The May rain was warm as it dampened her t-shirt and soaked her hair.
Chihaya had started her first semester at a women's junior college only last month and was commuting from home. Meanwhile, Arata and Taichi were each living in their own apartments and they both were attending Tokyo University.
Once her afternoon class had finished, Chihaya had a quick dinner before heading to the Shiranami Society. She and Arata had decided, since they both had Wednesday evenings free, it would be a good time for the reigning meijin and queen to practice against one another, as well as on Fridays and Saturdays when there wasn't a tournament. Dr. Harada even promised that she and Arata would have the place alone to themselves on Wednesdays, along with a volunteer reader every week.
Meanwhile, though Taichi still played every weekend and in tournaments, he decided to use Wednesday evenings to study. After all, medical school classes were slightly more difficult than the average.
This particular Wednesday though, when Chihaya slid the door open, she froze. In the corner of the room, Arata was leaning back against the wall, his knees bent so his feet were flat on the tatami. And he was kissing a girl.
It wasn't just any girl. It was the previous queen—Shinobu-chan! Arata was kissing Shinobu-chan! And she had Arata's glasses clutched in her hand, and one of Arata's hands was grabbing her upper arm, pulling her closer. The other-Shinobu's Daddy Bear shirt was rucked up, exposing her thin belly, and Arata's hand was…
Sliding the door shut again, Chihaya turned away and, after tripping and catching herself, she hurried to pull her shoes on again. As quietly as she could, she left.
Why was Arata kissing Shinobu-chan?! What was Shinobu even doing here?! She'd never shown any interest in practicing with any societies. Perhaps… perhaps she was here only to see Arata? Oh, of course she must have volunteered to be their reader for the evening… But why would they kiss?!
Just before graduating high school, Chihaya had turned Arata down weeks and weeks after he'd asked her to be his girlfriend. And, in the same day, she'd also turned Taichi down, weeks and weeks after he'd kissed her. She had explained to both boys that she still wasn't ready for a boyfriend, and their friendships had meant more to her than anything.
But seeing Arata kissing Shinobu…! Her Daddy Bear t-shirt…!
Chihaya was knocking at Taichi's apartment door before she realized where she had gone. Oh, she'd left her bag! And once Arata saw her bag, he would know she had been at the Society like normal. Possibly he would even guess that she'd seen him kissing Shinobu!
Pushing the wet snakes of hair from her eyes, she turned away from Taichi's door. She thought she should really go back for her bag before Arata saw it.
But then, of course, the door opened. "Chihaya," Taichi said simply, his hand resting on the doorknob as though he might simply shut the door again.
"Taichi, sorry! I forgot my bag. I have to go." She turned away again.
But Taichi grabbed her arm. Chihaya immediately remembered Arata holding Shinobu's arm the same way and so she shook her head, willing the memory to leave her mind. "At least wait out the rain," he said. "You're shivering. You'll get sick."
Chihaya pulled her arm from Taichi's hold as she looked up at his face. "Mm. Alright."
He opened the door wider and she stepped inside. As she pulled her shoes off, he shut the door behind her.
He gazed at her for a little too long. Chihaya realized belatedly that he was waiting for her to explain why she was there. She opened her mouth to speak but Taichi spoke again before she said anything. "You want a bath?"
"Um…"
"You should have one so you can warm up a little. I'll make you some tea."
"Alright."
"You remember the way, right?" He smirked at her.
She nodded and opened the door to her left while Taichi stepped around her, toward the kitchenette to her right. She had helped him move in a few weeks ago, but she hadn't been back since that day. They'd eaten soba with Arata after carrying all the boxes in.
Once shut inside the tiny bathroom, Chihaya yanked her shirt up over her head and set it on the edge of the sink. Then, she unzipped her skirt and let it drop to the floor. "Taichi!" she called through the door, "Where are your towels?"
"Oh!" he called back, "they're here." And suddenly the door opened. Taichi froze in place at the sight of Chihaya in her bra and panties.
Chihaya stared back at him, not thinking to cover up. She blushed, though she was still shivering, and wondered what he was thinking. "Taichi?" she said finally.
