"One Too Many"

by Uchiha-Griffin

I don't own Twilight.

Do I hate the Twilight movies, fanbase, and useless products that have taken over every decent shop? Yes. Do I hate the Twilight books(Save Breaking Dawn, which I hated and didn't finish)? No, not really. But I don't love them either. They're just a series I read.

So I'm writing an Edward-bashing, pro-BellJake fic 3 Cuz they're so much hotter. Don't flame me for hating Edward. Because, honestly, I don't care. This is New Moon-esque. Enjoi and review!

-----

Jacob Black was working on a motorcycle when it happened. His ears perked up at the sound of the familiar truck rolling into the gravel and dirt driveway, and a grin overtook his features. His favorite person in the whole world was here, and he'd been waiting for that sound all day long. He wiped his dirty hands on an old shop cloth and went outside to greet Bella.

"BELLA!" he called out from the shop and quickened his pace as the brown haired girl stepped out of her truck, wearing short cutoffs, cowboy boots, and a flannel shirt. He was there to help her down in a matter of seconds. Bella was rosy-cheeked and smiling. Woah. Something was off. Bella never really expressed her emotion this much. And those CLOTHES.... "Woah, Bells." He commented, grinning nervously. "Something make you happy?" He almost added 'is the leech back?', but chose not to.

"I'm grreeaatt." Bella slurred, wrapping her arms around Jake's neck. "I've NEVER felt better!!" Jake's eyes widened as he looked down at her. "Bella, are you DRUNK?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "It's just a little vodka!" Bella said, beaming and taking her arms off him. She turned around and went back into her truck, fishing out the liter-bottle of Smirnoff. "THIS IS SOME GOOOD SHIT!" she hollered, unscrewing the cap and taking a swig.

Jacob sighed and took the bottle from her, along with the cap. "Bella, you can't just drink vodka like that!! Come on, come inside the shop, Charlie can't see you like this. He'd have a cow, knowing you drove drunk!" "I am NOT drunk!" Bella stated, tripping over her own feet in the process and running into the garage door.

"OH MY GOD! BELLA!!" Jacob cried out frantically, checking her face for noticeable injury. Just a small cut above her eyebrow. "Bella, what am I going to do with you?" Jacob sighed. Bella just laughed. "I'm just fine!! I didn't feel a thing!! Now, LET'S DRINK!! IT TAKES AWAY ALLL THE PAIN!" She took the bottle back and turned the cap into a makeshift shot glass, taking one for herself and then re-pouring and offering it to Jake.

"Bella, neither of us are old enough to drink." Jacob pointed out. "So? It makes me forget what's his face, and allll that ugly pain inside melts away!!" She laughed, slurring her last couple words. Jacob's expression turned dark. "Bella. Edward is turning you int--" "Fagward, please." Bella said, taking another shot. Jacob was in disbelief. "What?" "Fagward, Please. Not Edward. FAGward." Bella laughed. "Your face looks funny, Jake!!"

Jacob was shocked, his mouth forming a perfect 'o' and his eyes wide as saucers. "Fagward." he said once. The shop was quiet for a fraction of a second before both he and Bella broke down in laughter. "Fagward, Fagward!" Bella sang, swinging the plastic vodka bottle to her tune. Jacob wiped the tears away he had gotten from laughing so hard. "My god, Bella. Where did you come up with THAT?" Jake asked, taking a deep breath to stop laughing, and making a mental note to tell the pack later.

"Well, I figured." Bella said, putting up a finger very scholar-like, "Since everyone says Edward is gay, and well, let's face it, the guy sparkles! I bet he's pretending to be a vampire just so he can wear body glitter!" She took another shot, and then offered another to Jacob. He took it and shot it back, his face screwing up moments later. "God, that stuff is gross." he complained.

"It burns going down." Bella agreed, then laughed. "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" She laughed stupidly at herself, falling backwards off her chair and still laughing. She'd dropped the vodka bottle. Jacob took the opportunity and stole it away, hiding it on a top shelf Bella couldn't reach. She finally stopped laughing and reached for the bottle, and finding it gone, pouted.

"My Smirnoff..." she moaned pathetically. Jake sighed and sat back in his chair. "Bella, you are so drunk. You'll never remember any of this in the morning. And you'll have one helluva hangover." Bella looked over at him blankly staring as he talked. She suddenly hoisted herself up from the floor. Jacob immediately stood. "Bella, don't fall aga--" But before he could finish the sentence, Bella pushed him back down.

