A/N: New writer; I'm not going to beg for reviews but if you like it and want more let me know; if you don't, let me know that too.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters; all that credit goes to Stephenie Meyer
This part is taken from New Moon page 451:
I could see him now. And I could see that he could not see me.
It was really him, no hallucination this time. And I realized that my delusions had never done him justice.
Edward stood, motionless as a statue, just a few feet from the mouth of the alley. His eyes were closed, the rings underneath them deep purple, his arms relaxed at his sides, his palms turned forward. His expression was very peaceful, like he was dreaming pleasant things. The marble skin of his chest was bare-there was a small pile of white fabric at his feet. The light reflecting from the pavement of the square gleamed dimly from his skin.
I'd never seen anything more beautiful-even as I ran, gasping and screaming, I could appreciate that. And the last seven months meant nothing. And his words in the forest meant nothing. And it did not matter that he did not want me. I would never want anything but him, no matter how long I lived.
The clock tolled, and he took a large stride toward the light.
"No!" I screamed. "Edward, look at me."
--End section from New Moon
Why, I thought, did I have to be the only person in the world whose thoughts he could not hear? I screamed in my head and audibly as loud as I could. All the terror and adrenaline pumping through my body and I still could not get my feet to move fast enough.
"Edward," I yelled internally, silent only to him. "I don't care what your feelings are. I don't care if you don't want me, but I can't be in a world where you don't exist. Please, Edward! Don't!"
I faultered.
The light reflecting from his peaceful, inhuman body as he slipped into the sunlight blinded me. I couldn't see clearly. It was magnificent; seeing him standing there, arms opened like he was welcoming the sun from a long separation. He seemed so at ease, completely unconcerned with the imminent danger that awaited him. It was exactly what he wanted; a show that would force the hand of the Volturi.
Almost instantly, the world was dim again. My sun had been burnt out. Of course, it was still bright from the actual sun sweltering overhead but what had been reflecting, not one ray but millions, had been removed. I reached the mouth of the entrance only to be stopped short.
"Bella, you can't," Alice stopped me. How had she made it here almost as quickly as I had? Then it registered-I hadn't made it in time. Edward had been exposed. If only I was faster, less clumsy. I caught a glimpse of their retreat, their black robes contrasting Edward's pale, bare skin. There were four of them, each with an arm securing him within their control. He went willingly. There was no need for their concern.
I doubled over, unable to catch my breath, both from exhaustion and grief. This was it. Edward had succeeded. My non-attempt at suicide had not worked but it had driven him to this. His attempt, however, was an overwhelming success. Once again things were my fault. If he had not heard of my jump, he would still be here. He may be with his family or the Denali. Maybe he would be studying to be a chef. He had joked once about that-having had to cook for me. But now, it was all gone. How his family would hate me for this. I had acted stupid and because of it, Edward was gone forever.
"Don't think it Bella. Don't you even dare," Alice's words pulled me back to the present.
"Alice, I failed," my breath coming only slightly more regular.
"Bella…," was all I heard. I collapsed. From exhaustion, from grief, from guilt-maybe all three, but the weight of it buckled my knees and sent me crashing to the pavement. My hands did no even make the attempt to break the fall. I heard the smack and felt the warmth as blood spilled forth.
NIGHTMARES
Everything is a blur. Nothing during my Dark Era could compare to this. Charlie thought my zombie phase was bad; that was nothing. Now I wasn't even living dead, I was just dead. My whole being, heart and soul, were gone. My world was empty. My world, I thought humorlessly. My world never belonged in their world to begin with, I was, after all, just human. Weak, slow.
Alice held me the entire flight back. I knew that only because when my dreams and reality collided, I thrashed. I could feel her strong arms holding me tightly. Her marble arms the last remembrance I would have. She tried to soothe me. She tried to convince me not to blame myself but who wouldn't. How could I have seen this coming? I knew my life was shattered when he walked away. When he said he didn't want me, I did not like it, it had ripped something from me that was now lost forever. But I had understood it. I could see where he would no longer want me, where I could no longer satisfy him. I was so inconsequential-there was nothing special about me; nothing to hold his interest. I could forgive him for that. I could not begin to compare with that level of perfection. I was just me.
I was numb. Everything about me said I was dead. My senses were dull, my breathing subdued. I knew I was alive because I could hear my heart beating; but it was only sustaining the physical. I knew because I'd left my heart exactly where I had fallen-in the streets of Volterra-and there it would remain for eternity. Broken still.