"Sorry," he said quietly, looking down to the floor. "I didn't realize… um, they're…" He turned to the cabinet that was nearby, pulled a towel from the top shelf and still without looking at her, he said, "I'll leave you some clothes outside the door." After he shoved the towel into her arms, he pulled the door shut behind himself.
Once Chihaya was done with her bath, she pulled Taichi's shirt and sweatpants on that he'd left outside the door for her. She hung her wet clothes up on a drying rack in the corner of the bathroom.
With her hair wrapped in a towel, and the pants rolled up twice at the cuff, she padded out of the bathroom barefoot. Quietly, she came closer to the kotatsu. Taichi had his books and notes spread over it, and two steaming mugs of tea were perched on the corner. Chihaya sat down, tucking her legs underneath the blanket. She accidentally grazed his foot with her knee in the process.
She took her cup of tea in both hands and took a sip. Slowly, she took another. She could hear Taichi's alarm clock tick the seconds by.
"Sorry I still don't have any guest slippers," Taichi said into the silence. "You should just leave a pair of yours here next time."
"Okay... I'm sorry that I disturbed your studying," she said quietly.
"It's okay," he said without looking up from his notes. "Is everything alright?"
"Mm… yeah… We can talk about it when you're done studying."
Taichi glanced over at her and then looked back down at his notes. He wrote something down in the margin and then said, "I'm always studying anymore. What's wrong?"
"I… I just… um, I just saw Arata at the Society, and he kissed-"
"No," Taichi said suddenly, straightening up a little. "Never mind. I already know. Don't tell me." Taichi's eyebrows furrowed as he stared back down at his notes.
"You knew?" Chihaya asked. "I was surprised."
"Of course you were." Taichi shook his head. "But he's liked you for a long time. Maybe as long as I, um, did. I'm not surprised."
"What?" Chihaya sat up straighter and set her mug down. "No! He likes Shinobu-chan! He was kissing her and-and grabbing her! I saw them! I mean, I saw Arata and Shinobu-I didn't see her, um..."
"Oh." Taichi looked over at Chihaya again, wide-eyed despite his heavy eyelashes. He blushed. "That's good."
"Is it?"
Taichi leaned back on his palms so his shoulders rested against the end of his bed. "Yes, he's moved on from you. You can keep being friends with him without anything in the way. Right?"
Chihaya thought about this. "Yes, I suppose you're right." Now that the shock had worn off, she was able to realize that, really, Taichi truly was right. Chihaya was happy for Arata and Shinobu-chan. She loved Arata and always wanted him in her life, but she wasn't in love with him. Their relationship was what it had always been destined to be: the queen and the meijin. And good friends. Nothing more. "Yes," she said again, "This is definitely for the best." She smiled widely at Taichi, who gave a small smile back and nodded.
It was quiet again while Chihaya picked up her mug and Taichi continued studying. A while later, once she'd finished her tea, she stood and pulled the towel from her head. As she rubbed her hair a bit with the towel in order to dry it further, she caught Taichi looking at her.
"What?" she asked.
Taichi pushed himself up and stood. "Turn around." He pulled the towel from her hands.
Chihaya did as she was told and he began to gently rub the towel down her hair. She closed her eyes and said what she was thinking, just as she always did, "Mm, you'll make a good doctor. You're very gentle."
Taichi laughed but said nothing.
"Taichi," she said as he continued toweling her hair, "Have you ever touched a girl under her shirt like Arata was?" But then her eyes flew open again. "Sorry, Taichi!" she said, turning to face him. "I shouldn't have asked that. I just meant… I was surprised when—"
"I haven't." He continued drying her hair.
"Never?"
"When would I have? I had that girlfriend back at the beginning of high school, but I never even kissed her."
"Oh. So I was your only kiss?" she asked quietly, shutting her eyes as the towel fell over her face.
"Chihaya…" He shook his head as he tossed the towel into a laundry basket in the corner of the room.
"I wasn't?" Chihaya glanced around and then grabbed Taichi's comb from a shelf nearby.
"Of course you were."
"Oh." She started combing her hair.
