The second he'd heard that Uther had been mortally wounded, Merlin had debated using his magic to save the King. The instant he'd seen Arthur's tearstained face and heard the Prince's cracking voice he'd decided without a doubt, he'd use his magic to save the monarch. He was not saving Uther for Uther's sake, but for Arthur's well-being and the future of Albion. If magic saved the Prince's father than perhaps, Arthur would unban magic – once he was King.
Merlin was scared, terrified in fact. He wasn't sure what the outcome would be. Healing incantations were not this warlock's strong suit. Merlin couldn't remember one time that it had actually worked. If it didn't help this time and Merlin inadvertently killed Uther then his hopes for a magic-filled Camelot would be shattered and he might even lose his very life. If it did work, Merlin wondered who would be sacrificed for Uther's life. Merlin knew that he'd be creating an imbalance by healing the King. Ygraine died in birth so that Arthur lived. So would Arthur or even he, himself, pass away instead?
Don't think about this. Don't think of the what if's. Those aren't important right now. Saving Uther is all that matters, thought Merlin as he stood from sitting on the edge of his bed. You might spook yourself into not acting.
The warlock stood in the middle of his room as he looked around his space as if it was his last time being in this room. Perhaps, this would be the final time he'd be here, especially if it didn't work. His arms hung limply on either side of his torso. The muscles in his upper limbs were taught, as if waiting to act – to lift the books needed, flip through them for the proper incantation or tincture, and then, finally, to do the actual magic that would make or break his very existence.
Taking a shaky breath, he headed to the door. The floor beneath him creaked slightly, as it always did. In this trying time, the sound was a constant, a comfort. Descending the narrow stairs, the warlock stood at the foot of them as he glanced around the cluttered and cozy living area. There were pots, equipment, and every other necessity strewn everywhere. Herbs hung from the ceiling. Books and bottles over-filled the shelves until they nearly fell to the floor. The fire blazed in the fireplace, cooking the food in the cauldron – some rabbit stew from the smell of it.
Shaking his head to clear it of his reverie, he crossed the room to the bookcase. Staring up at the shelves, he spotted a few books that looked helpful. With his hand raised, he whispered a quick spell. Eyes glowing gold for a moment, the books he wanted came slowly flying towards him. Merlin caught each one as they neared and then laid them on the bench where Gaius and he sat to eat their meals. It happened that was the only empty space to place the books, anyway.
Grabbing the top book in the stack, he began flipping through the tome, reading as fast as he could. "Nope," muttered Merlin as the warlock tossed the book aside and seized the next book in the pile. The young man studied this novel just as quickly as he had the first.
"What are you doing," came a sharp exclamation as Merlin threw the book with the other one.
Merlin jumped as he looked up. He stared at his sergeant father with he was sure an odd expression shining in his eyes. He was certain that his gaze betrayed "Gaius," he said. "I didn't hear you come in…"
"I just came in," Gaius replied. Concern was in his aged eyes. "Now, tell me, what are you doing? You're making a mess boy!"
The warlock couldn't help but glance around as Gaius spoke. The room was already a mess, but Merlin didn't remind his mentor that. "I'm going to help him," Merlin said.
"Help who," asked Gaius as he crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't move from his spot. He just stood and stared at the young man before him.
"Uther…" the warlock muttered. His eyes were cast downwards. Even though he was sure of what he was about to do, Merlin couldn't face looking into Gaius's eyes. There'd be fear, there'd be anger, there'd be perhaps even confusion. He didn't want to see any of that. He couldn't. Seeing it might just make Merlin chicken out and not go through with his plan.
"You can't," Gaius whispered. His voice conveyed the horror and fear at this idea as it wavered. It said so much more than those two words. It silently asked what would happen if he was killed or if Uther didn't make it. It showed Gaius would be crushed if anything happened to Merlin and the physician would blame himself if it did.
"With magic, I can!" Merlin shouted. He finally looked at Gaius. His blue eyes were hard and confident. There was no changing his mind and that was blatantly apparent. He gave his mentor a look that said, You'll have to tie me up to stop me. Go ahead and try me. It won't work.
"You'll be hanged! You'll be risking your life," Gaius pointed out as he came over to where Merlin sat. It was a feeble attempt at trying to stop the young man who sat before him. Slowly, he lowered himself onto the bench. Books separated him and his ward, but neither noticed them.
"I risk my life every day, Gaius," Merlin pointed out softly. His brow peaked as he gave a weary smile to Gaius. It slowly fell as he sighed. A hopeful gleam shined within his blue orbs as the warlock stared at the books. The determined look was back in his blue eyes. It had to work, even if this was the last thing he ever did. "I am going to do this. You can't change my mind. You won't."
