Mixed Emotions
Disclaimer:- Don't own them just borrowing!
Episode:- The Rambling Boy
Pairing:- Robbie/Laura
Rating:- K+
Achieve:- http(:/) . /group/rebeccafrontlewisffarchive/
Summary:- My emotions are no longer confused, they're crystal clear and I can't wait to move on hand in hand with the woman I love.
Author's Note:- In answer to the 500 word ficlet "mixed emotions" challenge so the fic itself excluding notes etc. is exactly 500 words. It's a little angsty but not too bad in the end enjoy and reviews would be delightful!
"Would you tell me if you weren't?" Her words echo in my head even after I've assured her that I would. I know why she's worried, I was worried myself. For so long now the sight of a hearse or the empathy of a family's grief would have sent me into a tailspin of pain that brought back memories of saying goodbye to Val that I hated and yet needed at the same time. For so long I needed to remember the pain, remember how much I missed her to remind me how much I loved her in the first place. It wound its way around everything in my life, work, the kids, my friendships and most importantly any potential relationship I could have with her. Now with those memories and that pain drifting away I know it's time for us to move on and rather than the usual panic and pain that would illicit from me I feel ready. I'm ready to let go with only the tiniest pang of regret to mix with my desire to reward us both, but mainly her, for the patience exhibited to get here.
Laura Hobson, the woman who over the years has shown the sort of patience with me I didn't deserve. She waited while I grieved; she gave me the space to battle with my emotions and the guilt I used to feel at loving her when I felt I should be being more loyal to the memory of my dead wife and she has waited loving me enough to be there when I needed her and step back when I didn't.
My love for her has always been a mass of mixed emotions for me but finally I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Finally I know I want to move on and to do it with her. Finally I think, if she'll still have me, I want my life to be about my future with her not my past with Val. I can't ever forget what I had with her, the years of marriage, the two beautiful children and I wouldn't want to. To ignore that would cheapen it and I know that's not what Laura would want me to do either. Now though I finally feel like I accept that it's my past and she is my future a future that I hope will mean the rest of my life is as happy as it was before. She's the person I want to grow old with, she's the one I want to wake up with each day and fall asleep with each night. She's the woman who now holds my heart and I feel that Val in some way has handed it to her, passing the baton that is me to her and trusting her to look after it and me. My emotions are no longer confused, they're crystal clear and I can't wait to move on hand in hand with the woman I love.
