A story done completely through diary entries. This is something I have never actually really tried before. While I have written a few diary entries in a larger story before, it has never been the entire story. I look forward to seeing how this turns out and hope that the readers out there are interested in continuing to read this story. Be warned. Some updates to this will be extremely short. I used mine in the title as opposed to my...well, simply because in my head it sounds better. More possesive and personal.
I have no idea where this idea came from. It was sudden, it was overwhelming and I just had to start writing it. Several entries to this have already been thought out, though a few of those won't happen until much further down the road. I will post them as the ideas come. I have already got the idea for the second post. I won't post more than one entry a day though, as that seems a bit...excessive. There may be breaks between entries, as this is not my main writing project at the moment. I am currently writing in NaNoWriMo.
I am not American, so if spelling is way off, I apologise. My spelling is more along the lines of Australian/British. I am not purposefully trying to annoy people with this, though I do know it bothers some people out there.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story, with the exception of anyone you don't recognise. Doctor Stevens is mine, though anyone can take her if they really want. If they were mine, Vulcan would not have imploded and there would have been no romance.
For Mine Eyes Only
1
To properly keep this as private as possible, I am refraining from using the stardate. Instead, I will order these notes in numerical order.
It has been approximately one week since the start of our five year mission. I will not write the exact amount of days, again for privacy's sake.
Doctor McCoy refused to allow me to 'skip out' on a counselling session. I tried to explain that there was no need, that I would not lose control over my emotions again. He seems to think that is a problem. He does not seem to understand that it is the Vulcan way to control emotion, not suppress emotion. It was suppressing that led to my last loss of control.
That will not happen again.
Doctor Stevens, the counsellor on board, seems to think I am in need of an emotional outlet regardless of this. At least she understands that it is the Vulcan way to not openly express emotion. So, instead she gave me a choice of either a private video log or this written one. I found the idea of a video log unacceptable.
I am supposed to write down my thoughts and feelings.
I have a few problems with this, the main one (as stated already twice in this entry) is privacy. Doctor Stevens insists I write in Federation Standard, as a sign of trust. Who it is I am supposed to be trusting, I do not know. No one comes to my rooms but Nyota, and she would never betray me that way. Regardless, I will go by her rules.
While that is the main reason, there is another. I am reluctant to write about emotion, especially so close after such a dangerous lack of control. I told this to Doctor Stevens, but she refused to let the idea pass. She asked if I have talked of Vulcan to anyone. I answered her truthfully, no. She then went on to ask me if I think of it often. Again, I answered her truthfully with a negative.
I do not know what she gained from these answers, but she gave me this PADD to write in. I checked it over, just in case. It is personal and private. As long as someone doesn't open it and read my thoughts.
The idea worries me.
I have put locks on for additional protection. I will hide it. Yet I still have this irrational fear that someone will find this and read it.
I do not fully accept this, but if it will keep both Doctors happy, so be it.
