanne Collins.
" 'So Peeta, what was it like when, after all you've been through, you found out about the Quell?' asks Caesar.
'I was in shock. I mean, I'm seeing Katniss looking so beautiful in all these wedding gowns, and the next…' Peeta trails off.
'You realized there was never going to be a wedding?' asks Caesar gently.
Peeta pauses for a long moment, as if deciding something. He looks out at the spellbound audience, then at the floor, then finally up at Caesar. 'Caesar, do you think all our friends here can keep a secret?'
An uncomfortable laugh emanates from the audience. What can he mean? Keep a secret from who? Our whole world is watching.
'I feel quite certain of it,' says Caesar.
'We're already married,' says Peeta quietly. The crowd reacts in astonishment, and I have to bury my face in the folds of my skirt so they can't see my confusion. Where on earth is he going with this?
'But…how can that be?' asks Caesar.
'Oh, it's not an official marriage. We didn't go to the Justice Building or anything. But we have this marriage ritual in District Twelve. I don't know what it's like in other districts. But there's this thing we do,' says Peeta, and he briefly described the toasting.
'Were your families there?' asks Caesar.
'No, we didn't tell anyone. Not even Haymitch. And Katniss's mother would never have approved. But you see, we knew if we were married in the Capitol, there wouldn't be a toasting. And neither of us really wanted to wait any longer. So one day, we just did it,' Peeta says. 'And to us, we're more married than any piece of paper or big party could make us.'
'So this was before the Quell?' says Caesar.
'Of course before the Quell. I'm sure we'd never have done it after we knew,' says Peeta, starting to get upset. 'But who could've seen it coming? No one. We went through the Games, we were victors, everyone seemed so thrilled to see us together, and then out of nowhere- I mean, how could we anticipate a thing like that?'
'You couldn't, Peeta.' Caesar puts an arm around his shoulders. 'As you say, no one could've. But I have to confess, I'm glad you two at least had a few months of happiness together.'
Enormous applause. As if encouraged, I look up from my feathers and let the audience see my tragic smile of thanks. The residual smoke from the feathers has made my eyes teary, which adds a very nice touch.
'I'm not glad,' says Peeta. 'I wish we had waited until the whole thing was done officially.'
This takes even Caesar aback. 'Surely even a brief time is better than no time?'
'Maybe I'd think that, too, Caesar,' says Peeta bitterly, 'if it weren't for the baby.'
I remain silent through everything. The crowd's disapproving shouts of barbarism, Peeta's hand pulling me from the stage, Haymitch telling us we "did good" and Effie telling us everything will "be alright. They're just reacting that way because there has never been a pregnant tribute before. Then again there's never been married tributes before either." She obviously had bought everything that Peeta had said. I saw Haymitch roll his eyes out of the corner of my eyes, thank goodness, at least he knew better.
They lead us to the elevator but didn't get in. I don't turn to Peeta, I just hold his hand firmly in mine as the elevator leads us to our floor. When the doors open, Peeta leans down and kisses me gently on the cheek and tried to pull away. I stopped him and he turned to see the confusion on my face.
"Katniss, I only said that to give us that same favoritism we had before."
"I know, it's just…"
"Just what?"
"I…I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I should be grateful, but somehow, I feel like I'm feeling a lot more than that. I feel so angry at myself."
"Why? You haven't done anything to be angry at yourself for."
"That's just it Peeta! I haven't done anything! All these years you've been completely in love with me and I just ignored you! Even when we make it out the Hunger Games together, I just push you out of my mind! Damn it!"
"What are you talking about? Katniss, you can't torture yourself just because you don't feel the same way about me that I do about you."
"I'm not Peeta! I'm torturing myself because I do feel the same way about you!" I watched his eyes soften and become so filled with the love that they had always held for me, that tears began to form in them and spill over. I raised my hand to wipe them away; and then was hit by another wave of selfishness rolled over me. Why was I sitting here thinking about how hard it was for me to say this when it had to harder for him to hear it, considering what tomorrow would bring. His hand brushed away a tear that I hadn't even noticed falling. "I wish that the circumstances were different, I really do. Even though we are going to go back into that arena tomorrow, I want to spend every minute of tonight with you." It was then that I let the tears flow without holding back. I dropped to the floor with Peeta not far behind me, pulling me into his arms to comfort me.
"It's alright Katniss; we'll be alright. We made it out before and we'll do it again."
"No we won't Peeta! They'll all be watching us! The Gamemakers and Snow; and this time, it won't make any difference if we both decide to die! This time, we'll allow it!" I allowed the sobs to rip through my body against Peeta's body. He never left my side; just like he never had. "Haymitch was right," I sobbed into his jacket.
"About what?"
"I could live a thousand lifetimes and never deserve you."
