A/N Welcome all of you to Come Wake me Up. To those who have read before and are returning for new chapters, thank you for your patience and understanding, please feel free to read it back through, I've added quite a bit as I revised to prepare for the remaining part of part two. For those who have stumbled upon this fic recently, thank you for joining the ride, I hope you enjoy.
this fic will get dark, but will have a at least content ending, maybe even happy, but it will not be a smooth road, nor particularly happy thus I leave this list of trigger warnings for you. This will be the one time these are listed.
part 1(ch1-12)
self harm, attempted suicide, mentions of torture, mentions of rape, panic attacks, blood, PTSD
part2 (ch13-27)
thoughts of self harm, mentions of torture and rape, blood, serious injuries, PTSD, panic attacks
Tonight your memory burns like a fire
With every one it grows higher and higher
And I can't get over it, I just can't put out this love
I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back
Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that I'm dreaming
Come wake me up
Turn the TV up loud just to drown out your voice, but I can't forget
Now I'm all out of ideas and baby I'm down to my last cigarette
Yeah, you're probably asleep deep inside of your dreams while I'm sitting here crying and trying to see
Yeah, wherever you are baby now I am sure you moved on and aren't thinking twice about me
And you tonight
Tonight your memory burns like a fire
With every one it grows higher and higher
I can't get over it, I just can't put out this love
I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back
Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that I'm dreaming
I know that you're movin' on
I know I should give you up
But I keep hopin' that you'll trip and fall back in love
Time's not healin' anything
Baby, this pain is worse than it ever was
I know that you can't hear me, but baby I need you to save me tonight
Dream
Brennan's POV
The laughter from the Jeffersonian flitted through the Founding Fathers as Hodgins tried to tell them a story about his college roommate, some vodka, and a dollar store water gun.
The group lapses into comfortable silence they keep the quiet over their table until it's broken by Cam seeing the time and announcing, "Well, I got to go, Michelle is home tonight."
"I probably should be heading out to." Hodgins says then looks at Angela, "Need a ride?" he questions.
She nods, rising slowly .
"I probably should go to." says Sweets
"Ok," Brennan says with a smile in their direction, "See you guys tomorrow."
"Bye, drive safe." Booth tells them, scooting over a few seats to sit by me
"I really should be going as well, Booth."
"Come on, Bones, just one drink please."
"Fine Booth, just one."
He raises his glass "Here's to partners, to right here, and right now."
"And to that not changing," I say clinking my glass against his.
The scene from over a year ago fades from my eyes as I crash back to reality.
Booth is with Hannah, he doesn't care.
Angela has Hodgins to care for her.
Sweets has Daisy. And Cam has Paul, she blames me for the team breaking up anyway.
Cam is in charge of the lab and Hodgins is it's largest contributor.
All in all I'm pretty useless.
The scene that less than 12 months ago that was pretty much a weekly occurrence was not just a dream, but a fantasy.
I take the disposable razor blade and slowly pull it across my shoulder:
Twice for hurting Booth.
A third for leaving.
The fourth for being jealous of Hannah.
The fifth is because of what my 'friends' would do, how they would feel, if they found out.
I stop, watching the blood trickle down my arm in morbid curiosity until it starts to pool in the crook of my elbow, I wipe it away just before it drips to the floor.
After I finish cutting I take the blade and wrap it in a couple dozen squares of toilet paper and toss it.
I grab some disinfectant and spray it onto my shoulder I half hiss at the sting, but I'm used to it now. I can't let anyone figure it out. An infection would definitely lead to that.
I wrap it In a plain bandage so as not to stain the bed and then proceed to get ready for sleep.
As I lay down I half expect to be greeted by my now constant friend, insomnia, but that was better than the other option of nightmares. I guess the latter one won out as I slowly drift off.
I awake in a dark room with a single light pointed directly at me. The first voice I hear is Booth's. "God, Bones why are you so damn selfish, I'm finally happy with Hannah. Don't you see, I never cared about you… You're worthless… Get a sole."
Then Hodgins voice joins in "Is it really that easy for you!? To forget what happened to us! Are you really that emotionless?! That cold?!"
Then Sweets "You don't care… You're a cold fish."
Then I hear Cam's voice. "What happened is you put your own desires ahead of everything else and we had a great thing going. You just... you let it fall apart."
Then Angela's voice joins in ". You're going to die alone. How can we be friends?"
The voices seem to get louder and louder until I yell "Enough!"
I bolt up awake in my bed.
Seeing that I got about an hour and a half of sleep which is double what I normally get, I get up and just try writing my book knowing I won't get any more sleep tonight.
I write till I have to get ready for work, Have to get ready to fake being okay in front of the people who know me best.