Taichi crossed his arms as he watched her. "Why didn't you cover yourself up when I walked in the bathroom earlier? You shouldn't let men see you in your underwear."
"I… I guess I was too surprised… and anyway, it was just you."
"Chihaya," he said again. He gazed at her, and his eyes softened, and saddened a little, but Chihaya couldn't guess what his face meant.
"Taichi?"
"I…" he glanced back down at his notes on the kotatsu next to them.
"Oh, I should go. You need to study." She set the comb back on the shelf.
"Wait." He grabbed her arm. "I… I don't… Alright, answer this. Do you feel alright about Arata kissing Shinobu now?"
"Yes. I do."
"Okay. But what if I had been kissing her?"
"What do you mean?"
He gave a sort of disgruntled face. "Close your eyes." Chihaya closed her eyes. Taichi still held onto her arm. "Remember what it felt like when I kissed you, months ago? You were shocked, right? But try to forget that you were shocked for a minute."
Chihaya gave a nod, her eyes still closed.
"What if I had given another girl that kiss instead of you?" he whispered. "What if I had kissed Wakamiya… or Kanade… or any other girl?"
It was silent for a long moment. Chihaya fought to imagine it, but she couldn't imagine him kissing Shinobu or Kana-chan…
But then, the image popped into her mind. She imagined he held that girl who'd called him Ta-kun—his girlfriend from the beginning of high school. And for a short moment, Chihaya saw Taichi kissing another girl. A whip of jealousy stung her heart.
She shook her head and opened her eyes. "You wouldn't kiss another girl like that. I could never believe it." But why not believe it? He wasn't her boyfriend, after all.
Taichi had that sad, soft look on his face again. Chihaya looked down at the hand gripping her arm and pulled herself from his grasp. "What does that look mean?" She forced herself to look back at him again, staring at each of his eye's lashes in turn, back and forth. His face was pleasant to look at. When had she forgotten this?
"'Impassionate gods have never seen crimson that lies in the Tatsuta River.' That poem truly is yours."
Chihaya laughed quietly. "Mm."
"Can't you see why, though?"
They stood close enough that she could feel Taichi's warm breath on her cheek. "See what?"
"My love for you is crimson." He gave a sad laugh.
Despite her innocence, she had always known on some level what he was saying to her, whether she wanted to know it or not.
She thought about the way it had felt when he'd walked in on her in the bathroom. She hadn't felt exposed by him looking at her. Rather, she had felt, oddly, beautiful. And the way he'd toweled her hair-his touch was so gentle.
And then she thought about the kiss they'd shared months ago… and how she hadn't felt quite whole again until he came back to her side…
And, after witnessing Arata and Shinobu's kiss, she definitely knew now that her love for Taichi wasn't the same love she had for Arata. Not at all.
She wanted Taichi to always be hers, just as he always had been.
She loved him. She loved him passionately.
But for how passionate she was about karuta, she realized she was that afraid to be whole-hearted about anything else. How should she go about showing her passion for a man? "If we have each other, we can become strong," she said, recalling one of the many times she had shared her passion for karuta with him. "Do you remember when I told you that?"
"Of course I do. It was right after you made it to Class A."
"'Nothing can be worse than living a moment longer when I cannot bear growing any weaker than I already have.' I am weak without you. I need you, Taichi. "
They both looked down at their hands as he intertwined his fingers with hers. "But what do you need me for?" he whispered.
She whispered back, "I… I really should go…" But she didn't pull her hands from his. "My parents will wonder where I am. I would have been home by now normally."
He pulled his hands from hers. Reaching down to the kotatsu, he grabbed his cell phone, tapped the screen a few times, and then held it to his ear. "Hello, Mrs. Ayase," he said in a strangely nonchalant voice. "Chihaya's visiting me. She wanted me to tell you. Yes… Right, she said she forgot it at the Shiranami Society, but she didn't want to go out in the rain again to get it… Yeah? I hadn't heard… Alright, of course it's fine. Mm. I will. Goodbye, Mrs. Ayase."
"What did she say?" Chihaya asked, hugging herself.