"What would you do if I became a vampire?" she asked, serious, but her eyes gave away that she was still very much under the influence. She was strattling him, sitting on his lap basically, and holding the front of his shirt."What kind of question is that?" Jacob asked, scowling and blushing from the awkward position. "Would you still love me?" She asked, her brow creasing with supposed worry.

Jacob's expression softened. "What a stupid question." Bella looked confused for a second, and he smiled gently. "I'll always love you... no matter what you decide to do." Bella grinned. "I love youuu, Jake." She cooed. "Yeah, yeah. Come on, I'll let you use my bed tonight. Charlie can't see you like this." Jacob tried to get up, but Bella pushed him back firmly. "I'm not done with you yet." she said, scowling.

Jacob sighed. "What do you want, Bella?" Bella looked serious again. "If I was a vampire, could we still be together? Could we still be in love?" Jacob shook his head. "I don't know. It's never, ever been done before. And Bella, you don't love me, you love Edward." "Fagward." She pouted, crossing her arms. "Okay, fine. Whatever. Fagward." Jacob said, exasperated.

Bella suddenly leaned forward toward him. He immediately pulled back. "Bella, what do you think you're doing?" He groaned, trying to pull back from her to no avail. The chair had trapped him. She brushed her lips lightly down his neck before gently biting him. "Not so bad, is it?" She whispered against his skin. Jake blushed and felt his already abnormal body heat rise a few degrees.

"Bella, if you were with me, you wouldn't need to change anything." he said quickly as she pulled back from his neck. "I like you just the way you are. I want normal human Bella." "And I want my werewolf Jacob. But he's being resistant." She scowled. "Bella, you don't mean anything you're saying." Jacob tried to reason. "Oh, do I?" she said, smiling wickedly.

She leaned forward again, this time for his lips. He didn't resist in the least. But it all felt so wrong, and he felt like she didn't really mean any of it. He wanted to believe she did. Oh, he spent all day and night praying for that. But he could never be sure, the way she was right now. He surprised himself when his tangled his hands in her long, wavy, brown hair. She put her hands on the back of the chair, pressing against him with all her might.

"Bella, stop." he whispered, breaking away and letting go immediately. She suddenly collapsed against him, her head hitting his shoulder and she slumped over. "Bella?" he inquired, lifting her up by her shoulders. She was fast asleep. He smiled wistfully. "Of course." he said, and stood, holding her up. After he was up, he picked her up bridal style.

To his surprise, Billy was right by the front door when he brought Bella inside. "Oh, dad. Hey..." Jacob said, thinking of an excuse to why he was carrying the drunk-looking Bella. "I won't ask." his father said, smiling wisely. Jacob smiled gratefully at his father and went to lay Bella in his bed, where she didn't even budge for a second, snoring quietly. Jacob went back out to see his father.

Billy turned when he saw his son. His expression was serious. "Jacob, I couldn't help but overhear something a few minutes ago. I went out to check on you and heard you telling Bella that Vampires and Werewolves could not co-exist, or be together as lovers." Jacob nodded gravely as his father spoke. "Yes, what of it?"

"It's not true. It's a remarkable feat, and very frowned upon by both the vampires and werewolves... but it has been done before." Billy had a very serious expression as he spoke. Jacob's brow creased. "Why does it matter? She'll never become a vampire, and she doesn't love me..." Billy smiled prudently. "If you really think that, I'll be sad to have fathered such a dense son."

Jacob was taken aback as his father wheeled away. "Goodnight, Jacob."


I hope you all liked it :) My first Twilight fic... REVIEW!!

Now, let me tell you what I always thought the Twilight characters looked like before I saw the movies (which I hate, and was forced to see):::

-- Bella -- Always imagined her with long, wavy, platinum blonde hair, smoky eyes, pale. Tall, skinny.

-- Edward – Two Words: BILLY MARTIN. SUPER GOTHIC SEXY MAN (four words)

-- Jacob – Senior Junior Junior from Kim Possible (don't ask lol)

-- Billy – Like those super-old Indian guys you see in old west paintings

-- Charlie – Larry the Cable Guy