I sensed that I cried because my eyes stung and my cheeks were tight with dried tears. I had nothing remaining. I had fought Alice, beating her futilely with my bare hands. Screaming. Cursing the world. Blaming myself. I went through every emotion. The anger sprang up the from first time I had met him. He was so cold. How I had come to love the cold! The love that spilled forth when I realized that was what I felt for him. The anguish as he stood in the forest and told me he didn't want me. I felt it all and pounded into Alice's impenetrable arms. I had given everything and it had not been enough. At some point, it consumed me and I was silent and still-my connection to life severed. I must have slept or passed out because when I came to, I was at home, in my bed.
How did Alice explain this to Charlie I wondered. He had to be furious that I left in the first place, but how did she explain why I was worse than before. I had been doing better. Another sob rose in my throat when I thought about what I was putting Charlie through. He'd only recently gotten me back and most of that time I had been hurting. Despite my guilt, I could not bring myself to make any efforts.
My dreams were the only vivid thing about me. They taunted me and were constant reminders of my failure. It was bitter and damp. I stood alone amid the forest. I was empty, confused, lost-much like when Edward had left. The only added emotion was fear. These woods were different. There was something menacing within these trees. I felt my spine tingle and my breath quicken. The only thing that seemed logical was to run. But I was horrifyingly slow. My feet were leaden and refused to carry me out of the woods. It didn't matter how slow my feet were, my clumsiness won out and I went tumbling to the ground, scraping my palms as I braced against the fall. I felt the shock of pain as they hit something sharp. I glanced down only long enough to note they were officially bleeding but short enough to avoid any of my normal reactions to the sight. As I rose to my feet, I heard a silent snicker. I gasped and turned slowly.
Edward stood a few feet behind me, cloaked in a long black robe. His face paler yet, and the purple under his eyes was more pronounced. He stood facing me, his eyes-my breath caught-his eyes were fiery red. Simmering in anticipation. I stood, waiting, my eyes searching his face. There was no trace of my Edward in this one's cold, chisled face. Even the first time we'd met when he'd been trying not to kill me, held more warmth than this.
"Silly, Bella. You should know better than to run. And yet that seems to have worked even more in my favor," evil Edward sneered as he cast his look to my hands. Instinctively I closed them.
"That's certainly not going to help. I already know how good you taste," he closed his bright red eyes and sighed.
"Edward, please," was all I could muster. Begging had worked in the past.
"Mmmm…that's nice," he started toward me. "I like to be begged. It makes my conquest that much more rewarding. I don't know why I forced myself to resist you all this time. I was driving myself crazy for no reason. Why should I deny myself our natural cravings?"
He was close, circling behind me. I could smell him; his wonderful smell. But it was off. It was saltier-the blood. Human blood was more potent in his scent. I could feel his breath behind my ear. I was frozen, and there was no point in fighting, or running.
"How many times I've heard your heart pound but rarely in fear. This is how it should have been between us. How odd that the physical response to love and fear are much the same," his velvet voice observed. He was right, my heart was pounding furiously.
With that, he gently brushed aside my hair and bent my head to the right. My whole body wanted to scream and fight but I knew it was useless. A very empty part of me would have leaned into to this eagerly in anticipation. The electricity sending shocks all the way to my toes.
"Edward," I whimpered. "I love you."
"Don't."
One of his previous favorite lines. I felt his breath suck as he leaned in. I closed my eyes and drew what I knew would be my last breath. The pain was tremendous as I felt his teeth tear into the tender flesh of my neck. The searing pain shooting almost instantly through my body. I couldn't contain it any longer, I cried out.
"Bella, Bella. It's okay. It was just a nightmare."
I noticed it was Alice. What was she still doing here? I figured as soon as we'd gotten home she'd leave; hating me for what happened to her brother. How had seen not seen this, seen that we would fail?
I groaned. No, I thought, this was my nightmare. Living. If Edward was gone I'd just as soon he'd taken me with him. Did Charlie know Alice was here? I couldn't imagine he'd be thrilled. So why was she here? I didn't care. It wasn't Edward. In fact, it made it worse. Knowing that a being closely resembling his cold, stoney features was only feet away from my bed. Cold usually helped to numb, but I didn't want it. I wanted heat. I wanted to burn. To have my senses consumed by its intensity.
"Alice, just go," I mumbled. It was too much effort to carry out any more thought then that. I did not take notice if she obeyed me or not. I returned again to my incoherency.
