AUTHORS NOTE: Hey guys! So It's been a while since I've written, well, anything, but I've been super busy with school! This is a story i've come up with, and I have big plans for it, though I admit it may take a while to update sometimes. I hope you enjoy it, though the first chapter may be a little dull (just an introduction), so stick to it and i promise it will get more exciting too! Anyways, let me know what you think! - Mary
p.s. Just a warning, it changes perspectives between Lily and James, though I've done this for a particular reason. I will not be indicating when it changes perspectives but it will be pretty obvious (if it gets too confusing, please let me know and i'll indicate for you). Just a warning :)
With A Little Help From Remus
A Lily/James Fanfic
By: WackyMaRy
Sometimes people know they are in love. Sometimes they know they aren't. Sometimes people just think they're in love. And sometimes, all people need is a push in the right direction to realize they aren't.
Chapter One
There's just something inexplicably beautiful about her. Every movement she makes, every breath she takes—captivating. As though her very presence caused me an unfathomable feeling of longing and desire, admiration and unworthiness. Every flick of her hair was like a fire's embers erupting and sparking to life. Each glance coming from her emerald eyes piercing and enticing. Her laugh alone was enough to draw in your attention, and leave you wanting more, which is exactly the position I am in.
You see, I am in love with this goddess. Always have been, and probably always will. The problem? Well, there are a few actually. First off, she already has a boyfriend—one who loves her, and she loves back with all her heart. If that already wasn't a big enough problem, prepare for the second.
She hates my very existence.
From the day I set eyes on Lily Evans, I fell in love. The day she set eyes on me, she despised me almost instantly.
Not that I can blame her of course. I was—for a lack of a better term—an arrogant toerag as she liked to put it. But you see, every time she put me down like that, hoping it would get me to stop liking her, it did the exact opposite, because the fire within her is almost as captivating and bright as her auburn mane of hair.
But I've changed—not only for her, but for me. I had to change. I was absolutely horrid to people. Sure, my best mate Sirius isn't too thrilled with the new me, but if he's my friend he'll come to terms with it, and I know that, and so does he.
Now back to her boyfriend. Amos Diggory, a Hufflepuff Quidditch captain of a prick with too styled hair and an overconfident attitude—not that Lily would notice his flaws seeing as she loves him. Sometimes I watch her with him, and him with her, and I think to myself "What does she see in him?" and then I watch them some more (like the creepy stalker I am), and I notice things. Like the occasional waver in her attention while he's speaking, and how her smile falls occasionally as she notices him checking out other girls (which, by the way, they've deemed 'acceptable' in their relationship—how messed up is that?).
You see, sometimes people know they're in love. Sometimes they know they are not. Sometimes, they just think they are. And sometimes, all they need is a push in the right direction to that they aren't. Deep down, I think they only think they are in love, and in my opinion I know they aren't. I can tell what real love is and if not from my personal experience, then from my parents. Happily married 40 years, still as much in love as they ever were.
Because when you're in love, that's what you want to picture; your future together. Not what they probably see, which is what they're going to do this weekend in Hogsmede or what party they'll next attend together, but what their future holds. I can see what it holds: nothing.
I was watching the first time she said "I love you" to him. Sirius, Remus and I were down by the lake at the beginning of sixth year, and then Lily and Amos came strolling in, and stopped within a good hearing's distance of us. He stopped walking. She stopped walking. He took her hands. He said "I love you Lily". She said "I love you too Amos." He pulled out a ring, a little gift she always wears on a necklace. She put it on and kissed him.
It was kind of nauseating.
This brings me back to tonight, where the whole topic of my infatuation with Lily Evans came from. As the beginning of our seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry began, Headmaster Dumbledore brought it upon himself to make either the smartest or stupidest idea ever.
He made Lily and I the head students.
I of course was thrilled. Her—not so much.
Currently, it's a late September night, and we're out on our first patrol together. The prefects take most nights, but the head students have to patrol at least twice a month together. Therefore it was the first time in a long time that I had spent time alone with Lily, and had her not want to completely kill me.
We were completely silent. But I was perfectly content with that.
Because it's better than her yelling at me. Every time I hear her harsh words, sure I brush them off, but they still hurt. Sirius thinks I should just outright tell her how I feel. I have, but I admit that every time I tell her how much I love her I do it in some idiotic manor. She always thinks I'm just being a jerk.
In a way I kind of envy Sirius on that front. He's an arrogant ass. A womanizing arrogant ass. Though he's perfectly content with that reputation. He makes it very clear that all he wants from girls is sex, and he get's that as much as he wants. No strings attached.
Because even if I tried something like that, I'd feel guilty, and my thoughts would always end up back on Lily. Ugh, stupid girl is taking over my life! And it's not like I could seriously tell her, because on the off chance she does believe I'm serious and in love with her for real, it would hurt her, and I could never do that.
I'm just getting so tired…
So here I am, waiting in silence with the girl I love, knowing that that's the best I'll probably ever get.