"The storm won't let up all night. She said you should stay here, if it's alright with me, since it's too windy to safely walk home. She was worried because you weren't answering your phone, but she feels better knowing you're with me."
"Oh. Okay."
Taichi nodded. "I told her I will take care of you."
And then his phone started ringing.
Chihaya automatically assumed it was her mother calling again, so she grabbed the phone from his hand and answered without looking at the number. "It's fine, I'll come home—" she started.
"Oh!" said an unfamiliar girl's voice, and the girl giggled. "Is this the wrong number?"
"Oh," said Chihaya. "Sorry, here." She handed the phone back to Taichi, who held the phone up to his ear again.
"Hello?" he said, staring at Chihaya. "No… mm, maybe next week… my girlfriend… yeah… bye." He tossed the phone back down to the kotatsu and it landed on his textbook.
"Who was that?" Chihaya asked immediately.
"She is in my chemistry lab group. She wanted to know if I was free to study with her tomorrow."
"Oh." The girl had giggled so cutely. "Is she your girlfriend?" He'd said 'my girlfriend' on the phone, after all. A pang of jealousy tore at Chihaya's heart again. Why had he held her hand and talked about his love for her if he had a girlfriend already?!
Taichi laughed. "Are you jealous?"
She looked down and slapped him in the chest, knocking him back slightly. "Don't laugh at me. Of course I… I mean, well…"
"Am I yours to be jealous over?" His eyes widened as he stopped laughing.
"Yes, alright?! I'm jealous!"
"Mm." He stepped forward. Wrapping an arm around her waist, he pulled her as close as he could. "She is nothing to me. I told her you were my girlfriend." And with that, he pressed his lips to hers. Just a short peck. He pulled away before Chihaya could fully realize what had happened. "Stop being surprised," he demanded.
"I…"Chihaya felt heat rise to her cheeks and knew she had to be blushing. She shut her eyes and tried to push away her feelings of surprise.
"Did you like that?" he whispered.
Had she? "I'm not sure…" Swallowing hard, she opened her eyes and looked into his. "I want to try kissing you again."
"Kiss me whenever you want," he said softly.
She bit her lip, and her heart beat faster. His lips were inches from her own, and yet she couldn't bring herself closer and kiss him. "I'm afraid."
"When you're with me, you're stronger, Chihaya. Just like you said."
"But what if I... I don't know… What if I do something wrong? What if you try to leave again, like before?" She lightly laid a hand on his chest where she'd smacked him before.
"You couldn't lose me even if I wanted to leave you. I tried to leave you before when you thought you didn't want me. I couldn't do it."
"Mm." Slowly, she closed the small gap between their chests and pecked a kiss to his lips, keeping her eyes open as she did. He didn't move, or kiss her back, or close his eyes.
She pressed a second kiss to his lips and didn't let herself immediately pull away this time. And so, this time he closed his eyes and kissed her back. When she pulled away, he opened his eyes and gazed into hers. He looked a little afraid, she thought. Maybe he was as nervous as she was?
With her third kiss, a deep, unyielding passion woke inside her. She closed her eyes again in the same way she would with a particularly good piece of chocolate after a long tournament. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she let her tongue dart out and lick his lip.
As a response, he let out a soft moan.
"Taichi!" She leaned back slightly so she could see his face better. "Why didn't we ever do this before?!"
"You weren't ready until now," he said quietly.
She grabbed his forearms and led him back a half step until his knees collapsed. He sat on the end of his bed.
She smiled down at him and then she climbed onto his lap, straddling him.
"Chihaya?" Taichi leaned back from her slightly, catching himself with his hands behind himself.
"Don't… don't you want me to…?" she started, her confidence faltering for a moment.
But as she started to get up, Taichi wrapped his arms around her hips and stopped her from moving. Hugging her close, he rested his cheek against her breasts. Her heart stuttered as heat warmed her, deep down. She loved the feel of his cheek against her chest and the feel of his hands on her hips.
She hugged him against her breasts as she settled back down on his lap, wrapping her legs around his hips as she did. "I love you," she said easily. She kissed his cheek.
Startled, he looked up into her eyes again. Didn't he believe her?
