A big thank you to my beta-fairy Lunarshores :) you're the best


It had taken a long time for Shanks' arm to heal fully. Too long for Benn, if he were being honest. It has seemed that the loss of his captain's arm had been harder for him than for Shanks himself. The man had been his cheery self the whole time. He had laughed, drank, and sung as before, and none of the crew worried about it much. Really, Shanks hadn't given anyone of the men a reason to worry even though all of them had been shocked as they had seen what it had taken for Shanks to rescue Luffy.

But when Shanks came back from his surgery he had smiled right afterwards and made sure everyone was okay with the loss. Benn could still hear his words in his ears: "I'm fine. One arm is nothing, that's what we have two, though, so if we lose one we can use the other. No need to worry."

Shanks had said those words with a grin on his face, but Benn had seen the pain in his eyes and he had seen how hard it had been for Shanks to stand on his feet. The man he loved so much had used the last bit of his energy on that day to ensure his crew that he was still capable of being a captain. It had caused Benn to feel two heartbreaking feelings at the same time, both capable of shattering his heart by themselves.

The first had been incredible honor. Benn had felt so honored that he was first mate of such a great man his eyes had gotten teary and his heart had beat more rapidly than before. To see his captain smile in spite of his pain to calm down his crew, showed him again that true strength didn't come from force or cruelty or anything else that hurt any people but from wisdom and love. Hard to believe he had to use such words to describe Shanks, who was as irrational and unsettled as the wind, but they fit. At this one moment they fit perfectly for the one man who held freedom higher than anything. Benn could only recognize again how much he loved him, and he knew he always would.

But on the other hand Benn could feel nothing but unbelievable fear and a lot of mind-tearing regrets. He was Shanks' first mate, and it was his duty to protect his captain. He swore to himself to always save his captain, no matter what even if he had to give his life.

It had been Shanks who had given him a reason to live. He was the one who took the emptiness away from him. He was his first real friend, he was the one who understood him without any words needed, and he made Benn feel alive. Both of them were so different though they were as one when it came down to their inner core. He had never found another person who matched him in such an irritating way. Shanks was Benn's puzzle, the one he tried to figure out every day and still he couldn't. But when they were alone all of this suddenly didn't matter anymore.

So as Benn saw Shanks grinning but with a shaky body and pain dancing in his eyes, he hated himself because he wasn't able to save him from all of this. He should have been there, but he hadn't, and fear crept in, telling him that Shanks could die right in front of him, and Benn would be alone again, with the hard knowledge that there wouldn't be anyone who could reach Shanks in the slightest. It caused Benn more than one sleepless night and a lot of nightmares, in which he woke up, screaming at a dying Shanks and him arriving too late.

Actually one should think that after half of a year all of this should have passed but as Benn saw Shanks' stump again he realized it hadn't.

It was a tradition for the Red-Hair Pirates to visit a small island in the Paradise part of the Grandline that was full of hot springs once each year. The island was famous for their secrecy about their visitors, and pirates where as welcome as marines. Actually the owner of the hot springs managed to get several different areas where you could come and go unseen for a whole crew if they were willing to pay, and Shanks was always willing to pay for his crew. He wasn't in need to count his money.

They had rent three large springs for the whole crew with enough sake to get them drunk for the next two days and – as Shanks had told Benn – one small one only for the two of them. Benn didn't know why but he got flushed in a bright red as Shanks had told him that he wanted him alone for the evening.

Normally Benn was used to Shanks' unexpected moves of showing or telling him that they both were more than just captain and first mate. In the beginning, it was hard for Benn to handle his lover's sudden outburst of affection. Shanks was the type of guy to tell him that he was great in bed in the middle of a serious discussion or to kiss him when the enemy was at the verge on attacking. It had made Benn not only feel uncomfortable most of the time but also made him worry because he wasn't able to show his feelings as Shanks could. But it had gotten better over the time and some serious discussions in which Shanks had made sure that Benn didn't need to show him his affection in public if he didn't want to.

So now Benn was in the hot water, waiting for his captain to join him. Shanks had organized them some sake, chilling it in a big bucket full of ice, and Benn knew how the evening would end, which made his body burn with anticipation. The whole crew has had some drinks beforehand, and he could feel the alcohol running through his veins, making his head light. It was this mix out of a burning desire, alcohol and the warmth of the water, which gave him a sudden rush of adrenalin as when saw his captain coming down the way, naked as he was.

His heart started beating uncontrollably, his mind dizzy as he watched each muscle of Shanks' perfect body, his red hair waving with his walk and his eyes shimmering like the waves in the sun. Then Ben's gaze found the stump of Shanks arm, and a lump formed in his throat. The fear of losing him came back without a way for Benn to avoid it, and it seemed that Shanks could read the fear in his eyes, because there wasn't any joke or words on his lips. As he stepped into the water silent eyes fixed his gaze with Benn's and understood.

It was Benn who needed to hold Shanks on that day to make sure he was able to protect and not lose his captain. It was Benn who took the lead, and Shanks let him as he drew Shanks close to him, caressed his body full of scars, honoring each of them in turn. Each scar was an example of how much Shanks loved and cared for his crew, and if Benn could, he would do everything to make sure he wouldn't get another one.

But soon enough, as Benn stroked through the red hair, down his shoulders and Shanks' chest all of this was forgotten in the haze of the moment, while their lips connected for a secure kiss and their bodies became one with the mutual understanding how much they both needed the other to live.