The Silence was killing me.
Here I was, walking with this boy who I despised, and was trying with every fiber of my being to keep my anger in. Not because I wanted to of course, but because I knew it was the right thing to do.
I dreamt of Potter last night. It was the strangest occurrence because for the first time in 7 years, I did not yell nor hit, nor harm him in any way in this dream. If anything he was…sweet.
Ick. Scratch that. Nothing about James Potter is sweet.
It must have been because of his new responsibility as head boy. Surprisingly enough—and I hate to admit this—he's been doing a decent job at being head boy. He has yet to be unfair, or attack any students unnecessarily (Slytherins), or pull any pranks whatsoever. That must have been where the dream came from—I must have been thinking about our patrol tonight before I fell asleep last night.
Because I don't dream cheat. Dreaming of other guys in a nice way never happens. I love my boyfriend Amos very much. I mean, he's so sweet and thoughtful and overall just a great guy. We met a few months back, at a Quidditch game. Hufflepuff vs. Gryffindor. I must admit, I am a Quidditch fanatic. I attend every Hogwarts game, ready to support my team. It was actually thanks to Potter that we met, though I don't think he really knows that.
Once again, Potter had tried to make a show of his little obsession for me by having "I love my Lily flower, from your future lover James" sparked up in the sky before the match. Out of blind rage and the inability for my friends to stop me, I left my seat, wand in hand, heading towards the change rooms, ready to curse him into oblivion.
However, I was incredibly surprised as I walked into what I believed was the Gryffindor change room (of course I'd never been there before) to find 7 people who I clearly could tell were not the Gryffindor team, half naked.
Long story short, Amos got angry calling me a Gryffindor spy. In the end though he asked me out and I said yes (you would have too if you were talking to him shirtless).
If I'm honest, I also started to go out with him to make Potter jealous. I've never regretted being with Amos however. Our relationship is real, not stupid or adolescent—it's serious and mature. I mean, our relationship is so solid; nothing seems to be able to come between us. We trust each other endlessly. When I told him I had to patrol with Potter tonight, of course he was jealous (he knew of our history obviously) but he told me, "Lily, I have complete trust in you, I know nothing will happen." How amazing is he?
Speaking of amazing, I'm actually quite amazed that I've been patrolling for almost an hour and not only have I not yelled once, but we are in complete silence—no arrogant comments from Potter whatsoever. Though I would never admit it, I've seen a slight change in him over the years. Though he's still far from perfect, he's definitely not that arrogant little fifth year brat who asked me out all those times. Actually, Potter and I barely spoke for all of sixth year. I thought this year would hopefully be similar but—
"We should probably head back soon," Potter said quietly, not meeting my eyes. He glanced around the corridor, his eyes searching for anything that would alert him to troublemaking students. One advantage to having Potter as my fellow patrol partner is that he's been on the other end so many times—being the expert troublemaker himself—and could catch anyone. I mean seriously, I was actually impressed a few times with the students he's caught out of bed. I would have never noticed some of them. "It's getting pretty late, and I know you have advanced charms early tomorrow morning."
He knows my schedule? Well that's no surprise as he's in every one of my classes except advanced charms, which I have while he has a free period. That's nothing special then at all. I appreciate his concern though, that early charms class is always a killer. However, he probably doesn't care about me, he probably just wants to head off early and meet up with his stupid marauding friends.
Stupid Potter.
"Sure," I said, before I could stop my mouth, the words coming out a little harsher than I wanted.
He nodded, biting his lip and looking at the ground. I noticed that's something he's done all year. Sure, I still sometimes hear the arrogant comments from him directed at me, but not once has he met my eyes. It's not something others probably noticed, but I'm acutely aware, as it gives me a very uneasy feeling—it's different from it used to be. Old arrogant Potter I could handle. This new Potter I wasn't so sure.
We walked in silence until we were right in front of the portrait hole to Gryffindor common room. "Wait," he said, just as I was about to mumble the password. "I never got to say this, but congratulations," he said seriously, finally looking up.
"For what?"
He smiled, but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes, as though he were suffering from severe lack of sleep. "For making head girl of course. I know how much you wanted the position. You'll be brilliant—you're already brilliant," he said.
I felt myself taking a sharp intake of breath. He caught me completely off guard with that.
Against my will, I felt myself letting out a smile and blushing slightly—luckily it was quite dark and he probably didn't see. There was just something so sincere about that statement, something I'd never seen with him before.
"Uh thanks," I muttered with a small smile. He said the password, breaking the first eye contact we had made all year. By the time my conscious had started screaming say something back! He was already gone, slipped into the common room and up into the boys dorms, so by the time I let out a small, "you too," he was already gone, and I was talking to the silence that surrounded me.
Anyways, let me know what you think. I promise it will get more eventful within the next few chapters, this was just an intro, so please keep reading a let me know what you think! Also, the bit with Remus and the title will make sense soon, the help hasn't come in quite yet :P