She kissed him again, and she was even less restrained this time. She couldn't help but notice how hard he had become where he pressed into the apex of her thighs. "Chihaya…" he whispered against her lips, trying to pull away from her kiss.
"Come on, Taichi," she whispered in his ear, "I want you." And reaching for the hem of his shirt, she pulled it up over his head and tossed it aside.
In turn, he gently raked the t-shirt he'd lent to her up and over her head. He tossed it aside to join his own.
"Where is your bra?" he asked gruffly.
"It was wet still."
Chihaya then stood from Taichi's lap and pulled his sweatpants off of herself. "My panties were dry enough though," she explained.
Taichi's whole face turned red. "Don't you want to kiss some more first?" But he was already standing up in front of her and undoing his fly. Chihaya watched as he dropped his jeans and stepped out of them. She bit her lip as she stared at his boxers before looking up at his face again.
"Kiss?" she whispered belatedly. "Yes. I want to kiss you." She stared straight into his eyes and he stared straight back into hers. "I want to feel your lips against mine, and your chest against my chest, and your hips against my hips-"
"I've never met anyone who was as all-or-nothing as you are." He laughed shakily.
"Same to you, Taichi." She smiled as she led him to sit down on the bed again. As she wrapped her legs around him again, she couldn't help it when she moaned into his deep, soft kiss.
She could feel him trembling under her as she grinded her hips against his. All the while, she kissed him, fighting his tongue with her own.
Turning a bit, Taichi wrapped his arms around her hips and led her down so she rested her head on the pillow. She had a moment of disbelief suddenly. She simultaneously wondered why she had made him wait so long while she also wondered if this all wasn't some sort of strange dream.
As Taichi kissed her again, he nudged her knees apart. Then he ground himself against her, her panties damp and uncomfortable, his boxers thin and very strained between them.
She hugged him and kissed his neck before she whispered in his ear, "Take my panties off of me, Taichi."
"Oh, God, Chihaya…"
"Don't you want to?"
"Of course I do."
As he gently unhooked her hold around his shoulders, he sat up fully and glanced down at her panties. "Are you sure you want to do this? Have you thought this through?"
Chihaya nodded shyly. "I love you and you love me. What else is there to think through?" She hadn't even considered the possibility that they shouldn't be doing what they were doing. "Don't you want to?" She was distracted by the fact he kept glancing down at her breasts.
"Yes, but-"
"Oh. Right. Do you have a condom?" she asked as she thought of it. Oh, no. Of course he didn't have one. Why would he?
He nodded without looking up at her face. "In the bedside stand."
"Why do you have one?" she asked without any suspicion in her voice. She propped herself up on her elbows.
"Hope," he answered plainly. "I have a whole box of them." He toyed with the band of her panties and so Chihaya lifted her hips up. He slowly slid them down her legs.
In turn, she pulled his boxers down and he kicked them off.
Taichi was built a lot more manly than she was expecting him to be. In wonder, she ran her hands down his arms, and then over his abs, watching her hands as she did. When she looked back up at his face, she realized that he was watching her. But of course he was. He was always watching her.
Bravely, she reached further down his abs, making him spasm from a suppressed tickle, and then she wrapped her hand around him.
"I don't really know what to do," Chihaya laughed. She ran her hand down his length and then back up it again.
Taichi laughed too and then he lay her back down, pressing himself against her and forcing her to take her hand away from her hold on him. He ground his bare hips against her bare hips. "I don't really know what to do either. We didn't get to this part in med school yet."
Chihaya laughed and Taichi smiled happily back at her.
And kissing her once more, he slowly slid a finger into her. Reflexively, Chihaya grabbed both of his upper arms as she moaned.
"I… I don't know what to do," she said again, shaking her head.
"It's okay." He kissed her forehead as he slid his finger out of her again. "It's alright." He kissed her cheek. "We have already done more than I have ever dreamed of, Chihaya." He pecked a kiss to her lips. "I love you." Leaning over her, he turner the lamp off, though the kitchen light was still on. Pulling the covers out from under them, he tucked her into his bed next to him and slid an arm around her.
