WARNING: This is a crack fic.
DISCLAIMER: All right, I don't own 'em.
Haha, me and my friend Sharlea North had a bunch of fun coming up with this.
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So, our little wolf pack is playing tourist in Tennessee over spring break. Yeah, this is during the time they take breaks between shooting scenes. Spring break. Anyway, they're touring all of TN, up and down the state.
They go to practically every city in Tennessee, but they save the best for last. Yep, they're in Gatlinburg.
Let me be the first to tell you, the place is filled with trolleys. The little red kind that run on electric tracks and have the funny little windows on the sides and the poles you can hold on to if the seats are taken.
They're all walking down the street, and they decide to split up and do whatever they want.
Hige sees a hot-dog stand. Oh man, he loves hot dogs. But then he sees an ice cream shop next to that, and then a coffee shop. Ice cream and coffee go great together. That's when it hits him. He goes to the ice cream shop and gets two scoops—one is coffee and the other one is chili dog flavored. Bleagh, but Hige loves it. He drags Blue with him, of course.
Tsume manages to shake Toboe off his ankle and goes to a strip club. We're still not sure if it was a straight one or if it was gay. Scary, huh?
Toboe runs to the Play Place at McDonald's. He tries to convince everyone that he's short enough, but it doesn't work and he runs around the city looking for Tsume.
Cheza convinces Kiba to go to a casino. So they're at the casino and everything's going great. They're winning a ton of money at poker. All of a sudden Cheza goes absolutely nuts when she loses, and Kiba loses next and goes crazy too. They're drunk. Isn't that great? Cheza, drunk. Even worse, Kiba, drunk.
Suddenly Cheza has an M-16. From out of nowhere! And she kills everybody but Kiba. Kiba's totally freaked out by now, so he's trying to stay on Cheza's good side. She's completely lost it.
As soon as they walk outside, Cheza gets abducted by aliens! Not the green kind, stupid. Mexicans. Kiba can't believe his luck. He starts to walk up the street to find the others.
By now Kiba's so drunk he can't even walk in a zigzag line. What a shame. He sees the others, back together again, run across the street up ahead of him. So he starts to cross the street.
He sees a trolley. In his drunken stupor, he tries to race it down the street. Then he wants to play chicken with it.
This trolley doesn't have a driver. It's possessed! But Kiba's completely clueless. He keeps running at it.
At the last second, Kiba dives to the side. The thing is, he's so drunk he runs himself headlong into the trolley. Poor Kiba.
That's what the artists didn't want you to know. They staged Kiba's death, that's why they ended the series. They weren't planning on their protagonist getting stone drunk and practically committing suicide.
That's how Kiba got run over by Gatlinburg Line 1.
When the world started over again, and when humans got the right forensic technology again, this is what the headline in the country's newspapers read:
Frozen Wolf Carcass Found in Tennessee: Alcohol Residue Discovered
