You should close your eyes honey, let the moments melt away
In the end it takes Michelle just over eight months to track down Carla's new mobile number and another week to control her emotions enough to call the other woman. She wondered if her tenacity would be a surprise, Michelle had put a lot of time and effort into tracking down her friend who had clearly done her best to disappear.
She had refused to give up when it seemed everyone else had accepted the sudden disappearing act. She had never been so bloody minded before; she had never had to be, not when she had been carried by her brothers for most of her life. But she had learnt from the best. She'd always been both infuriated and impressed at how Carla never gave in.
Still she hoped that the sudden phone call annoyed the other woman a little, for all her concern Michelle had not forgiven her for running away and leaving her. She did not understand what had happened. They had finally won. Anne had confessed to murder and Carla was no longer the leading suspect and finally the truth was out. Frank was dead and the Connor's were back in the factory where they belonged. It had felt like the end of a dark chapter to Michelle. She thought things would get better and that they all could put it behind them.
But just as she thought Carla had survived the darkest months of her life she was gone. Four days after Frank's funeral her friend was left so quietly it was like she hadn't been there in the first place. Turns out Carla had such few belongings in Peter's flat that she managed to erase her presence in a worryingly short time.
Michelle had helped stop Peter from panicking and with Maria's help they had searched everywhere they could think of. Carla's phone number had already been disconnected and they had all been silently terrified that she had tried to hurt herself again.
Only Carla's solicitor appeared the next day with clear instructions. It meant that whatever had happened to Carla had been planned. Her savings had been withdrawn and that meant she was alive wherever she was. Then it hurt even more knowing Carla had run away from the people who cared, that she'd left Michelle when they had grown so close.
The factory had been left to Michelle, Carla had even secretly managed to buy Frank's share somehow. Ever the creatively practical business woman Carla had arranged for her flat to be rented and eventually as the solicitor explained, sold. It meant the police would not investigate the disappearance as there was no evidence of any wrong doing. They had said it was understandable, no matter how much everything in Michelle's body told her they were wrong. But then the police had always failed her friend and now it seemed Carla was relaying on their short sighted restrictions.
Peter had been furious and frantic with worry. Michelle had been disturbed by how consuming and desperate he seemed without his partner. It had been as if he was tearing himself apart without her. Like Carla was a bigger addiction than the booze. It was frightening and after her history with obsessive men Michelle briefly wondered if he sometimes sacred Carla too, without her sister in law around to explain it because all too easy for the rest them to place the blame upon one another.
There had been letters. Letters that appeared days later with no return address. Carla had taken the time to hand write them, her familiar scrawl more considered than normal, some sections smudged from being handled and considered for too long. The personal touch only angered Michelle.
There was nothing inside her letter that she did not think Carla could have told her in person. There was no explanation as to why only reassurances that it was for the best. That she knew the factory would be fine in Michelle's capable hands. That she was beyond grateful for her support and that her brothers would have been so proud of her.
Maria's had not said much more when they had compared. Only Carla took the time to apologise yet again for ruining Maria's life and expressed regret over the complicated history between them. Maria had visibly winced as Michelle read the words, Carla's deep-seated guilt impossible to ignore with physical evidence. They had come together because of Carla and now she had left them the power of their united force felt redundant.
Peter refused to share the content of his letter; clearly it contained something so private and personally important. He seemed to gain some kind of acceptance from whatever was said. And it was a relief to no longer have to worry about him drinking or doing something equally as silly as getting himself arrested. Even if Michelle had overheard Leanne mocking Peter with how even Carla couldn't stand to be around him. Peter only seemed to be focused on his son that even his bitterness at the loss went mostly unsaid.
It made for a strange dichotomy for Michelle. Her jealousy at how Carla had provided Peter with an explanation when she'd only been left with empty words and a factory, her anger at Carla not valuing their relationship enough to stay or even say goodbye properly.
And then as time went on, as she sat in Underworlds office alone she could not help but wonder if Carla had simply placated Peter. Maybe that was why he refused to talk about the missing woman, why it was as if he had given up. Because for all the drama their relationship had been over before it had even really started.
But Michelle refused to give up no matter how often Maria told her that maybe Carla did not want to be found. At the very least she wanted to hear an explanation face to face. She needed to make sure Carla was okay and shake her because they were family and you don't run away from family.
It might not have been logical but Michelle convinced herself that Carla had been a coward and that there was more that needed to be said between them. That maybe she knew Carla better than anyone. They might have had their ups and downs but when it mattered they had been a united front. Michelle was the only one left who knew the old Carla, the young girl before she developed that impenetrably polished veneer.
And so she had refused to let Carla take the easy way out even as she swallowed against her sudden nerves. With the factory finally empty for the night Michelle set about making herself a calming cup of tea, drumming her fingers against the table as she pressed her phone against her ear with her shoulder because if her hands were busy she would not hang up. She swallowed as the ringing started.
