Fear
Sasuke stopped on his way out to the training field. Before him lays a familiar scene, changed only by 5 year's time. A pink haired girl stands before him in front of the very bench he left her on. And just like that night, he asks her the same thing.
"What are you doing here?" he stops in front of her. It has been about a month since they had returned home from the war, and the first time he'd spoken to her alone since then.
"History sure does have a funny way of repeating itself, doesn't it?" she smiles sadly at him. Instead of walking straight past her like he did those years ago, he stands in one place, in front of her.
"I'm not leaving." he says, glancing at pale crescent in the sky. Feeling her gaze on him, he turns to meet her eyes.
"What is it?" he asks, growing slightly impatient. Surely there had to be a reason for her to be standing at the gates. She seemed to be waiting for him.
"I knew you'd come by…" She began, glancing downwards. He tilted his head slightly in curiosity, wondering what was going on with the girl in front of him. She didn't seem like the fearless hero he fought alongside. She seemed more fragile, and hesitant.
"And I wanted to talk." she finally manages. He stood silently, waiting for her to continue.
"Do you remember… in Iron country, when I found you, and when I had my back turned.." She refused to say the words, because she never could manage to. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't. She trailed off, knowing that he would know what she was talking about.
"Yes." He admitted. He didn't want to remember that. He didn't want to remember the betrayal he had felt, and he surely didn't want to remember his lowest point.
"Why did you do it?" she asked, her voice laced with a tinge of suppressed pain. Not receiving an answer, she took a small step forward. His hands began to ball up into fists.
"Why did you try to kill me?" she questioned, voice slightly stronger. Onyx eyes were fixed on the ground, evasive of the near-trembling erinite that waited for an answer.
"Did you doubt me? Was it because you were going to kill everyone else just like that?" she began prodding. His nails began digging into his palms. She had no idea that he would wake up in the middle of the night, thinking he had actually done it. She had no idea that he would go through hell every time he thought of the "what ifs" in that scenario, and she had no idea that he has been afraid of himself since.
"What was that to you then? Just another person down? You know, you didn't seem to be very conflicted about it." She continued. He bit his cheek to keep himself remaining silent.
"Are you really so cold?" she added. His head snapped up and his onyx eyes burned into hers. That was his breaking point. How could she carelessly forget that she had done the same to him as well?
"You were going to kill ME! I fought back, that's all I did. Did you really expect me to let you do it? I should be the one asking YOU for your reasons! You told me you loved me. And then you try to deceive me, and then you take two attempts at my life! Why are YOU so hung up on what I did when you are the one that started it?" He snaps at her. And in that moment, he felt like his mask had been torn off. He spoke as if he had moved on as well, but his tone betrayed him. Up until then, he thought he had convinced everyone- including himself that he did. But the reality was, he couldn't understand why she of all people betrayed him.
"It's not that simple." her voice broke. It was obvious to him that she was fighting back tears. But he failed to understand that those tears were because of the struggle she felt in that moment. He didn't know that she had made the decision to end his life before he sunk any further out of love. He didn't understand that it was for his sake as well.
"Why are you crying?" He asked, failing to soften his voice due of the anger he had experienced moments before. One moment she was so angry, prodding him for answers, and now she was trying to hold herself together. He didn't understand why there was a sudden shift in emotion.
"I have every right to cry." her voice shook, tears stinging her eyes. Then, she threw a punch at his face, which he easily caught. He held his hand firmly at her wrist, stopping her. Growing more upset, she threw her other fist at him, which he caught as well. Now that she is facing him for what happened in Iron Country, all those emotions came back to her, and are overwhelming her. She knew she hit rock bottom, and she knew that if she truly wanted to hurt him, she would have used her chakra. But she didn't. She desperately tried to struggle out of his grip, but she wasn't in the right state. Eventually, he moved her hands down, keeping a more gentle hold on them.
"I hate you… I hate you so much." she half whispered, unable to trust her voice. But they both know better than that.
"No." he shook his head gently. "No, you don't." he saw the hate in her eyes. But it wasn't directed at him- it was hate directed at herself. It was hate for allowing herself to fall in love with him, and it was hate for staying in love. As much as she hated to admit it, although he was the source of her misery, he was also the source of her happiness.
"I should. I should hate you. I wish I did." She choked, finally allowing tears to run down her face. It stung him to hear those words. Hearing that it would be easier to hate him than to love him hurt. Knowing that he caused her enough pain to think so caused him to hate himself that much more. His hand let go of hers, and he reached to wipe the tears.
"Don't." She whispered as she turned her face to the side, denying him. He froze for a brief moment, feeling the sting of the rejection.
"Sakura." he murmured, as she turned to face him again. His thumb trailed down her face, and held her chin. And before she knew it, he had pulled her into a kiss. She was too stunned to react for only a brief moment, but then her lips started to move with his. The way he kissed her- it was with desperation, guilt, and somehow she felt it- passion. It was the kind of kiss that someone would save for someone who was their light- and she was. His world is a dark and lonely place. It's confusing, it's miserable, and it's broken. But her- she's the only thing that ever made sense. She is the only thing that fills the darkness, and the void of loneliness with her love.
But of course, she didn't know that. She didn't feel that in their kiss, but she knew she felt something. When they pulled back, she stood there, unable to understand how to feel in that moment. But she knew that her reason for coming here and talking to him- all her feelings and all the fear she felt was still unresolved. Knowing that it was the right time, she decided to let herself free of her emotional cage. She rested her head in the crook of his neck, and began to let out all her sadness, her fears, and her guilt.
He froze, not knowing what to do. He felt her shake gently against him as she cried, and placed his arms around her. He didn't know why he was holding her- as if he was protecting her, when he was the one she needed to be protected from. But it felt right. It felt right to finally have her in his arms, and it felt right to stand there and allow her to let herself free of her emotions.
"I was so afraid." she cried into the crook of his neck. His hand stroked her back, as his arm pulled her closer.
"I know. I was afraid too." He murmured into her ear. "I was afraid I was going to do it. I was afraid that I was going to lose you." He felt the need to finally tell her how he feels in his own way. And just like that night years ago, he did. Only this time, he didn't leave much room for wondering.
