A/N: I never intend for this to actually be longer than two paragraphs but Dean and Sam had other ideas.

Disclaimer: I don't own these boys

Summary: Sam thinks about his nicknames

As love part one

College had given Sam distance and time to think about things without the distraction of Dad and Dean. Trying to think clearly between his father and older brother was like trying to look directly into the sun, impossible.

His thoughts his first night in college where focused on Dean. This was his first night, first full night in a room that did not have Dean in the other bed. Dean had spent the start of many nights in a bed that was not next to Sam but he always came back always. Sam had always slept best when Dean was close enough to touch. Dean knew that. It was one of a million things that just was between them.

Lying in bed with a stranger in the room was odd. He normally slept on his stomach but he couldn't not tonight. It made him feel too open, empty with no one there to watch his back. So he lay on his back but sleep would not come.

He heard Dean's laughter in his head. Bitch his voice sneered. Only Dean could make the word into an endearment. Bitch had been Dean's nickname for Sam, it was Sammy, Princess, than bitch. Sam tried to remember the first time Dean had called him bitch out of love rather than anger. There was no one moment when it clicked that Dean's bitch was equivalent to a squirt or little bro. Dean had cursed for almost as long as Sam could remember. Sam was sure Dean didn't curse when he was very young but it was Dean so it was hard to say.

He remembered when he was five and they where living in Texas. Dad was working a case, Dean was babysitting. Even at 9 Dean made a better babysitter than the locale girls. He had made Sam a peanut butter sandwich. Sam never really like jelly squirming around his peanut butter he remembered Dean made the sandwich small, he cut them in to four equal squares. At 9 Dean was already more than proficient with the use of a knife. They where eating the sandwich on the steps. Dean went inside to get them drinks. He only allowed Sam to stay on the steps because he could see Sam if he left the front door open and the kitchen was only 14 paces from the front steps. Dean counted twice. The boy from the house next door walked over, a smile on his round face. He was a fat kid taller than Dean and two years older. He liked to bother Sam pinch his cheek, call him pretty boy. Once when Sam was playing hide and seek he found Sam before Dean and throw him on the floor he shoved Sam face in the dirt. He sat on Sam legs and told him a story about a kid who died from eating dirt he stayed there, his weight pressing down on Sam's legs until his mother called him to come in.

When Dean found him Sam still lay in the dirty crying. Dean carried him to the house he put Sam in the bath and helped him clean up. They hadn't played hide and seek since. Sam couldn't at 18 remember the boy's name but he remembers his bright blue eyes and even at five he thought it wrong for such a cruel ugly boy to have such pretty eyes.

That day he sat by Sam on the stoop he smiled, bright blue eyes twinkling. He reached over and grabbed hold of Sam's stomach and twisted hard. Sam screamed, Dean was out the door before the scream had fully left his mouth. Dean shoved the boy who stumbled down the steps laughing. Dean stood for an instant watching the boy laugh, his lips pulled into a tight line. Than he swung his small fist contacting with the kid's face, he swung again than again, each time his fist slamming into the boy's face. The boy screamed. Dean's knee shoved into his crotch turning his scream in to a grumbled gasp. Dean was screaming at him the dirty words their dad only whisper late at night when he was angry and thought Sam was asleep. The boy fell over in the dirt gasping for air. Dean grabbed Sam arm and dragged him into the rented house. He slammed and locked the door. Sam started crying he didn't know why. Dean rolled his eyes mumbling under his breath about soft little brothers but he lifted Sam up easy resting Sam head on his shoulder and carried him to their room. He rest Sam on the bed and tickled him till he laughed. Back than he was still only Sammy.