"It doesn't make sense," Robin growled as he paced around the cave's central room, his eyemask staring right through the floor. "No sense at all."
"What doesn't?" Superboy responded, half interested. He was sitting in a plush recliner and reading The Portable Nietzsche while sipping a cup of coffee. His feet were propped up on a stool and he was wearing half-moon reading glasses.
"None of it!" Robin snapped, whirling on Superboy, "Not a single bit!"
Superboy didn't even look up from his book, "Look, Robin. I know that the ending to tonight's episode was a little muddled, but if I understood what Jon was saying, you definitely should have."
"That's not what I'm talking about at all!"
Superboy put the book down in his lap with a sigh. He took off his reading glasses and brought his coffee cup to his lips. After a long sip he sighed at Robin, "Then what are you talking about?"
"Freaking, my secret identity!" Robin gestured wildly, "Okay, so in the Teen Titans cartoon I was Dick Grayson!"
"Right."
"And Dick Grayson was the founder of the Teen Titans in the original comics!"
"True."
"But yet in that cartoon I dressed in Tim Drake's first Robin costume, and my signature weapon was a bo-staff, just like Tim Drake."
Superboy took another sip of coffee, "Is this going anywhere?"
"Just a minute," Robin said, his voice rising as he started to get wound up, "So, in this, the Young Justice cartoon, I'm still Dick Grayson!"
"Yup."
"But in the comics Tim Drake was the Robin who founded Young Justice!"
"Mm-hmm."
"And I act practically identical to Tim Drake. From my attitude to my jokes to my skills."
"Yes."
"And in tonight's episode I did the two extra utility belts around the chest, all bandoleer style, just like Tim Drake does as Red Robin! And my snowsuit had the cowled hood that looks just like Drake's Red Robin costume!"
"And…"
Robin finally exploded, "Why can't they keep it straight! It's obvious they wanted Tim in this cartoon, but they needed Dick! So I'm stuck as Dick pretending to be Tim! God Dammit, it doesn't make any sense!"
"I think you're missing the point." Superboy said, putting his glasses back on and lifting up his book.
"Point? What point?" Robin asked, his eyemask wide and his hair wild.
"We're characters in a damn cartoon. We're not supposed to know any of this."
"Oh… yeah."
…
"Say," Robin said, "No offense, but why am I talking about this to you? Wally's supposed to be my best friend, right? I mean, we just freaking committed bro-taculous kamikaze together in tonight's episode!"
"Yeah," Superboy took another sip of coffee, "But he's off with Artemis."
"What're they doing?"
"Probably staring in an overly-emotional lemon fic."
"Ah!" Robin nodded, "Right. Hey, that begs an interesting question. Why aren't you off getting steamy with Megan? Or, at least, why aren't you holding her while she cries uncontrollably?"
Superboy's coffee cup shattered in his fist. A vein had started pulsing in his forehead. "Because. Apparently. That's. Captain. Marvel's. Job."
"Dude, chill." Robin held out his hands pacifyingly, "He held me after I woke up sweaty and crying in tonight's episode! He's really, like, nurturing and stuff and junk."
"Last I saw he was 'nurturing' her in her bedroom."
"Whoa," Robin grinned, "The power of an H fic. I guess we should stop breaking the fourth wall, then OOC stuff like that wouldn't happen."
"Whatever." Superboy tried to return to his book.
…
"Y'know, it's kinda creepy." Robin mused, "I mean, the ages involved with those two, and everything."
"Tell me about it!" Superboy exploded off the recliner, tossing Nietzsche across the room, "She sixteen and he's like freaking forty!"
"Well," Robin nodded, "That's part of it. At least, that's what's going on, y'know, ostensibly. Or maybe just stensibly."
"Now is not the time for neologisms." Superboy growled, pointing a superfinger at the Boy Wonder.
"Well, what I'm getting at is that neither of them are as old as they appear. It looks like Miss M is getting statutory raped by Captain Marvel, but really Cap is like, what, eight years old? So when you take that into consideration it's like she's sort of statutory raping him. But it gets even more wild when you consider that she's only sixteen in Earth years. She's freaking forty-six in Martian years! That's some /d/ shit right there!"
When Robin turned around to look at Superboy, he was surprised to find him less than an inch away from him. The clone's face was bright red and his breathing was heavy. "Stop. Talking. Or. I. Will. Kill. You."
"Tch," Robin shrugged, "Go for it. This fic totally doesn't count. Besides, even if this was a real episode and you killed me we'd both probably just wake up and find out it never happened, and that this whole conversation was just brought on by Miss M's subconscious desire to make disgustingly unnatural hanky-panky with Capt-"
BAM!
Superboy was showered in blood as Robin's gray matter stuck to the walls with a sickening squish.
-BOOP-
Superboy's eyes opened as he woke up. Looking around he found that they were back on the tables just like at the end of the episode Failsafe. Robin looked up and over at Superboy, "See, punk, told ya!"
Superboy glared down at Miss Martian. She smiled sheepishly up at him, "Um… make up sex?"
The clone grabbed her and blurred off to a private location.
Robin cackled and walked off.
Kid Flash and Artemis just looked at each other.
"Were we just in sexy fanfiction?" Kid Flash asked the archer.
"Actually," Artemis rubbed her head and tried to think, "I think we were in a sexy fanfiction inside a fourth-wall-breaking parody fanfiction that was set inside a psychic illusion that was referencing an episode about us being stuck in a false, psychic illusion world."
"So…" Kid Flash gestured vaguely, "The movie Inception, basically. You could've just said the movie Inception. Saved everyone the headache."
Artemis made a face at the speedster, "Shut up! You have a crush on me."
Kid Flash blushed, "Do not!"
Artemis smirked as she hopped off the table and walked out of the room, "Do too."
Kid Flash followed her, "Do not!"
Their voices echoed up from the hallway as they walked away.
Aqualad sat up off the table. He looked around the room. He found himself quite alone. A relieved smile broke across his face as-
PPFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTT
"Ahhhh," the Atlantean sighed, "I've been holding that in since Targets."