Chihaya listened to the wind tapping the rain against the window. The storm had definitely started to pick up.
She felt discontented. It wasn't because of the storm though. Rather, she still wanted Taichi. Why had he stopped? She was angry with herself for letting him know how nervous she was. Now, her fear was gone again and all she wanted was release.
She cozied up to Taichi and snuggled against him, tucking her cheek against his shoulder. With the arm wrapped around her, he played with the ends of her hair. She couldn't help but notice that his hard-on was causing the sheets to tent.
She pressed a wet kiss to his neck and checked his face. His eyes were shut tightly. Slowly, she ran her hand down his chest and laced her fingers gently around him again.
"Please, Chihaya…" he whispered.
Did he mean please don't or please do? She took his hand that wasn't tucked under her and she guided him back to herself.
He slid a finger into her again. He slid it out slowly, and in again.
"I want you," Chihaya said softly.
Taichi only nodded. She ran her hand against his cheek as he trembled, despite the warm blankets over them.
He turned so he lay over her, and reaching over, he opened the bedside drawer and pulled a condom out, and he slid it on. Meanwhile, Chihaya sat up with him and pressed kisses to his neck because honestly, she was nervous again and she didn't want to think about the condom.
As he kissed her deeply, he nudged her thighs wider apart as he fingered her again.
Closing her eyes, she lay down again.
He lay down over her, keeping most of his weight on his forearms. "Alright?" he asked.
"Mm." She was trembling now too as she reached down and guided him toward herself. Slowly, he pushed into her.
She peeked through her eyelashes at him. "Oh, Taichi. Mm."
Once he fully buried himself in her, he stilled. "Are you alright?"
Chihaya nodded as a tear fell from the corner of her eye.
After he kissed her tear away, he didn't pull out of her. Rather, he bent and kissed her breasts. Chihaya immediately felt herself relax in response, and she couldn't help it when she moaned-he was sucking on one of her nipples.
He trailed kisses up to her neck. His lips ticked her skin as he said, "I'm going to move in you again, okay?"
"Okay," she whispered back.
He pulled out of her and slowly, he pushed in again. By the third and fourth time he did this, Chihaya felt alright.
"That feels good," Chihaya said quietly.
"You're alright now?"
"Yes."
He pressed a kiss to her neck as he grabbed one of her breasts, running his hand up and down over her nipple. "God, I love you, Chihaya. I love you so much." He pulled out of her and pushed into her again.
"I love you too, Taichi." A few more tears fell from the corners of her eyes and trailed down into her hair. She wrapped her legs around him and grabbed each of his biceps and he thrust into her again. And again.
She started rocking her hips into his with every thrust. "Taichi…"
"You're so beautiful, Chihaya-"
She cut him off by kissing him deeply. "Taichi… I'm sorry… I'm sorry I didn't say yes to you before… I wish I'd... never made you unhappy…" But then it was too difficult to speak because of the way it felt deep inside her as he thrust into her, over and over.
"Chihaya," he whispered, shaking his head as he rocked into her and out again. He wiped her tears away with one of his thumbs.
He kissed her again and finally, he grunted against her mouth as he came. They both stayed still for a while, until Chihaya let go of his arms and instead hugged him to her chest.
He ran a warm hand down her chest and over her concave belly. He whispered, "'My fear is that you will forget your promise to never forget me, so I would prefer to die now while I am still happy.'"
Chihaya laughed lightly and kissed his hair. "'I have met my love,'" she said, "'When I compare this present with feelings of the past, my passion is now as if I have never loved before.'"
"'Though I know indeed that the night will come again after day has dawned, still, in truth, I hate the sight of the morning's coming light.'"
"Mm, no. That one's wrong," she said. "I'll love you whether it's day or night."
Taichi laughed and hugged her closer. "Mm, but you and I will be in class tomorrow morning instead of in my bed."
Chihaya frowned at this thought. "Well," she shrugged, "like you said, night will come again."
Taichi nodded and gave Chihaya a soft, lingering kiss. And as they listened to the wind howl outside Taichi's apartment window, they held each other and slowly, they fell asleep.
