Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek TNG - I am simply exploring some of the characters. Just for fun.
Captain Picard anxiously waited in the transporter room until the beam had completely disapaited and his former ships counselor
Captain Picard anxiously waited in the transporter room until the beam had completely dissipated and his former ships counselor stood before him. It had been three years since she had served under his command. She looked exhausted and thinner than she had the last time that he had seen her. Still it was good to have her on board.
"Deanna," he offered his hand to help her from the pad.
She gladly took it and without a second thought, threw her arms around the neck of her former captain. She had thought it would be easier to face him, but she couldn't trust her voice not to betray her emotion, so she kept silent, her head resting on his shoulder, still clinging to him.
The transporter chief looked puzzled. He had not served aboard the Enterprise when the former first officer and ships counselor had been married, but he had heard enough to know that this was another man's wife being held tightly by her former commanding officer.
The captain stiffened out of habit when Deanna had embraced him, but relaxed and embraced her in return when he could feel the slight tremble in her body. Suddenly he remembered that they were being watched and pulled away slightly. With a slight jerk of his head he dismissed the transporter chief, who tried to hide the surprise on his face at being told to leave the two of them alone. Once they were alone in the transporter room, Jean Luc lifted Deanna's head off his shoulder by placing a finger under her chin. "Deanna," he spoke softly. "Are you alright?"
She nodded and tried to smile, but it faltered and her lip began to quiver. She sat down on the edge of the transporter pad and buried her face in her hands to hide the tear she felt slipping down her cheek. "I'm sorry Captain. I don't know what's wrong with me." Her words were muffled as she spoke through her hands.
He crouched down to be at her eye level and pulled her hands away. He decided that a more formal manner might help her gain her composure. Yet, she was his friend, even more than that, she was one of the closest things to family that he had and he desperately wanted to comfort her. "Counselor, Deanna. It is good to have you aboard."
This time her smile was more genuine. "Thank you Capitan. I am glad to be here. It will be good to have some familiar faces," she took a deep breath and sighed. "I'm sorry. I will try to limit my break downs to moments of privacy," she said glancing at the door, where undoubtedly the transporter chief stood on the other side. She stood up, straitened her simple black dress, tucked one curl that had escaped her simple ponytail behind her ear and took a deep breath. "So why is the Enterprise heading to Earth?" she asked.
"Oh," the captain stood next to her, amazed at how well she covered her emotions most of the time. It had always been an irony to him that while she encouraged others to find their emotions, she kept her own under lock and key. He remembered many years ago as he recovered from the attack by the Borg that he had told her that very thing as she tried to counsel him. She wanted him to open up and she had agreed to a tit for tat exchange of feelings about what it felt like to be assimilated, to fire at your own ship, and then in return, she told him what it felt like to see a man you trusted turned into something completely unrecognizable and how she wondered if any of them would live through it. She had been his rock those few months. He had told her things that no one else knew.
He had cried in her arms, more than once, and here she stood, her large dark eyes staring at him, looking somehow smaller and more vulnerable than he liked.
He had been silent for quite a few seconds, seeming to be assessing her. Deanna could feel his conflicted emotions. They seemed to be almost as jumbled as her own. There was sorrow at the situation, and some happiness or relief at least that she was on board, but there were sharper emotions that he was trying to hold back, and yet they rang through the most clearly. Anger and Disappointment.
"Capitan."
Jean Luc was pulled from his memories, "Retrofit of the engines and a new warp core. We have been putting it off for about 6 months now, and it was just time. Of course when we got the message…" he quickly cut himself off before saying "from Will", he tried to recover quickly but he could see the flicker of pain in her eyes as if he hadn't stopped. "Well, the timing seems to have worked out for everyone."
"I'm sorry Captain." Deanna had lowered her eyes and was fiddling with the ring on her finger.
She was wearing her wedding ring, he thought, maybe that was a good sign. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Deanna. You are always welcome here, and I am not your Capitan. I am your friend and I would like to be here for you, if you need one." He paused and tried to assess her reaction. "We all need people sometimes, Deanna. And there are more than a few people on board who could return the favor of your listening ear."
"Oh, Capitan. How many people already know?"
"No one, as far as I know. I know only what I have been told…" he stopped himself again, but she clearly knew that the end of the sentence was "by Will." Why was it that he could not seem to use her husband's name?
"You must think I am a horrible person." She again lowered her eyes to fiddle with her ring. It seemed to be a nervous habit for her.
"Why would I think that?" he asked shocked.
"Capitan, you may have forgotten in the last few years, but I am an empath. I know that you are disappointed in me."
Jean Luc sighed and put his hand on her shoulder. "Deanna, you are like family to me." He hesitated again, but ignoring him would be like ignoring an elephant in the room. "You and Will both. And you are both hurting, and I am unhappy about that, of course I am. I am disappointed in choices that Will made, that those choices hurt you. I am saddened that you feel the need to put this distance between the two of you. But I am glad that we are here, that you don't have to be alone. You have friends here, Deanna."
She nodded and seemed to struggle again to fight back the tears that were welling her eyes. "It was more than one choice," she said almost defencivly. "It wasn't that simple. I guess nothing ever is. The last year has been really hard for both of us. He has been so busy and things were changing so fast and we," she lost the battle as the tears slid down her cheeks. "We wanted to have a baby." She furiously wiped the tears away. "It wasn't just one choice that he made. It was a lot of things leading up to it. If it were just him, my decision would be easier."
The captain stepped closer to her and she put her head against his shoulder and chest. "May I ask you a question?" he asked softly.
She nodded.
"Why Earth? I would have thought that you would go to Betazed."
"I can't deal with my mother right now. This is hard enough without my mother…" for a moment both of them thought of what Luaxanna's reaction would be. Would she say I told you he was no good for you, but you never listen, or would she forbid Deanna to go back to him? Would she insist on some sort of political or disciplinary action for her daughter's pain?
Jean Luc could see Deanna's point. "Where will you go?"
Deanna pulled away and wiped her eyes and composed herself again, straightening her hair and dress. "Earth was Will's idea. He still has the house in Alaska. It is quiet and secluded. I can think there. I just need to think." She nodded as if agreeing with herself.
"It will take us a week to get there." Jean Luc told her, picking up the bag that had been left on the transporter pad. "So lets get you comfortable. By the end of the day, I would imagine that you would have some visitors." Jean Luc motioned to the door and Deanna led the way out of the transporter room.
"How is Alexander?" Deanna asked. "And Worf? Alexander was never happy on the home world. Is he happier now?"
"I would say that he is adjusting well."
"And Worf?"
"It was a sacrifice for him. But I think he also has friends here to make it easier for him."
"I thought he would go back to DS9." Deanna seemed to relax as she turned her attention to others.
"Too many memories." The captain sighed.
The transporter chief nodded to the captain as he passed and he reentered his post. Once they were out of his sight and alone in the corridor, Deanna leaned over and placed a kiss on Jean Luc's cheek. "Thank you, Jean Luc." she said softly.
He smiled and nodded slightly and continued down the corridor with his hand on her back.