His only response was the crash of his lips to mine. Immediately he awakened a hunger inside me that only he ever could. Gale had tried, but no, it was Peeta, it had always been Peeta. My Peeta, my boy with the bread; why hadn't I had the courage to tell him sooner that he was everything to me?
He gently nipped my ear and I giggled, something I had never thought I would do. I could feel him smile against my neck as he continued down onto my shoulder. I bend my head down to his ear as he continues down to kiss just above my breast, and whisper into his ear, "Your room or mine?"
He picked me up in his arms and pushed the door to my room wide open. I didn't give him the opportunity to close the door; I slammed it shut with my feet that were hanging over his arm. This brought a small laugh from him that made my hunger for him that much stronger. I brought his lips back to mine; all I wanted right now was to get over to that bed.
When I pulled back, we were both breathing heavily. I had to tell him, "Bed…please…" I replied between breaths. He didn't hesitate to appease me. It always amazed me that he cared more about making me happy than what he wanted for himself. He placed my feet on the floor just in front of the bed. Even though it wasn't what I wanted, I enjoyed that he had given me the perfect opportunity to remove a few things from his body.
I quickly set to work removing his jacket and collarpiece; only to be stopped when I start to unbutton his shirt. I look up and look into his bright smile. I can't help but flash one of my own.
"What's the rush? Let's just enjoy this."
Of course he's right; if this is going to be the only time I get to experience this with Peeta, I want to enjoy it. Even though I know that it is going to be painful, I know that I will still enjoy it. My smile only brightens as I pull into his lips again. We kicked our shoes off and sat down on the bed. Our kiss deepened quickly making both of us quickly become breathless. He laid us back on the bed and rolled so that he was partially on top of me. His hands moved gently from my face to my hips. I broke from his lips and pushed myself further onto the bed, curling my finger to tell him to join me. He crawled up beside me with that smile I love so much; my hands reached out for him and touched either side of his face before bringing his lips back to mine.
"You know," I said against his lips, "we didn't think of something"
"What's that?" he said with a laugh.
"How are we going to get this damn dress off?"
His only response was to reach around me and pull the zipper down my back. It was almost effortless for him to pull it down off my body and toss it to the floor. "Of course it's easy for you, showoff." I said comically.
He sat up and flexed his muscles, kissing each one with a smile.
"Get down here and kiss me you goofball."
When he comes back this time, I unbutton and untuck his shirt. I throw it to the floor and my hands go instantly to his waistline. My hands quickly find his button and I have his pants off in an instant. I have to silently thank Cinna for making the dress, as well as the Capitol for making me wear it; otherwise, I would not be so close to Peeta right now.
My underwear vanishes quickly. My hands move to Peeta's boxers instinctively, "Wow."
"What?"
"You're in bed with me every night and you sleep in your boxers, but I haven't seen you wear white ones in a while."
"Shut up and kiss me," he said with a smile.
Once his boxers were on the floor, I had to stop him, "Peeta," I replied pushing him back a little so that I could see his eyes, "be gentle, please."
"Always," he whispers. He lowers himself onto me and places mere centimeters of himself inside me. I instantly feel myself stretch to fit his size which I hadn't noticed until now, but I was sure he was very large. As promised, he was very gentle and very slow, never putting very much of himself inside me at once.
It wasn't long before he made contact with my barrier. He pulled his face back to look at me, "this is going to be a little rough," he replied apologetically.
"I know," I replied. "Just do it fast."
As I asked, he pushed himself through my barrier quickly, staying completely still afterward. He simply lay there on top of me stroking my face and fiddling with my hair. When I started to feel the pain subside, I raised my hips to push him a little further into me. I ran my nails across his back as a clue that he could move again. He didn't hesitate, he pulled himself back a little and then pushed further into me than he had ever been. I moaned deeply in my throat, raising my hips against him meeting his movements with mine.
We quickly found a rhythm that pleased us both, our paces changing often.
"Peeta," I gasped.
"Yes Katniss?" he growled.
"I love you," I replied through moans.
"I love you too," he said sweetly.
Neither of us said another word until I began screaming his name with passion and reached the peak of my passion. I was followed soon after by Peeta as he released inside me and collapsed next to me on the bed.
"What are you thinking about right now?" he asked while softly stroking my hair, still secure in its loose bun it had been in for the interviews.
"That lying here, next to you, with you knowing how I feel about you, and having just made love to you, is the greatest feeling I've had in my entire life. I love you Peeta Mellark, and if there was any way that I could have volunteered Haymitch before his name was drawn I would have."
I wrapped myself in his waiting arms. The last things I heard before I fell asleep, was the steady beating of his heart and his sweet voice saying, "I love you too Katniss Everdeen, but I never would have let that happen."
