Disclaimer: I don't own Voyager. Which makes me angry because then I could change it a bit.
AN: This is from Kathryn's point of view. She has just watched him walk out of her personal quarters after their ritual dinner. This occurs a couple weeks after Resolutions.
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I watched him go. I could've stopped him; told him how I really felt, but no, I let him go like I always do. But every time he leaves, I feel like I can't go on. I feel as though life isn't worth living. Why is that?
Because you love him, said a voice.
No. I can't love him…protocol—
Forget protocol for once. You're just protecting yourself because you are afraid of what might happen. You're afraid that he'll end up like Justin, or that it wouldn't last like Mark. Stop coming up with excuses Kathryn!! You love him! Why do you keep letting him go?
I don't want him to get hurt.
That's bullshit. You never hesitated when you put your crew's lives at risk. Two hundred people are more than one. Plus, it would only be emotional. Why let it stop you?
He'll get hurt!! What if something happens to me? If we go to the next step and he loves me, what happens if I die? I can't let love interfere with work. I can't let my personal feelings get in the way of duty!
You don't have to. There is a time and a place for duty and a different one for personal lives and feelings.
What if he gets hurt along with other people? Do I choose him over everybody else? Or do I let him die while saving others?
Why are you even bothering with "what ifs"? You obviously aren't going to act on these feelings. Does it really matter? Is this topic even worth pondering over if no action is going to be taken?
Well, maybe I want to take action. Maybe I want to fall in love, that I want to know that I'll be safe in his arms whenever I choose.
Now you're just fantasizing. This will never happen if you don't do something!
But, what if he doesn't love me?
How could he not? It is blatantly obvious.
What if he comes to the conclusion I did? That it couldn't work…
He won't. Remember New Earth? He told you he loved you, I'm sure he still has feelings for you.
(mental sigh) I can't believe that I was just defeated by my own conscience.
I can…
